Readers' Letters and Replies:
Dear Chin-Ning Chu
My friend, Paddy, introduced me to one of your books, "Thick Face And Black Heart". It was an inspiring experience. I could not put the book downuntil I have read it word for word.
When I watched you on the tape addressing A.S.T.D. I saw a woman of arrogantsimplicity and tender callousness in perfect balance. "perfect". You were dominant but knew how and when to yield. The symbol of an open colorful chinese fan mounted on its back, a sharp steel dagger kept flashing in front of my face. "As gentle as a cool breeze and as sharp as steel. I think that it is an appropriate symbol for you or at least that is how I see you.
As Paddy told you, I am a psychiatrist, born and educated in Egypt. It is also a country of long history and tradition although we have lost our fighting spirit over the last twenty-six centuries, which is not a long time in Egyptian terms. Since the forties we are trying to revive that spirit through the Somori tradition. As in my old country we have a great admiration to China and India, the origin of Buddhism.
You are bringing a new outlook to the Northern American culture. When I look as an outsider, I find that I am living in a culture that moves with dazzling speed, being able to stop for brief periods of civilization. Maybe your ideas, and your grace will bring something badly needed to the North American culture. I think you are a inspiration to the human race.
I have some difficulty obtaining your books through the stores. I would appreciate it if you send me a copy of your books, "Work Less, Achieve More" and "The Rain Maker", accompanied with your invoice. I would be honored if you could sign them for me.
Hope to see you soon in San Diego.
Regards,
AS
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To: AS
Date: Monday, November 08, 1999 2:42 AM
Subject: Chin-Ning's Reply
Greeting Dr. S,
I have received 10,000 letters in over 40 countries and no one has described me "as gentle as a cool breeze, and as sharp as steel". I think besides being a psychiatrist, born and educated in the ancient culture of Egypt has definitely provided you with a unique scope into the human psyche. I'm honored of your praise and am looking forward to the future opportunity of learning from you. The North American culture can benefit from the three oldest civilizations of the world, Egypt, India and China.
I am sure sometime, somewhere we'll meet in person. Until then, live in God's grace.
Yours truly,
Chin-Ning Chu
P.s. Please e-mail me with your contacting phone number for our records.
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9th September 1999
Dear Chin-Ning Chu
I was a victim of cancer, I was diagnosed with malignant bowel cancer on the 18th January 1998 seemed strange after having spent 35 years managing a business in the Brisbane fresh fruit market, as everything I ate was fresh.
When my superior was informed of my condition he was very sympathetic, was sure I would not survive, and a short while later, asked me to resign. I was deeply hurt, so I promptly handed in my resignation.
As time rolled by my physical and mental health declined. Modern medical doctors could not help me, I had a tremendous feeling of guilt, and I was constantly fatigued.
To put the last 12 months of my life into a few words, I found two things, Usana and Chin-Ning Chu. As I write to you I am not only mentally fine, I am also physically fine. The gentleman who asked for my resignation recently offered me a position back in the company, he realized that I was not going to die (lust yet, god willingl) I declined his offer. I am writing to you not only to thank you but to ask if you know about
Usana, if you do than I am very happy for you, if you don't than I am very happy for me Look forward to your reply
Lots of love and thanks
AR
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Date: Tuesday, February 15, 2000 7:52 AM
I bought myself your book and read it right away (and have alreadyrecommended it to several people). Being a person who feels compelled to do, rather be I'm having trouble adapting your lessons to making a career transition. I guess my question is how does one know how much action to take vs. how much should one rely on meditation. I can appreciate the notion of meditating everyday for more awareness but how do I look for a new opportunity and be true to your principals.
Your suggestions would be most welcome!
Thank You.
MB
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To: MB
Date: Thursday, March 02, 2000 10:38 AM
Subject: Re: Chin-Ning's Reply to Ouestion
Dear MB,
Thank you for your wonderful question regarding "How does one know how muchaction to take vs. how much should one rely on meditation?"
The purpose of meditation is for you to be in line with the symmetry of the universe. To be in touch with that perfect balance, perfect harmony, and perfect goodness within you. This allows you to do your action from that attitude and understanding. In short, it is not that meditation will replace your work, rather it will help you focus. What you do will most likely be the right thing to do. By meditating regularly, this will allow you to do the work relaxed, non-attached, surrendering while with a laser beam-like meditative focus.
Chin-Ning
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Dear Ms. Chu,
I have recently finished with the reading of "The Secrets of the Rainmaker", while previously I have read "The Asian Mind Game" and "Thick Face, Black Heart". I am still studying the latter, as I find it most interesting. Permit me to congratulate you on these superbly written books, as they provide me with many matters to think about and research.
