The Best Family Form for Child Development

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THE BEST FAMILY FORM FOR CHILD DEVELOPMENT

BY

ALLIE REAVES

SOCIOLOGY 368W: SOCIOLOGY OF THE FAMILY

FALL 2015

PROFESSOR SKIP BURZUMATO

22 SEPTEMBER 2015

Utrum

Whether or not it is the case that children living in a home where their parents have divorced and then remarried develop emotionally better than those living in single parent families or cohabiting families. A family is “a relatively small domestic group of kin who function as a cooperative unit” (Burzumato, 2015). In today’s society, the family is considered the oldest and most important formally developed social institution of all (Burzumato, 2015). In fact, the only other social institution that is formally developed in any society is religion (Goode, 1978, 19). However, it is still considered to be the oldest because anthropologists believe that marriage and families first became a concept back when people were still hunters and gatherers. They believe that marriage was created to keep men around women so that they could have more children. It was also used as a way to “domesticate” the men so that they do not try to have children with numerous women at the same time (Cherlin, 2009, 137).

The family is considered a formally developed social institution because the family is where children are first introduced to society and its norms, values, and laws (Goode, 1978, 24). They are taught to follow these certain rules of society so that they can better conform and contribute to any needs that society might have (Goode, 1978, 17). There are a few social structures that depend on the family to teach their children the rules of society. One is the people in society itself and how people communicate with one another. Another one is the economy and the work force. The final one is teaching their children how to follow the laws in order to have social control so that people can live together safely and peacefully (Goode, 1978, 19). Without the family to teach children the norms, values, and laws of society and how to properly conform to them, society would fall into chaos. This is why it is important to have children grow up in a stable environment so that they can better develop emotionally.

Videtur

It seems that living in a cohabiting household would be a good environment for children to develop emotionally in because mothers and fathers are moving their partners into the household who could potentially end up being stepparents. A cohabiting family is only considered cohabiting if there are two partners living together who are sexually active with one another and no one else (Burzumato, 2015). More and more couples today are cohabiting before marriage than they did in the 1960s. In the 1960s, only eight percent of couples were cohabiting before marriage, and in the 1980s, the percentage increased to forty-nine percent (Cherlin, 2009, 91). Today, the percentage of people cohabiting before marriage has increased to sixty percent (Burzumato, 2015). One reason why so many more people began to cohabit before marriage after the 1960s is due to the invention of the birth control pill which allowed people to live together sexually without having to worry about children coming into the picture (Cherlin, 2009, 8). Another reason why so many people began to cohabit was due to the growth of individualism in the 1970s which allowed people to feel better about testing the waters of a relationship to see if it would work for the both of them before jumping right into marriage (Cherlin, 2009, 90). They also want to make sure that they have a stable income, that they are out of debt, and that they have a home that they can call their own before marrying even if they already have children (Cherlin, 2009, 140).

These new partners can be a positive experience for the children because they bring in a new authority figure for the children to follow as well as a second income. Also, those that cohabitate and have children are able to file for EITC (Earned Income Tax Credit) which is a government funded program which gives low-income families with children their money in taxes back each year (Cherlin, 2009, 91). These take less stress off of the single parent and gives him or her more time to spend with their children because they do not have to work as many hours to make ends meet. If they have more time to spend with their children, then they can better prepare their children for society’s norms, values, and laws.

Sed Contra

On the contrary, a single parent household could also be a positive emotional environment for children to develop in. Single parents are sometimes called lone-parents because they are not married and do not currently have partners living in their home with them and their children (Cherlin, 2009, 5). The amount of single parent households in America has been increasing and decreasing since the 1950s. In 1950, only twenty percent of children were living in single parent households. In 1988, that percentage went up to fifty percent (Giele, 1995, 55). Today, however, that percentage has gone down to twenty-five percent (Maranto, 2014). Most of these lone-parents today are mothers because more children are living away from their fathers. In 1960, only seventeen percent of children were living apart from their fathers, but today thirty-six percent of children are living apart from their fathers (Giele, 1995, 55-56). This is likely a result of AFDC (Aid to Families with Dependent Children). This governmentally funded program gives women the needed funds so that they can have the chance to live apart from their children’s fathers for whatever reasons that they choose to (Cherlin, 2009, 92). Also, the workforce today is finally giving women the chance to have higher paying jobs which also gives them the chance to live on their own and support their children on their own without having to stress about financial issues (Giele, 1995, 60).

