The Cypress in the Courtyard

The Cypress in the Courtyard

Talks given from 29/5/76 to 27/6/76

Darshan Diary

23 Chapters

Year published: 1978

The Cypress in the Courtyard

Chapter #1

Chapter title: None

29 May 1976 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

Archive code: 7605295

ShortTitle: CYPRES01

Audio: No

Video: No

[A sannyasin returning to the West, said that he was feeling 'okay' about himself.]

Okay is not enough... feel blessed. Okay is not a very ecstatic word; it is just lukewarm. So feel blessed -- and it is a question of feeling. Whatsoever you feel, you become. It is your responsibility.

If you are not feeling good, that's how you have created it in the past. If you feel miserable, it is your own work. That's what we mean in India when we say, 'It is your own karma.' 'Karma' means your own action. It is what you have done to yourself.

And once you understand that this is what you have done to yourself, you can drop it. It is your attitude; nobody is forcing you to feel that way. It is your choice. You have chosen it -- maybe unconsciously, maybe for some subtle reasons which feel good at the time but which turn out to be bitter, but you have chosen it.

It feels hard when it is said that you have chosen your misery, because the consolation that somebody else is creating it, is taken away too; even that is not allowed. But if you understand it, it is a great freedom. Then it is up to you. If you want to carry it, you carry it. If you want to drop it, not for a single moment are you forced to carry it.

Just the other day I was looking at an account of Bennett's memoirs. He was one of the oldest disciples of Gurdjieff; he remained longest with Gurdjieff. He recalls that one day he had worked really hard -- and Gurdjieff used to force people to work as hard as possible; almost to the point of their falling with exhaustion. Bennett had worked hard and he was just thinking to rest when Gurdjieff gave him some new work to do -- to go into the forest and cut wood.

It was almost impossible. He could not even walk! He was so tired and feeling so sleepy that he felt he would fall anywhere on the road. But when Gurdjieff said to do it, he had to. That was a deep commitment between Gurdjieff and his disciples -- that whatsoever he said, they would do. He was dictatorial. And that is the only way to work; there is no other way. If one is lenient, nothing will happen.

So Bennett went, against his own wishes, somehow just dragging himself. While he was cutting wood, suddenly he had a very great satori... a great energy rushed into him. All tiredness went and he felt more alive than ever before in his life. He was as alive and as vital as if he had been resting for many days. He felt so elated, so happy, so vibrating, that an idea came into his mind, that if in this tremendous energy he were to desire anything, it would happen immediately.

So he said to himself, 'Let me feel sadness,' and immediately he became as sad as if the whole of the world had become dark; he was surrounded with darkness. He started slipping into a hell. He could not believe it -- in just a single moment!

He immediately pulled himself out and said, 'Let me be happy,' and he was happy again. Then he tried it with all the emotions -- with anger, love, compassion, Jealousy. An idea would just come to his mind and his whole being would become that.

That day he realised what masters have always been saying: that it is you who create all your emotions -- your hell and heaven, your love and hate.

But if you don't understand that it is your creation, you remain in the bondage. Once you understand that it is you, why settle for okayness? That is not much. And your life will not be a life of song and dance and celebration. Just by being okay, how will you celebrate? Just by being okay, how will you love? Why be so miserly about it?

But there are many people who are stuck at okayness. They have lost all energy just because of their ideas. Okayness is like a person who is not sick but who is also not healthy; he is so-so. You cannot call him ill and you cannot call him healthy. He is standing just between these two. He is not ill and cannot be hospitalised but he is not alive and healthy. He cannot celebrate. That's what okayness is.

So drop that. I will suggest that if it is too difficult for you to feel blissful, at least feel miserable. That will be something; at least energy will be there. You can cry and weep. You may not be able to laugh, but tears are possible. Even that will be life. But okayness is very cold. Either be miserable or happy... and if there is a question of choosing, why choose misery when you can choose happiness?

Back home, continue to meditate -- at least one meditation each day. And this is going to be your moment-to-moment meditation: remember to feel blessed. If you can do that much, when you come back next time much will be possible.

