Subtitles
Associated Teachers’ TV programme
School Matters: Coping with Bereavement
0001 10:00:11:08 10:00:14:06
"To Mum,
I'm always thinking of you."
0002 10:00:14:06 10:00:18:23
"I wish I could see your face
one more time."
0003 10:00:18:23 10:00:20:23
"Love you forever, Adam."
0004 10:00:20:23 10:00:23:10
(woman) Oh, that's a lovely message.
0005 10:00:23:10 10:00:26:18
(narrator) Up to 70% of schools
are dealing with a bereaved child
0006 10:00:26:18 10:00:28:08
at any given time.
0007 10:00:28:08 10:00:31:04
This programme shows
how school can play a vital role
0008 10:00:31:04 10:00:33:21
in supporting bereaved pupils.
0009 10:00:35:13 10:00:38:21
At Christmas 2004,
HeronPrimary School in Gloucester
0010 10:00:38:21 10:00:40:24
was struck by tragedy.
0011 10:00:40:24 10:00:44:04
Over an eight-day period,
three parents died.
0012 10:00:44:04 10:00:46:13
Six pupils in school were bereaved.
0013 10:00:46:13 10:00:49:22
Headteacher John Coles
was faced with a huge challenge.
0014 10:00:49:22 10:00:55:21
The initial reaction was one of
devastation, though we'd anticipated
0015 10:00:55:21 10:00:59:10
one of the parents may die
during the Christmas holidays.
0016 10:00:59:10 10:01:03:16
The first reaction
was very much to inform
0017 10:01:03:16 10:01:07:11
as many of the school community
as we could do.
0018 10:01:07:11 10:01:11:17
Therefore, it was important we had
an established ring-around system
0019 10:01:11:17 10:01:17:13
so that staff, teaching assistants,
admin staff and also governors
0020 10:01:17:13 10:01:21:07
were made aware of
the deaths immediately.
0021 10:01:22:07 10:01:26:03
(narrator) John also delivered a
message of sympathy to each family.
0022 10:01:26:03 10:01:29:15
It was so reassuring to think
one of the most important things
0023 10:01:29:15 10:01:32:02
in my children's life
is going to school,
0024 10:01:32:02 10:01:36:21
and, as a parent, knowing that the
headmaster's immediately on the ball
0025 10:01:36:21 10:01:40:16
and thinking of me
and my three children.
0026 10:01:41:20 10:01:45:05
(narrator) Kevin has three sons:
Matthew, Adam and Daniel.
0027 10:01:45:05 10:01:47:23
Their mother died of cancer.
0028 10:01:47:23 10:01:51:19
The other two parents who died
had also been seriously ill.
0029 10:01:51:19 10:01:54:17
So in the previous term,
anticipating a death,
0030 10:01:54:17 10:01:58:09
John Coles had called in the
bereavement charity Winston's Wish
0031 10:01:58:09 10:02:00:19
for advice.
0032 10:02:00:19 10:02:05:03
One of the greatest fears teachers
feel is not that they don't care.
0033 10:02:05:03 10:02:08:22
I think they're often passionate
about feeling for the child,
0034 10:02:08:22 10:02:12:03
but they're very worried about
saying or doing the wrong thing.
0035 10:02:12:03 10:02:15:18
And so sometimes in that climate
nobody says anything,
0036 10:02:15:18 10:02:18:23
and that can confuse the child,
especially younger children.
0037 10:02:18:23 10:02:21:22
When it's something as important
to them as their mum or dad,
0038 10:02:21:22 10:02:24:18
or a brother or sister has died,
and nobody says anything,
0039 10:02:24:18 10:02:29:15
that leaves them with a sense maybe
this is a subject you can't discuss.
0040 10:02:29:15 10:02:34:08
(narrator) Julie Stokes addressed
a meeting of staff at the school.
0041 10:02:34:08 10:02:38:17
Staff asked how they could
perhaps best answer a child
0042 10:02:38:17 10:02:43:07
if they said,
"Is my mum going to die?"
0043 10:02:43:07 10:02:47:06
To answer it honestly and
not lose the trust of the child
0044 10:02:47:06 10:02:49:14
was something we talked about.
0045 10:02:49:14 10:02:52:02
(woman) And what is the answer
to that?
0046 10:02:52:02 10:02:57:09
I think in that situation we would
say that we just don't know.
0047 10:02:59:12 10:03:02:21
(narrator) The school also
had to prepare the pupils.
