‘Politeness’ in British Culture & Speech

Working your way towards introductions

“You do not just go up to someone and say ‘Hello, I’m John Smith’ or even ‘Hello, I’m John’. In fact, the only correct way to introduce yourself in such settings is not to introduce yourself at all, but to find some other way of initiating a conversation - such as a remark about the weather.

The ‘brash American’ approach: ‘Hi, I’m Bill from Iowa!’, particularly if accompanied by an outstretched hand and beaming smile, makes the English wince and cringe. The American tourists I spoke to during my research had been both baffled and hurt by this reaction. ‘I just don’t get it’ said one woman. ‘You say your name and they look at you like you’ve told them something a bit too personal and embarrassing. But what’s so personal about a name?”

I ended up explaining that the English do not want to know your name, or tell you theirs, until a much greater degree of intimacy has been established. Rather than giving your name, I suggested....the aim is to ‘drift’ casually into conversation, as though by accident. Even if the other person seems happy enough to chat, it is still customary to curb any urges to introduce yourself.”

Adapted from Kate Fox, Watching the English (2005)

Examples of useful introductory phrases

  • Excuse me, is that table free?
  • Sorry, is anybody sitting there?
  • I was wondering if you would like to come for a coffee
  • Hi! How’s things? Do you fancy coming for a coffee?
  • Are you doing anything after the lecture? Perhaps we could go for a coffee?
  • [Asking for information from strangers] Sorry to bother you, I wonder if you could tell me…?

Finding ‘common ground’

  • Look for situations in which you can meet British students (and British people in general) in the context of a shared interest. This way you have things to talk about in the ‘opening phase’ and this can lead to a closer connection / friendship over time
  • Join a Students’ Union Society in an area you are interested in
  • Search online for clubs and societies in the Sheffield area. Almost all British people have “hobbies” and love getting together in groups to share their interest.
  • The weekly “Sheffield Telegraph” newspaper (comes out on Fridays) has listings for events coming up in the week which includes meetings of clubs, societies and other interest groups.

‘Please’ and ‘Thank you’

  • It’s fair to say that the British see themselves as a ‘polite’ society. But it’s important to note that they are not necessarily ‘more polite’ than other cultures, just that they place importance on certain formulaic behaviours - especially language - to ensure that social interactions proceed as expected.
  • The British expect to hear ‘please’ and thank you’ even for small services, things to which you are entitled, and where the person providing the service is being paid to do so. So….
  • Always use ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ in shops, restaurants, cafes etc
  • Always use ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ when requesting information, documents etc, such as at SSiD or from your departmental administrative staff
  • The use of ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ is not affected by the person’s social status, gender, job etc. - so, for example, British people will address cleaners with the same courtesy as bank managers
  • In many parts of the country, including Sheffield, it is common to thank the driver as you are leaving a bus