Running Head: DEMAND/WITHDRAW CONFLICT

Demand/Withdraw Conflict 1

Running Head: DEMAND/WITHDRAW CONFLICT

Demand/Withdraw Conflict Patterns in Heterosexual Marriages

Rachel Littell

COM 312/BIS 400

Prof. Dybvig-Paweiko

November 5, 2006

Is complaining, criticizing, and demanding what wives do best? Do husbands always try to avoid conflict communication? “Many dissatisfied marital relationships are marked by a pattern of conflict in which one partner communicates in ‘demanding’ ways while the other withdraws,” states Caughlin & Vangelisti, (1999, p. 66). The purpose of this paper is to depict the sex differences in demand/withdraw marital interactions, the emotional state and well being of husbands and wives who engage in demand/withdraw patterns, the importance of the topic being discussed in demand/withdraw conflicts, and how violence interacts with demand/withdraw conflicts.

When considering sex differences in demand/withdraw marital conflicts, one must observe both the social structure hypothesis and the individual differences hypothesis. Results also show an interaction difference between developed marriages and newlyweds as well as a correlation between demand/withdraw in marriages among developed countries.

According to Karney and Vogel (2002), “the social structure hypothesis suggests that the demand/withdraw pattern develops as a result of gender-based power and resource inequalities within temporary life” (p.687). Christensen and Heavey’s (1990) research results were congruent with the social structure hypothesis by considering the wife’s demanding behaviors as a result of her attempt to create change. In consequence, the husband is more satisfied with the status quo and engages in withdrawing behaviors to avoid change. Karney and Vogel’s (2002) research found that the social structure hypothesis was replicated among their newlywed respondents in that the issues discussed were most commonly selected by the wives.

On the other hand, Caughlin and Vangelisti (2000) consider the individual differences perspective as an explanation for why couples engage in demand/withdraw conflicts. This theory involves a variety of personal characteristics as they relate to demand and withdraw behaviors. Christensen and Heavey (1990) propose that women desire closeness and therefore impose more demanding behaviors whereas men desire autonomy leading them to infer withdrawal behaviors. Caughlin and Vangelisti (2000) suggest two models for the individual differences hypothesis. The first is the self-influence model, which states that, “individuals’ characteristics primarily affect their own communication behaviors in marriage” (p. 546). The other is the relational-influence model, which suggests that, “characteristics that spouses bring to marriage predict the overall interpersonal tenor of marriage” (p, 526).

Demand/withdraw interaction patterns can be either detrimental to marriages over time or can be a sign of improving marital satisfaction. Caughlin’s (2002) research found that couples could perceive this interaction pattern as frustrating and dissatisfying because problems are rarely solved or the couples can become accustomed to the pattern and they diminish the dissatisfying effects. His research also showed a connection between both husband-demand/wife-withdraw and wife-demand/husband-withdraw as a predictor of increasing the wives satisfaction over time.

In their study of examining sex differences in demand and withdraw behaviors among newlyweds, Karney and Vogel (2002) came to the conclusion that wives were still more likely to demand, however, husbands were no more likely to withdraw than wives.

Christensen and four other colleagues (2006) found that gender differences in demand/withdraw interaction in romantic relationships are consistent among industrialized countries. Their study consisted of 363 participants from Brazil, Italy, Taiwan and the United States. Results showed that among all four cultures, women tended to be more demanding and desired closeness while men tended to be more withdrawing and desired autonomy.

Conflicts pursued by demand/withdraw behaviors commonly have an immediate effect on the emotional state, including depression, and well being, including physical health, of spouses. Malis and Rolof (2006) researched 219 undergraduate students at a midwestern university who were or had been in a long-lasting relationship that entailed serial arguments. A serial argument is “a set or argumentative episodes that are focused on a particular issue” (Malis and Rolof, 2006, p.199). The researchers found that their respondents reported an average of 12.18 occasions in which they engaged in a serial argument. The findings suggest that the person who engages in demand behaviors encompasses intrusive thoughts and feelings about the episode, a hyper aroused state, and a disruption of everyday activities due to their physical health. Nonetheless, Malis and Rolof (2006) discovered that the individuals who engaged in withdrawing behaviors were strongly related to stress, but did not strongly associate to a hyper aroused state or disruption on their physical health.