I have been trying to, should I say, "evolve" myself into a more balanced person. And have read many books on psychology and philosophy. Needless to say, they do not do much in terms of complimenting each other, and that separation is not what can aid me. However, your books integrate many a discipline into well researched and wonderfully written text. I would not consider "Thick Face, BLACK Heart" a guiding book. While at one level it is a guide, it is mostly a maze, pointing to the reader where he needs to be, from where he was lost in the beginning, but it Leaves the reader to explore the possibilities of getting there by him/herself. And I find that wonderful. While in essence we are all the same, we cannot touch that essence by words, and thereby cannot be directly guided by text, however, we can use the text as a sentinels, marking the points which we ourselves will experience by not merely understanding, but feeling, through You, the path we should take.
I would say I am a complicated person, result of many years of unfortunate situations, and am now in search of emptiness, the Void as you call it, that form of simplicity to which we all belong. Your book is aiding me in this search greatly.
I regret inwardly, the fact, that I am not able to meet with you in person, however, if it is to be, I hope it will be in near future. I would be truly delighted to discuss with you the many aspects of your book, and myriad of other matters.
Now, the reason I wanted to write to you, was to inquire what other books you have written, as I would like to buy them, if they are in print here in Australian market.
Australian bookstores are of no help in this matter. I would appreciate it greatly if you could reply to this.
Again, I thank you for sharing your knowledge, as it is an invaluable insight into the areas which we should all be able to experience. I admire your courage and determination, and I trust that one day soon, I will be wielding both with the samevigor and success as you.
Yours,
IV
Ps: as you have shared details of your Life, I feel obliged to do the same in some way : I am 21 year old male, originally born in former Yugoslavia, left shortly after the war started in 92, and lived in New Zealand, from 93 to 98, upon which I moved to Australia, while at present we have not met, I would like to develop a closer acquaintance with you, and I hope you will allow me that privilege.
Thank you.
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Date: Monday, January 24, 2000 6:48 PM
Subject: Light from a Guiding Lamp
Dear Chin-Ning
How are you? I hope you still remember me. I wrote two e-mails to you a few months ago, titled "Dharma of Love", because I wanted to know your views on love and relationship.
You referred me to your Chinese book titled "How to Deal with Men". I placed an order for the book and eagerly awaited its arrival.
However, after reading it, I must admit that I'm puzzled, skeptical, and miserable. The mind is filled with questions on the application of the ideas in the book to my own love life. So here I am, writing to you again, in the hope that I can hear more from you.
At this point, I feel obliged to thank you for your time and patience in reading this. I apologize for its length, but your answers would mean much to me.
First, I think it's appropriate to give you a short profile of me. I am a twenty-three year old Chinese girl, and was born and bred in Singapore. I've just graduated eight months ago, and is currently working as an engineer in Singapore.
In the looks department, I'm blessed with quite pretty features, average height, and slim too. Personality-wise I’m trusting and naive, which is unfortunate. I am a proactive person, and is seeking improvement all the time.
My questions have a direct relation to what happened to me. If you recall, I met this wonderful guy (still wonderful to me) in. He ask me out, and we dated for a few months before he dumped me one night outside a bar, citing reasons like "We are moving too fast, we should start all over again." (We've kissed twice before, that's all) One hour after dumping me, he was flirting around with another girl in the bar. I found that out because I went back to the bar to look for him, wanting to agree with him and "start all over again".
I was heart-broken, because I interpreted the scene as "I meant so little to him". I went to an aunt's place to cry my heart out, and my aunt advised me to forget about him, and move on, since he has indicated that he didn't want the relationship.
Two months passed, and he did not contact me. I did not contact him as well, except for an e-mail I sent him, telling him that I still want to be friends, and if he needs someone to talk to, I’ll be there for him.
Then, a thunderbolt struck in December. I heard from the office grapevine that he was getting married to his long-time girlfriend (When we were dating, he told me that he has broken up with her for six months). I asked him out, on the pretext that I wanted to have a chat. I asked him about the status of our relationship, and he replied "We're still friends". He did not mentioned about his marriage, until I asked. I probed further, and he blurted out the "truth". He told me that his girlfriend had been pregnant with their child, but she miscarried. His parents were forcing him to get married.
He told me the incident happened before we met. He told me, he loved me, but things did not worked out as he hoped. He had to go back to his girlfriend.
I gave him one last teary hug, and said goodbye. In my mind, I told myself "I did the right thing. He belongs to another girl, who has suffered a miscarriage. She is pitiful, and she deserves him. He is a wonderful, responsible guy." I believed what I was doing was in accordance with "Dharma", even though it was so painful, to let go of something you love.
