The Dash Volume 1 No 1 (MOB Reference N0801)
The -Dash-
Coburg Fitzroy Lions Football Club unaffiliated supporter group B’Groise regular newsletter
ROUND 2, 1999 – COBURG vs WILLIAMSTOWN
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The Dash Volume 1 No 1 (MOB Reference N0801)
INTRODUCTION
Well, everybody who knows me, knows how I work. Not very much at all. Or, very much indeed, depends on your viewpoint. Maybe it's more widely held that I simply focus my energies in all the wrong directions, at all the incorrect targets. So many times I have had the subjective quantitation of personal free time berated, want a translation? I have been told, I have far too much time on my hands, many times. Now I know why. In comparison, I DO have more time on my hands than others. This is largely due to the fact that others all have their time taken up by a need to spend it, telling me, that I have far too much time on my hands.
I just wanted to throw an example at yers and see whether I was still capable of confusing at a whim. Bet yers all are entirely discombobulated, now. Ahh well, no matter. All is well in the world of the Roy. Hmm ... perhaps the B'Groy, these days, don't want to unwittingly excommunicate anyone. Anyways, welcome to the inaugural B'Groise newsletter. I should hopefully have a nomenclature for said medium in a few minutes. Perhaps 'The Dash'. Geeze, I dunno.
Anyways, for new recipients, I'm Kev, Kevbaby, The Mobbenfuhrer, Termite, Gumboots, Noodles, Slut, whatever you'd like to call me. I've been transferred from Fitzroy, hehe. I'm that skinny one with the stupid fringe and the vague pot gut. Yeah, that's me, the fashion-unconscious one. I am from a mixed background, am currently undergoing one of the most testing phases of my life so far (you'll hear about it one day) and I like beer. A lot.
We're here to talk about this new-fangled team (that doesn't quite exist yet). I sort of feel for the Burgers, its as if they're being sacrificed to resurrect the Roys. I hope that they're ok about it, I could understand the diehards spittin' the dummy. That's why folks like myself need to ensure that we are seen as complimentary, and not adversary, to the Coburg lot.
I've seen Coburg play before, in 1998 I went and watched them play against Box Hill, at Box Hill, and the Burgers won. I was sitting there, just minding my own business, watching the game, making calls from my new mobile which was my new toy at the time. I was assailed by three other Roys supporters, folks I at least vaguely knew. They were of like mind, just thought they'd have a bit of a captain. I've seen one of these folk a few times since, at South Melbourne soccer matches. While I'm on that subject, who here knows that South Melbourne have decent Fitzroy links? See Fletch for more details. Ok I asked Fletch to help me out here, and he denies he ever hinted at a connection. Eat him, I say, raw and outdoors.
The Fitzroy contingent to which I belong (The MOB) has presented its unlovely form, in one way or another, at various sporting events recently, especially while the club itself has been in remission. Here are some examples :
The spots the MOB went
To :
· South Melbourne Lakers Soccer Club matches
· Fitzroy City Soccer Club matches
· Bentleigh Greens Soccer Club matches
· Fitzroy-Doncaster Cricket Club matches
· One Coburg Football Club match
· Melbourne Storm Rugby League Club matches
In each case we've entertained a Fitzroy embellishment and enjoyed the day as one can, consuming alcohol and being noisy. What more can a poor boy do? Oohoooh? It was a search for a trace of our identity. Many went to Brisbane, some to North Melbourne, others, goodness knows where. I lost all interest in AFL, myself, and almost in football, in general. I got caught up in playing indoor beach volleyball, which is fun. Yes, it is.
But now, it seems, we are on the verge of something lazaresque, something quite unexpected by the public. I'm still waiting, with baited breath, to see if it all goes through. I am still host to a nanosignificant trace of cynicism, or perhaps, doubt. I mean, surely it's sounding a little too good to be true. It's been going to happen for so long, when the friggin' hell WILL it happen. The paper trail, the paper trail, wherefore art though, the paper trail? It's about time we used a bit of gumption, and just made it so. I'll be out the back, drinking ... let me know how it goes, ok?
UPCOMING EVENTS
March 25, 1999 Natter & Noggin Night, West Brunswick Hotel (FFC Ltd members welcome)
March 28, 1999 Coburg-Fitzroy Guernsey Day
March 31, 1999 114th FFC Ltd AGM (Fitzroy Bowling Club) (FFC Ltd members welcome)
April 04, 1999 Opening match versus Frankston at Frankston
Okay they’ve all happened already. Sorry, so I need some time to get some facts together. Come here.
