SECOND SESSION - CONTINUING THE WEEKEND
YOU ARE THE SUNSHINE OF MY LIFE - ROMANCE
1. Greet couples with a couple-hug. Send kids to kid room.
2. Light a candle (not absolutely required, but it is a nice reminder of the Holy Spirit, of the fire of our love, and of the specialness of the occasion).
-Begin with all couples seated in a circle as couples.
-Start within TEN minutes of scheduled start time. That should be plenty of time to say hello, etc.
3. Hold hands and begin with prayer. This can be a Scripture reading, a formal prayer (Our Father, etc), a led prayer, or open prayer.
Suggested Scripture: Song of Songs 2:8-10, 14, 16a; 8:6-7a
I hear my Beloved. See how he comes leaping on the mountains, bounding over the hills. My Beloved is like a gazelle, like a young stag. See where he stands behind our wall. He looks in at the window, he peers through the lattice. My Beloved lifts up his voice, he says to me, "Come then, my love, my lovely one, come. My dove, hiding in the clefts of the rock, in the coverts of the cliff, show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet and your face is beautiful." My beloved is mine and I am his. He said to me: Set me like a seal on your heart, like a seal on your arm. For love is strong as Death, jealousy relentless as Sheol. The flash of it is a flash of fire, a flame of the Lord himself. Love no flood can quench, no torrents drown.
4. Presentation. Try to keep it to 30 minutes or less. If it is longer, you will have to cut sharing time.
A. Reminder of Discipline/Rules:
-No feedback, positive or negative on anyone's sharing
-No advice
-No forcing of sharing
-NOTHING GOES OUTSIDE OF GROUP
-Not problem-solving - just sharing where we are at now
-Feel free to thank the person who shared, but refrain from other comments
B. Share a couple of romantic gestures from courtship/early marriage and what they meant to you (1 or 2 specific examples each) (2 min)
C. Gradually new responsibilities became more important than romancing each other, so little gestures began to disappear. (10 min)
1. WHY? Share awarenesses you NOW have about how you were behaving THEN. Examine attitudes (see handout) and share yours.
2. HOW? What behaviors changed and became less romantic: stopped opening the car door, less concerned about appearance, please & thank you became less frequent, witheld compliments, less talk about us, increased involvement in activities outside us, sitting at opposite ends of the car seat/sofa, stopped mid-day phone calls, etc. (Share 3 to 5 personal examples, and give 1 or 2 other typical examples).
D. Share the effects of absence of romance (7 min)
1. On our communication: we didn't verbalize hurts, only anger; we were less likely to listen to each other; paid less attention to each others' nonverbals.
2. Judgements and assumptions about each other (see handout) - share yours.
3. Loneliness and decreased trust.
4. Effect on my self-image - how I became me-centered instead of other-centered.
5. Effect on others: not being a sign to others
6. Absence of romance can become an obstacle to creating romance.
E. Hand out sheet of attitudes and judgements. Ask them to look it over and check off those attitudes and/or judgements they have had at times. Play "You Don't Bring Me Flowers" tape while they read/check. (4 min) Point out that these can show us some good areas for dialogue, some aspects we may want to change, and can let our spouses learn more about who we are.
F. Things we've learned: (15 min)
We have to define what we mean by romance.
We cannot decide to FEEL romantic, but we can decide to DO something.
We realize we cannot duplicate our courtship; we have to be creative and realistic about nurturing our romance now.
It's not what we do, but why we're doing it that's important. Even simple things can be special (getting up cheerfully in the morning, bringing breakfast in bed, leaving a note under the pillow, etc) A simple ten second kiss once a day can do wonders!
We cannot compare our romance to that of other couples. What is romantic and meaningful to us is unique to us as a couple.
Dialogue is part of our romance. Emphasize the importance and appreciation of writing and receiving loveletters, sharing feelings.
The Church calls us to be romantic, it is a part of our spirituality. This is a joy. It is God's plan for us to be romantic and to make the effects of our romance visible to others.
5. Announce that we will break into smaller groups and will have until (35 minutes before the end of 2 hours) to share. Then we will reassemble together. Break into small groups by geographical location (start with east/west and go from there) up to five couples with each CTW team or strong couple. Give sharing question and lead by example time-wise. There should be about 50 minutes for this if the first part went right (so maybe 8 minutes a couple). Give the sharing question, and enjoy! If we have to cut off sharing to be done in 2 hrs, let them know we can still share at the socializing time afterward.
