Paradise Restored

Last week we examined Marriage in Paradise, the husband wife relationship as God created it before sin entered. Men and women were equal in value but assigned different functions by God.

We watched as the Serpent attacked this relationship(Genesis three). It was the first example of spiritual warfare in the Bible. He went right after the order that God created. When Adam and Eve sinnedGod brought two judgments. First, he judged their relationship. (Genesis 3:16) "16 Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.”"

Second, came Original Sin and the Pride that is its substance. That takes us today’s subject, Paradise Restored. Amongst other things, the Gospel restores marriage.

What makes a marriage Christian? It is not love. All married couples, whether Mormon, Moslem, Hindu, or Jewish, seek to love each other.

It is not child bearing. Families from all faiths marry to have children.

It is not the practice of unselfishness. All marriages must work at this if there is going to be any happiness.

I remember listening to a series of lectures on marriage by a Seattle pastor. What he said was excellent. He covered sex, communication, the handling of finances, and relating to in-laws. But I finished frustrated. Why? Any Jewish, Mormon, secular agnostic, or Moslem couple would have agreed. He failed to discuss the one subject that makes a marriage “Christian,” a subject which would have deeply upset these non-Christiancouples.

A specifically “Christian” marriage seeks to model and glorify the gospel by displaying the relationship between Christ and his church. That is the point of Ephesians 5:22-33. Ephesians five is a road-map taking us back to the relational paradise that God initially designed in Genesis two. No one gets completely back to this paradise in this life. But we can get increasingly closer with every year. To the degree that we obey Ephesians 5:22-33 we are moving back to paradise.

My point is this: It is the willingness to walk out Eph. 5 that makes a marriage “Christian.” For this reason, I never marry a Christian couple without reading and preaching on Ephesians Chapter five.

Verse 32 is the key to this text. It goes back to Genesis two, marriage in Paradise. It reads “This mystery [Adam and Eve’s marriage] is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and his church.”

Here is the idea. God created the original union of Adam and Eve (and all subsequent marriages) to glorify, (display the beauty of) the marriage that would exist between Christ and his church. There is nothing oppressive about this union. Just the opposite. It’s consummation is the wedding supper of the Lamb, an event for which every true Christian longs.

Joyful submission to Christ’s profound servant love characterizes the relationship of the church to Christ. Submission to Christ’s leadership is safe. Why? It is our happiness at his expense, and the expense incurred to produce our happiness was infinite.

Before Adam and Eve lost Paradise (Genesis three), Adam and Eve’s union was on the way to reflecting the relationship that Christ and his church would have. It was about tender, loving, headship and submission. We saw last week that hierarchy is a good thing, that the Son is subordinate to the Father, and that the church is subordinate to the headship of Christ. So, if Christian marriage exists to point us to the marriage between Christ and his church, governmental order must characterize it.

The rest of this talk will explore three things that Christian couples need to do to return to Marriage in Paradise. First, make God your happiness. Second, practice God’s governmental order. Third, sever the root of Original Sin(pride) with the gospel.

A.Remember that God, not marriage, is your happiness

It is a mistake to look to your spouse for the happiness and fulfillment that only God can bring. In fact, it will wreck a marriage. If God is your happiness you can be fulfilled in a less than ideal marriage. If God is your happiness you can be fulfilled single. Why? Because ultimately we obtain our happiness from the presence of God received by faith.

The ultimate marriage is the marriage of Christ to his church. Only that marriage will bring the happiness, fulfillment, and acceptance that we expect our human marriages to bring.

B.Practice God’s governmental Order

Ephesians five reverses Genesis 3:16. “Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.”

1.Wives Submit and Respect.

Paul commands wives to encourage their husband’s leadership and respond to it. This means submission, respect, and encouragement.

““Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands” (Ephesians 5:22–24).

In the real world this submission is fluid. It flows out of a relationship of love and trust. There are very few times in most marriages when a husband must say to his wife, “Even though we disagree, I want you to accept the direction I want to follow!” In our marriage there have been about four instances in forty two years.

If it is a big decision, and the wife disagrees, it is OK for her to ask her husband to get a second opinion from an elder.

For women this also means change. Women who really believe that Ephesians five is a return to Paradise will submit to their husband because they trust the Lord (not their husband). Trust in God will empower them to let go of their family. That is why Paul tells wives to “submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” Ultimately, the submission is to the Lord, not the husband.

In addition to submission, Eph 5 instructs her to respect their husband.