Some single parent households have been known to have certain advantages that are not found in other households. In the Richards article, these advantages are listed as “parenting skills, managing a family, communicating, growing personally, and providing financial support” (Richards, 1993, 280). Mothers and fathers in single parent households find that their parenting skills have increased by being supportive of their children, being more patient with their children, being able to help their children cope with the new living arrangements, and instilling the value of independence in their children. Their family management skills also have increased by being well organized, being more dependable, and being able to coordinate schedules with their children and their schedules as well as with their children’s other parents’ schedules. Their communication skills have increased as well because they have been able to develop a strong bond with their children through honesty and trust and being able to clearly talk about plans for their futures. The parents’ personal growth increased because they are more independent and have a positive attitude about their situation. They have also personally grown because they are proud that they are able to provide a financially stable environment without much help (Richards, 1993, 280-281). All of these advantages have positive influences on the development of children emotionally because if they are able to better communicate with their parents and if they have a stronger bond with their parents through the honesty, trust, and the encouragement that they are given, then they have less stress in their environment.

Responsio

I answer that neither the cohabiting household nor the single family household is as good of an environment for children to emotionally develop in as a household that has divorced and then remarried. A divorce can be very stressful for both the parents and the children, but sometimes it is for the best. When either a mother or father remarries, their partner is there to stay which means that they are going to invest more time in the children than a temporary parent would or no other parent at all would. This means that there will be less stress on the children in this environment than one would think.

Ergo

Hence, I believe that a household that has gone through divorce and then remarried is the best of the three choices because it offers less of a stressful environment in which the children are better able to develop emotionally. There are numerous reasons why cohabiting families are more stressful environments to live in. One reason is the fact that they are putting off marrying in the first place. Mothers are becoming more independent which is a main reason why they are putting off marrying their partners. Some mothers will refuse to marry their partners because their partners might not be as economically stable or as smart as they are one their own, and they do not see the relationship lasting long (Giele, 1995, 60). In fact, cohabiting relationships could be considered highly fragile because they are easy to break off. Children in cohabiting households are more likely to see their parents and their parents’ partners separate than in any other form of living situation (Cherlin, 2009, 17). In the 1990s, the average length of a cohabiting relationship was about two years. After that, about half of all cohabiting relationships in America separated (Cherlin, 2009, 100).

After the parents and their partners have separated, they are more likely to find a new partner quicker than before which means that their children are beginning to see a cycle of new partners entering the household more often. Each new partner is set in their own different ways which means that the children have to learn how to get along with each new person. This could lead to a lot of negative emotional development because of the added stress of new people moving into the household which could lead to a decline in academic achievement and attendance (Cherlin, 2009, 18-22).

Children living in cohabiting households could also lose their trust in their parents as well as their sense of security because of the numerous partners coming and going. These partners are not attached to the family in a way that makes them feel obligated to invest time in raising the parents’ children. As a result, the children are being somewhat neglected because their parents’ partners are taking all of their parents’ free time away from their children (Cherlin, 2009, 23).

Another stressor on children in cohabiting households is the fact that sometimes their parents have either expected or unexpected children with their partners. Usually if this happens, they would get married and truly become a family, especially if they planned to have a child together, but sometimes things do not work out as planned and they separate. This then develops a “complex kin network” which adds stress on the parents because they are trying to spend time with all of their children (Cherlin, 2009, 23).

Children living in a single parent household could also negatively develop emotionally almost more so than the other two. Women in America who become parents at a younger age are more likely to end up as lone parents throughout their teens and twenties (Cherlin, 2009, 18). Also, children who have experienced their parents breaking up and not remarrying are more likely to have behavioral and psychological problems than children from any other household (Giele, 1995, 56). Statistics show that yes, being a single parent does get easier over time, but that does not mean that there is less stress in the environment (Richards, 1993, 281).

