Phase 1: Introduction to discipline policy

Goal: Provide parents with an overview of Bethany’s discipline policy

  • Review information in discipline policy
  • Identify questions that may arise and share opportunities for additional discussions and training on discipline strategies
  • Prepare to address questions or concerns that may arise including the policy’s relationships to infant adoption and concepts of Biblical discipline. (See recommended resources for more information) As the concept of Biblical discipline can be a very polarizing topic it is best to avoid theological debates on the matter. Staff emphasis should be focused on assisting parents in the identification of discipline strategies that are responsive to the needs of the child and based on practices that nurture, teach skills, ensure safety and provide structure to children.

Phase 2: Home Study

Goal:Identify current discipline practices and planned discipline approach for a newly adopted child. Introduce topic of non-traditional parenting strategies.

  • During home study assessment explore each person’s childhood history and experiences of being disciplined
  • If currently parenting, identify current discipline practices
  • Discuss plans for discipline strategies with newly adopted child
  • Introduce information about the impact of grief, loss and trauma on behavior

Phase 3: Education and Service Plan Development

Goal: Increase knowledge of specific discipline strategies that are recommended for children who have been adopted. Develop a discipline strategy that is based on the specific needs of the child who will be adopted.

  • Assign general educational resources related to adoption and discipline prior to referral
  • Following referral, assign educational information that relates to the specific needs of the child
  • Review and discuss content of training materials to identify what strategies the couple would be most likely to use and what approaches do not seem like a good fit for the family
  • Discuss why traditional parenting strategies such as time out, loss of privileges or natural consequences may not have the same degree of impact with a child who has been adopted
  • Review the discipline plan identified during the home study and explore what the parents anticipate may have changed from their initial plan
  • Have each parent individually list 3 strategies they would be most likely to use to discipline their child. Discuss how the strategy is intended to meet the needs of the child. Identify areas where the couple is in agreement and where there are differences. Have the couple discuss a plan for navigating the differences.
  • Identify and provide resources for other individuals in the family’s support network (i.e. extended family members, daycare providers, teachers, Sunday school teachers) who also need information about discipline and adopted children.

Phase 4: Post Placement supervision

Goal: Advise and encourage the use of practical strategies to address the child’s needs

  • During post placement supervision visits ask questions about times when child has needed discipline and have the family provide examples of how the child responded.
  • As needed, help the family modify and adjust strategies based on the child’s responses to discipline techniques.
  • Explore possible causes for a child’s behavior and offer practical, solution focused strategies that address what the child’s behavior is attempting to communication. Encourage the family to explore the motivation or function of the behavior rather than just on extinguishing a specific action.
  • Review the impact of grief, loss, trauma and development on behavior. As appropriate, have the family refer back to brief articles or short sections of books to offer insight. During this phase, focus on resources that address specific, concrete strategies over theory based information.
  • Link family to resources to encourage the continuation of safe and effective discipline for the child
  • Monitor for signs of parental depression after adoption

Phase 5: Post Adoption

Goal:Ensure the family has tools and resources available to continue to implement safe and effective discipline and care for the child.

  • Review community resources (ie counselors, support groups, conferences) that provide support to adoptive parents
  • Review the educational resources that offer guidance and techniques for discipline with adopted children at different ages and developmental stages

Recommended Resources

These resources have been identified because they offer information that is sensitive to the needs of adopted children and address discipline in a way that promote attachment building strategies. This list is not intended to be exhaustive or mandatory training for every family.

Books:

  • The Connected Child (2007) by Purvis, Cross & Sunshine
  • No Drama Discipline (2014) by Siegel and Bryson
  • Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control (2008) by Forbes
  • Attaching Through Love, Hugs and Play (2014) Deborah Gray

Videos and courses:

  • TCU’s Trust Based Parenting
  • ALP’s Discipline and the Adopted Child: Ain’t Misbehavin’

Articles and websites:

  • Physical Punishment: What Parents Should Know
  • Empowered to Connect
  • Discipline With an Adoption Twist
  • Conscious Discipline (Becky Bailey)

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