Nina Found Herself on Her Knees for the Third Time That Somber Early-Autumn Day. the First

Chapter One

Nina found herself on her knees for the third time that somber early-autumn day. The first time had been when she woke in the morning. The San of the Faith had brought her breakfast, but rather than eat the bread and cheese, Nina knelt at her seat, clasping the gold pendant around her neck and offering the strongest prayer she could to the Deity.

“Please…give me the strength to survive these trials,” she whispered. “And please…keep him safe…”

It was a prayer she had offered every day for six days. As had been the case the previous six days, the Deity had been silent.

Nauseous, Nina could not eat.

She sat in her apartment at the Faith, her eyes drifting over the gold embellishments, the rich tapestries, and the powerful paintings adorning the walls. She forced herself to think of nothing, worried the tears would come once more.

Nearing midday, as the heat was swelling outside, the door opened and Nina stood, surprised to find several women of the Faith come in with two doctors, dressed in their scholarly, black robes, one of them holding a wooden chest. She watched them bow to her and lift the chest.

“We are here for your examination, milady,” one said.

“Examination?”

“We must be certain of your purity, milady,” the other said. “We will examine your hymen and determine your suitability for marriage.”

“I am pure,” Nina whispered, her heart beginning to thunder in her chest. She knew that if she was found to be impure she could be beaten, and it was very possible that Raduk would be killed. Nina knew that Damien had already determined she and Raduk had lay together, but if news spread through the rest of the Faith, she knew she would be unable to escape judgement.

“No, I-I have already received examination,” she said strongly.

“No, you have not, I would have done the examination myself,” the doctor said, looking back at his colleague. They both appeared confused and concerned. “Who performed the exam?”

“There is no need for a second exam,” a voice said at the door.

Everyone turned, and immediately went to one knee. Slowly, his white robes flowing over the marble tiles, the Carias stepped into the apartment, nodding once to the doctors. “I ordered the examination yesterday. Lady Nina is pure.”

“Yes, Your Eminence,” the doctors mumbled, their heads bent to the floor.

“Allow Lady Nina privacy,” the Carais ordered, his cold grey eyes locking with Nina’s. “She must make her confession.”

The doctors bowed their heads and left the room quickly, not even daring to throw a look over their shoulders as they closed the doors behind them.

Nina lowered her eyes, bowing her head in respect.

“Are you ready, Lady Nina?”

“Your Holiness?” she asked quietly.

“For your confession.”

Nina slowly nodded, lowering herself to her knees, bowing her head and watching the hem of the Carias’ robe move into her field of vision.

“What do you have to confess before you bind your life to that of your husband?” the Carias asked.

“I have committed many wrongs, Your Holiness,” Nina whispered, her voice breaking. She tried to hide how nervous she was, but she could tell from the way he chuckled quietly that he heard the tremor in her words.

“Indeed you have,” he said. He moved away from her, pulling one of the chairs over to sit in front of her. She dared not lift her head. The Carias was the most powerful man in the Faith—possibly even the world. He would only have to say that she had committed egregious sins and she would be stoned to death without question. She was sure even Damien could not save her if the Carias decided to sentence her to death.

The head of the Faith sat in the chair and Nina lowered herself to sit on her heels, her eyes always averted.

“Lady Batten,” he started, his voice cold, “confess to me the truth of your interactions with the Abaraen Prince.”

Nina felt cold fear stab her gut. She tried not to tighten her hands in the fabric of her gown. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

“Pardon my actions, I beg your forgiveness,” she whispered. “The Abaraen Prince made many attempts to achieve my affections. He bought me many gifts, flattered me—”

“Did you accept these gifts?”

“…Yes, Your Holiness. I am a simple peasant woman. I did not know how to respond.”

“Did you lay with him?”

Nina forced her voice to be strong.

“No, Your Holiness. He attempted on rare occasions, but when I told him to stop, he did. He understood my devotion to the Faith. That was why he wished to seek my hand—”

“He is a heathen,” the Carias said sharply, interrupting her again. “What would he understand of devotion to the Deity. Marriage for them is not sacred.” The Carias leaned forward. “Look at me, Nina Batten.”

Terrified by the cold tone of his voice and the anger that rolled off his body, Nina slowly lifted her head.