0048 10:03:02:21 10:03:05:13
Before Christmas,
John held a series of assemblies
0049 10:03:05:13 10:03:09:20
to encourage them
to discuss their worries openly.
0050 10:03:11:23 10:03:13:21
Here's one.
0051 10:03:13:21 10:03:16:24
"Missed my auntie's birthday."
0052 10:03:16:24 10:03:20:07
Sophie, could you come out
and hold that one for me?
0053 10:03:20:07 10:03:25:09
Missed my auntie's birthday. Anybody
got any ideas what I could do?
0054 10:03:25:09 10:03:28:20
I'm really, really,
very fond of this auntie...
0055 10:03:28:20 10:03:31:24
(John) I share those genuine worries
with the children,
0056 10:03:31:24 10:03:34:19
and they help me try and solve,
0057 10:03:34:19 10:03:38:12
or at least help me with strategies,
to cope with those worries.
0058 10:03:38:12 10:03:40:23
- Read it out.
- "My friend is very poorly."
0059 10:03:40:23 10:03:44:02
My friend is very poorly.
0060 10:03:44:02 10:03:49:14
(John) At the end, having put the
balloons back in the bag one by one,
0061 10:03:49:14 10:03:52:24
I took another set of balloons out
which were smaller,
0062 10:03:52:24 10:03:58:22
and got the idea of sharing worries
would reduce the worry you may have.
0063 10:03:58:22 10:04:01:19
..very, very worried.
Very worried. Yeah?
0064 10:04:01:19 10:04:05:21
If you could take them
to the doctor's,
0065 10:04:05:21 10:04:08:20
you could get
a prescription for them.
0066 10:04:10:18 10:04:14:08
Children can be reluctant to return
to school after a bereavement,
0067 10:04:14:08 10:04:19:08
but at Heron all six bereaved pupils
came back on the first day of term.
0068 10:04:19:08 10:04:21:08
But before they went into lessons,
0069 10:04:21:08 10:04:24:10
John told their classmates
what had happened.
0070 10:04:24:10 10:04:27:17
I and the class teacher
talked to the children
0071 10:04:27:17 10:04:33:00
about the death of a parent of
one of the children in their class.
0072 10:04:33:00 10:04:35:09
In one particular class,
three parents.
0073 10:04:35:09 10:04:40:01
And, again, stressed to them that
it was a very unusual occurrence
0074 10:04:40:01 10:04:42:24
and that they needn't get worried
0075 10:04:42:24 10:04:46:16
about a similar occurrence
happening to them.
0076 10:04:46:16 10:04:51:06
But then we also talked about
how we could support their classmate
0077 10:04:51:06 10:04:53:10
coming back into school.
0078 10:04:53:10 10:04:57:06
What strategies we could use,
0079 10:04:57:06 10:05:00:17
and how those children coming back
into school might react,
0080 10:05:00:17 10:05:02:22
and how to deal with
those reactions.
0081 10:05:05:10 10:05:07:17
The parents
brought them into my office.
0082 10:05:07:17 10:05:09:22
I remember we had
a bit of a group hug.
0083 10:05:09:22 10:05:14:20
I was nervous and scared.
0084 10:05:14:20 10:05:16:24
I just didn't know what to do.
0085 10:05:16:24 10:05:22:10
And when we were in there talking in
his office I didn't know what to say
0086 10:05:22:10 10:05:24:17
and I was a bit, like, shaky.
0087 10:05:24:17 10:05:26:15
I took them into the playground,
0088 10:05:26:15 10:05:29:24
and they just drifted
and melted in with their friends.
0089 10:05:29:24 10:05:32:17
It was interesting,
within about 30 seconds
0090 10:05:32:17 10:05:37:09
one of the boys was putting on his
trainers and going to play football.
0091 10:05:37:09 10:05:40:04
So it was trying to keep it
as normal as possible.
0092 10:05:40:04 10:05:44:00
After a few hours I was fine,
0093 10:05:44:00 10:05:48:14
but then I just think sometimes
I shouldn't be laughing, having fun,
0094 10:05:48:14 10:05:52:07
cos my mum's just died, but I know
my mum would want me to have fun.
0095 10:05:54:22 10:05:58:04
(narrator) It's been six weeks
since Matthew's mother died.
0096 10:05:58:04 10:06:02:09
In that time his teacher has noticed
some uncharacteristic behaviour.
0097 10:06:02:09 10:06:04:15
How has she responded?
