Sermon Notes for November 4, 2001

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Sermon Notes for November 4, 2001

Focus On The Family Series

Biblical Reasons for Being Single

I Corinthians 7:25-40

Pick-up lines for singles:

• When a guy sees an attractive woman with gorgeous eyes and has to meet her, he might approach her and say: “Excuse me, but was your father a thief?” The girl usually answers “no” or something like that. The guy then follows with: “Well then I want to know who stole the stars from the heavens and placed them in your eyes!”
• What you do is walk up to girl/guy sitting at a bar and ask: “Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?”

At the beginning of a new year, a young single woman evaluates her situation and looks toward the future. “I’m exhilarated by all the ways I’m going to transform my life this year, and disgusted by how little I actually did last year. I’m proud of what I’ve done, and ashamed of how I’ve blundered. I’m happy, annoyed, inspired, discouraged, optimistic, cynical, totally psyched and completely bummed. I am a woman of many moods . . . and all of them want some chocolate.” From the cartoon strip “Cathy.”

A single man in his middle years was on a Caribbean cruise. On the first day out he noticed an attractive woman about his age who smiled at him in a friendly way as he passed her on the deck, which pleased him. That night he managed to get seated at the same table with her for dinner. As the conversation developed, he commented that he had seen her on the deck that day and that he appreciated her friendly smile. When she heard this she smiled and commented, “Well, the reason I smiled was that when I saw you I was immediately struck by your strong resemblance to my third husband.” At this, his ears perked up, and he said, “Oh, how many times have you been married?” She looked down at her place, smiled demurely, and answered, “Twice.”

Introduction

1. The SADNESS Of Singleness.
2. Quotes:
3. How many people say: “Oh, she never married . . . How sad.”
4. Words like “spinsters and old maid” are thrown around.
5. History
6. In ancient Greece, unmarried girls were thought to be prostitutes.
7. The Jews considered:

1. Unmarried girls to be a shame and a disgrace to the family
name.

2. Jewish men who were single were said to have “slain their
posterity and to have lessened the image of God in this world.”

3. The Jewish belief in marriage was so strong that they even
taught that a Jew who had no wife was automatically
forbidden from entering heaven.

1. In today’s culture
2. 42% of all households in the U.S. are headed by single adults.
3. Nearly 20% of the adult population in the U.S. have never been married.
4. When you realize 50% of all currently single women have been previously married and that 50% of all marriages will eventually end in divorce, you see that those who are single comprise a significant portion of the population.
5. Roughly one-fourth of all households in the U.S. consist of just one person.
6. In Christian circles:
7. There are a great deal of books on Christian marriage
8. While there are very few books on being single.

1. The SUPERIORITY Of Singleness.
2. AND YET . . .
3. Jesus was single.

1. And is He not the consummate model and paragon of spiritual
maturity and balance?

2. Jesus nowhere in Scripture speaks of being single. It was a
“non-issue” with Him.

1. Paul was single.

1. And notice what Paul said in I Corinthians 7:7a relative to
being single: “I WISH THAT ALL MEN WERE AS I AM.”

2. In today’s text, Paul is CLEARLY saying that to be single is
PREFERRED because of the pressing spiritual time that we live
in.

1. My goal in today’s message is that before it is all said, married people will be jealous of those who are single – not vice-versa.
2. John McArthur entitles this text:
3. “Reasons For Remaining Single.”
4. He also says, “In his discussions of marriage and singleness, Paul has made clear that neither state is spiritually better than the other.”
5. My experience has taught me that:
6. Many singles are dying to get married.
7. Many married are dying to get divorced.
8. And many married aren’t divorced because they have no real reason to do so.
9. Don’t set marriage or singleness as the answer, because it is not.

I. Consider Your PRESENT Circumstances.

1. Look At Your CURRENT CONDITIONS.
2. A word to the unmarried.
3. Look at the condition of the world.

Vs. 25-26 – “Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but
I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are.”

1. The word present crisis or current distress is a Greek word
meaning stress, calamity, a struggle.

2. It could have meant:

a. The persecution that Christians endured at the hands of
the Romans and particularly Nero.

1. Christians were killed and imprisoned because of
their faith.

2. Sometimes, Nero would:

a. Sew up a Christian in the skin of an
animal and then throw them to wild dogs
who would tear and eat the Christian.

b. Dress a Christian in clothes soaked in
wax, tie them to a tree and set them on
fire to be human candles for his parties.

c. Erastus, the treasurer of the city of
Corinth, was a Christian and became an
early martyr of the church.

b. Paul may have meant that if death is imminent, then we
need to get serious about ministry instead of getting
“slowed down” by marriage.

