Re-structuring ‘Lean In’ (Sandberg 2013) to user manual format(solutions to problems in blue)

WHY AREN’T WOMEN SITTING AT THE TABLE AND LEANING IN?

The answer seems to be FEAR. So what are we scared of?

1. Not being liked

When a woman takes a calculated approach to amassing power, particularly through risk-taking,people react negatively because the female stereotype is violated (ie she does not come across as caring, sensitive, communal, sensible). In men, this is behaviour is encouraged and accepted as it supports the male stereotype (decisive, adventurous, driven, providing). Women worry about hearing ‘she’s very bossy’ or ‘she’s very ambitious’. Sotheymute their accomplishments and don’t push themselves forward.

  • Pretend to be nice and smile! Prior to institutional change, know the enemy and make it work for you. When you fight for a pay increase or promotion, say you are doing it because you are acutely aware that women get paid less/promoted less than men so it appears you are caring and fighting for all women, not just yourself.
  • Learn to withstand criticism early so that it doesn’t form a barrier to personal advancement.

2. Risk-taking

Without taking risks, it is almost impossible to move forwards. However, it is a traitgirls are actively discouraged from very early on.

  • Be brave and think ‘what would you do if you weren’t afraid?

3. The Imposter Syndrome

Following accomplishment, you feel undeserving and guilty and that a mistake has been made and that it is only a matter of time before you are found out. Women are especially susceptible.

  • Fake confidence. You will eventually start to feel it.

4. Speaking out

People in low power roles (usually women) often find this difficult because it can result in displeasing people, not being considered a team player, calling attention to oneself etc. Women are particularly likely to receive negative feedback as it goes against the female stereotype. Butwithout it, resentment builds and achievements can go unnoticed/attributed to someone else.

  • Learn to speak without hurting people’s feelings. Make it clear that you understand you can only see things from your own perspective and give genuine credence to their views. Use simple, minimal language and learn to listen.
  • Present your views in first person and be specific. Do not say ‘you never take my views seriously’ but ‘I notice that you haven’t answered my last four emails. Why is this?’. The first approach induces the shut down response ‘ yes I do’ whereas the latter will open a genuine line of communication.
  • Learn to take negative feedback yourself without reacting badly. Encourage further honesty with private and public thanks to feedback giver.
  • Use humour – a recent study said it was the most frequent characteristic used to describe the most effective leaders.
  • If crying occurs, remember that everyone recognises the important role that emotions play at work and be willing to discuss them.

5. Trying to ‘have it all’

Media/society is always warning women (and never men) of its dangers. In the UK, women do twice as much domestic work as men and so are under much more time/energy pressure, making it more difficult for them to succeed at work.

  • Understand that the coining of this phrase was the greatest trap ever set for women and that it is a myth. Think ‘what is best for me and my family?’ instead.
  • Don’t compare your work output with colleagues with no domestic responsibilities or your domestic output with those who stay at home. Prioritise! eg scientific results must be 100%, but reports can be 90%. Engage in guilt management and remember men congratulate themselves for all domestic tasks and women excel at self-flagellation.
  • Find the right partner and insist they take on 50% of domestic tasks. Believe they can match maternal talent with knowledge/effort. Avoid ‘maternal gatekeeping’ (being too controlling/critical) or task allocation (which will result in ‘doing a favour’-type behaviour).
  • Do not leave work before you leave! ie make small decisions throughout a career in anticipation of having a family. Of all the ways women hold themselves back, Sheryl thinks this is the most pervasive. She asks us to compare a career with a marathon, where the men and women at the start line are all equally qualified. Along the way, men get ‘looking good!’ where women get ‘you know you don’t have to do this! Good start – but you probably won’t want to finish!’ Soignore the crowd, get past the tough middle of the race and hit your stride.

HOW INSTITUTIONS MUST CHANGE!

  1. Accept and transcend gender differences.

They mustrecognisethe differences between men and women both in behaviour and how itis perceived by others. This must be talked about without it being seen as a cry for help/special treatment/a law case.

  1. Identify the barriers holding women back and work to correct for them.

They must address eg fear-related behaviour by encouragement, promoting and championing of women. Formal mentorship systems should be developed. This has been show to be particularly effective for women, especially when combined with other training. Negative responses to stereotype-violation must be understood by everyone and overcome.

  1. Change the career penalties associated with childcare

They should introduce real flexitime (with no associated penalties), equal paternity/maternity leave and they must be aware of the ‘busy bastard’ syndrome (ie working 24/7 just to look good), giving full recognition to the real alternative of working at home

WHAT WOMEN MUST DO NOW!

  1. Decide that equality is long overdue and will only be achieved when more women rise to the top of every government and every industry.
  1. Be proud to be feminist again and make it clear this means we ‘believe in social, political and economic equality of the sexes’ which will result in better performance by organisations and probably greater happiness for all.
  1. Remember that everyone suffers from a ‘Bias Blindspot’

This occurs when we think we are aware of the bias against women but we aren’t. As a result, we can also be perpetrators of sexism. Negative assessment of a woman by a woman is particularly damaging as it cannot be put down to gender.

  1. Women must support women.

Working together, we are 50% of the population and have real power. We must stay focused on real goals and stop intra-gender wars eg. whether it’s better to be a career woman or a stay-at-home-Mum.

Organise activities at work such as women’s lunches once a month. Return to your respective teams and share talents and achievements of your female colleagues.

  1. Read ‘Sheryl’s top tips for us on how to negotiate the working world’.

SHERYL’S TOP TIPS FOR US ON HOW TO NEGOTIATE THE WORKING WORLD

  1. Think of your career as a climbing frame, not a ladder

This is a very useful concept for women who are often unable to follow a single path and get continually higher through eg getting blocked, re-entering the workforce after time off. We must accept that dips, detours and dead ends present a better chance for fulfillment and that sitting on the top of a ladder results in a very limited view.

  1. Have an 18-month plan

This should be for your team and for yourself and must include looking at potential for improvement.

  1. Think ‘I want to do that and I’ll learn by doing it’ rather than ‘I’m not ready for that’

When looking for a new job, women will only apply if they think they have 100% of the skills required. Men will apply if they think they have 60%.

  1. Do not assume that promotions will come when they are deserved.

Women tend to think that this is how things will work. However, it is unlikely to happen and so one must advocate for oneself.

  1. Think ‘excel and I will get a mentor’ not ‘if I get a mentor, I will excel’.

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Alex Lewis 18/12/13