MOOSEATTACKS
Written And Created By: Brandon Noel Keith
June 30th-July 7th, 2008
WE OPEN ON: MOOSE CREEK OUTSKIRTS, Sunrise
CAPTION: North Dakato, 2108
Thick, tall trees are everywhere. Large blades of green grass here and there. Down a steep slope of rock and weeds, comes a whacky striding man. Arms and legs dangling around with each step like a doll. Wilson McWilson is a tall and skinny hunter in a plaid jacket. And he's holding a stained silver rifle X2107.
Suddenly the sound of bush rustling stops him dead in his tracks! He SPINS AROUND and aims the X2107 Stained Silver Rifle at a black red wood tree, five hundred feet tall. Behind the tree... steps a slightly heavier man, about a fifty pounds more, with his hands up.
WILSON: Judge?!
JUDGE: (hands still up) Don't shoot!
WILSON: (lowering rifle) I thought you were...
JUDGE: (lowering hands- approaching) No, I just came to tell you to come back.
WILSON: But I haven't gotten my trophy, yet.
JUDGE: Now listen to me, Wilson. When I brought you out here to look at my fishing trophies, I never said you could have or even BORROW one. Now would you please get back to the cabin?
Wilson turns away from Judge, holding up his rifle and squeezing it with both hands. He looks out ahead to the wilderness.
WILSON: Cabin smells like urine.
JUDGE: I told you to stop pissing all over the bathroom floor.
Wilson doesn't answer. Judge walks around the hill, to the flat ground covered in fallen leaves. He faces Wilson.
JUDGE: We're just here to watch. Your friends Tanz and Katy will be here this afternoon. Why don't we head back for breakfast?
WILSON: It's not exactly against the law. Besides, I'm looking for the big one here and now. We know it's here, or else you never would have gotten me to come in the first place.
JUDGE: They'll be time to find, study and DOCUMENT it! They'll be no hunting.
WILSON: Why bring a hunter?
JUDGE: I brought you in case things should turn ugly, which I doubt they will. But I really just wanted you here... (Wilson perks up) because your a loser without a rifle in your hands.
WILSON: Shouldn't say that. I've got a rifle in my hands!
JUDGE: You've got one shot. Good luck.
Wilson and Judge look at one another.
WILSON: You can't stop me.
JUDGE: (sighing- walking away) Well, I tried. Didn't I?
Wilson's lower lip starts to cover the upper lip. Judge sneaks back around the five hundred foot tree. A brief pause... then Wilson McWilson moves onward.
EXT. TREE TENT
A batch of trees, each about a hundred feet tall, circle a patch of lively and colorful flowers. Greener grass is here and now. Wilson steps up with his rifle aimed out in front of him. He looks from side to side. Then he spots a sign reading "NO MOOSE HUNTING BEYOND THIS POINT". Wilson growls at the sign.
WILSON: Ain't stoppin' me.
Then he notices cameras on tripods just ahead. Three of them. Moving as Wilson sways in his stance... back and forth. Wilson's eyes shift... back and forth.
WILSON: (cont. dropping the rifle) Damn't.
Just as the rifle hits the ground... does a MOOSE as tall as he appear at Wilson's right side. Wilson turns his head slowly and stares at the big beast.
WILSON: (conc.) You're not the big one... but you'll do.
Wilson suddenly begins to bend down slowly. He keeps his eyes on the moose staring back at him. His left hand is reaching for the rifle, and the moose lowers it's head. Second by second, Wilson's sweaty hand gets closer to the rifle at his feet.
Then this hunter SNATCHES the rifle off the ground, JUST as the moose begins it's CHARGE! Wilson drops to one knee, aims... and FIRES once! BANG! The moose drops immediately onto it's right side. Having been hit in the chest.
Wilson steps up and looks down at the heavy breathing beast. A slight grin as he now begins to BRING the rifle down! BASH after BASH into the dying moose's body! Blood sprays out of the mangled flesh and broken bones.
FLASH TO- Secret Brush Base
A pair of moose, of around the average man's height... strut back and forth. Surveillance screens before them and Wilson the moose batterer is the star. This beastly pair are not only not fans... they seemingly despise the tall hunter man.
FLASH BACK TO- Tree Tent
The rifle is brought down one last time! Wilson is covered in the moose's blood. But he just shows his teeth with a bright smile.
CUT TO: AIR WAY- Noon
A helicopter flies over a large forest.
INT. HELICOPTER
Tanz and Katy sit in back. The one and only helicopter pilot bobs his head back and forth before the controls. Pan right back to Tanz and Katy.
TANZ: You have nice breasts!!
KATY: Thank you!!
Tanz looks away from Katy. She thins her eyes at him, then looks out her own window. One moment passes, then Tanz turns right back to Katy.
TANZ: Wilson and Judge! Are you good friends with them?!
KATY: We've known each other for about six years now!!
TANZ: SWELL! But do you think documenting in Moose Country 2108 is wise?!
KATY: We're looking for the big one!
TANZ: I've got one! Could you get a taco for it?!