“I have been very patient with Damien’s obsession with you,” the Carias said darkly. “But first and foremost, he must be who the Deity intended him to be, a Deacon of the Faith, advisor to the King, and my close council.”

Nina averted her eyes, her breathing becoming short and her head going light as the fear radiated through her body.

“I will not have you distracting Damien further,” the Carias continued, his voice cold and sharp. “Today, you will be his wife. You will bear him a son, and you will assume your role as Deacon’s wife. These bonds are sacred. There will be no more discussion of your return to Abarae. There will be no further contact with the prince. His life will depend upon it.” The Carias reached forward with both hands and took Nina’s face with a dark smile. “Should you disobey, you can be sure that your punishment will be far worse than your mother’s.”

For three heavy seconds, the Carias stared at her with enough ice in his eyes to freeze Nina.

“There are many rumors about you, Lady Batten,” the Carias said slowly. “You are not believed to be pure enough to wed a Deacon. To assuage such fears, there will be a viewing party of the bedding where you will prove your devotion and purity to your husband, the witnesses, and the Diety.”

Nina was sure that her heart had stopped beating entirely in fear. She stared into his cold eyes, trying to think of a response.

The Carias stood and left the room. Nina remained on her knees, terror holding her body long after he was gone.

The third time she went to her knees that day was after the long walk to the altar where Damien stood in his ceremonial robes, watching her carefully. Nina kept her eyes low, unable to look up even at her siblings sitting in the pews for the ceremony. Behind a large, iron gate, faces of the public watched the wedding, curious and hoping to catch glimpses of the royal family that were in attendance.

Nina went to her knees on the cushion in front of the Carias, trying not to think of their previous conversation. Damien stood beside her, waiting for his turn to kneel. Nina, keeping her head low, glanced as best she could around her. The king sat in a special throne to the side of the altar, watching his advisor be wed, seeming unconcerned that he had the prince of his enemy country locked in the dungeons.

The choir began singing behind her as Deacon Erilson began muttering the rights of marriage. Damien went to his knees next to Nina and extended a hand. She nervously placed her hand in his, feeling her heart break as his fingers closed around hers.

There was a time, years previous, when she thought often about how happy she would be if he married Damien. She knew he would always take care of her and her family. Damien had always been attentive and kind. But when she had met Raduk, everything had changed. She knew that she felt true love for the Prince of Abarae. She had been welcomed by the Abaraen royal family with open arms and unconditional acceptance.

However, because of her, the royal family had lost another son to Midastia. Nina felt as though she had been stabbed in the chest whenever she thought of the Beloved Mahaana receiving news about their son being locked in the dungeons for defiling the betrothed of a Deacon so soon after the two countries reached a peace agreement.

Nina felt responsible for their pain.

As the Carias placed the golden band atop her head, muttering prayers for an everlasting union, Nina felt the tears coming fast. She gripped Damien’s hand tighter. She was not sure how she was going to make it through the whole ceremony, much less the dinner party to follow and finally, the bedding ceremony. She had been informed that there would be an audience to the consummation of the marriage, since there was so much suspicion surrounding her purity. The thought of laying with Damien in front of an audience of members of the Faith was enough to make her dizzy.

Damien’s thumb gently stroked the back of her hand, even as she gripped his fingers tight. She turned slightly to look at him and he offered a small, comforting smile as his thumb passed over her skin.

Nina could not smile back. She was too focused on holding back her tears.

Chapter Two

Of all the times Nina had been in Damien’s rooms, she had rarely taken notice of the size of the bed in his apartment. But now that she approached with a gathering of people, she realized how many people could stand around the bed, accenting its size.

She felt her stomach flip, her breathing becoming short as she shakily approached the bed, the San beside her gently removing the robe from her shoulders and lifting the covers. Trying to hide her shaking, Nina climbed in, her eyes down to avoid the members of the Faith who had been sent to witness the consummation of the marriage.

She knew that she had to lay with Damien. The words of the Carias and the knowledge that Raduk’s life rested on her actions as well resonated through her head with a painful edge, but she managed to keep her tears at bay.

When the door opened once more for Damien, Nina could not help but jump in surprise. A terrified tremor ran through her body seeing him in his dressing robe.

She had had weeks to think over her wedding night with Damien. Once, when Damien had paid to keep her family fed after the neighboring cows destroyed much of their crop, Nina had tried to seduce him. That day she had been filled with such love and admiration for him that she longed to be intimate with him. She had pulled him to the bed, he had gotten on top of her, and after kissing her with enough passion to take her breath away, he had backed away, holding her hand and telling her he would wait until they were wed.

