The AH3 TrasH
"TRUTH IS OVERRATED"
Run 1494 Sunday 20th March 2011
Hares: Jc and Fifi Reporter Pigiron
RUSTIC WITH LEARNING DIFFICULTIES IN SPORTING SCANDAL
In a shocking revelation the RA, a Mr Aids (21) informed the circle that not only had the Scotland Rugby Heroes thrashed Italy yesterday, but also the English oppressors had gone down 24-8 to their former serfs. A sacrificial Farmer (94) of no fixed abode was dragged into the circle and compelled to drink a dark liquid provided by Drillbit ( 8 and a half) to mark the occasion. His feeble attempts to divert attention by quoting a girlie match were insuffient to appease the mob. A bearded man called Goatwrestler (88) presented a certificate marking the occasion as some small compensation.
CELESTIAL BODY CAUSES PANIC.
The widely reported solar event threw the AH3 into a panic in the leafy suburb of Sheddocksley today. Ignoring the warnings from the hares they ran westwards, then northwards, then eastwards and finally southwards trying to avoid the fiery ball in the sky. Sadly, whatever adventures they encountered during the stampede are lost to history since they forgot to take the reporter with them.
CROP CIRCLES TERRIFY VILLAGERS
Shaking survivors returning from the fields reported mysterious twin white circles at junctions and cross-roads. Later these circles were adorned with arrows pointing in different directions. The hares, JC (18) and Fifi (21) , were unavailable for comment but some believe that the symbols are an ancient invocation to the Sun God Tonto.A bearded shouty man from television suggests that the hares were unable to agree the design of the symbols and thus installed one each.
SADO MASOCHISMRIFE AT GREENFERN
The RA revealed to the circle a bundle of plastic cable found on the run, which he identified as a neccessary accessory for those wishing to make a snuff movie. Taking this wild guess as more than sufficient evidence the hash sleaze solicitor (69) demonstrated how the "auto-erotic" experience might be enacted by clutching his own throat in a vice-like grip. To the disappointment of the mob and despite the pleas of his wife, he released his grip.
COURT CIRCULAR
Harley and Pinocchio celebrated their birthdays this week. Yipyee! And didn't they do well! One was 56 and one was 40, but thanks to their strict health regimes it was not possible to tell which was which.
SUPERMAN VISITS HASH.
A Midmar loon called Norman (hasn't he got a handle? Ed) Flew in to today fresh from his ice-bath having run the Deeside 33 yesterday. The 33 in the title apparently denotes the not-inconsiderable distance he ran in miles in the time of 4 hours and 51 minutes. He credits his sporting success to his wife, who won't let him out a night to ruin his constitution, much as he might wish to.
FRESH MEAT AT SHEDDOCKSLEY
An innocent youth ambitiously called Quattro(4x4) was entrapped in the circle by his doting dad, Pinoccio (See above). Hash cash was quoted as hoping that he would return and justify the investement of a free run and a mug of delicious beer to throw around.
FIREFLAPS IN BOSOM GROWTH TERROR!
Fireflaps(DK) is presently being closely attended by the RA having survived a terrifying ordeal in which she went to sleep one day and woke up with two enormous growths on her chest. Opinion is divided, with one faction claiming that they are merely the result of wearing optimistic underwear, while others mutter darkly about knives and silicon. A doctor who happened to be passing was unable to shed any light, it being a Sunday. Well-wishers have, however, reminded FF that the protruberances will stop her falling out of bed and therefore may be claimed under her Bra Contents Insurance
FULL MOON DENYIERS SHAMED
Toy Boy Tom(17) it was who turned up at Hazlehead for the Full Moon Hash. To be awkward he chose to attend on the night of the actual FM, while everyone else (all five) chose the night before, it being the agreed Friday rendezvous. In a breathtaking miscarriage of justice the RA awarded the downs to the wrong and desperate mooners.
WELSHMAN DEFIES RESTRAINING ORDER
Dismayed by the lack of public spectacle in the circleLeeky Willy, in defiance of public opinion and decency, sang a song based on an ancient hymn commemorating the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. Well, it was Sunday. Come on.
HIPPO STALKS THE HILLS
"The Mighty Deerstalker is a turbo-charged roller coaster of a run. It's fun, it's fast, it's action-packed and it's as tough as you can bear".
It seems that one of the more vulnerable members of hash was taken in by this obvious phishing excercise. Hippo (99) escaped his carer this weekend to attend the event. He was recaptured while misusing the facilities at Sainsbury's food emporium in an attempt to remove the traces of his adventure.
THIS WEEK'S HASH CROSSWORD