Dear Student:
The work you have submitted for EXAMINATION 00786800, The Writing Skills Writing Assignment in your Written Communication course, is being returned without a grade for the reason(s) checked below.
_____Your essay is too short. Your paper must be at least 750 words long (approximately three pages typed and double-spaced). Look for places where you can include specific examples to support what you are saying. Your goal as a writer is to SHOW your reader what you are going through. Do not merely list information about your topic, but guide your reader through the experience you are discussing. (Please also review the information below.)
_____Your essay does not fully represent a composition whose content is completely and uniquely yours. It contains too much factual information. You do not use enough material from your first-hand knowledge and experience with the topic. Even if you are writing an opinion piece, you must explain the reasoning behind your opinion(s) by providing examples from your experience to show how you arrived at your current opinion(s). Doing so also shows your authority to write on your chosen topic.
Perhaps you felt you needed to research your topic to verify facts or to provide some statistics. This can be a good practice when you are writing an opinion piece and need to fill in a gap of information. However, your essay does not show you using that factual information to support your own ideas or lines of reasoning. When you merely restate or summarize what you have learned through research or when you list factual information, even if it is what you learned from your own experience, you are not providing specific examples showing yourself learning that information. In addition, you are not discussing the information in order to show your original thinking about the topic – how you came to understand what you did not understand before. (Also, remember that you must always provide credit for information taken from somewhere else by citing the source.)
Using others’ opinions in your own words is not proper either, even if you agree with those opinions. Rather, what you write must be based on what you already know and have experienced directly yourself. By showing this experience through specific examples of what happened to you or of what you directly observed happening to family or friends, you provide your own unique, distinctive perspective on the topic.
Since it is quite difficult to develop original ideas on a topic about which you have little knowledge or with which you have little experience, choose a topic with which you do have experience. Some possible topics are listed on page 50 of the Writing Skills, Part 1 study unit.
Next, decide on an original focus or “slant” for that topic. For example, if you write about a vacation, state or show, as part of your introductory paragraph, your unique viewpoint on that experience. “My vacation to Disneyland provided some of the most exciting times of my life.” If you write an opinion piece about cats, your focus should be something like, “I have discovered that cats make more loyal pets than dogs” (but only if you have experience with both species).
Use your slant or “thesis” to guide you in choosing and organizing the details and examples you will include in the essay. Remember not to list events or information, but to describe your experience so that the reader feels that he goes through it with you. Finally, write from your perspective and in your own voice, using the pronoun “I”.
Using the information given above, prepare a new assignment and resubmit your work for grading. Be sure to attach the Cover Sheet to your essay, and save a copy of your final draft before submitting. Good luck, and be sure to contact an instructor with any questions!
My Views on Humanity, Christianity, and the Universe
Writing Skills Writing Assignmentexam 007868
Joseph Gonzalez
September 16, 2011
Please elaborate more on what you went through and what you did.
My Views on Humanity, Christianity, and the Universe
Ibelievethat conceiving a notion of aworldviewis itself anoutstandingachievement of the human mind. Moreover, creating your own is even more impressive. Romewas not builtin a day, and neither was myworldview. Aworldviewtakes many years of experiences and thinking toconstructand to distinguish from others. Perhaps, the Christianworldviewis centeredon the idea of God and the relationship between God and human beings, and indeed it has profoundly influenced the development of Western civilization, to give an idea of how serious worldviews are. Myworldview, conversely, center of attention is my experiences as a human being.It encompasses from realizing my insignificantplacein theuniverseto coming to understand the importance of cooperating with others toforma world that isbetter, not only for ourselves, but also for future generations.
Like most kids storybooks, all stories began with the famous phrase, “once upon a time…” It appears strange to start mystoryof where I came from with those same words.Since I was littleI considered that the mystery of life is one of the greatest stories that have ever existed.As a kid, Iwas fascinatedby some wonders as impressive as looking up to the night sky, filled with its millions of stars, shining dimly through the vastness of space, and the moon, tostrikemy eyes andcreatetheperceptionof others living in other places, for reasons virtually unknown.I am pretty sure I was not alone as most kids maintain a beyond description passion for the Universe and the longing to continue to stare at andstudythem is an indication of something far deeper: they areourfirst homes.Every Ash Wednesday Catholic priests placed acrossof ash on my forehead telling me “Remember, man,youare dust and to dust you will return” (John Paul II, 1996). For Christians, the Universe since itwas createdby God is the place we come from and the place we go back.The Cosmos themselves repeat these words as if saying, “Once upon a time, you came from me and to you will return.”
Despite of thebeautyof my dreams with respect to the cosmos, the Universe is a messy place, reflected in the turbulence of the human condition. Dangers, outside ofourcontrol and those of our own making, threaten not only ourstandardof life but also our mere existence. It is clear thatmanmade problems are underourcontrolwhether we are speaking of nuclear proliferation or human trafficking.It is my responsibility to determine whichmanmade issues are going tohitme or not, but what is not clear is which problems that arise from outside us are within my abilities to deal with them.So far, humans beings have been able to cure cancer, prolong the life of those affected by AIDS, even to progress in stem cell research, however, problems that affect all individuals daily lives even more closely has not been eradicated, there is yet to be a vaccine to eliminate racial discrimination and no medication willtreatprejudiceagainst many in society.As a decent person,approachin regard to solving people’s problems I tend to focus on the role of the individuals in this process.Ithinkthat individualshavefree will, which giveseachindividual, the potential to change the world.Some people would even ask why it is socriticalto even try to solve human problems.
