Those whom we love live on in our memory.
Twelve years ago today my husband, a graduate of the Law School in 1971, died of a brain tumor. Every year since then family and friends have met at his favorite restaurant, ordered his favorite chinese delicacies, and swapped stories about the man we all loved. In those first years, the stories centered around his wonderful qualities: his integrity, his intelligence, his openness about his feelings, his faith. He was a perfect saint and we missed him terribly. After about five years, the stories articulated began to reveal some other memories as well: his wild sense of humor, his need to be "right", his outrageous and over-the-top moments. Over the years, through our collective memory we have been able to re-capture, in a way, the man we lost. We feel his presence at the table, through the laughter and the tears, sharing our fun.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer, the great Lutheran pastor and WWII Martyr, put it so well when he said:
Nothing can make up for the absence of someone whom we love, and it would be wrong to try to find a substitute; we must simply hold out and see it through. That sounds very hard at first, but at the same time it is a great consolation, for the gap, as long as it remains unfilled, preserves the bonds between us. It is nonsense to say that God fills the gap; God doesn't fill it, but on the contrary, keeps it empty and so helps us to keep alive our former communion with each other, even at the cost of pain. (Living Pulpit 1998)
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Those whom we love live on as inspiration for our lives.
There is a wonderful story about the great Muslim poet Rumi and how he dealt with the loss of a loved one. His priestly mentor Shams, was instrumental in enticing Rumi out of his preoccupation with sacred texts and toward actually living sacred experiences. Through Shams' influence, Rumi felt as though he had come face to face with the doorway to God. This love he had been initiated into caused him to dance blissfully as he recited his poetry about his relationship with God and with the world. When Shams disappeared, very likely through foul play, Rumi was inconsolable, and began wandering, searching for his friend. Finally, he came to grips with his loss and sorrow when he realized that his beloved mentor was actually within him, inspiring his poetry.
Most of remember at some level each person who has touched our lives in a special way , and this person remains within us as a guide and lodestar When we live lives of integrity and justice, lives of love and kindness, we are channeling the messages and examples of those who helped shape our values.
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Those whom we love live on in the continuation of their mission by those still on earth.
Abraham, Moses, Jesus, Gautama Siddhartha, Mohammed and Baha'ullah all have followings which vastly eclipsed their earthly lives. Their examples, their beliefs and their teachings have fostered religious movements which have endured for centuries and which have spanned the globe.
However, there are many examples as well of ordinary people who died for a cause which was taken up and enhanced by those who came after. I am going to choose just one: Oscar Romero, Archbishop of El Salvador, was gunned down by government soldiers as he said Mass in March of 1980.. His was not only a voice of hope for the poor and oppressed, but also a voice of denunciation of those who would abuse the powerless, a voice which alerted the world outside to the problem existing in one neglected little corner of the globe.
Archbishop Romero once said: said, "If they kill me, I shall arise in the Salvadoran people." Travel around El Salvador and you will see that Romero's image is ubiquitous. Travel around the world and the countless institutions and groups bearing his name proclaim his relevance. Whether we are talking about third world debt, enforcing humane labor standards, or the old challenge of simply eradicating hunger and poverty, Archbishop Romero's appeal to each of us is even more urgent today because he isn't here to sound the call, and now we have to do it in his memory.
( adapted from Robert )
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Those we love live on as an active presence but in another realm.
According to Akintunde Akinade, an Episcopalian deacon in the Nigerian Anglican Church, Africans believe that those who have died exist in a spirit world and are still involved in some way with the living,
The strong belief in the survival and interaction between the living and the dead is the basis for the veneration of ancestors in Africa. Ancestors exercise a veritable control of society as the absolute custodians of traditions. They are the spiritual superintendents of family affairs and continue to bear their titles of relationship like 'mother' or 'father'. (Living Pulpit 1998)
In my own religious tradition, we have a "cloud of witnesses" whom we call the saints. These holy men and women, even those who have not been officially canonized, testify to our belief that not even death can break the bonds that hold people together. Saints come from all walks of life and provide examples of Christian living which we can adapt to our own times and situations. We talk to the saints as those whom we can no longer see but only feel, and we ask them to pray to God on our behalf-- for strength in time of difficulties, for wisdom in times of uncertainty, for courage in times of fear. These are our friends in Christ, and we know they have our best interests at heart.
Birago Diop, A Muslim poet from Senegal, sums up our convictions about those who have gone before us:
Those who are dead have never gone away,
They are in the shadows darkening around,
They are in the shadows fading into day,
The dead are not under the ground.
They are in the trees that quiver,
They are in the woods that weep,
They are in the waters of the rivers,
They are in the waters that sleep.
They are in the crowds, they are in the homestead.
The dead are never dead
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Nancy Greenfield
Chaplain, Catholic Community at Stanford