Smarthinking's E-Structor Response Form (Your Marked-Up Essay Is Below This Form.)

Smarthinking's E-structor Response Form
(Your marked-up essay is below this form.)

HOW THIS WORKS: Your e-structor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your e-structor has also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] throughout your essay. Thank you for choosing Smarthinking's OWL; best wishes with revising your paper!

*Strengths of the essay:

Hello, Diana! My name is Kathryn W. and I will be your writing tutor today. Thank you for sharing your annotated bibliography focusing on Lorde’s song “Royals”!

You did a great job summarizing the main points of each of your sources. For example:

This article looks at the way that psychology has a way of influencing people’s lives.

Good summaries like these will be helpful as you continue in your research to remind yourself of which sources will be the most useful. Well done!

*Diana 7967984 has requested that you respond to the Content Development:

I noticed that a few of your summaries were lacking analysis of the source. Let’s take a look at your entry on Scott D. Churchill’s article:

Blaming and excuses are behavior exhibited by individuals who do not want to take responsibility. There are several psychological conditions which can account for this such as denial or irrational beliefs. Understanding the causes could lead to cures or at least coping measures.

It’s important that you also answer WHY this source will be relevant to your final paper. What did you find most useful and relevant to your main idea? Do you think the source is credible? These are just some of the questions you should be focusing on when writing an annotated bibliography.

When revising, make sure that you relate each source back to your main idea. This will help your reader understand how you are going to connect all of these disparate sources.

Organization:

Right now a few of your summaries feel a little disorganized. Let’s take a look at your first one:

…There are also contradictions exposed such as rulingand being queen.

I will use the fact that Lourde wanting to be queen is not actually a contradiction but more a way of suggesting that those who admire the celebrity need an icon that is more down to earth.

When you’re writing an annotated bibliography, the main goals are to summarize your source and analyze how it will be useful in your final project. Since you are discussing how you are going to use your source, you don’t need this second paragraph to separate these two topics—here it’s perfectly acceptable to have all of your information about the source in a single paragraph.

While you’re revising your bibliography, look carefully at your summaries. Make sure you streamline your information in a single paragraph. This will make your work feel more organized.

*Diana 7967984 has requested that you respond to the Use of Resources:

A few of your citations aren’t formatted correctly. Let’s take a closer look.

Dixon, Greg. Gen Z: Child of our Times. The New Zealand Herald. May 2014. Web. 21

February 2015.

I’m assuming that “Gen Z: Child of our Times” is an article since you also cite The New Zealand Herald. If this is true, then you need to place the title of the article in quotation marks, not italics. I’m going to include a helpful link to the Smarthinking Writer’s Handbook that has a table to that tells you when to italicize and when to use quotation marks: can find this list by clicking on the “Formatting Source Titles” heading.

When revising, double check your source titles. Make sure you’re italicizing only when necessary.

Summary of Next Steps:

Be sure to show HOW each source relates to your main idea with sufficient detail.
Streamline your information into a single paragraph under each source.
Make sure you’re correctly using italics or quotation marks for the titles in your sources.

Thank you for submitting your annotated bibliography, Diana! I wish you all the best in your revision!—Kathryn W. 

Find additional resources in Smarthinking's online library:

You can find more information about writing, grammar, and usage in Smarthinking's student handbooks. You can visit the Smarthinking Writer's Handbook or the Smarthinking ESOL (English for speakers of other languages) Writer's Handbook.

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Please look for more comments in your essay below. Thank you for visiting Smarthinking. We encourage you to submit future essays.

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Annotated Bibliography

Bodnick, Marc. What Does the Song ‘Royals’ by Lorde Mean? (2013). Web. 21

February 2015.

This article focuses on the overall feelings interpreted from the song that famous

people are too concerned with things that do not matter. [This is a great summary of the gist of the article. Good work!]Mr. Bodnick emphasizes

the idea that Lorde is both jealous and insecure about her position in life so she

attacks the more fortunate. There are also contradictions exposed such as ruling

and being queen.

I will use the fact that Lourde wanting to be queen is not actually a contradiction but more a way of suggesting that those who admire the celebrity need an icon that is more down to earth.

Churchill, Scott D. Reasons, Causes, and Motives: Psychology’s Illusive Explanations of

Behavior. (2015). Web. 21 February 2015.

Dixon, Greg. Gen Z: Child of our Times. The New Zealand Herald. May 2014. Web. 21

February 2015.

In the New Zealand Herald Mr. Dixon explains the definition of Generation Z. It seems a gloomy portrayal of children who get instant gratification with no patience and no work. There is also a looming uncertainty of what this generation will become.

In “Royals” it is implicated that Lourde is singing to Generation Z. She may be a cooling device for the generation with no patience and provide them with some reasons as to why they are worthy without instant gratification.[I’m not certain what you mean by “cooling device” here and I think further explanation is necessary.] I intend to group them into the masses of people who were raised similarly to Lourde.

HAMANN, JACK. "For The Ear." Writer (Madavor Media) 128.7 (2015): 12. MasterFILE Main Edition. Web. 10 Nov. 2015

An essay is presented on the use of pleasing word in literary writing. Topics discussed include American poet Shel Silverstein's book "Where the Sidewalk Ends" featuring two kids and a dog, the song "A Boy Named Sue" performed by American singer Johnny Cash who earned the Best Country Song award at the 1970 Grammy Award ceremony and using longer sentences with short rhythmic declarations.

This could provide some comparisons to the song “Royals” especially in the way the writer used rhythm.

Roth, J. D. What Are the Differences Between the Rich and the Poor? (2011). Web. 21

February 2015.

Mr. Roth paints an interesting picture about the mindset and habits of the rich. The rich seems to have more options because they have money so those who do not are out of luck. There is an emphasis on acquiring knowledge and at the same time knowing how to use it properly to perhaps become rich.

A good comparison between what people think they want and what they actually need.[Remember to include here how this article will be used in your essay. How do “what people want” and “what they actually need” come into play in Lorde’s song?]

The Indian Dream. The Plight Of The Common Man. (2011). Web. 21 February 2015.

This article looks at the way that psychology has a way of influencing people’s lives. This article provides a candid look at the problems that common people face. A distinction is made through transportation that common people use vehicles while the rich use airplanes. The overall consensus is that no one really cares they just make lots of noise about caring with little to no action to support the noise.

While this does not really relate to teens, it does help me to think about the differences between those who have and those who do not.[Will your essay focus on the generation Lorde represents or the difference between the rich and the poor? Right now you have two sources for each subject.]