The Confused Guy Vs the Stupid Cop

The Confused Guy vs The Stupid Cop

Comedy Skit:

Plot: You wake up one morning to find yourself lying in a jail cell, and you ask yourself "what did I do to get here?" " What the hell happended?"

You sit for another few minutes to refreshen your memory but still nothing.... so you ask the officer next to you.

"Sir why was I arrested?"

The Stupid Cop replies "Don't you remember anything that happened last night?"

Confused guy " No sir I really don't. Can you please tell me why I was arrested?"

Stupid Cop" You were arrested for attempted murder, and public intoxication."

Confused Guy (with a really confused, scared look) " Are you serious?! Wtf.....

Stupid Cop "Yeah Im serious.... This is what happens when you don't obey the law.... welcome to reality."

Confused Guy " Can you please tell me what exactly happened though?"

Stupid Cop (with a annoyed face) " I already told you what happened. You were arrested ( in a slow motion type voice) for public intoxication, and attempted murder.... comprende???"

Confused Guy (with a smartass remark, yet in a slow motion voice) "Yes I understand that. But you are still not telling me what exactly happened. Do you comprende???"

Stupid Cop (yells with an angry voice) "Look buddy! Don't get all smartass with me, because I have no problem kicking your ass!"

Confused Guy (with yet another smartass remark, yet encouraging the Stupid Cop on.) " Well we wouldn't have this problem if you would of just told me (yells with an angry voice) WHAT EXACTLY HAPPENED!!

Stupid Cop "Thats it!(yells, then rolls up his sleeves) You asked for it."

Confused Guy " Bring it on tough guy! (yells, then rolls up his sleeves) Im not scared of you."

Stupid Cop " Oh Yeah!" (yells, then opens the cell door)

Confused Guy "Yeah!" (yell's)

Stupid Cop (throws a left hook)

Confused Guy (ducks and snatches the keys off the Stupid Cops belt)

Stupid Cop "Hey!" (yell's)

Confused Guy (locking the cell behind him) "Haha!"

Stupid Cop (yells with a angry voice) "Let me out of here or else!"

Confused Guy (with a smirk on his face) "Or else what?" (yells) "You can't do squat!"

Stupid Cop ( with a smartass face) "Oh yeah." "Why not?"

Confused Guy (laughing) " Well for one you are locked in a cell, and 2 do you notice anything missing?"

Stupid Cop (with a confused look) " Let me check."

Stupid Cop " Well I got my shirt"

Confused guy " Uh uh." "Go on"...

Stupid Cop " I got my badge, my pants, my hairpiece"

Confused Guy "Woah a hairpiece??" (Laughing)

Stupid Cop (yells with an angry voice) "Yeah I have a hairpiece, so what!" "What's so funny!"

Confused Guy (laughing) "I have your hairpiece. That's what's funny."

Stupid Cop (with a dazed look) "Huh?" (checking) (pause) (yells with an angry voice) " You Son Of a B@%$H give it back!"

Confused Guy (laughing hysterically) " Not until you tell me what happened."

Stupid Cop ( sobbing) "Fine." .... "Well here it goes.".....

Stupid Cop " Well it was around midnight in front of Dunkin Donuts"

Confused Guy (coughing) "Typical."

Stupid Cop (mad look) " Im sorry what?!"

Confused Guy (chuckling) "Oh nothing.".... "Continue the story."

Stupid Cop "As I was saying..." " It was midnight, and I was infront of Dunkin Donuts patrolling... when suddenly some intoxicated man (meaning you)... told the Dunkin Donuts clerk "I want a Boston Cream" and then(Blammm vanilla cream everywhere)...

Confused Guy (Confused look) "What the Hell??"

Stupid Cop "Yeah." "As soon as you said Boston Cream, there was vanilla filling everywhere."

Confused Guy "Huh?" (Confused look)..... (Thinking)..... wait a minute, it's all coming back to me now...

Stupid Cop (confused look) "What is??"

Confused Guy (annoyed look) "My memory. What else??"

Stupid Cop...... "Ohhhhh"

Confused Guy "Yeah.".... "Anyways..." "I was in Dunkin Donuts as you said. However I was not intoxicated." " I actually was half asleep, and I got hungry so I ordered a Boston Cream donut as you said." "The thing I said very loudly was (yells0 "Cream!" "Hit the deck! The cream machine overfilled and exploded". "Oh and I got hit in the head by a part of the machine." But I was left uninjured." However I did get a case of amnesia from it...." Yup that's about."

Stupid Cop (dazed look) "Oh I get it."

Confused guy (smiling) "You finally do??"

Stupid Cop (yells) "Yup!" "I wasn't suppose to arrest you, I was suppose to arrest the cream machine."

Confused Guy (confused look) "Wait what???" ..... "How??"

Stupid Cop " Dummy." "The cream machine was the prime suspect. Not you." "Duh, wow Im stupid."

Confused Guy ...... "Yup." "You sure are."......

Stupid Cop " Now that we got everything sorted out. How about (happy) you give me back my hairpiece and let me out of this cell so we can go on with our day."

Confused Guy "I will give you back your hairpiece but I am definitely not letting you out of that cell, and I have a very good reason to.

Stupid Cop (yells with an angry voice) "Oh yeah!" "Well then what is you're so called reason then?!" "Huh!"

Confused Guy (yelling) "I'll tell you what it is!!" "You sir are crazy!!!" "The reason I say you are crazy is because you cannot arrest a freaking cream machine!

Stupid Cop (Shocked look)......

Confused Guy "What ever man Im out." ...

Confused guy "But before I go, I have one last thing to say to you." (yells in a slow motion voice) "GET SOME HELP!"

The End

Written, and owned by Michael Zambrano. approx 15-20 min