THRONE OFF BALANCE
by Paul Brown
A 2-Act Dinner Comedy
First Performed January 31st / February 1st 2014
First Presbyterian Church Youth Drama Troupe
York, PA
Royal Family
King MichaelLUKE CHASE
Queen MarieLINDSAY HARTSHORNE
Princess MercyELIANA CRAFT
Maiden HelenCHLOE BERKEBILE
Maiden EllenOLIVIA GEMMA
Maiden MargeSARA BORGER
Prince PercyAARON SCOFIELD
Squire ZekeELIJAH HUNTER
SquireDekeGABE CAVANAUGH
SquireEdNATHAN CARNEY
ROYAL COURT
JesterHANNAH BARCALY
ChamberlainBRAD CLARK
Royal ChefGAVIN BARCLAY
Knight – Sir CadianALEX ARUGUNES
Knight – Sir TinleyGARTH BARCLAY
LADIES IN WAITING (Lamda Iota Psi)
MuffyGRACE BISSEY
BuffyMALLORY SCHAFFER
JessieFAITH SHAFFER
TessieGEORGIA BROWN
THE GERMAN PSYCHOANALYSTS
RenataREBECCA ZHOU
HelgaLAUREN FINLEY
OlgaMADDIE SCHAFFER
THE BRAZILIAN EXERCISE THERAPISTS
AdolfoQUINCEY PRICE
BernardoSAM BROWN
CarlosJASON CAVANAUGH
THE FRENCH FOOD THERAPISTS
BabetteALEXIS ARUGUNES
LisetteMADISON EHRHART
AnnetteREBECCA OLDERICH
THE SWEDES
SvenBRETT TALLMAN
JanCOLLIN SLENKER
HanMATTHEW CLARK
GYPSIES/ RELIGIOUS ORDER / HOSTESS
Madame SeerRUBY ABROR
Aristotle / Father AbrahamADAM CAVANAUGH
Gypsy 1 / Sister GraceGRACE ABROR
Gypsy 2/ Sister LilleLILLE SCHENCK
Gypsy 3 / Royal HostessSARA SIMMS
Gypsy4 Accordian PlayerKATIE TALLMAN (Missing Fri Night and Sat Night)
Gypsy 5 / Trainer & CoachANTHONY GEMMA (Missing Sat Matinee…maybe another)
Gypsy 6JOSIAH JACKSON
SETTING:
In a mythical, Medieval Kingdom, King Michael and Queen Marie rule justly over a peaceful kingdom. That is, until one fateful night when the King’s behavior suddenly changes. He begins to make some odd demands on his royal court and subjects – and the Queen assembles the Royal court to try and help. However, their solution may do more harm than good….
JESTER MONOLOGUE
ACT 1
SCENE 1 – What’s my Fortune?Forest outside the castle, several months ago
SCENE 2 – Now What?Royal HallLater that night
SCENE 3 – Shaping Up!Royal Hall Next Morning
SCENE 4 – Spirited AwayQueen’s ChambersLater that Morning
SCENE 5 – A Call for HelpQueen’s ChambersLater that Day
SCENE 6 – Visitors En RouteRoad outside the castleYesterday
SCENE 7 – Visitors WelcomedJust outside the gateYesterday
SCENE 8 – The Feaste Begins….TonightRoyal Hall
DINNER
ACT 2
SCENE 1Just Desserts
SCENE 2Psychotherapy
SCENE 3Thermal Therapy
SCENE 4Samba Therapy
SCENE 5Happy Endings
JESTER CLOSING MONOLOGUE
BRASS PRELUDE
LIGHTS UP
JESTER:Greetings to all on this festive occasion!
Tonight we’re a regular “United Nations”
With special guests here from all over the globe
We welcome them hear with great joy – and great hope -
For this feaste has a purpose beyond simply feeding!
For several months now, our King has been needing
Some…help – for his actions of late have been (looks around) strange…
And so, at this feaste, the Queen has arranged
For some experts to watch, and examine, and test
Our dearest King Michael – and then, do their best
To heal him of his odd behaviors and tics
And restore the old king we have all dearly missed
But, of course, I am getting ahead of myself –
It’s important that everyone see for themselves
How our King started acting so (looks around) looney and daft
If it weren’t so serious, it might make you laugh!
