Title: An Elephant in the House
Sub: Africans in the Diaspora discuss domestic violence at Sacramento town hall meeting
By Ben Edokpayi
The subject of domestic violence or “intimate –partner violence” is one many African couples feel uncomfortable discussing in public.
But on November 12 about 50 men and women of African descent gathered for a town hall meeting at the California State University in Sacramento (CSUS) to tackle the issue head-on, with the CSUS Center for African Peace and Conflict Resolution as a host and co-sponsor.
The meeting was triggered by recent instances of domestic violence in African communities in Sacramento and elsewhere in the United States.
In the Sacramento incident a Ghanaian man reportedly stabbed his wife 22 times to death, after an argument between the estranged couple. In another case, a Nigerian man drove all the way from Atlanta Georgia to stalk his Ondo-born wife living separately in Dallas Texas. He eventually shot her to death in her car.
Also in August this year a Nigerian man used a hammer to murder his Sierra Leonean born wife at their home in a Dallas suburb. This callous murder reportedly occurred in front of the couples’ seven-year-old daughter.
While incidents of domestic violence in African communities in the Diaspora is only now coming into the limelight, the problem has long been an entrenched epidemic in African countries where male chauvinism rules.
“It is like a normal thing for women to be treated by their husbands as punching bags,” said Obong Rita Akpan Nigeria’s former minister of women affairs, earlier this year in an interview.
A New York Times article last August by Sharon LaFraniere brought the issue into sharper focus.
The article stated that although women suffer from violence in every society, nowhere is the abuse more entrenched and accepted than in African countries.
Lafraniere’s periscope on the epidemic scanned several African countries, including South Africa where researchers for the Medical Research Council estimated last year that a male partner kills a girlfriend or spouse every six hours. Citing a 2004 study the NY Times article also revealed that nearly half of the women surveyed in Zambia said a male partner had beaten them.
A Multi-country study on Women’s Health and Domestic Violence released by the World Health Organization in November 2005 showed that Ethiopian women recorded the highest incidents of sexual and domestic violence at 71%.
The Study “ challenges the perception that home is a safe haven for women by showing that women are more at risk of experiencing violence in intimate relationships than anywhere else.”
The Study by WHO surveyed 24,000 women in 10 countries. African countries included in the study were Ethiopia, Tanzania and Namibia. Others were Bangladesh, Brazil, Japan, Peru, Samoa, Serbia and Montenegro and Thailand.
Sadly, the study found out that one of six women in the countries surveyed had suffered abuse, and that violence was more prevalent in poorer countries. According to the study, it is particularly difficult to respond effectively to this violence because many women accept such violence as “normal.”
One of the respondents in the WHO study was quoted as saying: “ The beating was getting more and more severe…In the beginning it was confined to the house. Gradually, he stopped caring. He slapped me in front of others and continued to threaten me… Every time he beat me it was as if he was trying to test my endurance, to see how much I could take.”
This renewed awareness on the epidemic has resulted in domestic violence Laws in some African Countries. But even when these Laws are enacted the law enforcement backing is usually absent or muted.
While domestic violence cases are deeply entrenched in many African societies, cases in the Diaspora are seemingly isolated or sporadic at best.
Still, the gathering in Sacramento felt the issue was serious enough to warrant a town hall meeting. And the calibre of attendees at the meeting underlined the importance of the issue.
“We have an elephant in the room and we need to look at what’s agitating this Elephant,” said Dr. Ernest Uwazie, as he used an African metaphor to welcome conferees to the town hall meeting.
Aside from the host Dr. Uwazie who is Director of the Center for African Peace and Conflict Resolution and Professor of Criminal Justice at CSUS, the line up included key note Speaker and Clinical Psychologist Dr. Kwessi Ngissah, a former Director of Behavioral Medicine with Kaiser Permanente (America's leading integrated health care organization); Dr. Boatamo Mosupyoe, a Professor of Ethnic Studies and Director of Pan African Studies at CSUS and Documentary filmmaker Chike Nwoffiah, who was one of the evening’s moderators.
There were also nationals from the following African Countries: Nigeria, Ghana, Uganda, Kenya, Liberia, Sierra Leone and Rwanda, as well as several Christian and non-profit organizations. They included co-organizers Newton Ekpo-Marriage and Family Life Consultant and Chief Lanre Hassan- President of Sacramento Nigerian of Association.
The ultimate goal of the group was to create conflict resolution models and solutions as well as identification of resources that can be used by Africans not only in the Diaspora, but also in the Motherland.
Asking men not to see the discussion as an affront on their God-divined roles as heads of the households, South African Moderator Mosupyoe said, “ As an African woman I want you to know that when we address violence it doesn’t mean we don’t love you. You are our fathers, sons, uncles and brothers –you are all of these things to us.”
Echoing a similar sentiment Co-Moderator Nwoffiah chimed in: “ What is the Elephant in the room?” he asked.
“ Let’s discuss this realistically. We probably might not have our hands wrapped around it at the end of this meeting but we want to start the conversation. What is it? How is it manifested? How does it affect us here? We want to frame the dialogue and take it from there.”
Before Mosupyoe and Nwoffiah’s stirring introduction of the topic, Ngissah spoke elaborately on patterns, types and the definition of domestic abuse.
