Orientation Guide: Small-Group Host

Small-Group Host /Table of Contents

Table of Contents

Orientation Guide:
Small-Group Host

/ Contents...... page
Leader’s Guide...... 2
Overview
The Right Host for a Great Small Group
by Tom Bandy...... 3–4
Prepare for Your Role
Job Description: Small-Group Host
by Pat J. Sikora...... 5–6
Standards of Performance: Small-Group Host
by Pat J. Sikora...... 7–8
Advice from an Experienced Host
by Vaughn and Jaime Stoll...... 9–10
Perform Your Role
Hosting with Excellence
by Jon Ferguson...... 11
Creating a Great Small-Group Atmosphere
by Mike Mack...... 12–13
Common Obstacles of a Small-Group Host
by Rick Howerton...... 14–16
Sharing a Meal
by Heather Zempel...... 17
The Childcare Conundrum
by Reid Smith...... 18–19
Resources
Further Exploration...... 20

Small-Group Host/Leader’s Guide

Small-Group Host

/ Leader’s Guide
How to use “Small-Group Host Orientation Guide”by SmallGroups.com in your regularly scheduled meetings

Welcome to SmallGroups.com. You’ve purchased an innovative resource that will help you develop small-group hosts who can think strategically and biblically about community. Selected by the editors of Leadership Resources and Christianity Today International, the material comes from respected thinkers and church leaders.

“Orientation Guides” are easy-to-use tools that help prepare people to take on new roles within the church. Each guide focuses on a practical area of church ministry and comprises brief handouts on specific aspects of that ministry. The handouts first present an overview of the specific ministry and role, including an interview with a successful practitioner (p. 9–10). The second section provides focused, practical information to help you perform your duties.

This specific guide is designed to help you provide orientation and basic training for small-group hosts—to help them understand their vital role in facilitating an atmosphere and attitude that is conducive to community and spiritual growth. Simply print the handouts you need and use them as necessary.

For example, to give new and potential hosts an idea of what would be expected of them, see the “Job Description” (p. 5–6) and “Standards of Performance” (p. 7–8) written by Pat J. Sikora. To gain information on creating an ideal physical atmosphere for a small-group meeting, see Mick Mack’s “Creating a Great Small-Group Atmosphere” (p. 12–13). And “The Childcare Conundrum,” by Reid Smith (p. 18–19), provides a great look at all the different options for providing for children in a group.

We hope you benefit from this guide as you equip your church’s small-group hosts to bless their small groups through practical and effective service.

Need more material, or training on another small-groups ministry topic? See our website at

To contact the editors:

MailSmallGroups.com, Christianity Today International

465 Gundersen Drive, Carol Stream, IL 60188

Small-Group Host/Overview

Small-Group Host

/ The Right Host for a Great Small Group
Practical tips for identifying and engaging the small-group hosts in your church.
Romans 12:13

We all know that the most important element in small-group life is leadership. Larger churches with more complex small-group systems often separate the role of small-group host and small-group leader. Smaller churches with less complex systems often combine the role of host and leader. Primarily, I want to talk about the hosting role, but I will add some advice for those churches that are combining two roles in one person.

What Makes a Great Host?

The qualifications of a great host are both social and spiritual. You are looking for someone with strong gifts in hospitality, empathy for newcomers or strangers, and trustworthiness to keep confidences.

Obviously, a great host is one who can make people comfortable and feed them great food. Many people can throw a party for their friends, but a small-group host is more extraordinary. They can make people from different backgrounds, cultures, careers, and ages feel right at home. They have the capacity to forget themselves and step squarely in the shoes of their visitors. They sense their guests’ anxieties, embarrassments, and second thoughts; and they are quick to communicate assurance, acceptance, and encouragement. They overcome self-consciousness quickly by making introductions and reinforcing the spiritual growth purpose for the gathering.

That’s an important point: there is a spiritual aspect to a great host. It’s not that they are particularly pious, and certainly they are not evaluative or judgmental of their guests. However, their words and behaviors reveal that they live up to the core values of the church, and hold their bedrock beliefs dear. There is no joke at the expense of others; no favoritism or condescension due to age, ability, or wealth. The great host is consistently Christian on and off the job. Greeting friends or greeting strangers, they are the same.

Where Do We Find Great Hosts?

So, where do you find these deliberate Christians with their unpretentious manners and spontaneous generosity? Spiritual gifts discernment inventories will provide clues, but remember that you are looking for relational gifts more than helping excellence. You don’t necessarily need excellent decorators, cooks, servers, and workers as small-group hosts. You need people who enjoy people, enjoy being with people, and enjoy encouraging the best out of people.

