Primary Educators Parents Irreplaceable Role in Raising Saints

Primary Educators – Parents’ Irreplaceable Role in Raising Saints

Daria Sockey

Daria Sockey
From the Sep/Oct 2006 Issue of Lay Witness Magazine

Not many Catholic 11-year-olds in 1970 could quote from the documents of the Second Vatican Council. But I could-just one sentence. I heard my mother quote it a hundred times as she spoke to teachers, pastors, and even our bishop, and I had seen her write it in letters to these same folks, not to mention in numerous letters to the editor. So I knew that parents were “the primary and principal educators” of their children. Mom used this line from the Declaration on Christian Education (GravissimumEducationis, no. 3) to justify preparing my sister and me for the sacraments at home at a time when catechetical texts were insipid at best and heterodox at worst. She used it to bolster her argument when schools-both Catholic and public-introduced sex education courses from which she wanted us exempted. She generally won those arguments.

Years later, raising my own children, I wished to avoid such showdowns with educational authorities as much as possible. So Bill and I decided to home school our children. As the Catholic home schooling movement grew, the literature promoting it also made copious use of the “primary educators” phrase.

After 20 years of almost continuous home schooling, we decided, for various reasons, to enroll one child in a local Catholic high school. Things came full circle as Bill and I found ourselves reminding the headmaster that as the “primary and principle educators” of our son, we had the right to have him exempted from health class on any day that sexual matters were the topic.

Yep. We’ve had some times together, that “primary educators” quotation and I.

But is that all there is to it? Is being your child’s first educator mainly about the choice to either spend every summer sweating over curriculum catalogs or every fall holding tense communications with school authorities? Recently I pulled a few Church documents off the bookcase and dipped into the relevant sections, trying to get closer to the heart of the matter-to learn what the Church means when it says marriage by its nature is ordered to the procreation and education of children. As one might expect, there was more-so much more-than I had thought. What follows is a sampling of what I found.

To keep things simple, I will mostly reference the Catechism of the Catholic Church and the 1981 apostolic exhortation FamiliarisConsortio, both of which quote or reference the highlights of the Vatican II document on Christian education, and both of which are often referred to themselves in more recent documents that deal with the parental role. Those who want to learn more may want to check out the Pontifical Council for the Family’s 1995 document The Truth and Meaning of Human Sexuality-Guidelines for Education Within the Family.

Irreplaceable You

As the Second Vatican Council recalled, “since parents have conferred life on their children, they have a most solemn obligation to educate their offspring. Hence, parents must be acknowledged as the primary and principle educators of their children. Their role as educators is so decisive that scarcely anything can compensate for their failure in it.”

The right and duty of parents to give education is essential, since it is connected with the transmission of human life; it is original and primary with regard to the educational role of others, on account of the unique and loving relationship between parents and children; and it is irreplaceable and
inalienable, and therefore incapable of being entirely delegated to others or usurped by others (FC, no. 36).

Here is a paradox: The preceding statements give parents both a sense of crushing responsibility as well as a sense of liberation. This “solemn obligation” is a heavy burden-we fear that our meager abilities will be overtaxed. Nothing can compensate for our failure-what if we fail?

At the same time, the conviction that nobody else on earth knows and loves my children the way my husband and I do-that this job is ordained for us alone-enables me to cheerfully ignore the voices that try to tell me otherwise. True, we parents are sinners, and will probably fulfill our role as primary educators imperfectly. But our imperfect is miles better than what would result if we allowed these others to usurp us. As G.K. Chesterton said, “A thing that is really worth doing is worth doing badly.” And the grace and gifts that come with marriage almost guarantee that our “badly” won’t be that bad.

Sharing God’s Creative Role

However, the fruitfulness of conjugal love is not restricted solely to the procreation of children . . . it is enlarged and enriched by all those fruits of moral, spiritual and supernatural life which the father and mother are called to hand on to their children, and through the children to the Church and to
the world (FC, no. 28).

The task of giving education is rooted in the primary vocation of married couples to participate in God’s creative activity: by begetting in love and for love a new person who has within himself or herself the vocation to growth and development, parents by that very fact take on the task of helping that
person effectively to live a fully human life (FC, no. 36).

