English 9
Ames
Self Edit Revision Guide
Name ______
Station One: Citations and Format
______Check to make sure that you have three citations per body paragraph.
______Check the format of each of the citations. Look at the example below. Does your citation match this format?
This figure was deliberately misstated, and the true number of casualties was closer to 503- more than a hundred of which were women and children (Gado 19).
(Please notice that there is NO comma between the author and page number. Also notice that the period is OUTSIDE of the parenthesis.)
______Make a list of the sources CITED in the paper. (If you don’t use an example/ notecard from the source, don’t list it.) You need at least TWO cited sources. More is fine.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
______Now double check your Works Cited to make sure that the same exact sources cited are the ONLY ones that appear in your Works Cited. This is vital.
Station Two: Word Choice- Affect vs. Effect
The difference between these two words can be tricky to discern. Since these words are so prevalent in your papers, take a few moments to familiarize yourself with the difference.
Affect with an a means "to influence," as in, "The arrows affected Ardvark," or "The rain affected Amy's hairdo." Affect can also mean, roughly, "to act in a way that you don't feel," as in, "She affected an air of superiority."
Effect with an e has a lot of subtle meanings as a noun, but to me the meaning "a result" seems to be at the core of all the definitions. For example, you can say, "The effect was eye-popping," or "The sound effects were amazing," or "The rain had no effect on Amy's hairdo." This is also where “effective” comes from. The ARVN were effective.
Ok- Now let’s practice with a small group of sentences.
1. Television has its ______on public opinion. Affect or Effect?
2. Kisses can ______my thinking, too. Affect or Effect?
3. Soap advertisements don't ______Stinky. Affect or Effect?
4. Falling on my head had a bad ______on my memory. Affect or Effect?
5. Lecturing for hours on end is an ______way to teach. Affective or Effective?
_____ Now, go through your paper and find EACH time you use this word. Are you using it properly?
_____ Check any aspects of confusion with Mr. Ames.
Section Three: Word Choice- Intensifiers
Often, adverbs are overused in your writing, which creates wordiness in your papers. This can be the result of the overuse of intensifiers like really, very, or definitely.
Common Intensifiers
Really
Very
Quite
Relatively
Rather
Fairly
Incredibly
Pretty (as in “pretty much”)
Absolutely
Totally
Definitely
Just
_____ Identify by circling ANY intensifiers in your paper.
Adjusting the Intensifier – Practice adjusting the following word pairs to create a stronger word choice for the intensifier. (Sometimes you can just take the intensifier out as well.)
Example- I walked really slow.
I crept.
Completely tired --- ______
Fairly educated -- ______
Incredibly good looking ______
Very busy ______
Section Four: Pronoun Usage
Search your paper for uses of the following pronouns. They should be circled and then eliminated. The only exception is if the pronouns are listed in a direct quote. Those can be left alone.
______I, me, my, mine (Most of the time, these pronouns are used in conjunction with phrases like “I think that” or “My first example.” These are easily fixed.
Example- I think that the ARVN were effective because of their many war tactics.
Improved- The ARVN were effective because of their many war tactics.
Example- My first example of how the media showed bias was through the reporters’ use of personal opinion.
Improved- To begin, the media showed bias was through the reporters’ use of personal opinion.
____ We, our (This gets confusing in this essay as people often use WE when really you mean the United States.)
Example- We were not prepared for the military challenges presented in Vietnam.
Improved- The United States military was not prepared for the military challenges in Vietnam.
____ Your, You – Never imply that you know what the reader is thinking.
Example- Imagine that you arrive in Vietnam and find yourself in a jungle with a mediocre weapon and a sneaky enemy.
Improved- An American soldier finds himself standing in a jungle, staring at his mediocre M16, realizing how ill-prepared he is to combat the Vietcong.
Section Five: Transition Use
In each paragraph, you should use a variety of transitions. Minimally, you should use TWO transition words between your first and second example- and the second and third example.
______Look in each body paragraph. Highlight or identify each transition to ensure that you have at least the minimal two requirements.
_____ Make sure that each transition, when used to start the sentence, has a comma after it.
______Consult the list below for options to incorporate into your writing.
Introductory transitions – To begin, for example, for instance, as an example
Transitions within the paragraph to show addition of information: also, furthermore, in addition, likewise, moreover, similarly, additionally
Transitions within the paragraph to show similarity: comparatively, correspondingly, similarly
Closing transitions: in brief, in conclusion, in effect, finally, to conclude, in summary
Section Six: Body Paragraphs
Body paragraphs are the lifeblood of your essay. You need to have dynamic, powerful paragraphs to reveal your thoughts. Work through the following checklist concerning your body paragraphs.
______Topic sentences – Make sure your topic sentences do two things: introduce topic and connect to thesis. Check all three of your topic sentences.
Example of poor topic sentence: Ho Chi Minh was loved by his countrymen.
This sentence only does one thing: introduce the topic. It needs to also refer back to the point of the essay.
Better: Ho Chi Minh’s popularity with his countrymen contributed to his effectiveness as a leader.
This sentence referred back to the thesis about his overall effectiveness.
______Check out each example for the connection back to the thesis. Most of the essays that I have seen fail to explain how the example proves your point. Read the following example for guidance.
Waunakee is superior to Deforest not only in academics but in athletics as well. To begin, during the 2010 football season, Waunakee played DeForest three separate times. In each of those meetings, Waunakee defeated DeForest; ultimately, Waunakee then went on to win state (Doucette 31). ---NOW ANSWER THE SO WHAT? – This dominance over DeForest and every other school in the state in football is just one aspect of Waunakee’s athletic prowess.
______Read each paragraph’s conclusion sentence. It should tie up the paragraph topic, and if it is one of the first two body paragraphs, it can also tie into the next paragraph.
Examples – Ho Chi Minh’s ability to be loved by his countrymen is only one of the reasons he was effective; he also adopted strong war strategies.
The ARVN’s lack of ability to motivate their fighting force hurt their forces, yet their lack of training made it impossible for them to be effective at all.