“Women are more emotionally invested in their marriages than men, and therefore prefer to discuss and confront marital stressors than avoiding them” (Verhofstadt, Buyyse, Clercq, Goodwin, 2005, p. 463). Verhofstadt and colleagues (2005) found that wives feel more aroused and more negative emotions when they engaged in more withdrawing behaviors and less demanding behaviors. On the other hand, husbands who avoid the discussions created by their wives had less emotional arousal and negative affect than when they created the topic of discussion. Their findings suggest that men as a whole use effective coping mechanisms, such as less demanding and more withdrawing behaviors, in order to keep their emotional state from arising more.

Cortisol, a stress hormone, is important for maintaining normal metabolic functions. Heffner, Loving, Kiecolt-Glaser, Hirnawan, Glaser, and Malarkey (2006) examined 32 couples ranging from ages 55 to 77 years old, averaging 42.28 years of marriage and their cortisol responses due to wife-demand/husband-withdraw interactions. According to other studies, spouses’ perceptions of their communication patterns and their general sentiment toward their partner, rather than just their behaviors to the conflict, play a significant role to their physiological responses. The results of their study provided that wives’ cortisol responses in wife-demand/husband-withdraw conflicts were much more prevalent than husbands’ cortisol responses in the same interaction. This finding is consistent with previous research on newlyweds. However, newlywed couples’ physiological responses to conflicts are due to their actual behaviors throughout the conflict while long-married couples’ perceptions are stronger indicators of their physiological responses.

According to Courtnage, Uebelacker, and Whisman’s (2003) research on depression and marital dissatisfaction indicated that wife-demand and husband-withdraw patterns were associated with depression symptoms in both males and females, however they were not associated in husband-demand and wife-withdraw patterns. One suggestion for women becoming depressed is the fact that in the demanding role, wives feel powerless and hopeless. Courtnage, Uebelacker, and Whisman’s (2003) also propose that the demand role may be an “expression of a desire for increased intimacy” for which intimacy may be important for a woman’s well-being and not for a man’s, resulting in women becoming depressed in wife- demand situations and men not becoming depressed in husband-demand interactions. Nonetheless, when husbands see their wives struggling, it may also cause them to have feelings of depression.

The topic of discussion should be recognized when studying the nature of demand/withdraw conflicts. The extent and validity in the relationship for issue being demanded for change sets the tone and result of the demand/withdraw conflict. In Christensen and Heavey’s (1990) research, they found that “higher levels of investment in an issue might lead to greater demandingness and withdrawingness, apart from any gender difference in these behaviors” (p. 79). This suggests that rather than gender differences being the cause of demand/withdraw interactions, it may be the significance of the topic of change. Weger suggests that the demands for change correlates to self-verification and understanding of partners. He found that when wives requested a change husbands perceived the wife as misunderstanding him. Furthermore, both partners felt less verified by their partner when he or she withdrew from the episode.

Research on newlywed couples has shown a significant difference. Karney and Vogel (2002) found that people in the beginning stages of marriage perceive each other’s topics to be equally important. Although the wives may be more likely to set the agenda for marital interactions by initiating the topics, if the husbands find the topics important, they are less likely to withdraw from the interaction.

Division of family work is a main topic discussed primarily in developed marriages. Most commonly, as Kluwer (1998) found in his research, wives desire the change in family work, hoping for husband to contribute more, however, husbands tend to withdraw and not contribute to more family work. On the other hand, Kluwer (1998) found that wives are more receptive to their husbands demands, therefore, couples respond in more positive ways when husbands demand a change. Female-demand/husband-withdraw interaction according to family decision-making is especially prevalent after a mother has a child. “When postpartum mothers experience dissatisfaction with their decision-making power and with childcare supports from their partners, it is likely that the couple engages in female-demand/husband-withdraw communication,” states Thorp, Krause, Curkowicz, and Lynch (2004, p. 366). This is a result, again, of wives’ possessing less power than men in romantic relationships.

A large concern with the result of demand/withdraw interaction patterns is the result of violence. Sagrestano (1999) research shows that husband’s use of violence can occur is both wife-demand/husband-withdraw and husband-demand/wife-withdraw patterns and most commonly is seen when the husband’s income is lower than the wife’s and when the husband has less perceived power than the wife. On the other hand, wife’s use of violence is commonly seen in husband-demand/wife-withdraw conflicts and is associated with lower husband’s perceived power and higher wife’s perceived power as well as lower marital adjustment.

Berns, Gottman, and Jacobson (1999) studied the correlation of demand/withdraw in marriages with violent husbands, both verbally and physically abusive. Their study consisted of 47 distressed couples with violent husbands, 28 distressed couples with nonviolent husbands, and 16 happily married couples with nonviolence in the relationship. Berns, Gottman, and Jacobson’s (1999) studies found that violent husbands engage in demanding behavior in order to seek more power and control. The battered women also engaged in demanding behaviors rather than withdrawing. Berns, Gottman, and Jacobson (1999) suggest this is the result of the battered wives demanding the abusive behavior to end.

