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ComingOut:QueerStories

TheCloset.It’swherewe,“queerpeople”,comeoutfrom.It’saplacefor hidingand

protectionfor some,or aconstraintandbarrierof thepastfor others.Comingoutof itisaprocessthat canleadtomanyissuessuchasdisownmentandharassment,butitcanalsobringreliefandfreedomto aperson.No matterwhat,theclosetaplacethatweasaqueerdemographicdealwithindividuallyin

life,andour experiencewithitdependson our community,our choices,our sexual/genderidentification, andotherfactors.Queerindividualsundergoaprocesswherewemustdeclareour minoritytoliveour livesopenly.Eachstoryisindividual,withregardstowhenthepersonwentaboutcomingout,how, to whom,andwhattheeffectswere.I, personally,havecomeoutasgaytoanopencommunityinmy

town,andhavetoldmysister.However,I amstillwaitingtotellmyparentsandotherfamilymembers, becauseitisadifficultundertakingtogo through.I don’thavetofearfor myself,butI wantthesituation toberight.I havecomeacrossmanyotherLGBTpeopleinmylifeso far,andI findsomeof our individualcomingoutstoriestobeinteresting,eye­openingtotheissuesof today,touchingand heart­warming,helpfultothosewho arestillinthecloset,andsomecanevenbehumorous.Thatiswhy

I interviewedotherpeoplethatcanshedlightintotheexperienceof comingoutasastruggleand liberationinthequeercommunity.Becausealthoughweareaminority,wearenotalone.

Beingqueerasademographicinsocietymeansalotof things.Weareapartof asmall, accepting communityof otherqueers;yetwemaybeoutcastsfromothercommunities.“It'shuman naturetowanttobeacceptedby othersandby society,andnotbeingheterosexualisariskfactor,” RebeccaStokem[1]says.Althoughwestandtogether,separatelywemaybecometargetsof slurs, phobias, harassment,andotherterribleacts.BryarTscherne[2]recalls,“ThereweretimeswhenI was attackedandhadtobehospitalized,policehadtobeinvolved,onlytobringfurtherembarrassmentto myselfasbeingavictimwhichI detestedthemostoutof everythingelsepeoplemighthaveseenmeas. Everyslurandinsultyou canthinkof wasthrownatmemorethanfivetimes,buttheonesthatoffended methemostwaswhenpeoplesaidI wasanattentionseekerwithavictimcomplexandthatwasthe reasonbehindwhatI didwhichinrealitywasonlyfor myhappiness.”Theseactsareaninjusticeto humanityasawhole,andtheLGBTcommunitystruggleswiththemdayby day.Wemayalsohave issueswithreligiousor socialorganizations.GraceBailey[3]statesthat,“Iwasexcommunicatedfroma churchfor mysexualidentityandI amno longerallowedbackthere.”Itisasickeningthingthatweare discriminatedagainstby our sexuality,withgroups suchastheWestboroBaptistChurchclaimingthat “GODHATESFAGS”whenasChristopherDonnelly[4]putsit:“Ifyou lookatthetruemeaningof all religionsitstoloveandtreateveryonewithrespect.”Humanityasawholehasgrown andmodernized, whatmakesthemoralsof culturesfromthousandsof yearsagorelevanttotoday?No matterwhat,this barrierissomethingthatweasqueersstillstrugglewithtoday.Wehavetobecomemoreawareof

“queerissues”insociety.[Name removed][5]feelsthat,“mysexualorientationplaysabigger

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roleinmylifethanitmightintheaverageheterosexual’s.My politicalviewsfocusmoreheavilyon relatedissuesandI amespeciallysensitivetosexualorientationandgenderideaspresented.”In this country,henotesthat,“thereislegaldiscriminationagainstgaysinmoststates.Additionally,politicians lovetotalkaboutwantingtoprovideLGBTfairness,yetoftenvoteagainstneededmeasurestosecure popularvote,”and,“whilethedomesticdebateisimportant,itpalesincomparisontothework that

needtobedoneabroadtoensurethatno oneisimprisoned,harassed,killedfor theirsexualorientation or genderidentity.”Our sexualitymakesus moresensitivetoissuesthatconcernus andour community, andwecontinuetofightfor ourselvesandotherslikeus everyday.And althoughweareproud, wemay becomeself­consciousof ourselvesbecauseof our sexuality/genderidentification.CassandraZeugin[6] panics,“CantheytellthatI amgay/bi?And beyondthat,shouldI beworriediftheycantell?”People feeluncomfortablewithdifferentsexualities,anditcreatesuneasinesssuchas“Igetnervousholdingmy girlfriend'shandinpublic,”for manylikeRebeccaStokem.BryarTscherneoccasionallyquestions, “Whyarepeoplemeantome?AmI bad?WhyamI bad?Is theresomethingwrong withme?Whyam

I likethis?Williteverchanged?WillI everbenormal?How canI livelikethis?WhatdidI do to deservethis?WoulditbebetterifI wasdead?Why?Why?Why?”becauseof theactsandwords of others.Theseareallcommonstrugglesinthequeercommunity,butpeoplesuchasGraceBailey continuestoremindherselfthrougheverything,“thatI amproud of myselfandmychoicesandtheyare justscaredof change.”As acommunity,wejustwantacceptanceandfairtreatment,yettherearestill problemsandfearstoovercome.Weareaproud community,andasBryarTscherneputsit:“Forour collectivecauseweneedtoshow wearehereandwe’requeer.Weneedtostopconfusingour chains withour shield.”