33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."

No one has as much power as a wife to shape a man’s ego. Like the potter at the wheel, her love, respect, and encouragement has more to do with his success, encouragement, and self-respect than anything else.

Last, biblical wives encourage (not nag) their husbands to protect, provide, and lead. In summary, a woman obeying Eph 5 will submit to, respect, and encourage her husband.

2.Husbands Love

However, Paul’s instruction to Christian wives is just a hors d’oeuvre before the main course. The main course is his instruction to husbands.

25Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body.

What woman wouldn’t gladly submit to a man who loved her as Christ loves his church? Christ’s love is more than affection. It is active. It is about action. As we have seen, Christ’s love is our happiness at his expense. It is love in action. Christ demonstrated it at the cross. It has no thought for self. Every decision Christ makes is for our good, no matter the cost to himself. Christians who understand this submit to Christ joyfully and freely. His authority is always safe. A loving husband makes his wife feel the same way.

But a loving husband will also resist his wife, no matter how painful the conflict, if he is convinced it is in her best interest.

In all of this we have a problem. Husbands and wives attempting to return to paradise live in a fallen world. We struggle with indwelling sin. It appears in all the little nitty-gritty decisions of everyday life. Here is an example. I am blessed beyond words to be married to my wife, Judy. She is compassionate, exceedingly kind, and fun to be with. She serves me lavishly. We recently decided to watch a movie together. I got to the TV 30 minutes before she did and while waiting turned on the Sports channel. WSU and OSU were playing baseball. It was the 9th inning, and they were tied.

Judy entered. “Let’s turn on the movie.”

“Let me finish the game first. It will only be a few minutes.”

The game went into a tenth inning, then an eleventh. A few minutes stretched into 25. Judy got frustrated and left. What would a husband who loves his wife as Christ loves his church do? He would have turned switched from the game to the movie. Why didn’t I do that? Because the game had become an idol. It was more important to me than obeying God. That is how you can tell when a good thing has morphed into an idol. It will cause you to disobey God, in this case Eph 5:25.

Here is the bottom line. Christ loved his bride perfectly. Like you, on my best days I love imperfectly. My love will not be perfected until I see Christ face to face. We all struggle with sin, Christian and non-Christian alike. However, there is a big difference between a husband trying to return to paradise and a husband running away from paradise.

God commands Christian husbands to display Christ’s dying love by the way they love and serve their wives. This means her happiness even at your expense. This does not mean passivity. It does not respond like Adam. It actively and joyfully assumes responsibility. It does not oppress. It liberates.

It means “cherishing” and “nourishing” you wife as Christ cherishes and nourishes his bride, the church.

This way of life is only possible through the liberating power of the gospel. In other words, the deeper couples go into the gospel the greater their joy and happiness. For men this means repentance from passivity, or it means repentance from tyrannical control and harshness. No man enters marriage equipped to love as Christ loves his church. Either we lean toward passivity or we lean towards oppressive control. The passive need to assume responsibility. The overbearing need to learn to let go, to serve and honor. In either case this requires faith. The man who really believes that Ephesians five is a return to Paradise will pursue God’s plan for biblical masculinity.

C.Use the Gospel to Sever the Power of Original Sin

Pride is the root of Original Sin. It expresses itself through selfishness. We severe the root of pride by focusing on, thinking about, and meditating on the gospel.

Our problem is never a lack of discipline. It is always a lack of desire. Our desires change as we look to Jesus.

“Beholding the glory of the Lord we are being transformed from one degree of glory to another” (2 Cor 3:18).

“We know that when he appears we shall be like him for we shall see him as he is. And everyone who hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure.” (1 John 3:2-3)

1.Pride or Humility?

Remember, after the Genesis three rebellionGod afflicted Adam and Eve with an indwelling principle of self-centered pride i.e. Original Sin.

Pride is the root of all sin.

Mack, “Proud people lack love for others, joy in all situations, peace in their relationships with other people, and patience for difficulties. Only humble people consistently exhibit the characteristics listed in Galatians 5:22-23 because these traits are produced by the Holy Spirit in the life of the believer.”[1]

Humility is the root of virtue.

Jones: “It [humility] is the fundamental of all fundamentals. It is what Andrew Murray called ‘the cardinal virtue’ and ‘the only root from which the graces can grow.’ It is the queen of all attitudes. It is the soul of discipleship. It is the one attitude of heart and mind that we must be most concerned about. It is the one quality, above all else, for which to pray.”[2]

Pride blinds us to our own sin, but it gives us 20/20 clarity on our mate’s sin.