So let’s turn back the clock and let history unfold
You’ll see for yourself as this story is told
And once you are caught up, we’ll tell you the rest
For this all started with these strange gypsy guests…
(sidesteps off stage while lights come up on Gypsy camp)
GYPSY MUSIC INTERLUDE – CONTINUES INTO THE FIRST SCENE
ACT 1, SCENE 1What’s my fortune, cookies
The King’s Forest, late at night -
STAGE CREW SIGN – SEVERAL MONTHS AGO
(ALL GYPSIES are dancing and laughing and celebrating with accordions, tambourines, etc)
MUSIC WINDS DOWN, GYPSIES ALL SIT AND REST
GYPSY 1:That was fun dancing! I just love being a hippie!
GYPSY 2:We’re not HIPPIES, we’re gypsies!
GYPSY 1:Hippie, Gypsy…what’s the difference?
GYPSY 2:A couple of letters, an entire continent, a few hundred years…
GYPSY 1:Don’t bother me with details on such a lovely night!
GYPSY 3:You’re right about that – it is a perfect night!
ARISTOTLE:Indeed, it is, my comrades! Ithink we should stay in this camp for a while – what do you
think, oh Madam Seer, my wife?
SEER:Only time will tell, Aristotle…this is a lovely forrest. So close to King Michael’s Castle, so rich
with trees, and flowers (breathes in) It’s Paradise!
GYPSIES:Paradise! Hey!
SEER:Aristotle - I sense someone is coming…
ARISTOTLE:Ahh, where would we be without your keen ability to sense the future…everyone – be on
alert…and stop playing that stupid accordion!!
(King comes into the camp with a cloak hood over his head but a crown over the cloak)
GYPSY 3:(pulls out a knife) Halt! Who goes there?
SEER:Wait – don’t tell me…(puts on a big show of predicting) I sense…I sense…that it’s YOU, King
Michael
KING:DRAT! (takes off disguise) How did you know it was me?
GYPSIES:King Michael! (they all bow down)
GYPSY 1:Madam Seer sees EVERYTHING! She can read minds, see the future, tell you your fortunes!
GYPSY 3:I think the crown you’re wearing might have tipped her off, too!
GYPSY 2:Oh yeah - I didn’t see that!
KING:DANG! I forgot I had that on…(takes crown off and holds it) Who are you people?
ARISTOTLE:Your majesty, we are a poor but happy traveling band of gypsies. My wife, Madame Seer,
has the gift of vision and can see the future
KING:(to MADAME SEER) Is this true?
SEER:Yes, it is, your majesty…I often tell the fortunes of strangers we encounter
GYPSY 4:SPEAKING of encountering people – just what is his Majesty doing out here in the forest
without his brave knights to protect him…there might be dangerous things about!
KING:(drawing sword as Gypsies recoil) Are you saying that I’m in danger? I am quite prepared to
defend myself!
GYPSY 5:T…T…There’s no need for that, your majesty…
GYPSY 6:Yes, yes, we are but humble travelers, happy to accept your kind hospitality!
KING:GOOD! (puts sword away) I was just kidding…
ARISTOTLE:So, your majesty…you never told us WHY you are out here tonight?
KING:I heard the noise of your music and decided to investigate
GYPSY 1:We were not disturbing you, were we, your highness?
KING:Not at all…in fact, you are most welcome to stay here in my woods as long as you wish…that
is, as long as you are faithful stewards of the land and animals. You may even have hunting
privileges!
GYPSIES:(bowing) Thank you, your majesty! Hey! (they start dancing again)
ARISTOTLE:OK, enough, enough (music and dancing stop) Since you have been so kind to us, King
Michael, please tell us – what may we do for you?
KING:Hmmm…well…tell me more about this fortune telling that you do…
SEER:Well, your majesty…if I look into my crystal ball, I can predict the future for any man or
Woman!
KING:Fascinating – how far ahead can you predict?
GYPSY 1:it depends…sometimes she can predict several years ahead…other times, merely days…
GYPSY 2:Average is about eight months, give or take a few…
GYPSY 3:Her record is 100 years!
GYPSY 4:We don’t know that for sure – it hasn’t happened yet!
GYPSY 5:But you can’t prove that it won’t happen!
GYPSY 6:Not this argument again! Predestined, Preordained, Random…that’s why we became
gypsies, to get away from the theological argument…
KING:Hmmm…well, I wouldn’t mind knowing what will happen for the next few months…I accept!
(Lightning Strike!)
SEER:Very well! Come with me!
(They disappear behind a curtain – Gypsies music and dancing starts and contiues)
STAGE CREW SIGN – 1 hour later
KING:(Visibly upset) Oh my….I can’t believe what I’ve just heard…I need to share this with the
royal court! This is Dire!
