Video #11 Client Makes a Pass at You

This video could go with Chapters 7 and 8. It also can be used with the limit-setting material in Chapter 6.

For each video, the most important questions are:

  • #1 What would be an appropriate professional response in this situation? A professional response would clarify limits in a firm but diplomatic way.
  • #2 Are there ways this situation could have been avoided and if so, what are they?

Many massage therapists have trouble setting limits. The most common mistakes are:

  • Being too parental or judgmental in tone, wording or attitude. An example in this case would be, “Are you making a pass at me? I’m insulted.”
  • Personalizing the situation. An example in this case would be, “I’m not a sex worker.”
  • Being too wishy-washy or unclear. An example in this case would be, “Sorry, I have a previous engagement.”

Question #1 In this case, the massage therapist has to make it clear that he doesn’t socialize with clients. In a friendly but firm tone, he could say, “Sorry, but my policy is not to socialize with clients.” If the client continued to flirt, the therapist would have to be careful to not flirt back and to continue setting limits as needed.

This is a mild version of a client making a pass at you. Suppose the client was trying to make the massage into something sexual. For instance, a very aggressive male trying to grab a female (presumably smaller and not as strong) would elicit a different feeling. What would your students’ response be as the therapist in that situation?

Would they end the massage?

Question #2 Ask students to be specific about when and how they could have let the client know either that they do not socialize with clients or that they do not offer sexual massage. The former usually is something you educate clients about if they give you a social invitation. But the latter is important to be clear about ahead of time— for instance, during the initial phone call, in a written statement about their policies which the client signs, in policy statements on their website, or all three. Also therapists can be careful and how and where they advertise, especially if they work out of their home.

Suggestions for using this video to teach

If you have the time, the best way to teach good limit-setting responses is through letting the students work with the material rather than telling them what to say. Let them find responses in their own words and style.

Work with the Individual—Ask students to view the video and then write down what their response would be. (5-7 minutes)

Group Discussion–Then divide students into groups of 3-5 and let them discuss their responses and reasons for them. Ask them to appoint one person to report to the larger class at the end. (15-20 minutes)

You could have all groups work with the same video or show perhaps three videos, and let each group discuss a different video. In that case, you still want the whole group to see all the videos and to have each student write down what his or her response to that situation would be.

Role Playing—This is a great time to use role playing, letting students act out the situation and give each other feedback.

(For more on role playing, see Teaching Professional Boundaries online in the Instructor’s Manual at

For the second question, about avoiding the situation, you can invite individuals to write down their responses and then let them discuss in their small group and then report to larger group.

If there are other questions you have or that we offer, you can use them for small group discussion or ask the whole class.