The day after, I received an e-mail from him, asking me "Can we still go out for dinner?". I discussed it with my aunt, who told me to ignore it, and not be a third-party. So I did not reply. At a company bar outing, I drank a drop too much, and did not feel well. So I went home first. He called me on my hand phone, but I did not have the courage to answer.
Two months later, I received another thunderbolt. I heard (and saw it too) that he was flirting around with a manager's personal assistant. By that time, it was public knowledge that he was getting married this coming September. He and the girl behaved as a couple during our "nights out".
Everyone in the office knows about them being together.(For me, nobody knew we were dating, because we are mobile staff, which means that almost all our colleagues were never in the office. Also, we kept a respectful distance in front of our colleagues).
It has been almost four months since he dumped me. In spite of everything, I still love him. Even though I chose to ignore him when he tried to contact me, it was a choice made out of fear that I might be doing the "wrong" thing by going out with him, because he was already engaged, and I didn't want to hurt his wife-to-be.
I am puzzled. On the one hand, he is a loving, caring person. But, by flirting with the girl, he is no longer the "wonderful, responsible" person I thought him to be. He is destroying his professional image by being with the other girl, and hurting his wife-to-be. And hurting me too. I wonder, why? What's the reason for all this doing?
1. Is he a Mr. Right, or Mr. Wrong? Even though I read your book, and asked myself the questions you posed, I still cannot identify him as Mr. Right or Mr. Wrong.
2. Did I made the right choice to give him up, and in doing so, did I gave another girl the chance (the girl he's currently with)?
3. Did I handle the situation correctly? If so, why am I still so miserable? If not, why?
4. Should I try to win him back? But, I meant so little to him.
5. Is he worth it?
I must be honest with you. I so badly want to know the answers to those questions above that I can never be in peace until I do. I want to break out of this vicious cycle. A voice in me shouted "I want the truth, no matter how much it hurts".
He brought out the best in me. I am the Me + A Boyfriend = Me (+) + A Boyfriend. I cannot deny that my feelings for him are still strong, in spite of what you mentioned in the book about being overwhelmed by love. I tried my best to be a wonderful girlfriend. But I..guess I failed terribly.
Does the problem lie with me or him? Is there a second chance for us?
Right now, there are other guys after me. But these are not sincere guys.
They attempted to flirt with me, then pick up another girl in the evening. I dare not associate with them much less use them for "practice". Am I right to think that way?
On a d different note, I wonder "Can a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship be sustainable without sex?" I have always imposed the standard "I must be a virgin on my wedding night". But I do not see it as a burden. I enjoy imposing this standard on myself (Vanity, maybe). I know that I cannot bring myself to have sex with a man before marriage. Hence, the question above.
You mentioned about the correct "tao te in sex", by citing an example of a lady boss and her unwilling subordinate. What is the message behind it? I am so confused about so many things that light shed by a guiding lamp would mean much to me.
Thank you for taking time to read this. I eagerly await your reply.
I wish you and husband Curt all the best in career and marriage.
Warmest regards,
JQ
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Date: Friday, March 03, 2000 9:55 AM
Subject: Re: Chin-Ning's Reply to the Light from a Guiding Lamp
Dear JQ,
You are such a courageous lady to share yourself so honestly. As you saidabout yourself "I am trusting and naive". Here is your answer.
1) You trusted a selfish, self-centered, inconsiderate womanizer, who is also a great actor and is able to con you and other women into thinking he is a nice and sweet man with high integrity.
2) You are so naive that any man could put on a good act for you and you believe them, which I can understand. I used to be like you, too. An honest woman like yourself would never lie to a man to hurt him deliberately. So you believe since you won't do this to others, therefore they won't do it to you. Wake up girl and go get yourself a "Thick Face, Black Heart" book and read it a couple of times.
3) He's definitely Mr. Wrong. How could you even question it. Listen to your aunt's advice. She knows.
4) You made a great choice to give him up and whoever catches him will be eternally cursed.
5) The reason that you're so miserable is because you are loving, trusting and naive. You will meet other guys who will hurt you, too, but you get used to it. Don't take all your relationships so deadly serious.
The dharma of love is to love, pamper and honor yourself. When a guy disrespects you totally like he has done, walk out. You definitely do not want him back because he is not worth it. Maybe 20 or 30 years later you'll still be thinking about him. Call him then and try him out. You will find out that he is a selfish and lousy lover or 30 years later you will look back at this incident and find that it was a comic episode.
6) Stop chanting, "I am so confused". The way you get unconfused is to declare that you are not confused and that you will work it out in time. It is okay to not know everything at this moment. You have to be patient. Let the universe teach you about life.