Revising Practice # 4
In this paper Norma writes about a modern-day human tragedy. She would like you to read her paper and make suggestions for corrections and improvements. When you finish reading, answer the questions that follow.
The Madan: A Fading Way of Life
(1) An animal species is classified as endangered when most of its kind disappears.
(2) The disappearance of a species is often the result of environmental changes that cause a loss of natural habitat. (3) In modern-dayIraq, a group of people are facing this same type of destruction. (4) The ancient civilization of the Madan is endangered.
(5) For some 5,000 years, the Madan, or Marsh Arabs, have lived in the vast wetland where the Tigris and Euphrates rivers split. (6) This historic region is sometimes called the Fertile Crescent or the Cradle of Civilization. (7) There, on 8,000 square miles of channels and lakes, from thick beds of marsh reeds, the Madan constructed islands. (8) They then used reeds to build dome-shaped huts on their tiny islands. (9) For centuries the Madan flourished. (10) They hunted and fished; they traveled down the waterways in long carved boats.
(11) More recent events, however, have negatively impacted the Madan way of life.
(12) After the Persian Gulf War in 1991, Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein ordered a new river dug between the Tigris and the Euphrates. (13) He also initiated additional efforts that would eventually drain the marshes.
(14) For the Madan and the marsh environment, this project was a tragedy. (15) At one time, nearly half a million people lived on the marshes. (16) Today there are just 10,000 to 20,000 residents. (17) What was once a world filled with blue lagoons, rice paddies, otters, and waterfowl has become a cracked, salty desert. (18) Lakes have shrunk to shallow ponds, and sandstorms are blowing away the topsoil. (19) According to the United Nations Environmental Program, about 90 percent of the marshlands are now dry. (20) As the climate changes, new plant and animal species are replacing the old.
(21) Are the Madan and their marshes doomed? (22) Many people say no.
(23) Scientists from various world agencies are discussing ways to flood the region and restore the marshlands. (24) Baghdad is Iraq’s largest city and is also its capital. (25) Baroness Emma Nicholson, a British politician and a delegate to the World Health Organization, heads a foundation seeking aid for the marshes.
(26) Nicholson sums up the urgent situation by stating, “If the marshlands are not restored, then the marsh people will fade into history, and our generation will be responsible for the deliberate extinction of one of the oldest races in theworld.”
1. What is the most effective way to revise sentence 7 to improve its clarity?
A.There, on 8,000 square miles of channels and lakes, from thick beds of marsh reeds. The Madan constructed islands.
B.There, it is on 8,000 square miles of channels and lakes that the Madan constructed islands. They were from from thick beds of marsh reeds.
C.There, on 8,000 square miles of channels and lakes, the Madan constructed islands from thick beds of marsh reeds.
D.There, on 8,000 square miles of channels and lakes, the Madan constructed islands; they used thick beds of marsh reeds.
2. What is the most effective way to rewrite sentence 10 to convey a more logical connection of ideas?
A.They hunted, and they fished, and they traveled down the waterways in long carved boats.
B.They hunted and fished. They were traveling down the waterways in long carved boats.
C.Long carved boats traveled down the waterways, and they hunted and fished.
D.Traveling down the waterways in long carved boats, they hunted and fished.
3. Norma is trying to add relevant details to help support the ideas in paragraph 3 (11-13). Which sentence would best follow sentence 13 in this paragraph?
A.This new river would pull essential water flow from the marshes.
B.These efforts included ordering dikes and dams to be built in this region.
C.Many call his action one of his greatest crimes against humanity.
D.To many, these marshes served as a refuge for those who didn’t support Hussein.
4. What is the most effective way to improve the organization of the paragraph 5
(sentences 21–26)?
A.Delete sentence 23
B.Switch sentences 23 and 24
C.Move sentence 24 to the end of the paragraph
D.Delete sentence 24
5. Norma wants to combine sentences 21 and 22 to have a more effective topic sentence. Which is the best revision of these sentences?
A.There may still hope for the Madan and their marshes, however, and different people are searching for solutions to this crisis.
B.Scientist are discussing ways to help the region and this includes politicians as well who think the marshes are not doomed.
C.Wondering whether the Madans are doomed, you will find that many people will say that it is not.
D.The climate of this region makes it impossible to restore vegetation in the area. That is why many people feel that the Madan are doomed.
6. The writer would like to include a final thought in her conclusion to wrap up her message. Which of the following would be the best sentence to insert after sentence 26?
A.The marshlands must be restored or our society will be responsible; that is why we should raise awareness about its crisis.
B.These marshlands may have been the inspiration for the Biblical Garden of Eden, so it is an important place for all Christians.
C.Something must be done before this historical land and civilization vanish, and raising awareness may be an important first step.
D.The price to restore these lands and culture may deter many government officials and organizations from helping.
Revising Practice #5
Clayton’s teacher asked him to write a paper about an interesting event. Clayton decided to describe an unusual festival he had read about in the newspaper. He wants you to read his paper and suggest corrections and improvements he should make. When you finish reading, answer the questions that follow.
