Sample Short Film Treatment
The current story takes place in Phoenix during present time. The opening images show the protagonist, Jerry Gruber, coming home from work wearing a shirt and tie, while brief flashbacks show the day’s work at the office with his overbearing boss, who makes his life miserable. Jerry does not necessarily enjoy his job, but his boss is also his girlfriend’s father, so he puts up with more punishment and abuse than your average worker.
ACT I: Jerry, an office assistant for a large accounting firm, is at odds with where he is at in life. He has a successful job, and a girlfriend, but as of late, he has been thinking about his long-lost dream to be a photographer. [MG1]He has always enjoyed taking pictures, and is pretty decent at it, but has never pursued a professional career in this field. He has a couple of collections of pictures that he has taken, but keeps them to himself, in his small apartment. His relationship with his girlfriend, Tina, has been on the rocks lately, mainly due to her high maintenance and bitchy attitude. She has always been spoiled by her father, and can never be seen doing wrong in his eyes. These relationship problems that he has been experiencing have been carrying over into his workplace, and his boss, Greg, who also happens to be Tina’s father[MG2], has been making Jerry’s life miserable with long, extended hours, and tedious and monotonous tasks. Jerry dreams of a more exciting life for himself, and wonders how he has gotten to the place that he is at. His best friend since childhood, Craig, is his one outlet for his frustrations, and Craig is often known for fueling the fire and being an instigator. Craig is an obnoxious loudmouth, who means well, but is constantly acting out as a means of covering up his own insecurities. Jerry’s life seems to be leading down a very boring, unhappy road, and since he lacks any courage to stand up to his boss, or take a chance to become a photographer, it looks as if it will stay that way.
The daily routine is becoming too routine for Jerry, until one night, he runs into an elderly UPS man who stumbles with some boxes. Jerry, being a kind person, helps him pick up the boxes and make sure that he’s ok. The man ends up giving Jerry a package before he leaves, saying it was actually for Jerry. Jerry goes inside his house, and inspects the box, realizing that his name is not on the box, and there is no return address either. He opens the box, and his world is turned upside down when he discovers a small alien inside. The movie details and builds up to how Jerry, along with the help from his friend Craig, deals with this situation, and how it affects his relationship with his boss, girlfriend, and his relationship with himself.[MG3]
Inciting Incident: After checking his messages, Jerry’s friend Craig comes in. Craig serves as an antagonist to Jerry. Where Jerry is responsible, concerned with his life, and constantly stressed out about one thing or another, Craig is irresponsible, obnoxious, and carefree to a fault. It’s not know where Craig lives, except that he constantly shows up at Jerry’s apartment unannounced, and usually causes Jerry some form of excitement, whether it be having a good time, or Jerry having to deal with one of Craig’s mishaps. We learn about Craig through flashbacks and dialogue between the two friends. Craig complains about Tina, and how she treats Jerry, and everyone around her with her “princess attitude”, and how the only person who could ever love her is her asshole of a father, Greg. He also makes a comment that sometimes, he wishes Tina would just “disappear” (this is important to remember for later on in the film). The two also have a conversation on why Jerry doesn’t just quit his job that he hates, and the two have a short conversation about Jerry’s photography. [MG4]The inciting incident occurs when Jerry opens the mysterious package, which, he has found, has no postage mark, name, or return address written on it. Inside he finds a small, green alien. Jerry is quite frightened of the alien at first, whereas Craig thinks it is the best thing that has ever happened to the two of them. This inciting incident provokes Jerry to formulate a plan on whether to keep the alien, what to do with it, and if he kept it, how to take care of it and keep it a secret. Act one details Craig and Jerry formulating a plan, and they decide to keep it and take care of it until Jerry can find the mysterious delivery man again and return it, or at least gain some insight into how/why it came into his possession. [MG5]At the Act 1 break, Jerry and Craig decide to work together to deal with this predicament they have stumbled upon. All things aside, with his relationship and work problems, the appearance of this alien has shot to the top of Jerry’s list of problems.