[A sannyasin said that she had been in Nepal for two months. When she left Poona, after the Enlightenment day celebration, she felt very open and good; then later became very afraid and paranoid of people]

It can happen sometimes that if you suddenly feel open, you can feel fear coming. Openness is vulnerability. When you are open, you feel at the same time that something wrong can enter you. That is not just a feeling; it is a possibility.

That's why people are closed. If you open the door for the friend to come in, the enemy can also come in. Clever people have closed their doors. To avoid the enemy, they don't even open the door for the friend. But then their whole life becomes dead.

... It is just the idea; just the idea that something wrong can enter you. There is nothing that could happen, because basically we have nothing to lose -- and that which we have cannot be lost. That which can be lost is not worth keeping. When this understanding becomes tacit, one remains open.

Let winds come, let the sun come -- everything is welcome. Once you become attuned to living with an open heart, you will never close. But a little time has to be given to it. You went immediately after the enlightenment day so you must have been feeling very open. It can happen on those days. That's why I insist on people being here then. You can ride on the wave and something can open. But then you have to maintain that opening, otherwise it will close again.

Only fear has to be feared, nothing else. And people are not afraid of fear; they are afraid of a thousand and one things. But fear is the only enemy, because with fear you start being crippled. You stop moving, expanding, contacting, relating, because of the fear. Who knows? -- something may go wrong.

You don't love people because that will be a commitment, an involvement, so you keep aloof, remain away -- never go too far in so that you cannot come out. But then you never touch any depth, you never touch anybody's heart. If you don't allow some-body to touch your heart, how will you be able to touch his? So people remain protected, defensive.

I can see that even lovers are defending themselves. Then they cry and weep because nothing is happening. They have closed all the windows and are suffocating. No new light has come in and it is almost impossible to live, but still they drag on somehow. But they don't open because fresh air seems to be dangerous. It brings messages from the outside and disturbs your pattern. You have lived in a closed cell, and anything from the outside gives you a certain feeling of apprehension that now you will have to change your pattern. A guest comes and now you will have to change your pattern. You will have to make up a bed for him; you will have to share. Fear arises.

So this time, just remain alert. When you feel open, try to enjoy it. These are rare moments. In these moments move out so that you can have an experience of openness. Once the experience is there, solid in your hands, then you can drop the fear. You can say that it is nonsense. You will see that being open is such a treasure which you were losing unnecessarily. And the treasure is such that nobody can take it away. The more you share it, the more it grows. The more open you are, the more you are. One becomes rooted, grounded.

Just think of a tree. You can bring a tree inside the room and, in a way, it will be protected; the wind will not be so hard on it. When storms are raging outside, it will be out of danger. But there will be no challenge; everything will be protected. You can put it in a hot-house, but by and by the tree will start becoming pale, it will not be green. Something deep inside will start dying -- because challenge shapes life.

Those strong winds that hit hard are not really enemies. They help to integrate you. They look as if they will uproot you, but fighting with them you become rooted. You send your roots even deeper than the storm can reach and destroy. The sun is very hot and it seems it will burn. but the tree sucks up more water to protect itself against the sun. It becomes greener and greener. Fighting with natural forces, it attains to a certain soul.

The soul arises only through struggle.

If things are very easy, you start dispersing. By and by you disintegrate, because integration is not needed at all. You become like a pampered child. So when it happens, live it courageously. And I am here.

That's what the whole purpose of my being here is -- to help you to be courageous, to inspire you in moments when, if alone, you would have closed; to push you in directions where you won't go willingly on your own... to push you beyond yourself, and to help you to expand your boundaries so that by and by you start cherishing freedom. Then one day comes when you drop all boundaries and simply move into the open sky.

Mm? Try it!

[Previously Osho had advised a sannyasin to meditate on her relationship. She now reports back that she is not in love with her boyfriend. She has become aware of how closed she is.]

Right. You could see something -- and that's beautiful. Much can happen....

... Every insight, even if it is very hard to accept, helps. Even if it goes against the grain, then too it helps. Even if it is very ego-shattering, it helps. Insight is the only friend. And one should be ready to see into any fact, without just trying or rationalising in any way. You did well... I am happy.

Out of this insight, many things happen. If you don't love a person and you go on pretending that you do, then you will never be able to love because you are taking something for granted that is not there. You have missed the first insight into the matter and now you will be puzzled and confused. Many problems will be there, but there will be no solution in sight, because from the very first step a truth has not been accepted. So you are falsifying your own being.