Consider the Bible sisters Mary and Martha. I think many churches mistakenly think Martha will be the better hostess because she will always be in the kitchen and wait on the needs of the guests. In fact, I think Mary is always the better small-group hostess because she will always be in the living room and encourage the conversations of the guests. Mary is the relational one. Martha is the practical one. The relational one may make poorer coffee, but will establish the best environment for sharing.

Where does one find Mary? She will not necessarily be in the kitchen. She will be wherever Jesus is. Wherever you find two or three already gathered, and Jesus is in their midst, that’s where Mary will show up. So look among your regular worship attenders, rather than among your worship irregulars. Look within existing large and small groups, and observe who seems to be the critical link between people. If they are there, the group gathers conversational momentum, and newcomers are attracted to the event. If they are missing, the group falls silent, and members drift away. These are “nexus” people. They may not have effervescent personalities, but they have magnetic abilities. It is safe to be in their presence. People forget themselves, pay attention to others, and through others glimpse Christ.

If you are looking beyond the church membership, look for people with a reputation for an open door and an open heart. Test them. Show up at an odd hour and see if they invite you inside happily or grudgingly. Are you an intrusion or a pleasant surprise? Ask around. Where do the neighborhood children want to go on Halloween night? Who has already organized the Christmas caroling outing? Who is eager to plan a leadership retreat?

How Can We Persuade Them to Serve?

I know this is a question many church leaders ask, but I find it an odd question. If you have to persuade them, they are probably not called to be a host. Martha might need to be persuaded to leave the household chores, but Mary needs no persuasion to drop everything and run to be with Jesus. The best hosts spontaneously “see Jesus” in the face of a stranger, an innocent, a person in need, or a visitor. Being a host is their natural state of being, and being a host of a small group is a logical extension of what they really enjoy doing anyway. Therefore, you need to clarify the opportunity to be with Christ and remind them of the mission. They usually respond with joy.

What is more likely—given the state of distrust and hidden judgment that pervades so many institutional churches—is that you will need to convince potential hosts that they will not be expected to do other things. They will not be expected to attend lots of training meetings or write reports (although most will welcome some basic training, especially in demographically diverse communities). They will not be expected to recruit people into membership or to do other tasks. They will not be expected to do further visitations, speak in public, or write reports. They will not be evaluated on their pie-making, housecleaning, technological expertise, or articulate evangelism. There are no sidetracks or hidden agendas. They are simply being offered another opportunity to do what they love to do.

Most hosts enjoy serving as a team—perhaps as a couple. This, too, is natural. They like people and enjoy working with people. It is reassuring to work in tandem with another person who shares your passion. I suspect Priscilla and Aquila led their small groups together, even as they mentored Apollos together. I also suspect that, like most hosts, they were more willing to host a small group if they also participated in their own small group where they did not have to host. Priscilla and Aquila were better small-group hosts because they were already part of Paul’s small group. Even hosts need to be hosted.

And What if the Host Is the Leader, Too?

In smaller churches, the group host may also be the group leader. Remember that the real key to leadership is attitude, not skills. Of course it is wise to train small-group leaders in basic skills for communication, facilitation, listening, and teaching. It is good to equip group leaders with scriptural knowledge and coach leaders to exercise spiritual habits. You can train them to interpret different personalities, overcome competition, and resolve conflict. But the really important thing is for the small-group leader to have the right attitude.

The leadership attitude is what can evolve a small group host into a small group leader as well. It is the attitude of mission … the passion to grow personally, relationally, and spiritually … and the commitment to go deeper in Christ and further with Christ in God’s mission to redeem the world. It is possible to have the attitude, but be unable to acquire the skills, and a host may not be a good leader. But I think it is quite impossible for a small group leader to be successful, no matter what their expertise, if they don’t have the attitude.

Churches with long experience in small group multiplication understand that this is a system through which Christians mature as disciples. The balance between the role of “host” and the role of “leader” changes as Christians mature. In the beginning, the hosting role is extraordinarily important. Seekers and newcomers need to be part of an environment of Christian virtue, trust and acceptance … and the Holy Spirit will do the rest. Later, as Christians mature, they will overcome any flawed environment, and will ignore their own comfort, so that they can deepen their experience of God and sharpen their perception of God’s mission. The leader becomes more important than the host. As Paul said, some leaders prepare the ground, and some water the shoots, and still others harvest the mission, but all together participate in the singleminded service of Jesus Christ.