There is a strong bias throughout America that there is a link between single parent households and children in poverty. Statistics show that back in 1959 that of the children that had two parents, seventy-three percent of them were living in poverty compared to the twenty percent who were living in single parent households. In 1988, the children living with two parents who were in poverty dropped to thirty-five percent, and the children living with a single parent who were in poverty rose to fifty-seven percent (Giele, 1995, 55-56).

Statistics have also shown that despite their efforts, the government welfare programs also have a connection to the rise of children in poverty (Giele, 1995, 62). This is because single parents are only one source of income in the household. They are spending more time working and still are not able to make ends meet. They are also not able to spend as much time with their children as they would like because they are working so much (Giele, 1995, 60). Since the parents are working so much, chances are that their children are left at home either with a baby sitter or by themselves. This means that since there is less parental supervision, their children are watching inappropriate television shows, playing in dangerous neighborhoods, eating whatever they choose to (which leads to a rise in obesity), and becoming exposed to drugs, alcohol, violence, and sexual activities before they are of a mature age. A lack of parental supervision can also lead to suicide rates increasing and academic achievement decreasing (Giele, 1995, 56). This lack of parental supervision is robbing children of their childhood because they are having to learn how to take care of themselves. This can lead to depression, violent behavior, suicide, and teen pregnancy (Giele, 1995, 68).

Being in a divorced and remarried household can be very stressful at first, but this setting is still preferable to the other two. The divorce rate has been rising throughout history, but it truly peaked in the 1960s and 1980s (Cherlin, 2009, 7 & 97). Today, almost half of the children in America will experience their parents obtaining a divorce sometime during their school years (Pagini, 1997, 769), and about twenty-one percent of the children in America have all experienced exactly one divorce and one remarriage within their household (Cherlin, 2009, 20). However, once again, their parents are more likely to obtain a new partner after their divorce rather quickly (Cherlin, 2009, 18). One factor that contributes to this shortage of time between partners is the fact that after a divorce, the household becomes a single parent household with only one income. When they remarry, their new married partners bring another stable income into the household (Pagini, 1997, 770). Their new partners allow the parents to take time off of work so that they can spend more time with their children, and their new partners are also invested in spending time with the children because they are married into the family.

There are some periods where the household experiences some negative reactions because they are all going through a stressful time of obtaining a divorce and then bringing in a new partner into the family. Some children experience a decline in academic achievement when their parents divorce after they are already in school (Pagini, 1997, 770). These children are also known to experience high levels of anxiety, high levels of hyperactivity, become somewhat physically aggressive, and have a little bit of oppositional behavior (Pagini, 1997, 773-774). However, after the initial stress period of learning how to get through the divorce and then getting used to another stepparent in the household, all of these symptoms decline over time and other positive symptoms such as trust, happiness, and caring appear (Pagini, 1997, 777). Therefore, unlike in a single family household or in a cohabiting household, children are better off living in a household where their parents have divorced and then remarried because they are less likely to have negative long-term lasting effects on their emotional development.

References

Burzumato, S. Class Notes: Fall 2015. Sociology of the Family. Print.

Cherlin, A. J. (2009) The Marriage-Go-Round. New York, NY: Vintage Books.

Giele, J. Z. (1995). Decline of the Family: Conservative, Liberal, and Feminist Views. Family in Transition, 17th ed., 54-74.

Goode, W. J. (1978). The Theoretical Importance of the Family. Families Past and Present, 15-26.

Maranto, R., & Crouch, M. (2014, April 21). Ignoring an Inequality Culprit: Single-Parent Families. The Wall Street Journal, p. A13.

Pagini, L., & Boulerice, B. (1997). Behavioural Development in Children of Divorce and Remarriage. Journal of Child Psychiatry & Allied Disciplines, 38 (7), 769-781.

Richards, L. N., & Schmiege, C. J. (1993). Problems and Strengths of Single-Parent Families: Implications for Practice and Policy. Family Relations, 42 (3), 277-285.