There are many people who have so many problems, but those problems are not real. Ninety-nine percent of problems are false. So if they are not solved, you are in trouble, and even if they are solved, nothing will happen because they are not your real problems. When you have solved some false problems, vou will create others. So the first and foremost thing is to penetrate into what is the real problem and to see it as it is.

To see the false as false is the beginning of the vision of being able to see truth as truth. To see the false as false is on the way. Then one can see what is true.

If you see that there is no love, the problem takes a totally new turn. Then it is not a question of the other person. It is a basic question about you. Why can't you love? It can become a self-growth. Then you have to find ways of loving. It is not a question of one person -- because you can change the person but you will remain the same. You will go on playing the same game.

The real question is why love is not flowering in you.

Once you understand this, the right question has been caught red-handed and things start moving. Just go on watching it and whenever you see that you are doing something which is against love, drop it; don't do it. That is the beginning. It is difficult to Love in the beginning, but even if we can drop unloving acts, that will be a great help.

We don't love. But that is not the only problem. We unlove: a negative energy moves.

So first start dropping anything that you feel is unloving: any attitude any word that you have used out of habit but which now suddenly you feel is cruel -- it is not loving, it is not kind. Drop it! Feel sorry that you used it. Always be ready to say, 'I am sorry.'

Very few people are capable of saying, 'I am sorry.' Even when they appear to be saying it, they are not. It may be just a social formality. To really say 'I am sorry' is a great understanding. You are saying that you have done. something wrong -- and you are not just trying to be polite. You are withdrawing something. You are withdrawing an act that was going to happen. You are withdrawing a word that you had uttered.

So withdraw unlove, and as you do you will see many more facts -- that it is not really a question of how to love. It is only a question of how not to love. It is just like a spring covered with stones and rocks. You remove the rocks and the spring starts flowing. It is there.

Every heart has love, because the heart cannot exist without it. It is the very pulse of life

Nobody can be without love; that is impossible. It is a basic truth that everyone has love -- has the capacity to love and to be loved. But some rocks -- wrong upbringing, wrong attitudes, cleverness, cunningness and a thousand and one things -- are blocking the path.

Withdraw unloving acts, unloving words, unloving gestures, and then suddenly you will catch yourself in a very loving mood. Many moments will come when suddenly you will see that something is bubbling -- and there was love, just a glimpse. By and by those moments will become longer. So for one month you try.

[A normally extrovertive sannyasin: I feel that as my energy is turning inwards, it is getting lower and lower.

I don't see it as you do. It is not low energy. The energy is moving with a low speed but it is not low energy.

You were moving at a mad speed. For your whole life you have been a doer: managing, manoeuvering, active, male. That's why I said to you to relax, not to do anything and to let things happen. I wanted you to become feminine. I wanted you to become passive, relaxed.

When a person who has lived in an active mood starts becoming passive, he experiences it as low energy. By calling it low energy you are condemning it. The active mind says, 'What are you doing? You are simply dying! Get hold of yourself and become the doer that you have always been. Perform -- just don't be a watcher. This way you will disappear into death.'

I knew that it would happen to you one day.-When energy really moves slow, it is felt by the old active mind as if it is low energy. It is just slow movement... a river flowing so slowly that you cannot even feel that it is flowing.

A shallow river makes much noise. A deep river makes no noise. If the river is really deep, you cannot even guess that it is moving. The movement is very very slow, very subtle, very silent, with no noise.

That's what is happening: the energy is moving slowly. But you compare it with your past, hence the problem. If you can remain in this mood and drop the judgement, a totally new being will arise out of you. Then I will tell you to become active again. But one should be active only if one has attained to passivity, not before it. Then you can do many things and yet remain a non-doer.

That is what Lao Tzu calls 'action through non-action'. You still do but there is no one as the doer. There is no hankering to do. You simply do it because it is needed. Life needs it -- you do it.

So I don't see it as a problem; rather I see it as a solution. But I understand your difficulty. If one has lived on a higher pitch and only in the marketplace with noise noise noise, then when you move into a more silent place, you feel it is almost like a cemetery.