In conclusion, it is more than possible to predict that wives most commonly take on the demanding role of communication and husbands tend to withdraw from conflict communication. Depending on the demanding topics importance to each spouse, the results of demand/withdraw conflict patterns can affect each partner’s emotional state and well being. Violence can also be correlated to demand/withdraw patterns in which the batterer engages in the demanding behaviors. One can conclude that demand/withdraw marital communication plays a significant role on marital dissatisfaction and can lead to divorce.

References

Berns, S.B., Jacobson, N.S., Gottman, J.M. (1999). Demand-Withdraw Pattern of Couples with a Violent Husband. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 67 (5). Retrieved October 6, 2006, from EBSCOhost database.

Caughlin, J.P. (2002). The Demand/Withdraw Pattern of Communication as a Predictor of Marital Satisfaction Over Time. Human Communication Research, 28 (1). Retrieved October 19, 2006, from EBSCOhost database.

Caughlin, J.P. & Vangelisti, A.L. (1999). Desire for Change in One’s Partner as a Predictor of the Demand/Withdraw Pattern of Marital Communication. Communication Monographs, 66. Retrieved October 19, 2006, from EBSCOhost database.

Caughlin, J.P. & Vangelisti, A.L. (2000). An individual difference explanation of why married couple engage in demand/withdraw pattern of conflict. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 17 (4-5). Retrieved October 19, 2006, from EBSCOhost database.

Christensen, A. & Heavey C.L. (1990). Gender and Social Structure of the Demand/Withdraw Pattern of Marital Conflict. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 59 (1), 73-81. Retrieved October 10, 2006, from EBSCOhost database.

Christensen, A., Eldridge, K., Catta-Preta, A.B., Lim, V.R., & Santagata, R. (2006). Cross-Cultural Consistency with the Demand/Withdraw Interaction Pattern in Couples. Journal of Marriage and Family, 68. Retrieved October 19, 2006, from EBSCOhost database.

Courtnage, E.S., Uebelacker, L.A., & Whisman, M.A. (2003). Correlates of depression and marital dissatisfaction: Perceptions of marital communication style. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 20 (6). Retrieved October 10, 2006, from EBSCOhost database.

Heffner, K.L, Loving, T.J., Kiecolt-Glaser, K., Hirnawan, L.K., Glaser, R., & Malarkey, W.B. (2006). Older Spouses’ Cortisol Responses to Marital Conflict: Associations With Demand/Withdraw Communication Patterns. Journal of Behavioral Medicine, 29 (4). Retrieved October 19, 2006, from EBSCOhost database.

Kluwer, E.S. (1998). Responses to Gender Inequality in the Division of Family Work: The Status Quo Effect. Social Justice Research, 11 (3). Retrieved October 19, 2006, from EBSCOhost database.

Malis, R.S. & Rolof, M.E. (2006). Demand/Withdrawal Patterns in Serial Arguments: Implications for Well-Being. Human Communication Research, 32. Retrieved October 19, 2006, from EBSCOhost database.

Sagrestano, L.M., Heavey, C.L., & Christensen, A. (1999). Perceived Power and Physical Violence in Marital Conflict. Journal of Social Issues, 55 (1). Retrieved October 6, 2006, from EBSCOhost database.

Thorp, S.R., Krause, E.D., Cukrowicz, K.C., & Lynch, T.R. (2004). Postpartum Partner Support, Demand/Withdraw Communication, and Maternal Stress. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 28, 362-369. Retrieved October 19, 2006, from EBSCOhost database.

Verhofstadt, L.L, Buysse, A., Clercq, A., & Goodwin, E. (2005). Emotional arousal and negative affect in marital conflict: The influence of gender, conflict structure, and demand/withdrawal. European Journal of Social Psychology, 35. Retrieved October 10, 2006, from EBSCOhost database.

Vogel, D.L. & Karney, B.R. (2002). Demands and withdrawal in newlyweds: Elaborating on the social structure hypothesis. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 19:5. Retrieved October 19, 2006, from EBSCOhost database.

Weger, Jr., H. (2005). Disconfirming communication and verification in marriage: Associations among the demand/withdraw interaction pattern, feeling understood, and marital satisfaction. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 22 (1), 19-31. Retrieved October 19, 2006, from EBSCOhost database.