Name ______Period ______

Points of Discussion with Yourself and a Future Mate

MONEY MATTERS

  1. Do you plan on having a joint checking account, or one person controlling the money? If so, who?
  1. Do you plan on combining all of your income or having a certain portion separate? If so, how much?
  1. Do you know how to budget andhandle finances?
  1. Do you consider yourself an impulse buyer, or a careful shopper?
  1. At what money limit do you need to consult your spouse before spending?
  1. Do you want to work (wife) before you have children? Do you want your wife to work (husband)?

When will they work? With preschool children? With school age children? After the children leave home?

  1. What purchases would you feel comfortable with making on credit? Circle all that apply

HouseCarTVStereo Furniture Clothes Other______

  1. Would you be willing to move away from family if your spouse wanted a job elsewhere? Why?
  1. At what age do you plan on saving for retirement?
  1. What percentage of your income do you plan on saving a month?
  1. What career training do you expect for yourself? Does the wife need a career?
  1. Who will be the breadwinner (bring home the money) in the home? How will you balance family and work?
  1. Do you know basic home and auto maintenance or will you hire out the work?
  1. Do you know how to plan menus, shop for food, and cook the food? What are you not good at?
  1. What do you want to do as a career and why? What kind of education will you need for this?

RECREATION

  1. Do you like your day scheduled or a more laid back day?
  1. Do you like recreational activities planned or to decide at the spur-of-the-moment?
  1. How much a month do you like to spend on recreation?
  1. What recreational equipment would you like to own? (boat, skis, camper)
  1. What are your three most favorite things to do in your spare time?
  1. Do you plan on your spouse being your best friend? Will you have other friends too?
  1. How much time would you like to spend as a couple? How much with friends?
  1. Do you wish to socialize with the in-laws and other relatives? How much?

RELIGION

  1. Is it important to marry someone of the same religion? If yes, under what circumstances would you marry someone of another religion? Would you convert to their religion?
  1. How often do you plan to attend church?
  1. How do you rank religion in importance in your life? Not important 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Important
  1. List all the church practices you want your spouse to participate in. (prayer, church attendance, church contributions, etc.)
  1. Would it be ok if your children attended a different religion? If yes, under what circumstances?
  1. Did you come from a religious home? Explain.

CHILDREN

  1. How many children do you want? How far apart do you want your spaced? Why?
  1. What are the top three principles that you want to teach your children? (self-esteem, honesty, intelligence, responsibility, values. Spirituality, etc…)
  1. How will you divide your time spent with the children and your spouse?
  1. How do you feel about spanking or other physical punishment?
  1. If you have told a child No several times and he does not listen, what will you do?
  1. How would you handle it if your spouse disciplines a child in a way you disapprove of?
  1. What responsibilities, if any, will you give your children?

10.What skills and talents do you want your boys to have by age 18?Your girls?

  1. If both parents work, where will your children be placed? Why?
  1. What child rearing responsibilities do you feel are the responsibilities of the Mother? (school, discipline, manners, religion, feeding, etc.) Fathers?
  1. What role will each of you play in the developing of the child?
  1. Every couple has limited resources, what purchases would be a priority for your children? why? (swing set, VCR, Nintendo, sandbox, preschool, nice clothes, music lessons, dance lessons…)

AFFECTIONand THE RELATIONSHIP

  1. How important is holding hands in public? Why?
  1. How do you feel about kissing in public? Why?
  1. What affection ought to be displayed in front of the children?
  1. How often do you plan on telling your spouse “I love you”? How will you tell them?
  1. What is the primary way you feel loved? (5 love languages – touch, gifts, words, service, quality time)
  1. What type of affection was shown in your family?
  1. What are your attitudes about sex after marriage?
  1. Are you prepared to trust your spouse’s decisions?
  1. What kind of words generally come out of your mouth when you are speaking?

Uplifting, encouraging, and positive or demeaning, negative, and complaining

  1. What standards for cleanliness do you have for your home?
  1. How do youact when you are under pressure? Angry? Hurt?
  1. Do you practice kindness towards people everyday? How will you do this in the marriage?

IN-LAWS

  1. How often do you plan on talking to your own parents in person? Other methods communication?
  1. How often do you plan on talking to your in-laws in person? Other methods of communication?
  1. How close do you plan to live to your parents?Your In-laws?
  1. What topics would you consider getting advice from your parents? In-Laws?
  1. When is it okay if your spouse looks to his/her parents for advice? When is it NOT okay?
  1. What would you do if you felt your spouse confided in his parents TOO much?
  1. Under what circumstances would you take money from your parents? Would you pay them back?
  1. If both spouses work, would you feel comfortable asking grandparents to babysit? Why?
  1. How often, other than for work, would you feel comfortable asking a grandparent to babysit?
  1. How often do you plan to spend Christmas and Thanksgiving at your parents?Other Holidays?

How would you arrange it with all families involved?