We know that God did not simply create the world and then sit back to watch. He actively keeps it going at every moment, both directly and through the action of His angels. One of the most profound catechetical moments of my entire life was when, as a teenager, I read somewhere that if God stopped thinking about us for a single moment, we would cease to exist. I had already learned that God was all-powerful, all-knowing, etc., but never realized that He was “all-necessary.” (It became my favorite after-Communion meditation to think of God holding all creation together-every leaf, mountain, insect, and human-and here He was, dwelling within me under the appearance of bread.) And not only does God hold the physical and spiritual components of creation together, but He continues His creative act by causing every bit of growth and change that brings creation toward its perfection.

Just as spouses are allowed to share in God’s act of creation of a new human life, they are also privileged, as parents, to share in His ongoing creative role. This is why procreation and education of children are linked, and are in fact one continuous action. A natural reason for the long-term commitment required in marriage is the long time it takes for children to mature into adulthood-and even then, parents have intimate knowledge that makes them especially competent counselors of their adult children. Procreation is the beginning. Education-in all its manifold aspects-is the bringing to perfection of the human being that completes creation.

It’s an awesome task, but the ability to carry it out is built into our vocation:

For Christian parents the mission to educate, a mission rooted, as we have said, in their participation in God’s creative activity, has a new specific source in the sacrament of marriage, which consecrates them for the strictly Christian education of their children: that is to say, it calls upon them to
share in the very authority and love of God the Father, and Christ the Shepherd, and in the motherly love of the Church, and it enriches them with wisdom, counsel, fortitude, and all the other gifts of the Holy Spirit in order to help the children in their growth as human beings and Christians (FC,
no. 38).

Feed, Burp, and Make

Disciples of One Nation

Through the grace of the sacrament of marriage, parents receive the responsibility and privilege of evangelizing their children. Parents should initiate their children at an early age into the mysteries of the faith of which they are the “first heralds” for their children. (CCC, no. 2225).

“The sacrament of marriage gives to the educational role the dignity and vocation of being really and truly a ‘ministry’ of the Church at the service of the building up of her members. So great and splendid is the educational ministry of Christian parents that Saint Thomas has no hesitation in comparing it
with the ministry of priests: “Some only propagate and guard spiritual life by a spiritual ministry; this is the role of the sacrament of Orders; others do this for both corporal and spiritual life, and this is brought about by the sacrament of marriage, by which a man and a woman join in order to beget offspring and bring them up to worship God.” . . . Thus in the case of baptized people, the family, called together by word and sacrament as the Church of
the home, is both teacher and mother, the same as the worldwide (FC, no. 38).

Catholic parents-have you ever felt a vague sense of guilt that you weren’t out there “evangelizing”? Or that you should be signed up for some parish “ministry,” but have held back because your duties with the kids at home keep you restricted, exhausted, or both? Read the above quotes again, and repeat after me: “I am involved in evangelization ministry every day of the week.”

Yes, we should periodically examine our consciences to see how God wishes us to serve Him outside our homes. But the ministry we are vocationally fitted for should come first. Lots of other people can run the prayer chain or work on committees. No one else can be the “first herald” of the Gospel to your children.

Primary Educators for Dummies

So how do we fulfill this tremendous mission? That is the topic for many articles and books, but here’s a brief outline:

A. Example and Prayer

Parents have the first responsibility for the education of their children. They bear witness to this responsibility first by creating a home where tenderness, forgiveness, respect, fidelity, and disinterested service are the rule. The home is well suited for education in the virtues. This requires an
apprenticeship in self-denial, sound judgment, and self-mastery-the preconditions of all true freedom. . . . Parents have a grave responsibility to give good example to their children (CCC, no. 2223).

“[Education in the faith] already happens when family members help one another to grow in faith by the witness of a Christian life in keeping with the Gospel” (CCC, no. 2226).

“Preach the Gospel . . . when necessary, use words.” St. Francis’ famous remark gets a lot of circulation these days, and deservedly so. Obviously, we will use plenty of words as we try to form our children in the faith. But if we speak with the tongues of angels, there will be plenty of times the kids just tune us out or forget what we tell them due to young attention spans. they can’t forget what they have seen us do, day after day and year after year. Parents who mirror the love of our heavenly Father for their children, who live lives of prayer and good works, faithful in their marriages and in reception of the sacraments, are already doing three-fourths of their job as primary educators of their children.

Furthermore, by praying with their children, by reading the word of God with them and by introducing them deeply through Christian initiation into the Body of Christ . . . they become fully parents, in that they are begetters not only of bodily life but also of the life that through the Spirit’s renewal flows
from the Cross and Resurrection of Christ (FC, no. 39).

“There is no doubt that . . . the rosary should be considered as one of the best and most efficacious prayers in common that the Christian family is invited to recite” (FC, no. 61).