ARISTOTLE:Perhaps I should tell you the rules of your Fortune Reading…
KING:NOW you want to tell me the rules!!!!
ARISTOTLE:You seemed so excited – I didn’t want to spoil your mood!
SEER:Rule number 1 - telling even one person what you heard means that the future can
NOTbe changed!
ARISTOTLE:Rule number 2 - If you keep it a secret, you have the power to ALTER the events about which
you are told.
KING:I can’t tell ANYONE? I can’t believe this! Are there any other rules?
ARISTOTLE:Just a few minor legal points…ladies, gentlemen – tell the king…
GYPSY 1:You have the power to do anything you wish to change this future.
GYPSY 2:All fortune readings are final and non-refundable
GYPSY 3:Any complaints about your reading must be submitted no later than 30 days following the
reading
GYPSY 4:All disputes will be handled through neutral arbitration
GYPSY 5:Not valid in Canada, Belgium, Outer Mongolia or Guam.
GYPSY 6:Void where prohibited. Madame Seer’s wardrobe provided by Vera Wang.
SEER:SO, your majesty – you understand that you must not share what you heard.
KING:But I HAVE to do something!!
ARISTOTLE:Do anything you want, as long as you don’t reveal what was shared with you tonight!
KING:Oh, my…oh dear…
SEER:Oh, your majesty?
KING:(distractedly) Yes, yes, what is it?
ARISTOTLE:Thank you for your business
GYPSIES:and please, come again!
KING:HA – like THAT’S going to happen…
(King exits center stage talking to himself and trying to figure something out…)
ARISTOTLE:OK, folks. It’s time for us to move on to the next village
GYPSY 2:Why so soon? What’s the rush?
GYPSY 1:Yeah! we’ve only been here for a few days…
GYPSY 3:And King Michael said we can stay as long as we wish!
ARISTOTLE:Trust me…once you tell someone their future, weird things start to happen. I don’t want to
stick around and end up catching the blame!
GYPSY 4:But I was hoping we could stay and attend the feaste
SEER:That’s not for several months. Things should settle down by then…we can come back this way at that time.
ARISTOTLE:Very well…let’s get everything packed up, mates!
LIGHTS DOWN
BRASS FANFARE – 2 Minutes
ACT 1 SCENE 2Now what?
STAGE CREW SIGNS “The Royal Hall” “LATER THAT NIGHT”
(King is in the Royal Hall, pacing back and forth any mumbling to himself)
KING:Oh my…if this going to happen…but I can’t tell anyone…how can I possibly…
(QUEEN enters from stage left)
QUEEN:Michael!
KING:(screams in fear, startled – she screams in response) Maria! What are you doing here?
QUEEN:What am I doing here? What are YOU doing here? And why did you scream so loudly! You
scared me to death!
(JESTER and CHAMBERLAIN come rushing in from center aisle)
JESTER/
CHAMB:Your Majesties!
KING/
QUEEN:(startled, screaming) AHHHHH!
JESTER/
CHAMB:Ahhhhh!!!
QUEEN:(yelling) WHY IS EVEYRONE SCREAMING!
JESTER:BECAUSE WE (gains composure) because we heard you both scream…we feared something
terrible happened!
CHAMB:We came running to assist you, your majesties!
QUEEN:Oh, dear – of course you did…and thank you both!
(SIR CADIAN and SIR TINLEY come rushing in, swords drawn)
TINLEY:We’re here, your majesty! We will protect you!
CADIAN:Is there a threat? What’s the matter??
KING:Whoa, whoa - thank you - thank you ALL for your concern…but we are fine…
QUEEN:FINE? You have been pacing and mumbling like a madman – I daresay things are NOT fine…
KING:Oh…well, dear,it’s….nothing…just a little indigestion… nothing you need worry about.
In fact, I’m all better now! (nervously) Yes, all better…gee, look at the time! (fake yawn)
I’m going to bed! Goodnight, dear! (King exits stage left)
(QUEEN, JESTER and CHAMBERLAIN, KNIGHTS exchange glances)
JESTER:WHAT was that about ?
CHAMB:Has he been “sampling” the royal wine casks again, milady?
QUEEN:Of course not…he’s perfectly fine…it’s just that he disappeared for a time tonight, and when
he never returned, I starting looking for him. I found him in here, muttering to himself.
CADIAN:Curious…do you know where he went when he disappeared?
TINLEY:Perhaps he had some kind of fright?
QUEEN:I’m not sure – but he may have been walking in the woods…he mentioned hearing
something there earlier in the evening…
CADIAN:Than we will search the woods. We’ll get to the bottom of this, my queen!