0098 10:06:04:15 10:06:06:22
By talking to him and saying,
0099 10:06:06:22 10:06:11:09
"Matthew, can you see
what's different in your behaviour?"
0100 10:06:11:09 10:06:14:17
"Can you tell me
why you're acting in this way?"
0101 10:06:14:17 10:06:18:18
Then going on to say, "But can you
understand why it's inappropriate?"
0102 10:06:18:18 10:06:22:00
"I wouldn't let other children
in the class behave that way,
0103 10:06:22:00 10:06:25:06
so that must apply to you as well."
0104 10:06:25:06 10:06:29:15
But also at the same time saying,
"I understand as far as I can
0105 10:06:29:15 10:06:32:17
what you're going through
and it must be a difficult time,
0106 10:06:32:17 10:06:36:02
but this behaviour can't carry on."
0107 10:06:36:24 10:06:40:07
(narrator) Lucy has three
bereaved children in her class.
0108 10:06:40:07 10:06:44:20
She's making a list of significant
dates such as the parents' birthdays
0109 10:06:44:20 10:06:48:07
so she'll know when they might
be feeling particularly upset.
0110 10:06:48:07 10:06:51:04
This day today
is a special day because...
0111 10:06:51:04 10:06:55:02
You can tell your teacher why,
and then maybe in that class
0112 10:06:55:02 10:07:01:01
you might like to make a card or
bring in a photo on that day. Yeah?
0113 10:07:01:01 10:07:06:14
When it's Father's Day I'll put a
Father's Day card on my dad's grave.
0114 10:07:06:14 10:07:10:22
Probably make a card
and then put it down by the photo.
0115 10:07:10:22 10:07:14:13
(Lucy) Down by the photo
in your house? That's a nice idea.
0116 10:07:14:13 10:07:19:08
I think it's particularly important
to know the families' beliefs.
0117 10:07:19:08 10:07:24:23
For example, one of the families
had a humanist ceremony
0118 10:07:24:23 10:07:28:14
when the mother died,
so it's important to know
0119 10:07:28:14 10:07:32:00
how the parents want
to talk about what's happened.
0120 10:07:33:06 10:07:35:14
When we talked about Jack's dad
0121 10:07:35:14 10:07:38:08
and how he'd have been proud
of his spelling scores,
0122 10:07:38:08 10:07:43:01
I turned the question round to ask
Jack where he thought his dad was.
0123 10:07:43:01 10:07:46:21
He said that his dad was up in
heaven and would be watching him,
0124 10:07:46:21 10:07:52:11
and then his dad would know somehow
that he'd had a good spelling score.
0125 10:07:52:11 10:07:56:03
- How's Dad?
- Yeah, he's fine. He's coping.
0126 10:07:56:03 10:07:59:01
(John) Just asking the question,
"Are you OK today?"
0127 10:07:59:01 10:08:02:08
And giving the opportunity
to talk when they want to.
0128 10:08:02:08 10:08:06:12
I think that's the key - for them
to decide when they want to talk.
0129 10:08:06:12 10:08:10:14
It's not always when you'd
expect it. Often it's incidental.
0130 10:08:10:14 10:08:15:04
It may be in the context of doing
work with the teaching assistant
0131 10:08:15:04 10:08:18:15
that almost incidentally
they'll throw into the conversation
0132 10:08:18:15 10:08:21:21
that something's happened,
or they're feeling sad,
0133 10:08:21:21 10:08:25:07
or they're not coping with
the routine at home, or whatever.
0134 10:08:25:07 10:08:28:10
And I think it's picking up on
those small bits of information
0135 10:08:28:10 10:08:31:17
and then keeping
the school community informed
0136 10:08:31:17 10:08:35:13
and aware that
the child's feeling like that.
0137 10:08:35:13 10:08:39:03
My youngest in his class
just wanted to talk about his mum,
0138 10:08:39:03 10:08:42:03
so the teacher stopped the class,
they all got around,
0139 10:08:42:03 10:08:45:02
and he had ten minutes and
he actually talked about his mum,
0140 10:08:45:02 10:08:47:11
and he felt so much better for that.
0141 10:08:47:11 10:08:50:22
(narrator) Julie knew the brothers
before their mother's death.
0142 10:08:50:22 10:08:53:11
- This is your memory box?
- Yeah.
0143 10:08:53:11 10:08:58:23
I'm just reminding myself, it's
about six weeks since Mummy died.
0144 10:08:58:23 10:09:01:16
- Yeah.