Nina could still remember how she felt that day for Damien, but it was nothing compared to the passion she had felt with Raduk. She realized that she would be looking up into Damien’s face, she would feel his body, touch his skin…and the entire time she would be longing for Raduk, feeling as though she was betraying the imprisoned Abaraen prince.

Damien climbed into the bed as the others around them bowed their heads. Nina was terrified that her shaking was too noticeable.

The Deacon cast a brief look at those around his bed before turning to Nina. She could hardly see them through the tears she barely managed to keep at bay. He smiled comfortingly and nodded once.

Slowly, the curtains were drawn shut around the bed and Nina’s heart tightened painfully in her chest.

Damien brushed her hair over her shoulder and took her face, turning her slowly to push her flat to the bed.

Nina closed her eyes and prayed to the Deity to give her the strength to go through with the wedding night without crying.

However, Damien did not move past that point.

Realizing something was wrong, Nina opened her eyes, confused. Damien’s body was propped up, his eyes looking down at her purposefully. She blinked, wondering what he was silently trying to communicate. He lifted a finger to his lips.

Damien reached down her body, pulling up her dressing gown. She gasped and tried to move away, but he lifted a finger to his mouth once more. Then, he lifted her gown to rest at her waist, causing Nina to blush furiously and need to take many deep breaths to keep herself calm.

But Damien did not look at her body. Instead, he lowered himself down and placed his head on top of her belly, closing his eyes and going quiet.

When he did not move for several long moments, Nina became too confused to remain silent.

“Damien?” she whispered, placing a hand on his shoulder. He did not stir. “Damien?” she asked louder, shaking him.

“Lady Nina?” Deacon Ivan’s voice called. “Is Damien alright?”

“He…” She stopped, suddenly filled with understanding. She relaxed slightly and a small smile came over her lips. “I believe he has fallen asleep.”

The curtain at the foot of the bed slowly opened and those in the witness party peered in. Upon seeing her slightly-disheveled state and Damien’s face pressed to her belly, they chuckled quietly.

“I warned him not to drink too much wine,” Deacon Erilson laughed.

“Unfortunately, Nina, for now, you seem to have an uneventful wedding night in your future,” Deacon Ivan said quietly.

“We must let him rest,” Caria-Denote Karvan said with a nod, motioning everyone to leave. “Damien does not normally drink, after all.” Several members of the party filed out, Deacon Ivan fixing Nina with a stern look, warning her silently.

However, as Deacon Cadoc turned to leave, he pulled apart the side curtains enough to lean in.

“Damien, they will demand the sheets in the morning, considering the suspicions,” he whispered.

Damien opened his eyes and nodded.

“Thank you, my friend,” he breathed.

Cadoc ducked out from the curtains, but Damien did not move until he heard the door of his room close.

He then climbed off of Nina and carefully peered through the smallest opening in the curtains to be sure they were alone.

When he turned back to Nina she was straightening her dressing gown and pulling the covers over her, avoiding his eyes.

“I apologize,” he murmured, climbing into bed beside her.

“…I do not understand.”

Damien hesitated. “What is there to understand?”

“I thought this was what you wanted.”

“You in my bed?” Damien asked. “It was what I wanted. It is what I want. But I wanted you to be here because you wish it. But I know, now, that that will never be true.”

Nina pinched the bridge of her nose, tears beginning to escape from the confines of her eyelashes.

“I do not understand you,” she choked.

“Nina,” Damien said, turning on his side and looking her over, “I love you. I would do anything for you. Right now, I am doing everything in my power to save your life, and Prince Raduk’s life.”

“Even though…”

“Because you love another does not change my love for you,” Damien said, shaking his head. “It did not when you fled the country, and since I still love you deeply even after…” He trailed off, but he did not need to complete the sentence. Nina knew he was talking about the night he had seen Raduk kissing her. “…I do not believe it will ever change.”

“I do love you, Damien,” Nina said. “But not as a wife…”

“Fortunately,” Damien started, “marriage is not often about love. It is a contract. Having you as my wife keeps you safe.”

“…and if I love another?” she murmured, dropping her eyes. “I do not wish to cause you more pain.”