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Sermon Notes for May 7, 2006

Sermon Series on the Family

“The Goal of Parents in Raising Their Children”

Proverbs 22:6

Two children were heard discussing their parents. The first said, “I’m really worried. Dad slaves away at his job so that I have everything I need, so I’ll be able to go to college some day. Mom works hard washing and ironing, cleaning up after me, taking care of me when I am sick, driving me everywhere I go. They spend every day of their lives working for me. But I’m worried.” His friend asked, “What have you got to worry about?” The first little guy replied, “I’m afraid they’re going to try to escape some day.”

Introduction

  1. As A Parent, What Are You TRYING TO DO With Your Children?
  2. You may say, what a stupid question:
  3. I want them to be Christians
  4. I want them to be good citizens
  5. I want them to learn obedience, character and kindness
  6. Others may say:
  7. I want them to reflect our family beliefs and ideals
  8. it is, therefore, our responsibility as parents to “shape” our children, to reflect us
  9. in fact, I have some long term goals for my children and I am going to hold them to it

1. to do well in school

2. to succeed in sports

3. to attend a good college

4. to help make them a successful person

  1. As A Parent, What SHOULD YOU BE TRYING TO DO With Your Children?
  2. We will ALL agree that the parent’s responsibility is to train their children, after all look at Proverbs 22:6 – “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.”
  3. Plenty of other verses make it clear that a parent’s responsibility is to raise their children.
  4. today, we will look at the ULTIMATE CALLING OF PARENTS
  5. and we will look carefully at this verse in Proverbs 22:6 to show that ultimate calling

I. The RESPONSIBILITY OF PARENTS.

  1. The CONFUSION Of Parents.
  2. Whose job is it to parent?
  3. the world’s view of behavior

1. the biological/evolution view

a. man was made as a higher form of the animal
kingdom

b. and just as animals act “according to their kind;” so
do people

c. “there’s not much that we can do with genetics”

2. the social/cultural view

a. people are basically the result of their surroundings

1. if a person grows up in the city, he will act like a
“city person”

2. if a person grows up in the country, he will act
like a “country person”

b. this view believes that external factors determine a
person’s life instead of internal change

1. we simply look at a person’s external
environment to understand a person

2. “change the environment and you will change
the person”

3. the behavioral view

a. people aren’t affected merely by their surroundings but
by all of the stimuli around them

b. this is based on the belief that we, like animals, can be
“programmed” to act a certain way

1. this is why we study animals in the lab

2. give a child “good stimuli” and they will be good
give a child “bad stimuli” and they will be bad

  1. God’s view of behavior

1. man has a spiritual side

a. God made us in His image –

Genesis 1:26 - Then God said, "Let us make man in our
image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of
the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over
all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along
the ground."

1. every person has a “spiritual side”

2. we know that there is a God and we want to
do what He says

b. but it is not enough to simply have a piritual side

2. man ALSO has a sinful side

a. because of the fall of man into sin, EVERYONE BORN
AFTER ADAM AND EVE HAVE BEEN BORN INTO
SIN

1. Psalm 51:5 – “Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived
me.”
2. Jeremiah 17:9 – “The heart is deceitful above
all things and beyond cure. Who can understand
it?”

b. THIS IS WHY YOUR CHILDREN ACT THE WAY
THAT THEY DO!

1. why do you spend so more time teaching your
children to be “good”?

2. why was the first word that your children said
NO!

3. why do you have to teach your children to
“share”?

  1. PARENTS, IT IS YOUR JOB TO PARENT!
  2. notice what happens when a child is not parented!

Proverbs 29:15 – “The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.”

1. DO YOU SEE THAT VERSE . . . “but a child left to himself
disgraces its mother.”

2. the word left means:

a. left untouched

b. left undisciplined

c. left without authority

d. neglected

  1. while children ARE affected by outside influences and our society, parents are called to help change the internal heart of their children
  2. but . . . let us see EXACTLY HOW we are to parent our children, Biblically
  1. The COMMITMENT Of Parents.

Proverbs 22:6 – “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.”

  1. The misunderstanding of training.
  2. although we are to “train” our children to be good, obedient and faithful, we may not really understand what train means:

1. most Christians believe that to train includes teaching, leading
and discipline of our children

2. after all, we are the parents and they are the children

  1. Pastor Chuck Swindoll

1. “The common interpretation of that verse goes something
like this: Be sure your child is in Sunday school and church at
an early age. Teach him a lot of Bible verses and hymns. Make
and enforce your rules and regulations with unbending
strictness. Because, after all, the kid is going to grow up and
rebel. For sure, he will sow some wild oats. But when he is
finished with his fling, when he’s old and gray-haired, he will
finally come back to God. You can count on it!”

2. “Worst of all, this interpretation can’t hold water
exegetically. I’ve been studying the verse for more than
twenty-five years, which allows me to write with a measure of
confidence; that is not what the Biblical text teaches.”

