Tyrone Jackson walked into a Best Buy in Augusta, GA this past Sunday, grabbed a laptop off the display shelf, and put it under his jacket. When he tried to walk out with it, he was confronted by a store employee. Tyrone became irate, knocked down the employee, and ran for the door. Outside the door, there were four Marines collecting toys for the Toys for Tots program. When the Marines stopped him from running, he pulled a knife on them and ended up stabbing one of them in the back, but not very deeply or seriously.
Eventually, the police arrived, along with an ambulance. According to the newspaper, Tyrone Jackson was taken to the hospital with two broken arms, a broken ankle, a broken leg, several missing teeth, possible broken ribs, multiple contusions, assorted lacerations, a broken nose, and a broken jaw … injuries he sustained, “the newspaper said, “when he slipped and fell off of the curb after stabbing the Marine.”
Are you surprised that a thief would end up with so many injuries after slipping and falling? Do you believe that he did? Are you surprised that a computer thief tried to take down four Marines? Are you surprised the police report and newspaper covered up what it seems to have really happened? Are you surprised that someone would get treated that way for doing something wrong? I don’t think so.
I think it’s a lot more surprising, and harder to take, when we see someone suffer for doing something right. The cover of TIME magazine this week had a picture of a pig on the cover, referring to the high number of high-profile men who have broken and bruised the hearts of their family and loved ones with their latest sins. Arnold Schwarzenegger is just the latest example of a powerful man nobody feels sorry for. It’s a different story, however, for his wife and children. And the ones who feel the worst about it are the ones who can relate to what they’re feeling – anyone who’s ever been hurt by someone from whom they were least expecting it, anyone who’s found out they’ve been living a lie in a relationship, or anyone who hasn’t found out anything, but very often find themselves asking, “Why don’t they look me in the eye when I ask them a question?” “How come my girlfriend doesn’t answer the phone?” “Why is my wife working so late?” “Why has my boyfriend or husband been so distant?” “Why does he look at so many other women?”
This doesn’t just apply to romantic relationships. You can feel just as powerfully hurt by a son or daughter who’s made it clear that they don’t care about what you taught them when they were young, parents who go off into a second life and leave their children behind, siblings who become more selfish the older they get, friends who go behind your back, or friendly-sounding voices over the phone trying to scam the elderly into passing off their bank information.
I remember once when I was in grade school, at the end of the year picnic, we were having a softball game. I was probably in fourth grade. I remember Nathan Bear, who was in 8th grade at the time, walked right into one of his classmate’s swing of the aluminum bat. It hit him in the head, fractured his skull, and knocked him out cold. That’s kind of how it feels when someone you love, someone you’ve never wronged, surprisingly breaks your heart. And, as a general rule, the closer the relationship with the person who breaks your heart, the more it hurts, and the longer it takes to recover.
I do have some good news, though, for anyone looking to never be hurt like that ever again. There is one way, one fool-proof way you can guaranty that your heart will never again be broken by anyone. Would you like to know what it is?
Don’t love anyone. CS Lewis has our Quote of the Week on the back of the bulletin today. “To love is to be vulnerable,” he says. And that’s true. If you never want your heart to be broken; if you want to keep it completely intact, don’t put it into anyone else’s hands. Wrap it carefully with hobbies and little luxuries. Lock it up safe in a casket where no one can see it, and it will not be broken. It will become harder and harder to get into over time and will eventually become unbreakable and impenetrable, which means that it will never, ever, be able to be filled. By anyone.
“Love is the fulfillment of the law,” Jesus said. Love is the way God believes you can be most fulfilled in life. God designed us for loving relationships both with him, as well as with our friends, spouses, neighbors, parents, and children. Today, in 1 John chapter 3, he tells us not to be surprised that not everyone in this world knows how to love you best. But he also tells us not to be discouraged from showing love. There are some places you’ll never find true, godly love; and today John tells us what they are so that we can be wise as we decide into whose hands we place the most vulnerable parts of who we are.
(13) Do not be surprised, my brothers, if the world hates you. (14) We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love our brothers. He who does not love remains in death. (15) Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life in him. (16) This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. (17) If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? (18) Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.
There’s a guy on the Milwaukee Brewers roster whose name is Erick Almonte. Last month, during pre-game warm-ups, one of the other players threw a ball to him, but Erick wasn’t paying attention. The ball hit him in the head, and he suffered a concussion. He couldn’t play baseball for almost a month. This past Monday, he was finally allowed to play again. He went out onto the field to warm up before the game … and was hit in the head with a baseball again because he wasn’t paying attention.
Here’s the first place where you’ll never find love: You can’t find love from a person whose focus is in the wrong place. “He who does not love remains in death,” John writes here. “God is love,” the bible says. “Love comes from God,” it says later in 1 John, right after it says that “everyone who loves has been born of God.” In other words, everyone who does not follow God is not able to love. The book of Hebrews says that “without faith, it is impossible to please God,” which means that God does not trust someone whose focus is not on him. And, if God doesn’t trust someone whose focus is not on him, then a reasonable question is: Why should we?