MATCH REPORT
Haven't been any, yet. Will be, but haven’t yet. Haha yeah I have, lobbed at Frankston. Here’s the tale (Kev shakes his butt). Woohoo look at that blubber fly!
Was procrastinating all morning on Sunday, yeah I’m going to the football. Yeah, I’m going to the football. Well yer gottah admit, Frankston is a bloody long way. Wayne called, yeah me and John are comin’, well puck yer up. They did so. Took us from Carnegie to Narre Warren, then it was off to what’s that place called again? Scoreboard showed Coburg up 2 goals to 1 as we arrived at Frankston and began to look for garagement. Umm let me test my memory. Et costet $9 for admission and a program. Cor blimey. I didn’t even bring the program home. I’m not the man who brings home the program.
I was decked all roy-like. Wayne was decked more bear-like, and Johnny was a bit closer to home, in a Coburg home sortah way, wearing bomber gear. He’s silly. We got ourselves some beveri and headed round to the outer, taking up strategic positions beside the bar.
Umm Coburg managed to hold a vague one goal league for a while, until a wild burst of burstlessness left us vulnerable, towards the end of some quarter, I think it was the 2nd. We were too busy becoming pleasantly excited about the terraces, the ability to have a kick at breaks, the beer in cans, ohmigod I think I’m gonna explode!
Anyway Frankston began to exercise a stranglehold on us after the break, and just handily maintained the lead from then on. I think we may not have had enough peroxide to keep up with them. Yeah, what I said.
It was near the beach, isn’t it? Oh, I do love to be there.
MATCH PREVIEW – COBURG-*COUGHHACKSPLUTTER* vs WILLY
Well, this is it. We’re playing footy again. Well, not me, I ain’t played for 8 years. But we are. Herein lies the problem : I have no idea who plays for anybody. Except for Alessio, I think he’s still around. I hope so, I wrote a song about him.
Because I can’t take any guesses at how players will perform (not knowing any), I might as well have a look, instead, at what we, the faithful, can do, to turn the tide our way.
Umm, win, I s’pose. Damn, I need another page here, yet. Yeah time for a song. Damn I’m gonna need two. Maybe more, or perhaps I can just keep this up for 30 lines. Gottah be happy with that. Enquiries to the front desk.
Joke? Yeah, okay :
UMPIRE JOKE FOR THE DAY
Woohoo return of the live-in joke. Okay an umpire was sitting at a bar, quite intoxicated. The barman looked at him and noted said state of near-stupor, henceforth asking the umpire to depart the premises. The umpire refrained from complaining and walked out the front door.
Ten minutes later the umpire walked in via a back door, and resumed his place at the bar. Once again the barman requested he leave, and once again the umpire complied.
Ten minutes later, he was back in again, this time via a side door. The barman frowned, swore and repeated that the umpire was not welcome on the premises, and had to make himself scarce. Off trundled the umpire again.
Well another ten minutes passed, and he was back again, through yet a fourth door. The barman was livid, he picked up the umpire by the scruff and shouted at him : “How many times to I have to tell you? Get out of here!”
The umpire gazed up at the barman and asked “How many pubs do you bloody well work at?”
Did ya like it? Did ya, did ya? Huh? Huh? Did ya like it?
Yeah I know, me neither, so spank me.
No really, I know I want it.
…….…….……………………… notice the dotted line …………………………………..
(yeah, me too, I just saw other forms had ‘em, and didn’t want this one to be left out …)
BECOME A MEMBER OF B’Groise !!!!!!!!!!!
Umm, well, I dunno. Just ask me, or … something. We’re pretty strict when it comes to yeah yer in.
NAME …………………………………………………………………………..
PHONE …………………………………………………………………………..
…….…….……………………… ooh look another one …………………………………..
(that’ll be on backchat …)
Yeah, that should just about cover it. I dunno what I asked for your number for, it just looked silly with only one line in the application form … don’t put yer phone number down if yer a gal, I wouldn’t trust me, either.
I didn’t do it, my brain did it. Or, as Dennis the Menace once said; “Whatever I did, it wasn’t me.” A motto suggestion : Costs yer nuffin’, gets ya bugger all. I wanna be like me when I grow up.
Damn, now I made it too big, hold on a second while I kick the shit out of a few font sizes J
Cheers from Kev.
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