- I'm looking forward to seeing it,
0145 10:09:01:16 10:09:04:03
and I know that Mr Coles is too.
0146 10:09:04:04 10:09:08:03
You've been putting together some
things that are important to you,
0147 10:09:08:03 10:09:10:07
- that help you think about Mum.
- Yeah.
0148 10:09:10:07 10:09:13:00
- Are you gonna show us something?
- Yeah.
0149 10:09:13:00 10:09:15:17
(John) Want me to hold the lid?
0150 10:09:15:17 10:09:20:02
- The photo.
- I haven't seen this one yet.
0151 10:09:20:02 10:09:22:11
- Have you seen that?
- No. It's beautiful.
0152 10:09:22:11 10:09:26:19
So when you look
at that photo, yeah,
0153 10:09:26:19 10:09:29:04
cos Mum's really hugging you
in that one.
0154 10:09:29:04 10:09:32:01
What do you think about
when you look at that?
0155 10:09:32:01 10:09:34:04
All our happy times together.
0156 10:09:34:04 10:09:37:02
"To Mum,
I'm always thinking of you."
0157 10:09:37:02 10:09:41:19
"I wish I could see your face
one more time."
0158 10:09:41:19 10:09:45:07
"Love forever...
Love you forever, Adam."
0159 10:09:45:07 10:09:47:17
Oh, that's a lovely message.
0160 10:09:47:17 10:09:49:17
- Are these kisses?
- Mm-hm.
0161 10:09:49:17 10:09:53:12
- Do they go all round the box?
- Yeah, all the way round.
0162 10:09:53:12 10:09:56:24
Wow. So you're sending
a lot of kisses up to Mummy?
0163 10:09:56:24 10:09:59:06
- Mm-hm.
- Where do you think Mummy is now?
0164 10:09:59:06 10:10:00:13
Heaven.
0165 10:10:00:13 10:10:04:14
I suppose in some ways it might seem
quite strange to have a memory box,
0166 10:10:04:14 10:10:07:17
and what does that mean?
But its importance for a child,
0167 10:10:07:17 10:10:11:09
especially younger children
whose memory is developing...
0168 10:10:11:09 10:10:13:16
If, for example, a five-year-old,
0169 10:10:13:16 10:10:16:14
there's no photos of the person
who died around the house,
0170 10:10:16:14 10:10:20:18
that's all packed away and
there's no physical reminders,
0171 10:10:20:18 10:10:23:18
and therefore no chance
to rehearse stories or memories,
0172 10:10:23:18 10:10:27:10
by the time that child's six
they'll have no spontaneous memory
0173 10:10:27:10 10:10:31:04
of somebody who was
really important in their lives.
0174 10:10:31:04 10:10:35:03
Sometimes it helps when you're
feeling very sad to actually laugh.
0175 10:10:35:03 10:10:37:10
I... That's really special...
0176 10:10:37:10 10:10:40:23
(Julie) When Matthew talked about
being elected to the school council
0177 10:10:40:23 10:10:45:09
and physically had a note where his
mum had said how proud she was...
0178 10:10:45:09 10:10:48:16
"Congratulations, Matthew,
on becoming house captain
0179 10:10:48:16 10:10:50:14
and a member of the school council."
0180 10:10:50:14 10:10:54:23
..that kind of impact on
his self-identity, his self-esteem
0181 10:10:54:23 10:10:57:05
will be so important, not just now,
0182 10:10:57:05 10:11:00:17
but he's got an important transition
to make in a few months' time -
0183 10:11:00:17 10:11:02:17
going to secondary school.
0184 10:11:02:17 10:11:06:09
Things are not going to be
as easy, cosy and comforting
0185 10:11:06:09 10:11:10:01
as they are in the primary school.
0186 10:11:10:01 10:11:14:02
This is Mum's scarf and her gloves.
0187 10:11:14:02 10:11:17:06
(Julie) The important thing
for children is to have a chance
0188 10:11:17:06 10:11:21:16
to share in a very safe way
their memories.
0189 10:11:21:16 10:11:24:03
Maybe she used this
on Bonfire Night.
0190 10:11:24:03 10:11:27:22
Sometimes the surviving parent
can feel very naturally emotional
0191 10:11:27:22 10:11:31:11
when they hear those stories,
whereas somebody more distanced,
0192 10:11:31:11 10:11:36:10
like a teacher or me, you can hear
it in an emotionally modulated way.