The Annual Bug Bowl
(1) Many festivals feature the same kinds of activities. (2) Usually there are races, exhibits, and tasty treats. (3) However, this festival is a little different. (4) The annual Bug Bowl, which is put on each spring at Purdue University in West Lafayette, Indiana, started in 1990 as a class project. (5) Today, this unusual festival brings in more than 10,000 visitors each year.
(6) At first glance Bug Bowl events may seem rather ordinary, but a closer look reveals some surprises. (7) The races aren’t relay or sack races; they are cockroach races. (8) Held at Purdue’s Roach Hill Downs, these races are quite popular with visitors, who are invited to select their favorite roach and cheer for it to win. (9) Spectators stand and observe these cockroaches run across the ground.
(10) In an adjacent area another unique competition takes place—cricket spitting. (11) Women, men, girls, and boys compete to see how far they can propel a cricket. (12) This unusual sport is even listed in the Guinness Book of World Records. (13) As of the year 2000, the world record stood at just over 32 feet. (14) National news agencies are always on hand. (15) They take pictures and interview the people who participate in this strange event.
(16) Of course, a festival wouldn’t ever be complete without a big offering of delicious snacks. (17) The Bug Bowl is no exception. (18) On the night before the celebration begins, designated chefs participate in an insect cook-off.(19) Local professionals judge the “delicious” dishes. (20) In addition to these gourmet items, the following concoctions have been offered at Bug Bowls in years past: Chinese stir-fry with mealworms, chocolate crickets on a stick, and a snack mix made with cereal and wax-moth larvae.
(21) Before they leave this festival, many visit the insect petting zoo.(22) Scientists believe some insects have been on Earth since prehistoric times.(23) Children line up for the opportunity to hold strange bugs of all kinds.(24) Most people agree that Purdue’s Bug Bowl is definitely a one-of-a-kind experience!
1. Paragraph 2 (sentences 6-9) needs a transition to help promote the logical progression of ideas. Which transition is needed at the beginning of sentence 7?
A.For example,
B.Nevertheless,
C.On the other hand,
D.However,
2. Clayton would like to add better diction and description. Which of the following sentence would best replace sentence 9 to accomplish this task?
A.Many visitors who attend the festival watch as the cockroaches race across the ground.
B.Thousands of spectators stand and observe as the big brown insects scurry across the ground.
C.The race includes many insects racing across the groups and observed by spectators.
D.Scurrying across the ground, thousands of spectators observe the brown insects race.
3. How should sentences 14 and 15 be combined?
A.National news agencies are always on hand to take pictures because they interview the people who participate in this strange event.
B.National news agencies are always on hand to take pictures, so they interview the people who participate in this strange event.
C.National news agencies are always on hand if they take pictures and interview the people who participate in this strange event.
D.National news agencies are always on hand to take pictures and interview the people who participate in this strange event.
4. Which of the following would best substitute the word big as it is used in sentence 16?
A.vast
B.meager
C.sarcastic
D.fruitless
5. Clayton wants to clarify the meaning of a general reference in sentence 21. Which of the following should replace the word they in sentence 21?
A.contestants
B.crickets
C.visitors
D.Media members
6. What is the most effective way to improve the organization of the last paragraph (sentences 21–24)?
A.Delete sentence 21
B.Switch sentences 21 and 22
C.Delete sentence 22
D.Move sentence 24 to the beginning of the paragraph
Editing Practice #4
In response to an English assignment, Vanessa wrote this story about a memorable day. Read Vanessa’s story and look for ways she might correct and improve it. When you finish reading, answer the questions that follow.
Inspection Day
(1) I yawned and gulped a bit more coffee as I stumbled into work at the pizza parlor that Saturday morning. (2) I was so sleepy that I failed to notice that the parking lot was more crowded then usual. (3) The sign on the door read “Closed Until 4:00.” (4) That should have reminded me that this day would be different. (5) However, I didn’t remember until I saw the mops, buckets, and brooms and hearing the upbeat music booming from the speakers.
(6) Today was inspection day.
(7) My boss Harry is the sort of man who can make even the most borring jobs seem fun. (8) Today, however, he looked very serious. (9) He insisted that the shop had to be spotless by the time the inspector arrived. (10) The twinkle in his eye suggested that he planned to make the work enjoyment.
(11) Harry assigned jobs, he checked off each task on his clipboard. (12) When he called my name, he looked up with a sly, mischievous smile. (13) He said, “I have a very special job for you, Vanessa. (14) He pointed at the large pizza oven.
(15) The inside of the oven was caked with the remains of every pizza that had been made since the last inspection. (16) I wasn’t excited about cleaning it, but I knew I had no choice. (17) Someone had to crawl inside to clean it, and I was the only person small enough to fit.
(18) I grabbed the oven cleaner, rubber gloves, paper towels, and scrub brush and squeezed inside the oven. (19) Quickly I went to work. (20) I was surprised by how efficiently the oven cleaner ate through all the grime. (21) Fortunately, I was wearing a protective mask and safety goggles, so I didn’t have to worry about the fumes hurting my lungs or burning my eyes. (22) It was actually kind of fun to watch the remnants of all those pizzas just vanish!