The response to them will be that my behavioris motivatedby something on a higher level than the all-too-real necessities of everyday life and human procreation. I have acted all my life in ways that confuse those whostriveto understand humans through the aforementioned lenses. My behavior is not other than a physical manifestation of my purpose. The behavior of a mathematical model in aerodynamics expresses its intended purpose: tounderstandaerodynamic forces. My behavior, in this sense, expresses my dualfunctiononlifewhich is to carefor one another and come to understand theworld around us without undue regard for the mundane aspects inourlives.
My ideas are neither ultra-radical nor utterly unique, but I have to admit that mybackgroundcontributes to thisworldviewto the extent that it has given me a privileged position in allowing me to step into others’ shoes and see how they mightfeelabout the same questions that I have posed myself with respect toourplace, not only in relation to the Universe around us, but also in relation to the rest of humanity.Apart from thenewson celebrities which is an obsession inoursociety these days, it is not difficult for an average person togaina glimpse at the problems that most afflicthumanityby simply seeing the headlines and thinking about what unites them. It is not difficult toobtainan idea of what is closest to human hearts when we are so passionately moved by movies and music, by turningourheads to the heavens, or by seeing awomanhelp an elderly person across the street. It is easy to have faith in humanity’s ability to move forward when we realize that, despite setbacks in the forms of wars and armed conflicts, humans were able to eradicate smallpox and continue working to cure cancer. It is easy to believe in the real and present danger of war when one sees images of the World Trade Center, the shadows of edifices and people long since departed seared into the basis upon which thousands of peoplewalkdaily, after they suffered a horrendous terrorist attack.
ThedesireI experience to help those in need istestimonyenough that thereis yet hopedfor people. This view of theworldin which we live has asuitableimpact on how I perceive the things around us.In occupational terms, the idea thatourcommitment leads us to two goals—that is, to care for others and to seek knowledge—leaves me the impression that one should choose a career because of its ability to provide one tofollowthose two goals andbecomea better person, not because thejobpays us handsomely.Work should beusefulto society, or it should be able to advancing wisdom.Anything that does neither go againstourprimary value as human beings.At the end of one’s life, it is far morevaluableto be able to look back anddiscernhoweffectiveone was toward those ends, ends which live on in the hearts and minds of those who remain after we die, rather than comment on how obsessed one was toward getting more money, buying the better car, and having a bigger house, none of whichsupportus to the grave.
There is nothing that displaysourbriefpresencein this world,quitelikethinkingof all the men and women who came before us and those who are tocome, or thinking of the endlessmultitudeof stars,perhapswith other planets andconsciousbeings. This thread unites withourpersonal livesrathereasily. Since the two most valuable things to us, at least immediately, areourrelationships with others and our pursuit of knowledge, it isvitalthat weseecare for our families. It might be possible to care for others without caring forourfamilies, but without respecting our families and caring for them just as well as we wouldcarefor others, there is no way we canrespectourselves.
The same insignificance we feel at contemplatingourancestors and our descendents is a humbling experience for us, one which we should use productively in order to inculcate in our children those values which are mostpertinentto our success, both as individuals and as a species. In the context ofemotionalrelationships with those who are closest to us, this means preserving them and moving toward ahappinessandharmonyweoftenreplace ahappinessandharmonyweoftenreplacewithdiscordandtumult. Topreservemy relationships, I consider relevant to be monogamous. It is far more relevant to know of thingsdeeplywith one other person, not only from the economicperspectiveof comparative advantage but also from an emotional perspective, than it is to share small, trivial moments with many people.
Ultimately, however, the immediate purposes ofourlives, to help others and seek wisdom,servethe highest purpose of all: to prepare us for death and whatever may come afterward. I cannot claim toknowwhat happens to us after death, and those who know are unreachable in the meanwhile, but themarkof the best-lived life is one in which a person, on his deathbed, feels anticipation for what is tocome, but nofear, and respect for he have done inlife, but no regrets. Because of my goal in life, I have no choice but tostaylinked to myworldviewin how I live.To deny it would be to deny the mereessenceof whom I am and to live a falselifein which Igoabout pretending to be someone I am not.In myworldview, I think it is difficult to live consistently acting without thinking.
Thus, one must find a happy medium between the two, and my method of doing so is tocommitalmost everyactionwith the following question in mind: is this consistent with what Ibelieve? If the action fails the test, I must refrain from doing it; if it passes, it is a done deal. I work toward helping others, not just in the places wherehelpis expected, from schools to soup kitchens, but in the places where it is a little less clear, from holding a door open to awomancarrying her child to helping my neighborcarryhis boxes.I am not sure how committed I am to the idea of religious faith, and as such, at the moment, Ifeelit is best totaketherightin eachreligionandappropriateit as my own, leaving room for such forces in the future if they call out to me.Ibelieve in the theory of evolution by natural selection to the same extent any human being believes in the theory of relativitysetby Albert Einstein a century ago. Nothing has disproved it so far, and Imaintain, scientifically, that once something does, my belief in it will have to be revised or entirely discarded.
Conclusion
Finally, Ithinkthat human beings are magnificent creatures, whether they are the products of billions of years of evolution or theworkof a great Creator. Every person is in charge of their own destiny. Working together, we have accomplished the grandest ofmaterialfeats, but by the strength ofourreason, we have come to the realization that what we know is insignificant compared to the vast oceans of possibilities that lie before us. This isourgreatestadvantage, and it is because of this that I hope not only in myself but also in others. There isgoodin humanity despite the criticisms of skeptics, if not because thisclaimis true then because it keeps us healthy and happy. In the words of William Henley, “I am themasterof my fate: I am thecaptainof my soul” (Henley, W.E., 1875).