Someone you love is dying
Karen Kavanagh May 2014
Although I have not found myself in the position of Carer to a dying loved one, I have been reading various ideas of support from different sources to help anyone going through this harrowing time.
I’d like to acknowledge someone by the name of Minerva whom wrote a blog as a Terminal cancer sufferer, of her journey. In particular I found a Blog dated Sunday December 09, 2007 which was a list of her 10 Top Tips to help someone dying of Cancer. I will share these with you. In addition, support and further information can be gained from government agencies, charities and websites that also assist those closest to the patient, in ways to make your loved ones life more bearable, and your own, more spiritual.
In my research and with Minerva’s list, it seems number one is keep talking to the person, spend time with them, watch a movie or just be there to listen. They may want to plan out the rest of their life, and work out what to do to ensure the continued care of loved ones or children. They might want to talk about their life, their history and what they have achieved or wanted to achieve. They might talk about what scares them, such as abandonment and fear of being a burden. They might be worried about how they will be looked after at the end, or any loss of dignity.
If you are angry, be angry at the disease. It is no use placing blame, particularly on the loved one for perhaps not taking better care of themselves. Look, just don’t bring it up. Take your anger, worry and feelings away from the patient. Do not add the additional burden of your own anguish to their lot. They need your support at this time, not your ruminations.
Support them with whatever they want to do, keep working, stop working, take up a new hobby start painting, or whatever it may be that makes them happy.
Start spending time with those loved ones that will be the survivors. Let the patient see how their loved ones are being cared for. This will provide them with some peace, and less worry.
Don’t hide information. Apparently a patient will feel more content with knowing what to expect that trying to hide medical information. Most patients will want to be included in any directives, and particular wishes about their care and even their funeral. Allow them to speak freely and express how they feel about what they want to do.
Ask how you can help. This might be picking up a favourite soft drink from the shop, or taking them to a doctor’s appointment. Due to the nature of such illnesses, a patient will become more and more fatigued and will rely on others for help. Don’t have them ask, offer.
Finally, respect their privacy. Sometimes they not want company and they may not want to see you. In these times, to help you, you may wish to pray or explore you own spirituality. You may find that you find solace in long walks or quiet time meditating. Your loved one may feel exactly the same and may want to do these things with you as well from time to time.