SHARING: What is one of the most romantic things my spouse has done for me? How did that make me feel?
6. 10 and 10. Time this. Have paper and pens available for those who forgot. Explain they can move to other locations (hall, corners of the room, outside) and you will notify them at the end of each 10 minutes. They can stay with their dialogue, but we will continue the meeting.
QUESTION: What one thing am I willing to do to bring more romance into our lives? HDIFAMA?
7. Reassemble for annoucements and administrative stuff. Be sure to announce needs for prayer couples, babysitting, etc. At this second meeting, get sign-ups for those interested in being prayer couples, giving pulpit talks, helping with continuing the weekend, helping set-up and clean-up for weekends, helping with publicity, babysitting etc. HAND OUT TAKE-HOME QUESTIONS.
8. Gather for closing prayer. If you are low on time, a Glory Be is great. Otherwise, end with whatever prayer form you like.
9. Close by singing Our Song (There's A New World Somewhere) - This is the end of the meeting.
10. Snack as desired, and clean up.
ATTITUDES:
___ 1. "The game is over" - the things we did to compensate for no sex in our courtship are not necessary now.
___ 2. Now that I have my security, I don't have to try so hard.
___ 3. We're beyond that now.
___ 4. What will they say about us?
___ 5. Romance is a sign of weakness.
___ 6. Not in public, dear!
___ 7. Romance is foreplay.
___ 8. Romance is just for young kids.
___ 9. We're too mature for that.
___ 10. Don't let the kids see us.
___ 11. What will they think about us?
___ 12. Don't start something you can't finish.
___ 13. Looking into your eyes is embarassing.
___ 14. We need to have something to talk about.
___ 15. I can't be romantic unless I FEEL romantic.
___ 16. If I have to ask for it, it isn't really romantic.
___ 17. Sex is a reward for good behavior.
___ 18. Men need sex more than women.
___ 19. I'd really rather have an extra hour of sleep.
___ 20. Romance seems like a lot of trouble.
___21. If it's planned it doesn't seem so romantic.
___ 22. He/she knows I love him. We don't need all this romance stuff.
___ 23. I'm not sure I'm worth all this attention.
___ 24. I associate sex with being bad.
___ 25. If I say "I love you" all the time, it will get old and meaningless.
___ 26. Romance = Sex
JUDGEMENTS
___ 1. I'm the only one who cares about this relationship any more.
___ 2. So that's why he has been so nice.
___ 3. Making love after an argument or misunderstanding is an easy way out.
___ 4. Well, that's the way he/she is because her father/mother is like that.
___ 5. I wonder what he/she REALLY wants for that hug, touch, kiss, smile, compliment, gift? (suspicious of other's motives)
___ 6. Scorekeeping - When you be nice to me, I'll be nice to you.
___ 7. This romance stuff is expensive, and we can't afford it.
___ 8. We don't have time for things like lingering over a candlelight dinner at home.
___ 9. We're encountered now - so aren't we supposed to be romantic all the time?
___ 10. He's so worried about what other people think - the guys at work will tease him if I put a love-note in his lunchbox.
___ 11. He'll/she'll be tired and cranky in the morning if I keep him up another hour.
___ 12. If I show him any affection, he wants to jump into bed.
___ 13. I don't believe I am attractive to him/her any more.
___ 14. I can't handle another pregnancy.
___ 15. We're meeting the national average - isn't that good enough?
___ 16. You just can't be spontaneous with a bunch of kids in the house.
___ 17. If I go all out this time, he/she will expect this all the time.
___ 18. He/she is no fun any more.
___ 19. I'm just not into this romance stuff.
___ 20. I'm satisfied - why should I change?
___ 21. He/she wouldn't appreciate me being romantic.
___ 22. He/she will never change.
___ 23. The kids will just interrupt us, so why bother?
TAKE-HOME DIALOGUE QUESTIONS - FOLLOW-UP #2 (ROMANCE)
1. What is my fondest memory of our courtship? HDTMMF? (How does this make me feel)
2. Share the first time I knew you were the one for me.
3. How do I see our sexual relationship affecting our whole relationship?
4. HDIFA our growth in the area of sex?
5. HDIFA experimenting in our sexual relationship?
6. Do I see our sexual relationship affecting our whole relationship?
7. HDIF when you say no?
8. HDIF when I ask you to make love to me?
9. HDIF when you SAY yes but you MEAN no?
10. HDIF when I make the decision to love and have sex when I don't want to?
11. "Husbands, love your wives as you love your own bodies" and "Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the Church". How do these words make me feel?
