Totally Over You

TOTALLY OVER YOU

A comedy for young actors by Mark Ravenhill

Enter Kitty and Jake

KittyDon’t laugh Jake don’t laugh at me.

JakeI’m sorry Kit. But when you talk about celebrity. When you tell me that you and Roche and H and Sin are going to be famous -

KittyWe are.

JakeI have to laugh.

KittyBecause…?

JakeBecause…. In six months - six months when I thought we’d told each other all our secrets – six months and you’ve never told me that-

KittyAnd when I do you laugh at me.

JakeI’m sorry Kit.

KittyI choose to share my dream with you and you mock.

JakeI shouldn’t but …. I just never knew. Tell me. Tell me what you dream about.

KittyYou musn’t laugh.

JakeI won’t.

KittyEven a giggle and I’ll stop.

JakeI promise. I want to understand girls. I want to understand what goes on inside their heads I want to know what you talk about. You and Roche and H and Sin. Tell me. Tell me about your dream.

KittyOkay. We’re going to be celebrities. Pretty soon, you’re going to see us everywhere. Huge billboards with our faces on a thousand feet high. TV screens with us talking, moving, Dancing, laughing. The front pages will tell you what we’re up to everyday. If we choose the swordfish over the caviar in a restaurant they’re going to analyse it live on CNN. You go to buy a can of Coke – they’ll have our faces on the side. Whole coachloads of Japanese schoolkids are going to dress like us. Your screensaver, your desk-top, your mobile’s welcome screen – all of them will be me and Roche and H and Sin.

Pause. Then Jake laughs.

KittyOh piss off Jake. Just piss off.

JakeI’m sorry Kit. I just – you know.

KittyWhat?

JakeLook at us. This town, this school. It just seems such a fantasy.

KittyAn ambition. That’s the trouble with you Jake. You don’t want anything.

JakeI want –

KittyI am so fed up with you.

JakeI’m sorry I’ll -

KittyI don’t want to see you anymore.

JakeWhat you’re -?

KittyI’m ending this relationship. Here. Now. Goodbye.

JakeNo. Kit. Wait. You can’t just walk away.

KittyWhy not?

JakeBecause I love you.

KittyThat’s nice.

JakeAnd you love me.

KittyDo I? Do I really Jay? I don’t think so. No. I think I used to. But I’m growing up fast. Six months ago I was a kid and now…

JakeNow you’re a celebrity.

KittyNow I’m ready to be a celebrity. And I don’t need you anymore. So – there. I’m freeing you.

JakeKitty please.

KittyYou’re a nice guy. You’re good looking. Ish. You have a sense of humour. Someone else will go out with you.

JakeNo.

Kitty Goodbye. I’m not your girlfriend anymore.

JakeI’ve still got the photo of you up beside my bed. The photo I put up the day I asked you out and you said ‘yes’.

KittyYou have to go now. Rochelle’s on her way over and we’ve got a lot to talk about.

All rights whatsoever in this Play are strictly reserved and application for any use thereof shall be made to CASAROTTO RAMSAY LTD., 60 Wardour Street, London W1V 4ND England prior to such use.