0193 10:11:36:10 10:11:38:15
And that's what children need -
0194 10:11:38:15 10:11:43:18
a safe person to rehearse things
which for them are very important -
0195 10:11:43:18 10:11:48:03
because their mum isn't physically
present to say how great they are.
0196 10:11:52:04 10:11:56:00
(reporter) The mangled wreckage of a
helicopter was found in dense woods
0197 10:11:56:00 10:11:58:16
in the Blackdown Hills
early this morning.
0198 10:11:58:16 10:12:04:17
There would have been little chance
of survival. Police found bodies...
0199 10:12:04:17 10:12:07:13
(narrator) One of the victims
was a 15-year-old pupil
0200 10:12:07:13 10:12:10:05
at CleeveSchool,
just outside Cheltenham.
0201 10:12:10:05 10:12:13:10
The school found out about his death
on Monday morning.
0202 10:12:13:10 10:12:16:20
I called an assembly together
of James's year group,
0203 10:12:16:20 10:12:19:05
knowing that students
would be distressed,
0204 10:12:19:05 10:12:22:22
but not knowing at that point
how many knew and how many didn't.
0205 10:12:22:22 10:12:25:19
So I ran the assembly
for the normal 15-minute period,
0206 10:12:25:19 10:12:31:05
giving the students some time
to be together and talk together.
0207 10:12:31:05 10:12:34:18
And I wanted to encourage students
to go to their normal lessons
0208 10:12:34:18 10:12:36:24
and to try and get back to reality.
0209 10:12:36:24 10:12:41:22
However, it was quite clear that
James's close friends, and students
0210 10:12:41:22 10:12:46:08
who had experienced bereavement
recently from members of family,
0211 10:12:46:08 10:12:50:23
would not be able to do that, so
we needed to set up, I felt, a place
0212 10:12:50:23 10:12:54:08
where they could go for the day
so that they could be together,
0213 10:12:54:08 10:12:58:06
could talk, could begin to start
the grieving process.
0214 10:12:59:14 10:13:03:12
We came to this room as it had the
crucial ingredient of running water,
0215 10:13:03:12 10:13:05:13
which most rooms don't have,
0216 10:13:05:13 10:13:08:19
because we wanted to make
lots of cups of tea
0217 10:13:08:19 10:13:11:06
and get students busy
in making the tea,
0218 10:13:11:06 10:13:15:21
but also to signify to them this was
a special day and a different day,
0219 10:13:15:21 10:13:18:02
because they don't get tea often.
0220 10:13:18:02 10:13:21:17
We started a memory board here.
It wasn't actually the board,
0221 10:13:21:17 10:13:24:12
it was just the beginnings
of memories in order
0222 10:13:24:12 10:13:27:03
that students began
to express how they were feeling,
0223 10:13:27:03 10:13:29:03
and it's something
they were keen on.
0224 10:13:29:03 10:13:31:20
So we had lots of pads
of Post-it notes all around
0225 10:13:31:20 10:13:35:00
and they were going up and
sticking things on the main board.
0226 10:13:35:00 10:13:40:01
As they went up they could read what
the others had written about James.
0227 10:13:40:01 10:13:43:05
And that helped because
they could put up their memory
0228 10:13:43:05 10:13:47:22
and read what somebody else said and
say, "Who wrote he liked Burberry?"
0229 10:13:47:22 10:13:52:03
It lightened the atmosphere just
slightly and provoked conversations.
0230 10:13:52:03 10:13:55:20
And there were some funny memories
and funny stories about James there,
0231 10:13:55:20 10:13:59:08
which just helped.
After a very difficult start,
0232 10:13:59:08 10:14:01:11
where there were lots of tears,
0233 10:14:01:11 10:14:04:03
it helped to remember
the good things about James.
0234 10:14:04:03 10:14:07:11
And they've said since
they found that very helpful indeed.
0235 10:14:08:12 10:14:11:24
"James, well, now you can see
how much people love you."
0236 10:14:11:24 10:14:15:22
"You'll be missed so much and
we'll always be thinking of you."
0237 10:14:15:22 10:14:18:24
"God in heaven, God above,
please protect the friend I love."
0238 10:14:18:24 10:14:21:00
"I'm gonna miss you loads."
0239 10:14:21:00 10:14:26:05
"Still ain't found your brace. I'll
never forget that time at my party."
0240 10:14:26:05 10:14:30:01
"You will always be remembered, not
just by me but by all who knew you."
0241 10:14:30:01 10:14:31:21
"Rest in peace, James."
