ARIZONA JOE
INDIANA JANE
PROPS: chairs, baby doll, trash can, fire extinguisher, matches, banana
WHO’S THE HERO?
(Opening Scene: Joe and Jane at center-stage)
JANE: Look, Joe; here’s a book about a kid who was kidnapped by monkeys.
JOE: So . . . I was a monkey when I was a kid.
JANE: No; we’re talking about real monkeys, Joe.
JOE: Real monkeys, huh? Where are the real parents?
JANE: Maybe while they were visiting the zoo, the kids were being real brats so the parents left them behind.
JOE: No. According to the picture on the cover, these monkeys are not zoo animals . . . they live in the jungle.
JOE: Jane, we need to do something about this. How about if we go to Africa to find those kids and rescue them?
JANE: Arizona Joe and Indiana Jane to the rescue!
JOE: I'm so glad I left that news job I had. That job was way too boring for an adventurous person like me.
JANE: And I’m so glad we got married. Now we can have all of our adventures together!
JOE: Yeah, and now it’s off to Africa!
JANE: Africa, here we come. Oh, and by the way, dear.
JOE: Yes, dear?
JANE: Don’t forget to take out the trash before we leave.
Scene Two: Africa
JOE: According to this book, the kid lives just on the other side of that mountain.
JANE: But there’s a bridge to cross over some quicksand, and it’s made from logs. What if we slip and fall?
JOE: Don’t worry, Jane. I’ll go first and then you can take my hand and I’ll lead you across.
JANE: Well, okay if you say so; lead the way.
JOE: Woah! (he tries to gain his balance, but fails) This bridge is too wobbly for me; I’m going down!
(JOE falls as if he just slipped from the wobbly bridge)
JANE: Oh, okay Joe; here I come.
SOUND EFFECT: baby crying
JANE: Hey! I can hear the baby crying. Stay here Joe; I’ll be right back.
(JANE EXITS)
JOE: Hey! Jane, you can’t just leave me here like this! (pulling himself up) I guess I’ll just have to save myself after all.
(JANE ENTERS with baby doll)
JANE: Joe, look; it’s the baby that was kidnapped by the monkeys. I just waited for those big apes to leave and then I snatched the baby and took off!
JOE: But what’s the meaning of leaving me here to die like that?
JANE: You weren’t going to die; you’ve gotten out of worse situations before.
JOE: That’s not the point. I’m the man and I was the one who was supposed to save that baby. Those apes could have torn you apart. I on the other hand would not have had a problem.
JANE: Oh, what does it matter? The important thing is that the baby is saved.
JOE: I guess so. Hey, it looks like you’ve found yourself a little friend.
JANE: Well, we sort of found each other. Joe, this baby needs food. Let’s find her some.
JOE: Okay, but you first. After all, you are the hero; I must follow you.
JANE: Oh, stop it! Let’s go.
(Scene Three: Home again. Jane is the first one to ENTER.)
JANE: Ahh, it feels so good to be home again.
(JOE ENTERS with lots of luggage)
JOE: (bad attitude) You just sit down and relax while I do all the backbreaking work.After all, you are the hero of this adventure.
JANE: I’m so glad we were able to find that baby a nice home. I’m so tired.
(JANE just falls asleep in her chair)
JOE: There she goes, falling asleep . . . not a care in the world. Hmm, this would be a good time to come up with a plan to show Jane that I’m just as much of a hero as she is. I’ve got it!
(JOE grabs a fire extinguisher and trash can. JANE wakes up and listens to his plan.)
JOE: (to himself) I’ll just set this trash can on fire. I know Jane is terribly afraid of fire. When she wakes up she’ll have no choice but to call on me to rescue her from the flames. Now, I’ll just place this fire extinguisher behind the trash can and I’ll be all set. Here goes!
(JOE lights a match and tosses it into the trash can)
JANE: AHHHH...FIRE! FIRE! AHHHHH...HELP ME JOE HELP ME! AHHHH... THE HOUSE IS GOING TO CATCH ON FIRE! I DON'T HAVE ANY IDEA HOW TO PUT THE FIRE OUT! I'M SCARED TO DEATH. HELLLP....
(JOE "LEAPS" ONTO STAGE)
JOE: Do not fear, dear Jane! Arizona Joe to the rescue! I am not afraid! Now stand back because this is very dangerous!
(JOE picks up the extinguisher and puts out the fire)
JOE: There! It’s over! I wasn’t going to let this house catch on fire. I would rather risk my life for the sake of saving others.
JANE: You’re so brave, Joe! You saved my life!
JOE: It was no problem at all for a hero like me. Don’t even mention it!
JANE: You’re a hero all right!
JOE: Ahh, let’s sit down for a moment. (he begins to look puzzled as they sit). I’ve got something to tell you. I owe you an apology. When we were in Africa I got jealous whenyou saved that baby before I could. Then that made me want to do something heroic to make up for the chance I lost to be a hero in Africa.So I made the whole fire situation up.I was even the one who lit the match just to show you I can still be your hero. Anyway, please forgive me.
JANE: Sure I will, Joe; I understand.
JOE: I can’t wait for our next adventure! The whole world waits for me . . .
(JANE begins to peel a banana)
JOE: They cry day and night for someone brave and strong like me to come and rescue . . .
(JANE shoves the banana in JOE’S mouth to shut him up)
THE END