1. Look at the cost of eternity.

1. Look at verse 29 – “What I mean brothers, is that the time is
short.”

a. The meaning of these words are:

1. The season has been contracted.

2. The time left to us on this earth has been
compressed.

b. The application of these words are:

1. We don’t have a great deal of time left to deal
with the weightier matters of eternity.

2. As if a house were on fire, don’t worry about
what furniture to buy.

2. Look at “spiritual time” not physical time.

a. Eternity is forever – this life isn’t.

b. THAT is how we must think.

1. As James says, our life is a vapor.

2. And then we will be ushered into eternity
FOREVER!

1. Look at the course of your life.

1. BECAUSE of this spiritual perspective, those married should
organize their lives so that they can focus more on ministry.

2. And those who are single SHOULD NOT GET MARRIED!

a. Do you see this? The apostle Paul is saying that because
of the urgency of the times people should NOT get
married.

b. In fact, those who are married are at a
DISADVANTAGE regarding their usefulness in
ministry!

1. A word to the married.
2. The married don’t have the ability to focus on this pressing need because of all their responsibilities.
3. In a sense, married people can’t totally go on the offense.

1. Look At Your FUTURE COMPLICATIONS.
2. A word to the unmarried.

Vs. 32 – “I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord.”

1. A single person has enormous FREEDOM!

1. Look how free you can be, as a single, when it comes to the
service of God.

2. Examples:

a. You can come and go as you please.

b. If you want to stay out until 2 a.m. witnessing to
someone, you can do it; no one will ask you where you
have been and why.

c. If you want to go on 5 mission trips a year, you can.

d. If you want to work in a Christian coffee house each
night, you can!

1. Notice what Paul says:

Vs. 32b – “An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs.”

1. A single person’s every waiting hour can be spent on how,
where and when he or she can serve the Lord.

2. THAT is all that you really have to worry about.

3. Yes, there are concerns in this life, but there are “good
concerns,” and “bad concerns.”

a. The “good concerns” focus on those things that are
spiritual: Kingdom business.

1. Paul speaks of these kinds of “good concerns” in II Corinthians 11:27-28 – “I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked. Besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches.”

2. Paul’s focus of care centered on ministry.

b. My life as a college freshman

1. I had just become a Christian.

2. I had no ties with anyone.

3. I was totally devoted to ministry.

4. There was enormous freedom.

5. Until . . . I fell – fell in love with Jane.

a. I feel hard.

b. And life and my ministry changed
forever.

1. A word to the married.
2. Look at your constrictions!

Vs. 33-35 – “But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgins concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.”

1. Notice how Paul compares the single and the married person.

a. The single person is concerned about “the Lord’s
affairs.”

b. The married person is concerned about “the affairs of
this world.”

2. What does Paul mean by “the affairs of this world?”

a. First of all, to be concerned about the affairs of the
world is not a bad or sinful thing.

b. It simply means that the married person has many more
concerns to deal with that the single person does not.

1. The married man has a wife and family.

a. Scripture commands the man to love his
wife and to be considerate of her.

b. So, the married man cannot simply leave
work and drive to Atlanta for a spiritual
conference on Friday without clearing it
with his wife – because his wife will say:

1. “You’ve been at work all week
and you haven’t spent any time at
home.”

2. “The kids haven’t seen you at all.
You can’t go.”

3. “You already teach Sunday
school each week. Church is
taking too much time.”

c. Dr. Frank Barker – “I was in the ministry before I got married. I pastored a church while I was in seminary on the weekend. I went to school during the week and weekends I drove several hundred miles to pastor a church. I would pastor that church until late Sunday night and then drive back. I would go to sleep every Sunday night driving back—drove half the way asleep. I woke up downtown Atlanta on the wrong side of the road many a night. The Lord looked after me. I pastored this church for a year and half before I was married.

There were many who testified that I called committee meetings on Christmas Day and things of that nature. Single-mindedness. I was free to go eat meals with anybody anytime and did all the time. Then, I got married.

As I found competition for my time between the ministry and my wife, I found that whenever anything would come up between us that would tend to distract me from this same single-mindedness and intensity to the ministry I had given before, that a steel wall would begin to rise in me, that I would just determine that nothing was going to distract me from serving the Lord, and I would become as hard as nails toward anything that tended to divert my energies.

2. The married man has a house.

a. For many of us, it is the second job.

b. On our off day, we must spend most of
our time, painting, clipping, cutting and
blowing.

c. And we can’t do anything else until “we
do our chores.”

