SPIRITUAL GROWTH EXTREME: BUILDING HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

LESSON 4– LOVING GOD’S WAY

Icebreaker: Name, What is your favorite beverage?

When it comes to how we live our lives, there are basically only two approaches. They are very different. They look different. They feel different. One way is to rely upon our own intelligence, strength, and judgment and be determined to do it our way. The other is we will let God be God, trust Him and treat people the way He wants us to treat them. Guess which one we believe in? Which one do you think the Bible teaches? If we love others God’s way, life will be much better, and our relationships will be much healthier!!!

SWORD DRILL!!!!!

Critical concepts and corresponding Scriptures!!!

1.Audience of One: Hebrews 12:2

2.Trust God: Proverbs 3:5-6

3.Let Him transform our minds: Romans 12:2

4.Let Him purify our heart: Psalm 51:10

5.Put our hope in Him: Isaiah 40:31

Here’s our response!

6.Patiently Encourage: 1 Thess. 5:11, 14

7.Humbly Serve: Philippians 2:3

8.Respect (honor): 1 Peter 2:17

9.Be Kind Ephesians 4:32

10.Be Gentle: 1 Thess. 2:7

11.Be Sympathetic: 1 Peter 3:8, Romans 12:15

12.Be gracious (pleasant): Colossians 4:6

13.Be Compassionate: Colossians 3:12

14.Prayerful: 1 Thess. 5:17 (when with them as appropriate, all the time when not with them)

15.Lovingly confront: Colossians 3:16a

WHAT CAN GOD DO THAT WE CAN’T DO WITHOUT HIM? (John 15:5, Philippians 4:13)

  1. Give hope
  2. What hope can the world give?
  3. What hope canwe give in our own power?
  4. What hope can God give? Romans 15:13.
  1. Give faith which results in new life
  2. We can only plant seeds, faith comes from God
  3. We live and accurately reflect God’s Word Romans 10:17
  4. We can become a new creation 2 Cor. 5:17
  1. Give forgiveness
  2. Only He can give us forgiveness of our trespasses
  3. Only His power in us can help us to forgive others their trespasses Luke 11:4
  1. Give healing
  2. God is the source of all healing, physical, emotional and spiritual
  3. Jesus is the Great Physician
  1. Give peace
  2. Only through Jesus can we have peace with God Romans 5:1
  3. Only through Jesus can we have a peace “that goes beyond all comprehension” Phil 4:7

Spiritual Growth Extreme, Lesson 4, Loving God’s Way, p. 2

RELATIONSHIPS ARE MORE HEALTHY WHEN WE ARE “OTHER CENTERED”

A.Self-centered vs. other-centered

1.How does it feel to be in a relationship with a selfish person?

2.What does it mean to be “other centered”?

3.How does this tie in to agape love?

3. How does patience fit in? (Sometimes we forget how long it took us to heal and how patient we
expected others (and God) tobe. Aren’t we glad He was??? 2 Peter 3:9Wounds take time to
heal!!! A heart attack victim should probably stay off the tennis court for awhile and
emotional wounds to the heart take time as well.

4. Where does understanding and compassion in?

5. If someone is in pain, and we don’t listen to them, we increase their pain.

B.Who should be controlling people’s lives?

1.Us? Someone else (codependent)? God?

2.If they depend on themselves or us for decisions, we are keeping them from learning dependence on God.

3.True or false? God is infallible and totally dependable and we aren’t!!!

GIVING SUPPORT THE WAY GOD DOES - A HEALTHY WAY TO BUILD RELATIONSHIPS

Unfortunately our society often is a harsh, critical and judgmental place to live. Many parents seem to be able to criticize and correct better than they compliment and encourage. Hollywood, MTV, Madison Avenue and Nashville all seem to tell us…“If you aren’t good looking, own a big house, drive an expensive car, have soft, glowing skin, and have a carefree, happy life…then something is wrong with YOU!” Every person on this planet wants someone who will accept and love them just as they are: warts, flaws, sins and all. God…He is the One. You and I…we are those people God uses to facilitate the process.

The Value of Unconditional Acceptance

  1. Christian: “agape, “unconditional love”. God loves the WORLD.

1.Valuing a person as made in the image of God. Genesis 1:27

2.Taking into consideration the persons past and the life’s experiences that have shaped him.

3.Stand up for God’s values, no matter what Eph. 4:15

4.Accept them unconditionally, not necessarily what they do.

5.Agape is NOT a feeling! It is doing what is in the best interests of the person.

  1. Principles of connecting and encouraging

1.“Ten to One Rule” is critical (ten praises/encouragements for every one negative thought/criticism). The higher the ratio the better. Help them to understand how God sees them.

2.Use a gentle, but slightly intense approach about how special they are and how much God (and you) really care. *Intensity creates believability. Praise them just for everything you can, i.e., coming to the church, coming forward, wanting to get help, trying to honor God, every positive choice.

3.Biblical examples to use: Adam and Eve, Moses, Rahab, Paul. All major sinners, who God loved, forgave, blessed and used.

4.Great lines:

1.Maybe you think you can’t make it through this, but with God’s help I know you can, and I’m here to help.

2.OK, you made some mistakes, everyone has, welcome to the human race.

3.It’s really tough to admit we make mistakes, and I’m proud of you.

Spiritual Growth Extreme, Lesson 4, Loving God’s Way, p. 3

  1. Scriptural Support Gal. 6:2, Matt. 11:28
  2. Tell them you believe in them, even if you aren’t sure how they are going to make it. God has a way. Point out every good thing about them you can think of.
  3. Tell them God believes in them. Use Scripture (as above, or as the Spirit leads)
  4. Use body language, voice tone and intensity and facial expressions to support.
  5. Follow up support

1.Tell them you are going to pray for them, them do it and let them know you are doing it.

2.Follow up (tell them the process or do it yourself if you feel led).

  1. Transitioning to Spirit support and self reliance

1.Encourage them to pray and seek God’s help and guidance

2.Encourage them to take steps, then ask them about it. Praise them whether the steps are “successful” or not. And super praise if the step is a wise one.

Example: role play. The leader will demonstrate how to make positives come out in a conversation with someone who is very down on themselves.

Exercise: Team up with another individual and role play a conversation where the person is down on themselves because of a mistake they made (yelling at a loved one, falling off the wagon, etc.). Find a way to tell them as many positive things about themselves as you can.

*TRUSTING GOD

It’s the antidote to depression and worry. Matthew 6:25-35, John 14:1-4

It’s based on knowing God and believing His promises. Matthew 28:20, Romans 8:28

It results in peace and joy, not necessarily smooth sailing. Philippians 4:4-13

Summation: What have you learned?

  1. ______
  1. ______
  1. ______
  1. ______
  1. ______

Prayer and dismissal