Step one: open your document in Word. Here is the sample paragraph from class.

There are a couple of examples that express how I feel about how private differs from public schools. In my nine years of attending a Catholic school, I felt as if people knew who I really was on the inside and didn’t judge what I wore on the outside because we had to wear uniforms. Uniforms I feel allow people to get to know the true you, unlike at a public school, where I feel as if I have to fit in with everyone around me. I can honestly say not everyone understands me because they place their judgment on what I wear, listen to, or who I even look up to. I feel as if my school environment affects me because I’m not able to show who I really am; therefore, my true identity isn’t apparent all the time.

Step two: Decide what the “issue” of the paragraph is. What’s the central point you’re trying to make in your paragraph? For instance, in the above paragraph, I’m not sure if the writer is trying to express an idea about the differences between public and private schools in general or with regard to uniforms in particular. If it’s uniforms, I want to know why the writer is discussing music or “who I even look up to.” This writer needs to decide what the issue is and clarify it.

Step three: break it up into individual sentences, so that each sentence has its own line. Like so:

There are a couple of examples that express how I feel about how private differs from public schools.

In my nine years of attending a Catholic school, I felt as if people knew who I really was on the inside and didn’t judge what I wore on the outside because we had to wear uniforms.

Uniforms I feel allow people to get to know the true you, unlike at a public school, where I feel as if I have to fit in with everyone around me.

I can honestly say not everyone understands me because they place their judgment on what I wear, listen to, or who I even look up to.

I feel as if my school environment affects me because I’m not able to show who I really am; therefore, my true identity isn’t apparent all the time.

Subject / Verb / Complement
Agent / Action / Goal

Step three: remember these boxes?

Try to find these parts of each sentence. When I’ve asked

you “whose story?” I mean who is the agent in the sentence.

Read the comments that I’ve written out to the side.

There are a couple of examples that [c1]express how I feel about how private differs from public schools.

In my nine years of attending a Catholic school, I [c2]felt as if people knew who I really was on the inside and didn’t judge what I wore on the outside because we had to wear uniforms.

Uniforms[c3] I feel allow people to get to know the true you, unlike at a public school, where I feel as if I have to fit in with everyone around me.

I can honestly say [c4]not everyone understands me because they place their judgment on what I wear, listen to, or who I even look up to.

I feel as if [c5]my school environment affects me because I’m not able to show who I really am; therefore, my true identity isn’t apparent all the time.

Step four: look at your paragraph, and decide what the story needs to be, and rewrite your sentences so that the agent/subject is consistent throughout and reflects the issue of the paragraph. For example, consider the sentence below:

There are a couple of examples that express how I feel about how private differs from public schools.

If the issue is how uniforms make private schools better, then this sentence needs to be rewritten with uniforms as the subject; the “story” of the sentence belongs to uniforms. Like so:

Because they eliminate differences in clothing, school uniforms help make private schools more accepting than public schools.

*note: “school uniforms” is the subject of that sentence.

Do this for all your paragraphs and sentences. Will this mean that you “reword” every sentence in your paper? Yes, probably. But that’s what “revision” means.

We’ll have a little time on Friday to work on this as well.

[c1]This sentence is telling the “story” of the examples. That’s the AGENT in this sentence. But if the paragraph is supposed to be about uniforms, why not make that the subject or agent in the sentence?

[c2]this is telling the writer’s story, (“I”)

[c3]This is telling the story of uniforms. That’s the subject.

[c4]Look at this sentence. “I” is the subject, but the action of the sentence is performed by “everyone”—the people who don’t understand.

[c5]Again, like the last sentence, the grammatical subject is “I,” but the action of the sentence is the school environment affecting the writer. It’s confusing because the important action of the sentence is performed by the environment—and why it affects the writer.