Comingoutcanbeadifficulttaskfor queerpeople,or itcanbealiberatingexperience.Partof the reasoning,as[Name removed]explains,is:“Forstarters,gaypeopleareof coursedifferent­ obviouslynotinabadway,butweare.”Healsoexplains,“Beinggayisinmanywaysmoredifficult thanbeingstraight.”Thereisno avoidingtheminorityidentificationthatcomesalongwithbeingqueer. Also,facingthereactionsof otherscanbescaryor confusing.JillianCarelli[7]hasseenthat“Thereare lotsof peoplewho say,‘I lovehavingagayfriendtheymakemeso happy!!Gaypeoplearealwaysso niceandhappy!’or theoppositereaction,‘They’reunnaturalabnormalandbeinghomosexualisa choice, asin.”Jillianhascomeouttofriends,butshestates:“Iwillnevercomeouttomyfamilyever.If I everbringup thetopicwithmyparentstheysayit’sachoiceandalthoughtheyrespectandtreat

LGBTpeoplewithkindness,theywouldbeso crushedifI was.”Thisisasadtruththatmanyinthe queercommunityhavetoface.Our societyisnotasacceptingasitcouldbe.Comingoutcanvary basedon theirindividualsexualityor genderidentity.Afterlotsof rumorsandquestionableacts,Bryar Tschernewentaboutcomingoutastransgenderby beingempoweredby thejudgment,explaining:“I wasnotonlyenablingwhatpeoplesaid,I wasowningup toit.I wasno longerlookingdown atthe floorhopingby thetimeI raisedby headbackup theireyeswouldbeoff me.Now I waslookingright

backatthemwaitingfor themtosaysomething.”RebeccaStokemstatesthat“Iambisexual,andI have found thatitishardertotalktopeopleaboutandexplainthanifI wasalesbian.”For some,comingout canbeapleasantsurprisesetof reactions.ChristopherDonnellycommented:“Myfamilywasnothing

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butsupportiveandunderstanding,I feelso luckyandblessedthateveryoneinmylifewasso wonderful!”Yetfor others,thereareissuesthatarisefromcomingout.CassandraZeuginrecalledthat “Therewasoneperson,who startedyellingaboutit,makingrudecomments,andtellingrandompeople, who I didn'tevenknow. Thatwasjustareallylameon theirpart,andjustshowedthattheywere uncomfortablewithit.”Itmayhavetodo withtimingandbeingreadyfor some,as[Name removed]explains:“ThebiggestconcernI hadwas‘WhatifI’mwrong?’”andChristopherDonnelly states“Ijustneededtofigureoutwhentherighttimewasfor me.”However,for othersitisbrought upon by asituation,asGraceBaileyrecollects“Aboy andagirlhadaskedmeouton thesamedayand

I likedthemboth,butknowingI hadn’ttoldmyparentsyet,I decidedtoaskmystep­dadwhattodo. WhenI askedhimhesaid,‘Didyou justsaygirl?’andI replied,‘Yes,that’snotthepoint,whatdo I do?’HethentoldmetofollowmyheartandI hadtocallandtellmyMom.”Amongherpeers,Grace found that“Myfriendsthatweremyageandfemaleallwantedtoknow ifI checkedthemoutbutthey wereexcitedfor me.My guy friendsmyagewereproud of meandtoldmeI hadgood tastein women.” For all,comingoutof theclosetmeansasenseof identificationinthequeercommunity,and despitesomeconcerns,ithelpsinsomewaystobewho wearewiththosearoundus. As [Name removed]proclaims,“Itisour dutyasLGBTmembersto,whenwefeelcomfortable,lettheworld know who weare,so thatthefulldiversityof our communitycanbeseen.”

As queers,weareproud andstrongfromour comingoutexperiencesandotherexperiencesin life.“GraceBaileyexplainedthat“afterI cameoutI hadsomeyoungergirlsandboys tellmeI wastheir rolemodelandso I trytoleaveagood exampleof how todealwithbullyinganddiscrimination.”We standtogetherandfightfor ourselvesdespitethechallengeswefaceinsociety.Whenfacedwiththe issue of slursandphobias,“Ihatewhenpeoplesay,‘That’sso gay.’It’snotrighttousethetermunless you arereferringtoahomosexualhumanbeingor somethinghappy.”JillianCarellisays.Rebecca Stokemnotesthat“Weliveinaworldwhereslowlybutsurelypeoplearemoreabletobethemselves, andthephobiasandslursneedtogo away.”Continually,wearefightingabattlewhenitcomestoour rightsaswell.ChristopherDonnellyexplainsthat“Marriagefor theLGBTcommunityisnotviewedas equalacrossthecountryandthroughouttheworldandthatpeoplearemadetofeelliketheyareless