KATY: Pervert! I was talking about the two remaining Big Moose of the world! Bigger than your short stick!
TANZ: Bitch! You've got nice BREASTS... I said!
KATY: Shut up, Tanz!
Tanz looks away smiling. Katy looks to the pilot.
KATY: (to pilot) Are we almost there?!
PILOT: (turning back) Hey! Shut up back there!
Katy sits back in her seat. She now looks out the window.
FLASH TO- Air Way
The helicopter soars over more trees... narrowly evading one of a dozen five-hundred footers.
CUT TO: CABIN
Pan around several thinner trees... and over to this log cabin. One door with a window at head's height. And another, bigger window to the left of it. A rocking chair rests beneath it, where Wilson McWilson is yawning.
Three posts hold the extending roof over the small porch. One at one end, another at the other end... and the third directly center. Above the third... is an attached set of palmate moose antlers.
INT. LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN
Judge turns the stove off. There's a boiling pot of oatmeal before him. Judge then turns to a plate of six sausage patties smothered in gravy. There's also a pitcher of orange juice and a bottle filled with jelly beans.
Judge spins around and opens the refrigerator door. He spots a can of pam... but something distracts his eye attention. The front door opens and Wilson walks in. Judge grabs a spray can.
WILSON: Finished?
JUDGE: (closing refrigerator door) Just about.
WILSON: (as Judge stops and stares) What's the matter?
Judge points just behind him, dropping the can of pam.
WILSON: (cont.) What did you plan on doing with that can of pam? You don't need it.
JUDGE: Fool! LOOK!
Wilson turns around, pulling up his gun! He aims at the window where an ELK stares in.
WILSON: Oh, WOW! I didn't see that!
JUDGE: Wait, don't...!
BANG! Wilson shoots and shatters the window! And the elk drops dead from the head wound! Now out of sight, all but the tip of it's antlers.
EXT. FRONT YARD
Wilson opens the door, stepping out and staring upon the rocking chair he had just sat napping. The elk is hunched over it. Blood drips from it's deathly forehead wound. Judge pokes his head out and sighs at the sight.
JUDGE: You shouldn't have done that.
WILSON: (kneeling before dead elk) Why?
Judge scans the front yard. There's a big blue pick up truck... and a dead moose in back. It's legs are dangling out, and the body inside is bundled.
JUDGE: (under his breath) I don't believe it. (pointing- louder tone) How the HELL did you manage THAT?!
WILSON: (grabbing the back end of the elk) I don't remember. Wanna' give me a hand with this?
FLASH TO- A Minute Later
Judge locking the front door to the cabin. He spins around and limps quickly to the idling pick up truck. A honk of the horn, as Wilson sits in the driver's seat.
WILSON: (calling out) Come on! We gotta sell, sell, SELL!
JUDGE: (headed for passenger's side) Son of a bitch.
INT. TRUCK CABIN
Wilson opens the passenger's side door, and Judge takes hold... climbing aboard. He slams the door shut and looks right at Wilson.
JUDGE: (putting seat belt on) Listen, Wilson! I don't want anything like this to happen again. We're here to research.
WILSON: Understood.
FLASH TO-
The big blue pick up truck speeds away towards the dirt road ahead!
CUT TO: TREE TENT
The hundred foot tree batch is just as colorful as before. We now notice a middle-aged man wearing a pair of blue pants and a white T-shirt. He's walking over the flowers and grass.
EXT. SECRET BRUSH BASE
This man enters. A badge across his left breast. It reads 'Hank'. Hank, this man... looks over at his surveillance monitors. They are showing a quiet forest. So Hank walks over to a VCR and presses eject. A tape soon pops out, and Hank takes it in his right hand.
Across the way, Hank walks over to a two cushion couch before a small Television set. He kneels down before another VCR and inserts the tape. He presses rewind, and the VCR proceeds to rewind the tape. Beside the TV stand is a compact refrigerator. He opens it up and grabs himself a can of beer.
Hank sits up, closing the refrigerator door. He walks over to the couch and plops down... opening the beer can with a loud belch escaping his mouth. Now Hank grabs the remote by his side and presses play... not noticing the male moose slowly advancing on him from behind.
ON TV-
Wilson shoots a moose dead with his rifle!
OFF TV-
Hank's eyes light up! Then he looks up and the open moose mouth comes down! Hank screams, his head within the moose mouth... and then it BITES the head off! The scream ends. The moose walks way chewing... and the headless corpse lies there, legs and arms sprawled out. The can of beer spilling everywhere as it rolls right back to the compact refrigerator.
CUT TO: SKY WAY- Early Afternoon
Mass storm clouds are in the distance, and approaching. The Sun still shines down on the forest. The helicopter is seen landing several feet away on a small field of long grass.
EXT. LONG GRASS FIELD
Tanz and Katy step out, Tanz lending a hand to Katy. But she turns back to the helicopter pilot, grabbing a belt with a small white scanning device attached.
KATY: (through noise- attaching belt) Wait for us!!