  1. The understanding of training.
  2. The definition of train in Hebrew

1. in a horse

a. the word train was used of the rope in a horse’s mouth to
lead the horse

b. to bring a wild spirit of a horse into submission by using
the rope in the mouth

2. in an infant

a. the days of Solomon, this word train was used to
describe a midwife, who after delivering a baby, would
stick her finger in a paste made of crushed dates and
stick it in the roof of a newborn infant

b. the taste would cause the infant to suck and thus begin
to nurse

c. this action was “to create a thirst” in the infant

  1. the application of train in Hebrew

1. thus, the parents first task was not only to train, bring under
control . . .

2. the parent’s task was also to “create a thirst” in the heart of the
child

a. parents are to “set the pattern”

b. to create a taste to learn, to grow

3. but . . . what are parents to “create a thirst for?”

II. The RESPONSIBILITY OF THE CHILD.

  1. The UNDERSTANDING of Children.

Proverbs 22:6 – “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.”

  1. The definition of way in Hebrew
  2. first meaning of the Hebrew word dereck

Proverbs 30:18-19 - "There are three things that are too amazing for me, four that I do not understand: the way of an eagle in the sky, the way of a snake on a rock, the way of a ship on the high seas, and the way of a man with a maiden.”

1. the “way” of the eagle in the sky

a. an eagle does not fly 3 miles north, then stop and take a
right

b. no, an eagle is a majestic creature; he soars in the sky as
if he is King of the Sky

2. the “way” of a snake on a rock

a. aren’t you amazed at how a snake moves on a rock?

b. the snake has no wings, feet or tracks; it simply moves
its body

3. the “way” of a ship on the high seas

a. to look at a large boat that quietly moves through the
water

b. as if the ship and ocean are working in tandem with one
another

4. “the way of a man with a maiden”

a. need we say more? To look at the romance of a man and
a woman

b. there is definitely a “way” about that

  1. second meaning of the Hebrew word dereck

Psalms 11:2 – “For look, the wicked bend their bows; they set their arrows against the strings to shoot from the shadows at the upright in heart.”

1. the other use of the word way (dereck) is “the bend of the
bow”

a. when a bow was made, each bow would be made
differently out of different wood for a different
purpose

b. some bows were target bows, some fighting bows, some
distance bows

2. BUT, EACH BOW WAS MADE DIFFERENTLY FOR A
DIFFERENT PURPOSE!

  1. various translations of Proverbs 22:6:

1. The Amplified Bible – Training a child in the way he should
go (and in keeping with his individual gift or bent and when
he is old he will not depart from it)

2. Young – “Give instruction to a youth about his way, even
when he is old, he turneth not from it.”

3. NASV – “Train up a child according to his way.”

4. Darby – “Train up a child according to the tenor of his way,
and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

  1. The application of way in Hebrew.
  2. if an eagle, snake, boat and couple have a “way” about them, and the SAME WORD is used relative to a child –
  3. if each bow, has its own way; its own purpose:
  4. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN AS WE PARENT?
  1. The UNIQUENESS Of Children.
  2. Look at the various “ways” that our children are different:
  3. our children have different temperaments (DISC)

1. Dominant (sanguine; Lion)

a. leader

b. outgoing

c. demonstrative

2. Influencing (choleric, Otter)

a. good leaders

b. strong willed

c. always on the move

3. Steady (phlegmatic; Golden Retriever)

a. faithful

b make good friends

c faithfulness

d never get upset

4. Conscientious (melancholy; Beaver)

a. live to be correct

b. will stay with a task until it is right

c. studious; in order

  1. our children have different learning styles

1. visual learners

a. they love to see it

b. you will see their eyes look off after you have described
something so that they can “visualize” it

c. draw them a picture

d. let them write it down

2. auditory learners

a. to learn they must hear it

b. likes to talk things out; to describe things in complete
detail

3. tactile learners

a. like to touch things

b. have hands that are always busy

4. kinesthetic learners

a. need to move in order to learn

b. learn best by doing

c. my story in preaching

1. look at our church with pulpit with “no where to
go”

2. I love where I am today (perfect set-up for
preaching)

  1. our children are at different ages

1. discipline stage - 1-5

2. training stage - 6-12

3. coaching stage - 13-19

4. friend stage – ages 19f

  1. our children have different spiritual gifts.

1. what if you as a parent, have the gift of exhortation

2. and your child has the gift of mercy?

  1. Thus: PARENTS ARE TO BE “STUDENTS” OF THEIR CHILDREN.
  2. LISTEN! Parents are not so much to spend their time making children like their parents as much as parents are to help their children become WHO GOD MADE THEM TO BE!
  3. Quotes:

1. Chuck Swindoll – “A child who is properly trained is trained
in keeping with his or her own way, not our way, parents.
Admittedly, you and I may know the proper path very well.
But the verse is not just referring to the ultimate goal of
bringing a child into right relationship with God and ultimately
into a happy prosperous future. It refers to the makeup of a
child – his unique characteristics and mannerisms, which
Scripture calls “his way.”