thanotherpeople.Butinmy10 yearsof being"out"I haveseenhugeimprovements,althoughthereis stillalotof work tobedone.”Weworry for otherqueersthroughouttheworld,andwearewinningthe battlewhenanyof us standtobestrong.BryarTschernestates“Iadmiredthebraveryof Johnny Weir

toattendthe2014 OlympicsinSochiwearingafullfaceof makeupwithveryfeminineattireconsidering thesituation.Seeingsubtlerejectionof oppressivecircumstancesgivesmehope.”Wearecontinuingto fight,andhavemadesomenotableadvancements.RebeccaStokemseesthetruestateof acceptancein

theworld,asshenotesthat“It'snicethatthecurrentpopeismoreacceptingof allpeople,butatthe

sametimedishearteningtoseewhat'sgoingon inplaceslikeRussia.”As asociety,wearegainingsome acceptancelittleby littleasqueerpeople.GraceBaileyrecallsaneventwheresheexplains“Iwasin McDonaldswithmysignificantotherandwehad(amock­babyproject)thatweekend.A mancame

overandaskedifthebabywaseitherof our’s andwesaiditwasbothof our’s andhecongratulatedus on our fakebabyandthefactthatwefeltcomfortableenoughtogo outinpublicwithconfidence.It

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actuallymadeus veryhappytohearanditwasaniceconfidenceboostfor bothus.”Storieslikethese makemefeelnotonlysafeandaccepted,butproud asaqueerpersoninsociety.In anopen

environment,wecantrulybeourselveswithoutfear,awkwardness,andotherterriblefeelings.Although thesesituationsmaybeemotionallytaxing,ChristopherDonnellyinspireswiththeadvice,“Iwillalways beme.I suggestthateveryonebetruetothemselvesatalltimes...Peoplewillalwayshavetheirown insecuritiesandclosemindedpeoplewillalwayshavesomethingtosayregardlessifit’ssexual orientationor thewayyou dress.You justhavetoignorethosepeopleandbethebestpersonyou can

be.”As queersinsociety,our problemsaredifferent.Webattlefor acceptance,rights,andsafetyfor all queers,aswellaspersonalbattlestocomeout,go againstslursanddiscrimination,andmore.Coming out isapassagefromtheclosetintothequeercommunitythatcanbedaunting,confusing,andliberating for queers,anditisattheheartof our pride.Wedeclareourselvesasour minority.Wearedifferent becausewearestrong,unified,andhavetheabilitytocontinuetochangetheworld.As thesayinggoes, “we’rehere,andwe’requeer.Getusedtoit.”

Interviewed

1. RebeccaStokem,18, female,bisexual

2. BryarRose,17, maletofemale,transgender

3. GraceBailey,18, female,lesbian

4. ChristopherDonnelly,25, male,gay

5. [Name removed],18, male,gay

6. CassandraZeugin,18, female,bisexual

7. JillianCarelli,16, female,bisexual

InterviewQuestions:

1. Whyiscomingoutsuchabigdealinour society?

2. Whatmakesyou feelyou aredifferentasanLGBTmemberof society?

3a.Couldyou pleasedescribeinanywayyour experienceof how you "cameoutof thecloset"?ifit applies

3b. If you arenotoutof thecloset,wouldyou beabletoexplainyour reluctancy/unwillingnesstocome out,andwhatyour plansmaybefor comingoutinthefuture?Also,skipquestions4­7 unlessthey apply insomeform.

4. If so, how wasitdifficulttodo?

5. How werereactionsfromfamily/friends/strangers/rumorsifany?

6. How didcomingoutmakeyou feel?

7. How didreactionsvarybasedon age/gender/orientation/etc.of thepeopleyou told?

8. How willcomingoutandbeinglgbtqplayintoyour future/presentwithcollege/careers/family/etc.?

9. Hasareligiousor socialorganizationimpactedthepublicidentificationwithyour sexuality?

10. How haveyou interactedwithotherLGBTyouthbeforeand/oraftercomingout?

11. Haveyou hadanyLGBTrelationshipexperiencesthathavebeennotableaboutyour experienceas

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anLGBTperson/youth?

12. Haveyou experiencedanykindof harassmentbasedon your orientation/identitythathasimpacted your life?

13. How do phobiasandor slursimpactyour dailylife?

14. Whatwasyour supportsystemlikeincomingout?

15. How do you feelinyour community/environmentasanlgbtqperson?

16. Do you experienceasenseof "doubleconsciousness"or afeelingof awkwardnesstowards knowingyou areLGBTandothersknowingyou arelgbtqinsituationswhereyou aretreated differently?

17. Whatissomethingthatbothersyou withthewayLGBTpeoplearetreatedlocally,nationally,and globally?