The helicopter pilot man shows Katy his right middle finger, before ascending back up into the sky. Tanz pulls Katy by a grasp of the back of her shirt. The pair look up as the helicopter departs.
TANZ: (to Katy) Come on. It was spotted over here.
Katy follows Tanz across the field as the wind blows with them. Tall trees sway just beyond about a hundred feet behind them. A moment passes in this walk.
TANZ: (cont.) So, where's the cabin from here?
KATY: (looking back- pointing) I think it's about over there, maybe a couple miles into the thinner trees.
Tanz and Katy are faced away from the direction they move... looking back to another set of thick and tall trees. And just behind of those... thinner, and shorter trees. Tanz and Katy move their heads back to face their walking direction.
EXT. BIG BUSH PATCH- Dark
Tanz leads Katy through the big bush patch. They reach a cliff sixty feet deep. Tanz puts his right arm out, halting Katy from going over the once hidden edge. His forearm gently caressing her lovely breasts.
TANZ: There it is.
Katy pushes Tanz's arm away, and the two are now seen staring in awe. Before them is an enormous asteroid pit. Buried... is a set of forty-five foot antlers.
KATY: (descending with caution) My... God!
Tanz follows Katy in this downward climb.
EXT. ASTEROID PIT
Katy reaches the bottom first and starts approaching the MASSIVE antlers sticking out of the ground. Tanz reaches the bottom and slowly moves up to Katy's backside.
TANZ: Research states about forty years ago the asteroid landed. This big thing, which no one has ever witnessed alive before on record, was probably so curious and drawn to the light in the sky. It just stood there and then... BAM!
Katy jerks a bit. Then she sighs.
TANZ: (cont.- stepping up to her left side) A male obviously. The antlers, you see.
KATY: The myth is officially dead.
TANZ: You got that right.
Katy sinks down on all fours. She crawls between the two antlers sticking out of the ground. Tanz watches, watching her ass wiggle from side to side about... but moving away. Katy crawls forth, gently waving red dirt away with her open hands.
KATY: We should find the skull soon, it can't be that deep!
Tanz moves in. He then gets down on all fours and proceeds to wave the red dirt away, just the same. Suddenly Katy stops and pulls the small white scanning device from her belt holster. She stands up as Tanz starts to dig in with his arms. He looks up and watches Katy punch a few numbers in on the scanner.
TANZ: (looking up- still digging) You sure that thing will work?
KATY: (intent on scanner- punching numbers) We should get a perfect reading on what's beneath us. The scanner will print out a rough picture of it.
Tanz suddenly stops digging... pulling a last clump of red dirt away. He's looking down and his eyes LIGHT UP!
TANZ: OOH! (standing up) Oh, fuck me!! FUCK!
Tanz backs away all too quickly, still staring at his dig spot. He almost loses his balance in the shock of something he just uncovered.
KATY: (pulling scanner away) What?! What is it?
She looks down and GASPS! Under the red dirt is long, brown fur. They've uncovered the tip of the... head?
KATY: (looking at Tanz) Forty years? Are you sure? (no answer from frightened Tanz) As if the asteroid wouldn't have.... destroyed it. I... I can't believe this! It should be bone after forty years!!
TANZ: (lying back flat- closing eyes) I... I... I think it's, ahhh! (right hand covering forehead) I think it's still alive, Katy.
Katy LEAPS like a cat over to Tanz! She snuggles next to him and shivers. Speechless. Tanz is covering his eyes with right open palm.
TANZ: (cont.) The year was 2068. My father led a group of five, including himself... right in this area. He was researching the growing moose population... and the proposed myth of the fifty foot moose. My father must have found this one, because the myth started and ended here. My father was a smart man, and I was his son. He was my father... and I was his son. My father forced me into this animal business. But I guess that's my Dad, for yah. God rest his soul. My father.
KATY: You bastard.
Katy slaps Tanz against the chest. Tanz removes his palm and looks into her eyes. She looks right back, clearly furious with him. But then she hops atop him and RIPS her shirt off! Half torn off, her bra revealed. They start rocking the casbah in this asteroid pit and fifty-foot living moose grave.
CUT TO: DIRT ROAD- Later In The Afternoon
The blue pick-up truck, with a pair of rotting animal carcasses in back, drives down the winding dirt road. Fifty foot trees on each side of the road.
INT. TRUCK CABIN
Wilson drives... and Judge is seen pulling a fishing rod from under his passenger seat.
JUDGE: I say after we drop these things off, we go fishing. What do you say?
WILSON: I don't know, Judge. I'm just not that into it.
JUDGE: Come on, it'll be fun! (Wilson sighs) At least drop me off at the lake.
WILSON: Yeah, sure. I can do that.
JUDGE: (grabbing tackle box from under seat) Thanks. (opening tackle box) Have you ever fished, before?
WILSON: Like... eight years ago, I think.
JUDGE: Oh?
A brief pause as Judge sorts through the contents of the tackle box. Then his eyes slowly move up to the road ahead... where a gang of FIVE MOOSE roam out onto the road! They stop and stare.