Discuss:

Which person(s) stood out in my mind as I read the description of a great small-group host above?
What steps can our church take to identify and engage new small-group hosts?
How can our church better support hosts who are also serving as group leaders?

Small-Group Host/Prepare for Your Role
/ Job Description: Small-Group Host
The characteristics and duties of a great small-group host.
1 Peter 4:8–9

The role of the host is critical to the success of any small group. Sometimes the leader also hosts the group, but often another person will open his or her home, freeing the leader to focus on teaching and managing the group. Although the host may appear to be of lesser importance than the leader, this is not true. These are two very different roles requiring different gifts—and both are essential to the success of the group. A prepared, relaxed, and welcoming environment will enhance the small-group experience for everyone. But this will only come through thoughtful preparation.

The structure of the group will determine requirements for the host and the meeting space. While many groups consist of 6 to 12 people meeting in a home, there are also other configurations. Some small groups meet at a church, a coffee shop, or other public place. Sometimes a larger group meets together for teaching, with smaller breakout groups or table hosts for discussion. Regardless of the group type, it’s helpful for one person or couple to be designated as host and/or hostess—responsible for the physical space and the ambiance of the meeting.

I recommend that you adapt the following suggestions and guidelines to your unique situation.

Personal Characteristics

Objective: Although the host is not the identified spiritual leader of the group, he or she still must maintain a strong personal walk with the Lord by practicing the spiritual disciplines necessary for spiritual fitness and for growing in the grace and knowledge of the Lord.

Goals:

Spend regular time reading the Bible, pursuing personal growth and maturity.
Practice a consistent prayer life that focuses on praise, thanksgiving, personal needs, the needs of believers, and the needs of the lost.
Spend time in spiritual fellowship with others for the purposes of mutual love, encouragement, and growth.
Be involved in fulfilling the Great Commission by reaching out to the lost, both in word and deed.
Develop and practice the heart of a servant.

Duties Within the Small Group

Objective: To provide a physical and emotional setting that is conducive for a small group of believers to grow toward maturity in Christ.

Goals:

Be prepared to welcome members 20 to 30 minutes before the meeting. This will create a welcoming environment for early arrivals, as well as for leaders, apprentices, and table leaders, who should arrive early to prepare, pray, and settle before the other group members get there.
Spiritually cleanse the meeting space by praying for a removal of any defilement left by others who have been in the space, as well as by sin, arguments, and tension. Bring the peace of the Holy Spirit into the room. This is essential for public space, but is also important in a home.
Provide and/or set up comfortable seating for the number of members and guests expected. Work with the leader to ensure that the set-up accommodates his or her leadership style. For example, will the leader need tables or a white board?

Eliminate as many distractions as possible. These might include:

Children. If yours is not a family group, members must agree upon the policy for children. As the host, make sure that your own children are able to safely and quietly play or sleep without creating distractions for the group members. This would include crying, music, TV, telephones, quarrels, and other noise. Children running in and out of the room also create a confidentiality issue.

Pets. Unless you know that everyone in your group loves Rover and Puff, make sure they are in another room and not barking, jumping at the door, or otherwise creating a nuisance. Also, if you have pets, make sure that no one in your group is allergic. If they are, can you still host the meeting? Is a thorough vacuuming sufficient?

Telephones. Hopefully, the group leader will ask people to silence their cell phones during the meeting. You can help by allowing voicemail to answer your home telephone. Jumping up to answer every phone call communicates that the unidentified caller is more important than the group.

Odors. Don’t cook fish or cabbage on small-group night. Change the kitty litter. Some hosts light a scented candle, which can add a pleasant fragrance, but be sure the candle is smokeless and that no one has fragrance allergies.

Provide a space and service for refreshments, if necessary. Depending on your group, this may include providing (and preparing in advance of arrival) the coffee, tea, or water; providing plates and forks; and perhaps arranging a centerpiece or some other welcoming focal point. I recommend that hosts share the load for refreshments by rotating that responsibility among all group members. Keep a list and, if necessary, e-mail a weekly reminder.
If your budget is tight, don’t hesitate to ask for help with food and beverages. If attendance varies, ask people to confirm by noon if they plan to attend (or not). This will reduce wasted food. And consider hosting a potluck from time to time.
Coordinate with your leader to determine schedules and the type of space that will help accomplish the goals for the group.