Some people disagree on what it means to be focused on God. One of the questions I sometimes get from women in relationships is: “When my guy looks at another woman, isn’t that just as bad as cheating with them?” The first part of the answer, of course, is, no (wait for the second part before you decide to get mad at me). Think of King David and his adultery with Bathsheba. It would have been a lot better if he had only lusted after Bathsheba. If David had gone up to the roof of his house, seen a beautiful woman bathing, lusted after her, but then went back to bed, he never would have invited Bathsheba back to the palace, never would have slept with her, never would have gotten her pregnant, never would have tried to cover it up, never would have committed murder when he had her husband killed. It would have been better if he had only lusted.
But the reason he didn’t (here’s the second part) was because David wasn’t focused on how serious God is about the sins inside our hearts and how much damage they can create. God gave his strongest warning to Cain before he murdered his brother Abel, which is why John tells us that, “Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer.” Jesus addressed David’s sin when he said that “anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” It’s not a betrayal of actions, but it’s still a sin because it is a betrayal of emotions. Their focus is in the wrong place. I’m not saying you’ll ever find a sinful human being who will always love you emotionally perfectly. But if, when they don’t, they brush it off, keep going with it, make an excuse as to why it’s ok, or say “That’s just what guys do,” then remember what the bible says - that those born of God love, and those not born of God can’t.
Someone whose focus is not on God can give you a lot of good things. I’m guessing that almost everyone here has either unbelieving friends or unbelieving family. They can make you happy. They can give you affection, concern, care, and generosity. But the second point to remember on where you’ll never find love is this: You can’t find love when things are easy.
Think about when it’s easiest for you to show someone love. It’s when you agree on everything. It’s when they treat you well. It’s when you’re going in the same direction. It’s when all the bills are paid, and there’s money left over. It’s when the house is clean, you’ve gotten plenty of sleep, and everyone’s healthy. It’s when you have time to do what you want to do, and you don’t have to give anything up or make any sacrifices. It’s hardest for us to love when people hurt you, disagree with you, disrespect you, when they take something from you, when they’re selfish in ways you never expected, when their greed gets the best of them, or they go long periods of time without showing any affection.
Love, the way God defines it, expresses itself all the time. You’ll never find out if someone loves you unconditionally, all the time, until you give them a reason not to. And if you think you won’t, just wait. If you think you’re always easy to love, then wake up and prick yourself with the thorns of the rose bush. True love can only show itself when it has to make a choice between doing what’s easy and what’s difficult; between keeping what it has or giving something up.
A number of years ago, a young girl named Liza was suffering from a form of anemia that, most often, was fatal. Her little five-year-old brother had miraculously survived the same disease just a year earlier, which means that he had developed the antibodies in his blood needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to the parents, and then to the little boy, and asked him if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. After hesitating a moment, he took a deep breath and said, “Yes, I’ll do if it will save Liza.” As the blood transfusion began, he lay in the bed next to his sister and smiled. After a few minutes, the little brother’s face got really pale and he stopped smiling. He looked up at the doctor and asked, “Doc, will I start to die right away?” He thought he had to give all his blood to his sister.
He loved her when he thought it was difficult. He was willing to give up something valuable for her, just like Jesus did when he cried out for your salvation as all his blood dripped down to the dirt beneath him. He didn’t wait for your focus to be in the right place. He didn’t wait until we painfully gave enough of our time, our talents, and our offerings. He didn’t wait to see if we would keep all the promises we made to him on the day of our Confirmation. He climbed a cross to get the best view of a world focused purely on killing him so he could look every sinner in the eye when he forgave them.
The Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve; not to be loved, but to love; not to be fed, but to feed; not to be hugged, but to hug; not to be pampered, but sacrificed; not to be adored, but to adore you. We know he loves us because he knew you can’t find love where there are no actions to back it up. “This is how we know what love is,” John writes; “Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.”
How does this world know that you love them? Here’s the toughest thing about love: We have to always show it to a world that may never appreciate it. “Do not be surprised … if the world hates you,” John writes in verse 13. That’s a problem. And the solution? It’s in verse 18. It’s us. “Let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.” God’s solution for us getting through this often hateful world more together than broken, more confident than scared, more healed than hurt is not to wait for the rest of the world to get better; not to wait for those we want to love us to treat us better. It’s for us to never let this world change us, lower our standards, or make us bitter.
“Let us not love with words … but with actions.” In our homes, our church, our marriages and relationships, let’s not be average. Let’s be Christians. Let’s not just say we love our community, let’s go out into it. Let’s not just say we are the Body of Christ, let every part be active in this church outside of Sunday morning. Let’s not just say we value every person’s talents, let’s create opportunities for them to use them. Let’s not just say that forgiveness is a good thing, let’s stop thinking of ways to get back at the people who hurt us, let’s stop waiting for them to come to us, and let’s pick up our crosses and carry them. Let’s not just say we care about each other, let’s pick up the phone when someone hurts, and let’s constructively criticize each other so we can keep getting better. Let’s not just say we care about our kids’ future, let’s invest in our school and grow it. Let’s not just say we care about the souls of our school families, let’s go out with the Evangelism team once a week (or even once a month) to visit. Let’s not just say we care about the teenagers in our own church, let’s actually care for them. Let’s not wait for someone else to start doing these things because love throws itself into action. Let’s not just say that to live is to love, let us truly live. It will make you vulnerable. It will take up your time and will often be painful. But that’s what makes Jesus, and his Body, so valuable. We know we can count on him. And we all need someone whose love we can count on.