2. Pastor Mark Adams – “So to discover your child's "bent"
study him. Use the ears and eyes that God gave you to
observe what they do and how they do it. Become the
world's foremost expert on your child's uniqueness.
Understand....this is a homework assignment from God that
will take years to complete. The price of leading your son or
daughter to decide to use their uniqueness for God is
expensive. It will cost you YEARS of concentration and
time. But, a parent cannot afford the luxury of simply housing,
feeding, clothing, and educating their offspring. There is too
much riding on this!”

3. Kent Jennings – “Just like every tree is uniquely different, we
cannot carve out each child exactly the same way. It simply
will not work. Each child has to be carved uniquely
according to the way God has made him or her.”

4. Russell Kelfer – “You study them; you observe the manner in
which their bow is bent, how they are gifted; their
temperaments; their physical and emotional makeup, their
spiritual gift. To mass produce techniques and expect our
children to be cloned into obedience is not God’s way,
therefore it must not be ours either.”

  1. studying my children

1. David

a. creative from birth

b. sensitive

c. emotional

d. a tender heart

e. a real devotion to music – he went to college “to major
in percussion”

2. Beth

a. focused; goal-oriented

b. multi-tasker

c. has always wanted to be a wife and a mother

3. Brad

a. athletic: first word was “ball”

b. independent – as an infant moved his head away

c. happiest day as a child was when he could ride his
tricycle

III. The RESULT Of Children.

  1. The FUTURE Of Children.

Proverbs 22:6 – “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.”

  1. The hope that you have for your child is that they will become a follower of Christ early in their life and will continue in that walk with Christ until they die.
  2. This will NOT happen if you raise your children to be a carbon copy of you.
  3. if you make them look at life EXACTLY as you do
  4. to respond to life EXACTLY as you do
  5. Robert Dudley – “If parents fight this God-instilled desire to become an independent person, they can delay and even damage their child’s emotional and spiritual growth. The more parents fight their teenager’s need for independence, the more likely it is that adolescents will reject their parents’ values. “Religion,” Dudley says simply, “can never be passed on by force.”
  6. Dr. David Allen, a Christian Psychiatrist and the world’s leading authority on cocaine addition and related co-dependence issues said: “To have a truly meaningful relationship with God, we must have some sense of our own identity and individuality.” Otherwise, “our faith can become very superficial.”
  1. The FULFILLMENT Of Children.

Proverbs 22:6 – “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.”

  1. WHAT IS IT?
  2. if we want our children not to wander away from “it”
  3. we must first find out what “it” is!
  4. This is “IT.”
  5. we, as parents, are to raise our children with a sense of two things

1. who God is in their lives

a. how to know God through Jesus Christ

b. how to walk with Christ

c. how to know Christ is such a way that Christ reveals
Himself to that child

2. and why God has made that child in the first place

a. NOTICE THIS VERSE . . . Psalm 127:3-5 – “Sons are
a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him.
Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in
one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of
them.”

1. look at the word heritage

a. inheritance

b. heritage – that which must be passed on
as a permanent inheritance – as in a trust

c. in law - The confidence reposed in a
person by giving him nominal ownership
of something, which he is to keep, use or
administer for another’s benefit

d. in other words, our children have been
given to us as a gift, a trust, an
inheritance, that we are to keep until
they are ready to go out into the world

2. look at the word quiver

a. a quiver is something that holds arrows

b. what is the “purpose” of an arrow? “to
shoot them”

c. in other words, our task as parents is
to help develop our children who will
one day be shot out into the world to
make a difference for Christ

Conclusion:

  1. Parents, do you see the purpose for which God gave you children?
  2. your children were NOT given to you to reflect you, to give you success, to make you feel good about yourself
  3. you are not to “clone” yourself by making them A students or great athletes
  4. no, you are called . . .

1. to get on your knees and thank God for the gift of your children

2. then to ask God to reveal to you WHY He gave you that child and how
you as a parent can help that child reach their fullest spiritual,
emotional and physical potential

3. so that you can send them out into the world to make a difference for
the Kingdom of God

  1. We must understand the “nobility” of raising a child.

“In the late 1800’s, a distinguished member of the British Parliament traveled to Scotland to give a speech. On the way, his carriage became hopelessly mired in the thick mud of a rural road. A young Scottish farm boy suddenly appeared on the scene with a team of large draft horses. He quickly had the carriage out of its dilemma and ready to resume the journey.

The gentleman insisted on paying the young man, but the lad refused. He was simply being a good neighbor – and neighbors help each other out when there is difficulty.

The English lawmaker was immediately taken with the young man and his attitude.

“Are you sure I can’t pay you for your time and effort?” the gentleman asked.

“Thank you, sir, but it was the least that I could do. It was a privilege to help such an important person as yourself,” the boy replied.

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” asked the man.

“I’d like to be a doctor, but I doubt that it will happen since my family does not have the money for such education.”

“Then I will help you become a doctor,” said the politician.

And as the years went by, the member of Parliament kept his promise.

Nearly fifty years later, another famous English statesman lay dangerously close to death due to pneumonia. Winston Churchill had become ill while attending a wartime conference, and England desperately needed his leadership as Hitler threatened to destroy their nation.