12. What was our favorite song when we were courting, and HDIF remembering/hearing it?
13. HDIF when I think about some of the crazy things we did for each other?
14. What about you turned me on the most? HDIFA that quality now?
15. HDIF about us when others notice how much we love each other?
16. HDIF when I remember our wedding day?
17. HDIF when I get a surprize note or call from you?
18. WAMF (what are my feelings) knowing you care more about me than about anyone else?
19. What do I think you miss most about our romance? HDTMMF?
20. How does my mask interfere with our romance? HDTMMF?
21. HDIF when our other activities become more important than the two of us?
22. What guideline for fighting do I find most difficult to practice? HDIFAT?
23. HDIF when I have judged you unfairly?
24. In what area of our relationship am I experiencing loneliness? HDTMMF?
25. How do I fail to listen to you when I am disillusioned? HDTMMF?
26. How can I become more sensitive to you?
27. HDIF when you compliment me?
28. HDIF when we make time for us?
29. What sacrifices am I willing to make to be more romantic with you? HDIFAT?
30. Do I see dialogue as part of our romance? HDIFAT?
31. Romance is a decision. HDIFAT?
32. What song would I dedicate to you today? HDIFAT?
33. How do I want you to romance me? HDTMMF (how does that make me feel)?
34. Do I see romance as part of our holiness? HDTMMF?
35. WAMFA being creative in our romance?
36. How can I be loving to you even when we can't make love? HDTMMF?
37. HDIF when I receive a gift?
38. HDIF when I receive an unexpected gift?
39. HDIF when my gift of help, time, friendship, etc is refused?
40. HDIF when I have to ask you for ______?
41. HDIF when you do something extra special for me?
42. HDIF when I am working and you are relaxing?
43. HDIF when I am relaxing and you are working?
44. HDIF when you show that you appreciate me?
45. HDIF when you make a sacrifice for me?
46. HDIF when you smile at me?
47. HDIF when you reach out and touch me?
48. HDIF when I make a mistake and you point it out?
49. Do I feel in control of my time? HDMAMMF?
50. HDIF when you interrupt me?
51. HDIF when you are sick?
52. HDIF when you ask me to help you?
53. HDIF when you make me laugh?
54. HDIF about birth control?
55. HDIF about adoption?
56. HDIF about the number of children we have?
57. HDIF when you tell me you love me?
58. HDIF when I think that you are judging me?
59. HDIF when I am buying a gift for you?
60. HDIF when you are too hard on yourself?
61. What is my favorite pet name that you call me? HDIFAT?
62. How do I like you to touch me? HDIF when you touch me that way?
63. HDIF when you tell me that you desire me?
64. What about you am I grateful for today? HDMAMMF?
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NONDEMAND LOVING
-Give a sixty second hug.-Dance together to your song.
-Give a ten-second kiss. -Give a foot rub.
-Scratch your spouse's back.-Sleep in each other's arms by the fire.
-Take a stroll in the moonlight.-Pick a romantic dialogue question.
-Go swimming together.-Split your favorite dessert.
-Kiss your spouse in five different places.-Light a candle.
-Wash your spouse's hair.-Offer to wash his or her back.
-Sing your spouse a love song.-Blow bubbles.
-Leave a note on the pillow or in the lunchbox.-Call just to say "I love you"
-Write him or her a poem - use the first letters of your spouse's name.
-Wake up thanking God for your spouse and go to sleep with the same prayer.
-Go on a picnic-Take a walk in the rain
-Rent Casablanca-Say yes
-Pray together for a Marriage Encounter Weekend-Swing together on a swingset
-Give yourselves a 90/90 for an anniversary gift-Go parking
-Play balloon volleyball-Go shopping TOGETHER for underwear
-Watch a sunset together-Brush her hair
-Turn the TV off-Read the Song of Songs aloud
-Go for a bike ride together-Get season tickets to the symphony
-Put a single rose on his/her pillow-Hold hands
WE CAN HELP
BABYSITTING:
*Note: We also need a couple who would be willing to coordinate babysitting (keep a roster of couples willing to babysit and call them when babysitting is needed for a couple to make a weekend).
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PRAYER COUPLE:
We'll do it:
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We'd like to hear more about it:
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PULPIT TALKS:
We'd like to give them, just tell us how:
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We'd like more information:
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HELPING WITH CONTINUING THE WEEKEND FOLLOW-UPS:
We'd like to help:
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We'd like more information:
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