3. The married man has bills to pay.

a. We have to pay for broken pipes, cracked
concrete, a leaking roof.

b. We have to pay for doctor’s
appointments, pediatricians, a trip to the
eye doctor for the whole family.

c. We have to pay for college for all 5 kids.

d. The cars are constantly in the shop.

e. And the daughter has to have a dress for
the prom.

1. Look at your companions.

1. A married person has to make every decision relative to those
who will ALWAYS be around him – his wife and children.

2. Whereas, a single person makes a decision relative to people
who are equally committed to ministry just like they are.

a. A committed single person makes a phone call to
another committed single person at 11:45 at night. They
get excited about the possibilities.

b. You call a married person at 11:45 p.m. and you will get
an earful about waking their wife or their two year old
who has an earache and you just got them to sleep!

II. Consider Your COMPANIONS.

1. Marriage Is GOOD.
2. Don’t get me wrong, Paul is clearly saying that marriage is a good thing.
3. And if in fact, two singles have fallen in love and are devoted to one another, especially in a physical, sexual way, he should get married.

a. This is the way that God made marriage to work.

1. You fall for one another spiritually. You both love Christ.

2. You fall for one another emotionally – you both love the same

things.

3. You fall for one another physically and you want to physically
fulfill that aspect of your relationship.

a. THAT is the way that God made a man and wife to be.

b. Don’t apologize for that or postpone it. GET
MARRIED IN THE LORD!

b. Don’t fight God’s ordained way.

1. But Singleness Is BETTER.
2. LOOK AT VERSE 38!

“So then, he who married the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does even better.”

1. Do you see this verse?
2. Have you EVER heard someone say that -- especially the apostle Paul?

1. The view that the world has had toward singles far too long is WRONG!
2. Our goal in life should not be simply to get married.
3. That most who have not gotten married are failures.
4. When, in fact, Paul seems to be saying that:

1. Because of the times that we live

2. And the necessity to use the time as wisely as we can

3. To be single is the more noble decision!

III. Consider Your COMMITMENT.

1. MARRIAGE IS PERMANENT.

Vs. 39 – “A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.”

1. Paul is clearly saying that marriage is forever.

a. He is trying to say to everyone, especially singles . . . that if you marry,
IT IS FOREVER.

1. There is nothing wrong with it.

2. Especially if you are getting older and “want” to get married.

b. And that “freedom” that you had before is also gone forever,
ESPECIALLY when it comes to serving the Lord.

c. Don’t think that you can go back to your freedom as a single, because
you can’t.

d. Only death would allow that.

1. So Paul says, consider the commitment that you are about to make before you make it.

1. MINISTRY IS FOREVER.

Vs. 40 – “In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is—and I think that I too have the Spirit of God.”

1. Paul is saying here that a single person can be happier single THAN married.
2. I want to speak directly to Christian singles:

a. You must understand that the type of single “person” Paul is speaking
to:

1. He is totally in love with Jesus Christ.

2. Jesus is the most important person in his life.

3. And more than ANYTHING, this committed single person
wants to serve Christ with every fiber in his being.

b. He is NOT talking to the single person who believes that:

1. Life is about their needs and wants.

2. And that they will not be happy until they find a person.

3. They have no real interest in serving Christ. Instead, they really
want to serve themselves.

c. Jesus and Paul were “these kinds of singles.”

1. These types of people who are happiest because they are totally
free to serve Christ.

2. THIS is their passion, their REASON for living.

Conclusion:

1. Don’t forget the quote from Jim Elliot: “He is no fool who gives up that he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.”
2. John Alexander Clark was a missionary to the Belgian Congo. One time he was out on a safari and saw a native being dragged off to the jungle by a lion. He shot the lion, killing him, and took the native home and nursed him back to health. The native left going off into the jungle. About a month later, he was sitting on his porch on Sunday afternoon and out of the jungle, across the clearing, came a native family, coming in single-file, the father, mother, children, pigs, chickens, and they just came right across the clearing. When the man came up to him, he said, “Dr. Clark, don’t you recognize me?” He said, “Yes, sure. You are the man I saved from that lion.” The native said “That’s right” and he knelt in front of him—had all his family kneel and said, “Bwana, it is the law of the jungle and of my tribe that when a man has saved you from a lion, you are no longer your own. You belong to him. I am your servant. All I have is yours. I await your command.”

That is the law of our tribe also, that when a man has saved you from a lion --from that old lion that goes about seeking whom he may devour—that you no longer are your own. You are bought with a price and you are to live for Him. Have you ever done what that native did and in your heart knelt before the Lord and said, “Lord, I understand that I no longer am my own. I exist to serve you and I want it clear that I accept gladly that position and acknowledge Your claim on my life daily.” Have you ever done that?