Self-Study Video 2 Coded Transcript Page 1 of 3
Time / Transcript / Microskill00:04 / Sandra: Okay, okay. Okay Simon. So yesterday... / …
00:06 / Simon: Yes.
00:06 / Sandra: You were talking about some issues with your mom. / Recapping
00:10 / Simon: Uh huh.
00:10 / Sandra: And then you were doing some reflection on the way home from our taping session yesterday about what that was like to, um, do. So do you want to start by telling me a little bit about what going through your mind as you were driving home yesterday? / RecappingProbe (but poorly worded)
00:25 / Simon: Sure. Um, I guess I was surprised and not surprised, now that I think of it, that after our first day of taping yesterday, where I uh, had a few opportunities to talk about some of those sort of hygiene problems associated with my mom and her house and all the rest . While I’m driving home I came to the realization that “man that was really helpful to be able to talk about those things.”Even though I knew it was kind of contrived, set up to talk like this for the student’s benefit I thought, “this was still really helpful”. And I just started thinking more about that and worth of the, having an opportunity to speak to someone that doesn’t have an emotional investment or a sort of an agenda around the concern at hand and the benefit of that I guess.
1:16 / Sandra: So in sense doing the practice, even though it was kind of setup, because we are doing it for the taping, for the purpose of the taping demonstration, still reinforced for you the value of the counselling process. / Paraphrasing
1:29 / Simon: That right. Yah. And again sort of being caught off guard by that because I thought, well this is sort of private at some level right, that I wasn’t expecting anything sort of to beneficial to have come from that and I would say pleasantly surprised that driving home, you know, um, evening and morning today there’s a sense of um, um, what’s the word? For now I’d say it was, “helpful”, it was “helpful” to talk about those things.
02:07 / Sandra: And you didn’t expect it to be helpful. / Paraphrasing
02:10 / Simon: No, and I was pleasantly unexpected.
02:16 / Sandra: So describe a little bit more about why you think you were a surprised by this. / Probe
02:28 / Simon: Uh, yah. Well, I guess it’s kind of surprising that I’m “surprised” at some level because, you know think in our profession we always we emphasize, even when we are teaching and supervising our students, or even when we talk to the client about the work of a counsellor, and that we emphasize that there’s something qualitatively different when you speak to someone; a neutral third party right, who doesn’t know your history, doesn’t have an investment in your history right. , So I guess in that respect it was reaffirming for me that “yes” there is something qualitatively different and helpful about having that person to talk to that neutral third-party.
03:21 / Sandra: Which was quite different from some of what you expressed in your actual conversation yesterday about the reactions you’re getting from other people. / Paraphrasing
03:30 / Simon: Yah that’s right. And I think that’s a good comparing contrast right. Um, um, so when I went home last night, I started thinking about “what would it have been like, to talk to my wife about the same thing” right. And realizing that conversation may have shut pretty quick you know. Not in a sort of a mean kind of way, you know, but because we’ve had that conversation so many times that it tends to go on the familiar path right. I that, I yah, came to that conclusion, yah, that if I went home and had the same kind of conversation with my wife that it would be constricting in some respect right. It wouldn’t have gone the same, and not to say that there would be no worth, or wouldn’t be helpful at all to talk to my wife about it. Um, I think talking to a neutral third party is helpful in a different way.
04:17 / Sandra: uh huh. Because it would have pushed her buttons and then you would have been dealing with her reactions as well. / Paraphrasing
04:21 / Simon: Yah. I think that is a really insightful comment right. Is that I would have been able to stick on my own sort of uh, needfulness for that particular conversation and it might have quickly turned into me paying attention and tending to her needs around that conversation right. So then it becomes less me-focused and more wife-focused. Yah.
04:44 / Sandra: Right. So part of what happened yesterday, was you actually had the full attention of somebody who didn’t have an emotional investment in what you were talking about and as a result, you had the opportunity to explore a little bit more openly what was going on for you without worrying about the reactions of to what would happen. / Recapping
05:02 / Simon: Yah, I think the word “open” you just used is key here, right, you know. Um, as soon as you said that actually, what it made me realize Sandra, is that there probably is a lot of, sort of, sort of “tactics of censorship”, I have when I’m discussing these things with wife, siblings right. Part of the wife and siblings right is that I’m sort of censoring, and saying like “don’t bring up the time they found the dead rat on the doorstep” right. I’ve censored that part out, even though it might be important for me to talk about that right; cause that’s going to pull up a whole bucket of other stuff right. So I think the conversations yesterday, as you pointed out, it sort of led to a kind of openness around the topic.
05:53 / Sandra: Where otherwise you‘d be choosing a path because you already know that outcome is not what I want, so I’m redirecting how I’m thinking, or what I’m expressing to avoid this particular outcome. / Paraphrasing
06:04 / Simon: yah. And even the way you used your hands there, it was like navigating a minefield, kind of, that’s what popped into my mind is that “you want to clear that one because you know what happened last time you brought that up” “stay clear of that one”. So it’s a sense of openness and freedom just to say what’s on my mind right now and in this moment to moment unfolding of our conversation I’m okay to talk about it right.
06:27 / Sandra: It’s quite a relief when the counsellor presents in a way that doesn’t have that judgement on things and you can actually just go where you want to go in the conversation. / Paraphrasing
06:35 / Simon: yah, I think relief is a good description of that feeling. Um, there might be another feeling there too, um, I’ll go with relief for now – right yah, a sense of relief.
06:48 / Sandra:Well that also encourages you to keep talking. / Paraphrasing
06:51 / Simon: Uh huh. Yah.