There Were a Couple of Surprising Things About Polly Portman S Will
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PIE by SARAH WEEKS
NARRATOR 1
PIE by Sarah Weeks
NARRATOR 2
There were a couple of surprising things about Polly Portman’s will.
NARRATOR 3
The first was that she left the pie shop and all of it’s contents to Reverend Flowers, with instructions that he was to use it in whatever way he chose to help raise funds for the church.
ALICE
My mother was fit to be tied.
MOTHER
She’s thumbing her nose at us even from the grave! We’re family. By all rights the pie shop should be ours.
NARRATOR 1
Her dark mood quickly lifted, however, when Polly’s lawyer, Mr. Ogden called the house.
FATHER
(handing her the phone) He wants to speak to you, Alice.
ALICE
My mother could barely contain herself, breathing down my neck and whispering instructions into my free ear.
MOTHER
(excitedly) What is he saying? Is it good news! Tell us everything!
ALICE
(putting her hand over the phone) He wants me to come down to his office.
MOTHER
(urging) And?
ALICE
(hand over the phone) He says Aunt Polly left me something in her will and that I should come as soon as possible to get it.
MOTHER
(to FATHER, excitedly) Did you hear that, George?!
FATHER
(to ALICE) What else did he say?
ALICE
It’s kind of hard to hear, with everybody talking at the same time, but I think it has something to do with Aunt Polly’s piecrust recipe.
MOTHER
Great merciful heavens! Do you realize what this means? She’s left the pie crust recipe to you!
MOTHER AND FATHER
We’re going to be rich!!
NARRATOR 2
For many years, Alice’s father had worked for the Hoover Company peddling vacuum cleaners door to door.
FATHER
It was not the job of my dreams, so when Polly’s pie shop began to attract tourists, I heard the sound of opportunity knocking.
NARRATOR 3
With Polly’s blessing he set up a souvenir stand where he sold key chains shaped like rolling pins...
NARRATOR 1
...Leopard print pot holders...
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...And aprons with a picture of Polly’s smiling face embroidered on the front and the slogan...
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HEY POLLY, WHAT’S YOUR SECRET!? stitched beneath it.
NARRATOR 1
It was the question everybody asked, and the answer nobody knew: the secret to Polly Portman’s perfect piecrust.
CUSTOMER A
It’s by far the flakiest!
CUSTOMER B
Ever so crisp!
CUSTOMER C
Light as a feather!
NARRATOR 2
Anyone who doubted this had only to look under Polly’s bed. That’s where she kept her Blueberry medals.
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The Blueberry Award was established in 1922 to celebrate the most distinguished contribution to American pie making.
NARRATOR 1
Each year during the month of August, people from all over the country would box up their pies and deliver them to the Blueberry committee for consideration.
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Cherry pies with golden top crusts spread like quilts over the warm fillings.
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Delicate silk pies sprinkled with curls of milk chocolate.
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Chess pies with caramelized cornmeal tops.
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And custard pies piled so high with whipped cream it looked like they had snowdrifts sitting on top of them.
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The committee members would carefully evaluate the pies, “Blueberry Buzz” would spread as the top contenders emerged.
NARRATOR 1
“Mock Blueberry” clubs would choose their own favorites.
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And finally on the first Monday in September amid a great deal of fanfare, the Blueberry committee would announce the winner.
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Polly never even considered entering the contest. She baked because it made her happy and as far as she was concerned, that was reward enough.
NARRATOR 1
But Polly Portman’s pies were too good to go unnoticed. Without even try to, she won 13 Blueberry medals in a row, all of which she kept under the bed.
ALICE
Why do you keep your medals under the bed, Aunt Polly?
AUNT POLLY
So I won’t have to look at them.
ALICE
Why don’t you want to look at them?
AUNT POLLY
I’m afraid I might get a swelled head. And then I wouldn’t be able to wear my favorite hat.
NARRATOR 2
Polly’s favorite hat was a leopard print cloche she’d purchased from the Sears catalogue the year she won her first Blueberry.
NARRATOR 3
That year, and for the twelve years that followed, Polly Portman wore the leopard print cloche to the American Pie Makers Association conference where she delivered the same heartfelt acceptance speech -
AUNT POLLY
(sincerely) Thank you very much.
NARRATOR 1
When Polly Portman, the Pie Queen of Ipswitch passed away, the whole town attended her funeral.
ALICE
Two days later I rode my bicycle to Mr. Ogden’s office for the reading of the will.
NARRATOR 2
On the desk in front of Mr. Ogden lay a large white envelope, and on the other side of the desk sat two chairs, one of which was occupied by a brown leather case about the size of a bread box, decorated with leopard print trim.
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Alice knew right about what was inside.
ALICE
Hello Lardo!
NARRATOR 1
Lardo was Polly Portman’s grumpy old cat, and Alice was scared to death of him.
NARRATOR 2
Talk about nasty - Lardo would scratch and bite and hiss at anybody who came near him, except for Polly.
ALICE
He’d showed up filthy and half-starved at the pie shop one day, and when no one came to claim him, Aunt Polly took pity on him and decided to let him stay.
NARRATOR 3
Mr. Ogden looked at his watch and frowned.
MR. OGDEN
Have a seat young lady and we’ll get started.
NARRATOR 2
Alice did as he instructed, sitting on the very edge of the chair, in case Lardo tried to take a swipe at her through his carrying case.
MR. OGDEN
As I mentioned on the phone, this matter concerns a certain “bequest”, a “gift” which your aunt has made on your behalf. But before we go any further, I need to remind you that as your aunt’s attorney, my role in this matter is merely to inform you of her intentions, not to explain the reasons for them. Do you understand?”
ALICE
(hesitant) I think so.
MR. OGDEN
Very well.
NARRATOR 3
Mr. Ogden proceeded to read the will.
NARRATOR 1
The document consisted of a single page, handwritten in blue ink.
NARRATOR 2
It took less than a minute to read it and when Mr. Ogden had finished, two things were perfectly clear to Alice.
NARRATOR 3
Polly Portman had left her secret pie-crust recipe to her beloved cat, Lardo.
ALICE
And she had left her beloved cat Lardo ----to me!