With family prayer, parents take a step beyond giving good example and draw their children into a relationship with God. Daily or regular family prayer usually requires parents to make use of a gift of the Holy Spirit: fortitude. Many, if not most, children may not like the family Rosary, daily Mass, or whatever kind of prayer we choose. They will gladly grasp at any excuse to avoid it. If we persist in making them pray with us, they may put on theatrical
displays of physical exhaustion or maybe start poking and fighting with one another.

Don’t worry about it. Our job is to lead the little donkeys to water. It’s up to God to make them drink.

B. Catechesis

“Family catechesis precedes, accompanies, and enriches other forms of instruction in the faith” (CCC, no. 2226).

“The mission to educate demands that Christian parents should present to their children all the topics that are necessary for the gradual maturing of their personality from a and ecclesial point of view” (FC, no. 39).

This implies that whether we home school, use Catholic schools, or use public school plus CCD classes, our obligation to catechize our children is the same. There are many ways to do this. Home schooling families work it easily into the weekly schedule. Others set aside time in the evenings or on weekends. Catechizing can be tacked on to other events to prevent us from forgetting to do it: It can be done at the table after dinner, in the car on the way home from Mass, or just before or after family prayer time.

There are many fine catechetical materials available today, starting with CUF’s Faith and Life series for elementary-aged children. Simply read a page or two out loud, and discuss the reading with your children. You may even want to offer a small prize or treat for successful memorization of the questions at the end of the chapters or set the catechisms aside now and then and instead read aloud from the lives of the saints. Ignatius Press has a wonderful series designed for the listening/reading ability of 9- to 12-year-olds. Other publishers have saints’ biographies for younger children.

Teens are at an age to enjoy a good argument, so look for apologetics materials for them. If they aren’t quite ready for adult materials, look into the Prove It! series by Amy Welborn (Our Sunday Visitor). These four short volumes are full of humor that will keep them reading. Another idea is to do a Bible study together. Check out the Emmaus Road catalog for ideas (

C. School Choice

“Parents have the right to choose a school for them which corresponds to their own convictions. . . . As far as possible parents have the duty of choosing schools that will best help them in their task as Christian educators” (CCC, no. 2229).

Educational options have in many ways improved since the days when my parents were dealing with this issue. Home schooling is now widely accepted by secular and church authorities, not to mention public opinion. In many states, cyber charter schools are a great option for parents who want their children to learn at home but feel the need for outside direction. Catholic schools remain academically superior to public, and although many popular catechetical texts still leave something to be desired, they conform much better with Church teaching than they used to, due to efforts of publishers to adhere to the bishops’ guidelines for catechetical materials.

On the other hand, our increasingly secularized society and anti-Christian entertainment media has had an egregious effect on the minds of many students and even teachers, and parents are right to be concerned about how their own children will be influenced as a result. It is tempting to see home education as the only answer. But after years of home schooling seven children and observing the situation of many other families, I know that this is not so. There are times when using Catholic or even pubic schools can be not only a last resort, but in fact the best situation for any given child. This is a prime example of a situation where the graces and gifts we receive in marriage, which “consecrates” us to the education of our children, equip us alone to make this decision. Remember, we are given the grace to know what is best for our children, not anyone else’s.

But whatever educational choice you make, catechesis in the home should remain constant.

Conclusion: It’s About Love

“When they become parents, spouses receive from God the gift of a new responsibility. Their parental love is called to become for the children the visible sign of the very love of God, ‘from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named’” (FC, no. 14).

“It cannot be forgotten that the most basic element, so basic that it qualifies the educational role of parents, is parental love, which finds fulfillment in the task of education as it completes and perfects its service of life: as well as being a source, the parents’ love is also the animating principle and therefore the norm inspiring and guiding all concrete educational activity . . . ” (FC, no. 36).

Scripture tells us that “God is love” (1 John 4:8). As parents, we are called to be to our children a sign and expression of God, and this primarily through our parental love. As God’s love is creative, so our love moves us to do everything in our power to “create” in our children perfect Christians and perfect human beings.

Educating our children is a primary part of this work. We know our work will come to perfection only in heaven. But our responsibility is to give it as good a start as we can, leaving the rest in God’s hands.

Daria Sockey is a mother of seven and regular contributor toFaith & Family magazine. She wrote several of the texts in the original Faith and Life series. Her husband Bill was executive director of CUF from 1978 to 1985. She lives in northwestern Pennsylvania.