0242 10:14:31:21 10:14:36:08
In the assembly, I had tears
in my eyes I was trying to hold in.
0243 10:14:36:08 10:14:40:16
And then when they went out
I just couldn't stop crying.
0244 10:14:40:16 10:14:42:16
It was just so upsetting.
0245 10:14:42:16 10:14:48:03
Then it got better and people could
let their emotions out on the board,
0246 10:14:48:03 10:14:50:15
and it made you feel a lot better.
0247 10:14:50:15 10:14:52:24
It gets all your thoughts on paper
0248 10:14:52:24 10:14:56:08
and it's easier than
having them trapped inside you.
0249 10:14:56:08 10:14:58:20
Like, you might not
want to say them out loud.
0250 10:14:58:20 10:15:02:18
You just write them on paper, then
you know all your thoughts are out.
0251 10:15:02:18 10:15:05:20
(narrator) Both James and his father
died in the crash.
0252 10:15:05:20 10:15:09:06
The family's ice-cream business
was well-known locally.
0253 10:15:09:06 10:15:12:09
This kid said... cos you know
he had the ice cream?
0254 10:15:12:09 10:15:16:05
He thought it was quite funny to say
there'd be no more ice cream left.
0255 10:15:16:05 10:15:18:00
And he got suspended...
0256 10:15:18:00 10:15:21:11
- (group laugh)
- ..cos he hit him.
0257 10:15:21:11 10:15:25:00
I lost my temper and snapped
and just hit him...
0258 10:15:26:07 10:15:29:03
which, in some ways,
I know it was wrong
0259 10:15:29:03 10:15:36:08
but personally I think James would
have done the same for me, so...
0260 10:15:36:08 10:15:40:14
A death of your community, and in
this case of your school community,
0261 10:15:40:14 10:15:42:21
can have a significant effect
on others
0262 10:15:42:21 10:15:46:14
because of other things that have
happened, like previous bereavements
0263 10:15:46:14 10:15:49:19
or just the way
that they handle death.
0264 10:15:49:19 10:15:56:02
It doesn't have to be somebody that
knew the person well who's affected.
0265 10:15:56:02 10:16:00:18
It might be... Our students
are bussed in quite often.
0266 10:16:00:18 10:16:06:06
Lots and lots of young people that
took James's bus were very upset.
0267 10:16:06:06 10:16:09:24
They didn't really know him, but
they knew where he sat on the bus
0268 10:16:09:24 10:16:14:10
and they'd see him about the place,
and they found that very hard.
0269 10:16:14:10 10:16:19:00
So for us, we had to remember
that there were those links
0270 10:16:19:00 10:16:23:06
between James and lots of people
throughout the school,
0271 10:16:23:06 10:16:26:13
and you have to remember
they might be affected as well.
0272 10:16:27:09 10:16:31:23
What I would like you to do is
quietly, for the first five minutes,
0273 10:16:31:23 10:16:34:19
think about your five memories.
0274 10:16:34:19 10:16:38:07
What are your five memories
of James?
0275 10:16:38:07 10:16:40:05
A week after James's funeral,
0276 10:16:40:05 10:16:42:23
Brendan McIntyre,
from a bereavement charity,
0277 10:16:42:23 10:16:45:20
talks to James's tutor group.
0278 10:16:45:20 10:16:49:12
What was he like? What was he into?
0279 10:16:49:12 10:16:53:00
- Music.
- Music. Yeah?
0280 10:16:53:00 10:16:56:21
(Brendan) The memory jar activities
are about giving people the chance
0281 10:16:56:21 10:17:01:00
just to think about their memories
of James and the person that's died.
0282 10:17:01:00 10:17:07:05
And doing it in a group, it allows
them to hear each other's memories
0283 10:17:07:05 10:17:11:16
and also to have a laugh and a joke
and remember good stuff about him.
0284 10:17:11:16 10:17:13:11
What do you remember?
0285 10:17:13:11 10:17:18:24
They rely on each other a great deal
and adults need to engage with them
0286 10:17:18:24 10:17:22:10
that's maybe less in their face,
if you like,
0287 10:17:22:10 10:17:26:10
because I think sometimes teenagers
have a view about adults already,
0288 10:17:26:10 10:17:32:08
and that role between teachers and
pupils is a difficult one as well.
0289 10:17:32:08 10:17:36:05
Suddenly you're taking a view where
you may be asking them how they are
0290 10:17:36:05 10:17:39:06
and maybe you've not asked them