By contrast, humility gives us 20/20 clarity on our own sin, and makes us very patient with the sins, failings, and weaknesses of our spouses.

We obtain our humility from the gospel. The gospel shows us what we deserve. It shows us how terribly lost we are, even as it shows us how wonderfully loved we are.

2.Seven Signs of Pride or Humility.

a)Focused on your own Sin or Focused on your Spouses Sin?

There is an old saying. You can’t change anyone else. Only God can do that. All you can change is yourself.

When we are convinced that our spouse has a multitude of problems, but we have very few, we will devote ourself to fixing our spouse rather than fixing ourselves.

However, when we see our own sin in the light of the gospel we become very compassionate and tolerant of our spouses weaknesses and very focused on changing ourselves.

This insight changes us from seeing Marriage as a 50/50 proposition to 100/100 proposition.

b)Patient or Irritable?

1 Cor 13:5 “Love is patient. Love is kind…It is not irritable or resentful”

Irritability proceeds from pride. It is a form of contempt or looking down on your mate. It is impatience.

(Anecdote: My experience with Judy sterilizing the shopping cart at Wal-Mart).

Humility, by contrast causes us to look up to and appreciate our mate.

We learn patience and humility at the cross. What would happen if God was impatient with our weaknesses, failings, and sins? You will be patient to the degree that you have felt God’s patience toward yourself.

“In humility count others more significant than yourself” (Phil 2:3).

c)Suspicious of Self or Defending Self?

Judy: “Bill, I thought your critical speech last night was dishonoring to God.”

Bill: “What do you mean ‘critical speech?’ I wasn’t being critical. I was just making an important observation about_____ so that he could glorify God better.”

Do you invite criticism, and when you get it, turn and justify yourself?

The gospel has criticized you already, and it has done so more ruthlessly than any spouse could ever do. However, despite that critique, God has showered you with a love that surpasses knowledge.

d)Demandingor Yielding?

1 Cor 13:5 “Love does not insist on its own way”

In the Garden of Gethsemane Jesus pleaded to have things his own way, but he did not insist on his own way. Instead, he submitted to the Father.

Vacation at the beach or the mountains?

Steak or Spaghetti for dinner?

Hunting or taking your wife away for a special romantic weekend?

A new shotgun or a new vacuum?

e)Selfish or Unselfish Ambition?

Unselfish ambition is good.

Selfish ambition, in either husband or wife, denies the gospel.

Selfish Ambition destroys marriages.

McIlhaney: “Many high school girls are ambitious. They expect to have a professional career. About one in four say they want a job that requires a doctoral degree, while another 40 percent say that they want to have a professional career, such as nursing or engineering, that does not require a doctoral-level degree. More girls than boys want to have a career as a professional. Only 1.6 percent of girls say they aspire to be a full-time homemaker.”[3]

Ironically, the unfettered pursuit of ambition is not making women happier.

Time Magazine: “As women have gained more freedom, more education and more economic power, they have become less happy. No tidy theory explains the trend, notes University of Pennsylvania economist Justin Wolfers, a co-author of The Paradox of Declining Female Happiness. "We looked across all sectors — young vs. old, kids or no kids, married or not married, education, no education, working or not working — and it stayed the same," he says of the data.”[4]

Selfish ambition is the engine driving feminism and selfish ambition makes everyone unhappy.

Birket: “The liberation that feminism wants is the freedom to be the same as the most irresponsible of men. It is the freedom to be utterly self-centered and to sacrifice others for one’s own convenience and comfort—the very accusation that feminists have thrown against men.”[5]

f)Forgiving or Resenting?

The gospel compels us to forgive.

(Matthew 6:14–15) "14 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, 15 but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."

I am convinced that resentment motivates more adultery than any other sin.

g)Thankful or Complaining?

Are you thankful for your spouse? Are you able to identify evidences of grace in your spouse, or do you just see your spouse’s weaknesses, failings and sins?

(1 Corinthians 1:4–7) "4 I give thanks to my God always for you because of the grace of God that was given you in Christ Jesus, 5 that in every way you were enriched in him in all speech and all knowledge— 6 even as the testimony about Christ was confirmed among you— 7 so that you are not lacking in any gift, as you wait for the revealing of our Lord Jesus Christ,"

Proud people are unable to be thankful for their mate. They are convinced they deserve better.