“ Domestic violence knows no cultural, ethnic, race, social class, or literacy boundary. The perpetrator may have no history of domestic abuse or violence, and may be generally known in the community as a very gentle, caring and loving individual or family person,” said Ngissah, who noted that the issue is unfortunately downplayed in many African societies.
The Clinical Psychologist then went on to list types of abuse, namely: Physical Abuse (Domestic Violence), Sexual Abuse and Exploitation, Emotional Abuse, Economic or Financial Abuse and Spiritual Abuse.
Ngissah identified stalking, verbal and non-verbal attacks, yelling, name calling, which he categorized all under Emotional Abuse, as the most dangerous forms of the scourge.
“ We think stalking is harmless, but it is one of the most dangerous and takes all kinds of forms. It is even dangerous for our friends and families,” said Ngissah, a Ghanaian.
The dominant thread that ran through many of the evening’s contributions on the subject was the juxtaposition of the African and American cultures and how the two can be effectively combined by recent transplants from across the Atlantic.
Speakers on this issue were as interesting as they were varied. Three sampling’s follow:
“ The support system you have back home doesn’t exist here. In order to feel comfortable here we need to know our limitations. The rules of the game are not the same as you might have say in Ghana, “ said Ngissah.
A Nigerian Auditor who’s been married to his wife for 30 years had a different perspective. “ We already know the problem. First of all you can’t put old wine into new wine. You can think you can bring your Igbo culture and enforce it here? It just won’t work, “ he said, adding rather humorously,” you go to our African parties and take a look at the face of our women. They look worn out and don’t want to dance. Why? Because they spend most of their time cooking, cleaning and taking care of the home all by themselves. That’s abuse!”
Another Nigerian Dr. Sylvester Okonkwo presented an interesting angle to the clash of cultures and how it frames the issue. “ Let’s not make this sound as if it’s an African problem,” he said.
“ The African culture has its own pluses and minuses. Most of us studied here and gained employment here. We have a proverb that says when you are in a foreign land, ‘ learn all the good things there and leave the bad ones alone,” said Okonkwo.
While many in the room agreed that it was tough to balance the two cultures, all were in agreement that the African culture was intrinsically sound and could be a good insulation against the pressures of today’s microwave world where materialistic pursuits and the hurry for results tend to obfuscate everything else.
Citing communication as key one Liberian man said: “ I think we know the problem. How many of us communicate with our wives as much as we do our workmates. How many times do we sit at the dinner table with our families and say, ‘ How was your day today?” he asked.
Mrs. Marie WashingtonMaddy, a Liberian married to a Sierra Leonean, blamed the problem on a lack of focus in many African families in the Diaspora.
“ African families have to have a common focus. When it doesn’t exist people tend to grow apart,” she said.
“We are talking but not listening to each other. We all want to accomplish the American Dream and financial independence, but we don’t have the same focus. Families have to work together financially,” said Mrs. Maddy.
While clash of cultures dominated most of the discussion, participants also agreed that many other extraneous elements are involved in the different manifestations of domestic violence. They ranged from the individuals ability to manage anger, the negative influence of television, breakdown in communication and abrasive personality of the culprits involved.
One Nigerian man also opined that it boils down to the level of understanding between a man and his wife. “ My wife understands me. She knows when to be quiet during an argument. I also know when to be quiet. It’s not about culture but about understanding each other,” he said.
At the end of the discussion, the gathering was broken up into five sub-groups to come up with panaceas for the problem.
The sub-groups focused on identifying resources such as uniquely African support groups and utilizing clergies/other professionals to mediate between couples experiencing problems with their marriages; developing better levels of tolerance and communication among couples; helping couples understand that marriages work better when it is partnership-oriented and ensuring that parental respect was maintained in the household.
The town hall gathering also suggested creating an intervention group/ elders council to mediate between quarreling couples; providing a regular forum for people, especially men, to socialize amongst themselves; as well as creating mechanisms to encourage and give recognition on occasions such as high school graduations or even promotions in the African communities and organizations.
Another town hall meeting will reconvene within the next three months(February/March) to begin putting these thoughts into action as well as establishing an African resources and referral network for domestic violence.
The movement that took root in Sacramento on November 12 could not have come at a more appropriate time. It occurred the same week the WHO report on domestic violence was released.
Hopefully, both endeavors will stimulate a synergy that will put the issue on the front burner, and eventually lead to a reduction in the problem, especially among Africans.
As the WHO study states: “ Violence against women has a far deeper impact than the immediate harm caused. It has devastating consequences for the women who experience it, and a traumatic effect on those who witness it, particularly children.
“It shames states that fail to prevent it and societies that tolerate it. Violence against women is a violation of basic human rights that must be eliminated through political will, and by legal and civil action in all sectors of society.”
Program Sponsors:
Marriage and Family Center
Center for African Peace and Conflict Resolution, CSUS
Sacramento Association of Nigerians
Association of Friends and Citizens of Liberia
Ghanaian Association of Sacramento
Sierra Lone Humanitarian Project
Friends of Rwanda Association
Igbo Development Union of Sacramento
African Christian Fellowship, Sacramento Chapter
Dunia United Congress, Roseville
Ugandan Association of northern California
USHIRIKA(Kenya)
Yoruba Heritage International
Ben Edokpayi, currently editor of the tri-weekly Dixon Tribune newspaper in Northern California, has written for several publications including Daily Republic Newspapers in Fairfield California, Newswatch Magazine and also freelanced for the African Service of the BBC. © Monday, November 28, 2005.
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