In ACT II Jerry and Craig becoming accustomed to the alien, and how they take care of it while keeping it a secret from Tina, Greg, and everybody else. We will learn more about Jerry and Craig, and the ways that the two are similar, and also ways that they are different. This is done through their reactions to the alien, and how they treat it. It will take some warming up for Jerry to become used to his presence, but Craig will quickly become “friends” with it, spending time with it while Jerry is away at work. There will be a montage of Craig, displaying his “when the cat’s away, the mice will play” attitude, having funny adventures with the alien, and getting home before Jerry does, who would be very upset that Craig has left the apartment with the alien at all. During this time spent with the alien, Craig discovers that the alien has some extraordinary powers, such as the ability to levitate objects, repeat words and phrases, and copy Craig’s actions. He also takes a picture of the alien with Jerry’s camera, and makes the discovery that the alien can “disintegrate” objects, or make them disappear. The flash from Jerry’s camera provokes the alien to make a bright flash of his own, and the television set disappears in the process. The conflict in the Second Act will build as Jerry focuses all his attention on this alien situation, further hurting Jerry’s abusive relationship with Tina, who starts to become curious as to why Jerry has been acting so strange, and Jerry’s constant slip-ups at work with her father, his boss. [MG6]His strange behavior, and change of attitude towards what type of girl Tina truly is, and the nature of his job that he hates, will provoke questions from Tina and Greg. Near the Act 2 breakwill occur when Jerry is seen coming home from work, and we see Craig and the alien in the apartment. We think that when we hear a knock at the door, it will be Jerry, but Craig opens the door, and it turns out to be Tina, who does not react well at all to Craig, or the alien. She is not sure what it is, but suspects (wrongly) that Jerry has adopted a child, or has been sleeping with another woman. Jerry comes home, and Craig details how Tina’s reaction went. Jerry is now scared, because he knows that this will get back to Tina’s obsessive father, who will inquire into the situation. As Jerry suspects, his boss begins to inquire into why Jerry has been missing work, forgetting documents, and why his “little princess” Tina is so distraught. Greg begins to follow Jerry, and this is shown through a montage of Jerry going about his everyday business, going to the grocery store, checking his mail, and jogging, etc, and Greg can be seen hiding in various places, behind bushes, telephone poles, and other objects, spying on Jerry in a comical way, with binoculars.
In ACT III, we begin to see a change in Jerry. He has loosened up, and has begun to take pictures again, of his everyday life, and his adventures with the alien. He is careful to not use the flash when taking pictures of the alien, because the closest thing around him disappears when the alien gives off his own flash of light. The climax and resolution happen when Jerry is confronted by Greg and Tina, and he is threatened with being fired, and Tina leaving him. This time though, instead of caring about it, Jerry has realized that he is much better off pursuing his dreams, and enjoying himself. At the climax Tina and Greg show up at his apartment, they have an exchange of words, and Jerry shows them the alien. They do not understand it, or believe it, and Greg says that he’s going to go to the authorities. Upon hearing this, Jerry tells him that nobody will believe him without any evidence, and hands Greg his camera. As he does so, he turns on the flash. Greg insults Jerry, and raises the camera to take a picture of Jerry and the alien, who flip off the camera. Jerry says, “Say cheese”, as Greg takes the picture, complete with the flash. After the flash, the alien gets scared, and sends his own flash of light as well. Where Tina and Greg were standing, there is only a pile of clothing. The alien has made the two disappear. We then hear a loud celebratory “YES!” come from behind the two, and we see Craig, entering through Jerry’s balcony window unannounced, as always. At the resolution, the three of them laugh, and Jerry looks at his camera, which has been broken after being dropped by the now disappeared Greg. He sighs at first, and then says how he’s going to have to get a new one if he’s going to start his photography career, since he’s now out of a job[MG7].
[MG1]Good idea for a character. This gives you a great opportunity to have a solid distinction between want and need.
[MG2]Good opportunity for conflict.
[MG3]Didn’t expect we were going there!
[MG4]You are probably getting a little too detailed in describing the secondary characters. You won’t have more than a few lines of dialogue or a short flashback to set up Craig, so start thinking about being economical.
[MG5]Is Jerry’s goal to return the alien? Be specific.
[MG6]Good, but vague. Now is the time to be breaking down your story into scenes. How, exactly, is the conflict going to play out?
[MG7]Weird and goofy! I like it. You have too much material overall for a short script, but it’s always better to have more material than not enough. Start thinking about how you are going to whittle this story down to its basic conflicts. You’ll have to cut down on some of the montages and flashbacks as well. Your job is going to be to make this as economical as possible to fit it into a 10-15 page script. Good job! 95/100