TINLEY:Indeed –first thing in the morning, we will comb the woods for clues!
QUEEN:Thank you both so much…we are lucky to have such loyal knights. Now - I suppose we
should all try to get some sleep.
ALL:Good night!
(QUEEN exits stage left, KNIGHTS, fJESTER and CHAMB exit center)
BRIEF BRASS FANFARE – 20 seconds
ACT 1 SCENE 3 Shaping Up
The Next Morning in the Royal Hall – 8:00 AM
(KING is standing in bathrobe at the front of the royal hall pacing…as trumpet fanfares as
everyone enters in in bathrobes…PRINCE, PRINCESS, LADIES IN WAITING, SQUIRES,
HANDMAIDENS, and QUEEN…, prodded by knights…everyone looks perplexed)
STAGE CREW SIGN “The Next Morning”
TRUMPET “REVILLE BUGLE CALL” FANFARE
MERCY:MOM! Why is Dad making us get up so early! It’s a Saturday!
MAIDENS:And we need our beauty sleep!
MUFFY:You sure do!
BUFFY:They need a month’s worth!
JESSIE:I don’t even think THAT would help!
TESSIE:Maybe it would help if everyone ELSE just wore eye masks!
MAIDENS:Princess!!!
MERCY:Ladies in Waiting!
MUFFY:Uh, Princess, we’ve been over this
BUFFY:We prefer you address us by our Sorority name
JESSIE:Lamda
TESSIE:Iota
LADIES:Sighhhhhh…
MERCY:Whatever you want to call yourselves…stop teasing my Handmaidens!
HELEN:Ummm…princess
ELLEN:We’re also sorority now.
MARGE:Please call us Eta Mu (points to letters on shirt)
MERCY:Very well – ladies of Eta Mu and Lamda Iota Psi…
LADIES:Siiiiiiiighh…
MERCY:Whatever! Just STOP fighting!
PRINCE:Mom, what’s the deal? The Squires and I were up late last night because I knew I could
sleep in!
ZEKE:We’re exhausted (yawning)
DEKE:Yeah, the card game went past 1:00 AM
ED:Which reminds me – you owe me ten shillings, mate!
QUEEN:All of you - be quiet – I’m sure the King has a good explanation for this – (to King as he passes by them) DON’T YOU, Dear?
KING:(distracted) What? I’m sorry, dear, what did you ask?
QUEEN:I ASKED (all are staring at them, so she quiets down and pulls him aside) I asked if you have
an explanation for this – gathering – so early on a Saturday…you DO have an explanation, don’t you?
KING:Uh, well, yes, of course. Jester and Chamberlain will help explain this in just a moment…
JESTER:OK, Quiet down everyone. Pipe Down!
CHAMB:OK, your majesty – they are all yours.
KING:My dearest Royal Court and family. I have gathered you together because….because I
Recently….ummm…discovered….
(FLASHBACK SCENE)
LIGHTS DOWN – ALL FREEZE
ILLUMINATE GYPSY FLASHBACK – CUE GYPSY MUSIC
SEER:Remember, you must not tell anyone what you heard from Madame Seer…or else the future
you heard about can NOT be changed!
LIGHTS UP – END MUSIC/LIGHTS
ALL CAN MOVE AGAIN – END FLASHBACK
KING:….ummmm….
QUEEN:Dear…are you alright?
KING:….uhhh…yes, yes I am alright. I mean – NO – I am not all right. I am…OUT OF SHAPE! Yes, I
am out of shape and I need to improve my health… In fact, the whole kingdom needs to
improve its health. That’s why I brought you all here this morning. We are all going to start getting in shape through…special exercises…and a change in our diet…and through..mental exercises.
ALL:(murmur among all the Royal Court as KING is clearly trying to think of what to say next)
CHAMB:QUIET! QUIET! The King is still speaking!
KING:Thank you, knights. Now, as your king, I expect EVERYONE to OBEY me without question…Is
that clear?
ALL:(mumbles among everyone)
CHAMB:He said, “Is that CLEAR?”
ALL:Yes, your majesty.
KING: Very good. OK then the first order of business will be exercise…we will gather each morning
and perform 100 jumping jacks…
ALL:awwww….
KING:aannndd….we will also run laps around the castle.
ALL:what? Huh?
KING:aaaand….we will then work on our…um…flexibility. Anytime I or my knights yell “Toes” you
are to bend over and touch your toes.
ALL:murmurs, head scratching
KING:Oh…and finally – where is the royal chef?
CHEF:(yawning) Right here, your majesty (comes forward)