NEW BROOKLYN SHELTER OPENS

Another new homeless shelter was opened in Brooklyn this week, continuing the trend started by supporters of the Give to Get movement earlier in November.

“It’s great, the homeless trying to do what they can to help each other out,” one volunteer commented. “We wanted to contribute to the effort.”

The Brooklyn shelter is run by a group of nondenominational Christians, some of whom claim that the church hierarchy is “spoiling” the generous nature of their religion.

An anonymous woman clarified her views: “It’s too much about attending the ceremonies and behaving like some…some old dude who just happens to be higher in the church hierarchy says to behave. We believe that everyone knows what’s expected from them and how to act, without someone making up more rules.”

Regardless of the shelter’s religious affiliation, volunteers and other supporters from all walks of life have come from across Brooklyn to help run the shelter, which is intended to provide for the basic needs of the borough’s homeless.

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WALL STREET STILL STRUGGLING

After two days of panicked selling brought Wall Street to its worst point in more than a decade, markets fought to keep from sinking any lower on Friday.

Stock markets opened sharply higher in New York but slipped as persistent gloom dogged investors. Economic pessimism and worries about retrenchment in the credit markets eclipsed a positive earnings report from the computer maker Dell.

The Dow Jones industrial average, which opened 150 points higher, was down slightly at 2:30 p.m., while the broader Standard & Poor’s 500-stock index and the technology-heavy Nasdaq composite were mixed.

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(OOC Source: NY Times)

NO NEW LEADS ON BRONX BUS CRASH

The recent Bronx bus crash is still under investigation by the NYPD, although few new leads have been found.

An NYPD spokesman had little information for a gaggle of reporters at a press conference Tuesday, though he did acknowledge that the case was “unusual.”

“The only organic material found on the bus and in the surrounding wreckage belonged to the victims,” he stated. “This is a strange case with few strong leads – but, as always, justice will prevail, and the NYPD will bring the missing children home.”

It is rumored that the body of a young man recently found in the Hudson River could be connected to the bus crash, but the mangled body’s state of decay and apparent charring have hindered scientific investigations. The NYPD refuses to comment.

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OP-ED: TWILIGHT LESS THAN STELLAR

It’s love at first look instead of first bite in Twilight, a deeply sincere, outright goofy vampire romance for the hot-not-to-trot abstinence set. Based on the foundational book in Stephenie Meyer’s best-selling multivolume series, The Twilight Saga (four doorstops and counting), this carefully faithful adaptation traces the sighs and whispers, the shy glances and furious glares of two unlikely teenage lovers who fall into each other’s pale, pale arms amid swirling hormones, raging instincts, high school dramas and oh-so-confusing feelings, like, OMG he’s SO HOT!! Does he like ME?? Will he KILL me??? I don’t CARE!!! :)

Like all vampire stories, Twilight is about repressed desire and untamed hunger and the possibility of blood, the blood that flows from violently pierced necks and that, from John Polidori’s 1819 short novel The Vampyre to Alan Ball’s new HBO series, “True Blood,” represents ravishment of a more graphic kind.

Ms. Meyer’s contribution to the vampire chronicles, the trick that transformed her into a best-selling brand, has been to stanch this sanguineous emission, turning a hot human flow into something less threatening and morally sticky. If Ms. Meyer has made the vampire story safe for her readers (and their parents) — the sole real menace comes from a half-baked subplot — it’s only because she suggests that there actually is something worse than death, especially for teenagers: sex.

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(OOC Source: NY Times)

Horoscopes

ARIES (March 21 - April 19): The love you take is equal to the love you make.

TAURUS (April 20 - May 20): If everyone demanded peace instead of another television set, then there’d be peace.

GEMINI (May 21 - June 20): Life is very short, and there’s no time for fussing or fighting.

CANCER (June 21 - July 22): Fads don’t last, but this is no ordinary fad.

LEO (July 23- Aug 22): Life goes on within you and without you.

VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sept 23): Happiness is a warm gun.

LIBRA (Sept 23 - Oct 22): It’s a little better all the time.

SCORPIO (Oct 23 - Nov 21): The world is still spinning and so are you. When the spinning stops – that’ll be the time to worry.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 – Dec 21): Life is what happens to you when you’re busy making other plans.

CAPRICORN (Dec 22 - Jan 19): Reality leaves a lot to the imagination.

AQUARIUS (Jan 20 – Feb 18): The nicest thing is to open the newspapers and not find yourself in them.

PISCES (Feb 19 - March 20): Tomorrow may rain, so follow the sun.

Letters to the Editor

Editor-in-Chief Eugene Christian Wright responds personally to your letters in our weekly feedback column. Send all questions, thoughts, comments and concerns to .

Would you qualify the recent election of Mr. Barack Obama as a landslide? Was this victory as decisive as the liberal media claims?

- A Republican reader

Hey RR, thanks for writing. You know, I think it might be best to quote John McCain on this one - "The American people spoke, and they have spoken clearly." Don't believe Sen. McCain or myself? Check out Fox News, see if they had different numbers to offer.

Such is the way of Democracy my friend - you can't always get what you want, unless you happen to be several million people at once. Which, you know, probably has its own problems - I'm sure it's distracting.

The horoscopes in the November 7 issue of the Dirge were particularly inspirational and really helped me through a difficult few weeks. I'd like to compliment your horoscopist on his talents, and ask where such beautiful phrases could have come from.

- Max Cumings

I'll allow the guy who actually wrote said Horoscopes to answer that - ladies and gentlemen (and everybody else,) the incomparable Melvin Samantha Gaylord!

"Thank you for writing, Max - I am glad that you found the Horoscopes to be helpful, as I do take some pride in my work. For the November 7th issue, I do not exaggerate when I say that I felt inspired, as though a great voice of wisdom wanted to speak through me. I hope I have done this being's words justice."

Don't know what to tell you about that, Mr. Cumings, except that you might want to google your horoscope. Just saying.

If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be and why?

- Margaret Milani-Smith

I would make a world where soldiers aren't necessary - a world where we don't need violence anymore. Of course, to do that would take changing several million things, and the sad reality is that there will always be people who just want to rape, pillage, kill and steal - and we are lucky to have the brave men and women of our armed forces as well as the NYPD protecting our world from these forces.

I wish it didn't have to be that way - I wish they could all come home. Barring that, I think everyone should be given a jetpack, and we'd just see what happens.

Why are you so awesome?!? I love your paper, dude! Rock on!

- Ted “Steeltoe” Hardy

Well 'Toe, that's simple: I'm a descendant of Odin who bleeds not blood, but Righteous Thunder. Being awesome is a battle we fight every day here at the Dirge - and with your support, it is a battle we're winning.

Keep the faith, kids - settle for nothing less than Truth.

Eugene Christian Wright

Editor In Chief

The Daily DirgePage 1