(23) I scrubbed until the job was finally finished. (24) You couldn’t have asked for a cleaner oven. (25) However, my uniform, which was covered in black soot was another story. (26) After everybody had a good laugh about how silly I looked, harry rewarded me by letting me go home early. (27) I cleaned up and then decided to ask some friends to join me for dinner. (28) This was one night I would definitely not eat pizza, though.
N
1. What change, if any, should be made
in sentence 2?
A.Change failed to fail
B.Change notice to notise
C.Change then to than
D.Make no change
2. What change needs to be made to
sentence 5?
A.Change saw to seen
B.Change hearing to heard
C.Insert a comma after music
D.No change is needed
3. What correction needs to be made to
sentence 7?
A.Change who to he
B.Change borringto boring
C.Change fun to funner
D.No change is needed
4. What change, if any, should be made
in sentence 10?
A.Change suggested to sugested
B.Change he tothey
C.Change enjoyment to enjoyable
D.Make no change
5. What is the correct way to rewrite sentence 11?
A.Harry assigned jobs. Checking off each task on his clipboard.
B.As Harry assigned jobs, he checked off each task on his clipboard.
C.Assigning jobs and checking off each task. Harry used his clipboard.
D.No revision is needed.
6. What change, if any, should be made in sentence 13?
A.Change said to says
B.Delete the comma after you
C.Insert quotation marks at the end of the sentence
D.Make no change
7. What change needs to be made to sentence 25?
A.Delete the comma after However
B.Change uniform to Uniform
C.Delete the comma after uniform
D.Insert a comma after soot
8. What change is needed in sentence 26?
A.Change After to While
B.Delete the comma after looked
C.Change harry to Harry
D.Change me to them
Editing Practice #5
Debra has written about a recent experience. She wants you to review her paper. As you read, think about the corrections and improvements she should make. When you finish reading, answer the questions that follow.
A Gift of Life
(1) Last October I gave my big sister a gift that no one else could have gave her.
(2) I gave Shannon my right kidney. (3) Shannon is 10 years older than me, and I’ve always looked up to her. (4) Now we share a special bond that goes beyond being sisters.
(5) For as long as I can remember, Shannon has been sick. (6) She has type 1 diabetes and has to give herself shots every day. (7) Her kidneys began to fail last May, Shannon had to start going to the hospital for dialysis three times a week. (8) In this treatment a machine does the filtering work that kidneys normally do. (9) Eventually, the doctors told us that Shannon needed a kidney transplant.
(10) At first, we thought she would have to wait until she reached the top of the Nation’s transplant list. (11) But then we learned that a family member might be a match. (12) In that case, Shannon could have a kidney transplant imediately.
(13) I knew right away that I would like nothing more than to give one of my kidneys to Shannon. (14) So I was tested—and tested and tested! (15) I was stuck with so many needles that Shannon laughed and said, Now you understand what it feels like to be me!” (16) As my sister and I waited to find out whether I could give Shannon the gift that she needed, we grew closer than ever. (17) After a few weeks the doctors finally confirmed it: we were a perfect match!
18) The day of the surgery soon arrived. (19) Shannon and I were wheeled into adjoining operating rooms while our family members huddled tensely in the waiting room.
(20) I don’t remember nothing after squeezing Shannon’s arm and before we went into surgery. (21) The next thing I knew, I was waking up in the recovery room. (22) I was out of the hospital in three days, and Shannon came home two weeks later. (23) Already her life seems to have a new sparkle. (24) I know that my kidney is now hard at work in her body makes me feel very proud.
1. What change, if any, should be made
in sentence 1?
A.Insert a comma after gift
B.Change could to couldn’t
C.Change have gave to have given
D.Make no change
2. What change needs to be made in
sentence 3?
A.Change me to I am
B.Delete the comma after me
C.Change I’ve to i have
D.Change her to herself
3. What is the correct way to rewrite
sentence 7?
A.When her kidneys began to fail last May, Shannon had to start going to the hospital for dialysis three times a week.
B.Because her kidneys began to fail last May. Shannon had to start going to the hospital for dialysis three times a week.
C.Beginning to fail last May, Shannon had to start going to the hospital for dialysis three times a week for her kidneys.
D.No revision is needed.
4. How should sentence 10 be changed?
A.Change thought to thinking
B.Insert quotation marks around wait
C.Change Nation’sto nation’s
D.Change transplant to transplent
5. What change, if any, should be made in sentence 12?
A.Change the comma to a semicolon
B.Change a kidney transplant to one
C.Change imediatelyto immediately
D.Make no change
6. What changeshould be made in sentence 15?
A.Insert a colon after stuck
B.Change that to then
C.Delete the comma
D.Insert quotation marks before Now
7. What change, if any, should be made in sentence 20?
A.Change nothing to anything
B.Change squeezing to squeazing
C.Change we to they
D.Make no change
8. What change should be made in sentence 24?
A.Change I know to Knowing
B.Insert it after kidney
C.Change makes to make
D.Change proud to proudly