My Story in France

My Story in France

By

POON Ka Wing Fiona

Introduction

The question of “who am I?” has been haunting me since I was twelve. With my graduation approaching, this question is becoming increasingly agonizing, for I can't plan my future without reflecting upon “who am I” and “who shall I become”. Therefore, apart from hoping to improve my French, one of the reasons behind my decision to go on an exchange is to learn more about myself during the experience. I believe that emergence into another cultural environment will enable me to become more aware of the impacts of the environment on shaping me into who I am today, thus allowing me to learn more about myself.

In this essay, I would like to recount the impact of my exchange experience on my views towards myself and my life. Before I start, I would like to explain my choice for the word “story” in the title. In the novel “Life of Pi”, the protagonists once said, “Doesn't the telling of something always become a story?” As human beings, everyday, we try to transform our experiences into part of our ongoing stories about ourselves through assigning meaning to these experiences. Therefore, my account of how I have benefitted from the sojourn is by nature a story.

1. On my own

Most stories begin with a problem. In my case, I was completely cut-off from the world when I first arrived in Reims. Unlike metropolitan Hong Kong, Reims is a small and tranquil town with few shops, and most of them are closed on Sundays. In Reims, it is possible to walk for half an hour without meeting a single soul. For the first few days, I had no access to the Internet, so I couldn't reached my friends and families. Suddenly, I was all alone in the world, with no one nearby, with no means of knowing what is going on in this world. I was completely on my own.

The tranquil streets of Reims

This small taste of solitude really allowed me to understand why we human beings describe ourselves as social animals. I also began to realize the extent that technology has played a role in my life by connecting me with others. In Hong Kong, I have always been more or less connected with other people, even during those times when I am not using any electronic devices, for I can still contact others or check the news whenever I want. Having taken these connections with the rest of the world for granted, I have never imagined myself to feel so lonely when I am truly by myself.

I used to be critical of the modern society of Hong Kong before I arrived at Reims, for it seems to be too stressful. However, this experience allowed me to realize that my life has been more embedded into the contemporary society of Hong Kong than I previously imagined. The great uneasiness that I felt during those lonely moments inspired me to reflect upon my connections with the society that I grew up in. I now understand that a part of me only exists, and can only be understood, within the contexts of Hong Kong.

2. Friends

As no man is an island, it is only natural for me to find new friends in order to alleviate the feeling of loneliness. As my host institution specializes in international relationships, the origin of students is very diverse. Apart from meeting students from North American and European countries, I have also made friends with students from countries that I was not familiar with, such as Bangladesh, India, Lithuania, Tajikistan, Nigeria and Algeria. Interactions with students from other culture really helped broaden my horizon, allowing me to appreciate the diversities of the world. For instance, I was surprised when I learned from my Algerian friends that their weekends were on Friday and Saturday. While I was no stranger to the concept of “social construction”, and I was aware that “weekends” is a social construct, I was still shocked by this discovery.

As a sociology student, I found such exposures to be very useful for my study. Sociology requires one to look at the status quo critically, forcing one to reflect on the things that are being taken for granted. Throughout my years of living in Hong Kong, I have learned and internalized a lot of “common sense”. As in the case of “weekends”, just because the notion refers to “Saturday and Sunday” in many places, does not mean that it is always the case. Intercultural interactions have allowed me to be more conscious about these “common sense knowledge” that I have taken for granted, thus enable me to be more skeptical about existing beliefs and more open-minded towards the possible alternatives, helping my study in turn.

Lunch with students from Bangladesh (lower left corner), China (lower right corner) and India.

3. C'est la vie

Apart from becoming more open-minded towards possible alternatives, I have also become more tolerant of accidents and mistakes in life. One of the things that I have learned so far is to accept that unexpected events are an inevitable part of life.

In Hong Kong, I can usually work in accordance with what I have planned in advance, because there are far less unforeseen events. In Reims, unexpected events are just part of life. The bus may be late for half an hour, the Internet of your residence may suddenly break down on holidays with no one to fix them, the class may be cancelled ten minutes before it starts, even the location of class can be suddenly altered.

At first, I was frustrated by all these unexpected events. Overtime, I started to become more lenient towards these incidents which disrupted my plans. I begin to realize that there are many things in life that I cannot control, such as getting sick. Instead of getting angry, I try to adapt to these accidents by preparing for the worst beforehand, becoming more flexible with my plans, and reminding myself to look at the positive side.

I have heard of the expression “c'est la vie” (that's life) before, but I only start to understand it after I have come to Reims. My attitude towards life has changed, for I now begin to accept and appreciate that accidents are just an inevitable aspect of life. Some of the unexpected events are still hard for me, but I am better at handling them now.

The elevator that had been out of order for a month

4. Living as a Minority

In addition to being more tolerant of accidents in life, I have also become more tolerant and empathetic towards others, as I have begun to understand how living as a minority may feel like.

In the book “On the run: Fugitive life in an American city”, sociologist Alice Goffman talked about how black people living in the inner cities are subject to stricter policing, thus causing them to feel alienated and discriminated against. Back in Hong Kong, I have never been stopped by a police for an identity check throughout all these years, and I used to believe that I would not have minded if I had been. While I felt sympathetic towards the characters in the book, I failed to understand their feelings. However, my experience in France allowed me to understand more about how these people may feel, for I have noticed that the staff of the supermarkets are much more likely to check the bags of Asian-looking students. At first, when the staff asked to check my bag, I didn't really mind. However, when I saw that European-looking students were not asked to open their backpacks, while I was asked to show the content of my backpack, I began to feel uncomfortable. Other non-European-looking students told me that they shared similar feelings of being discriminated against whenever their bags were checked. While we are not afraid of showing the contents of our bags, it feels unfair and humiliating to be treated differently. Of course, there was always the possibility that we were being over-sensitive, for I have noticed that being a minority really stimulated me to become more aware of how I was perceived. Yet, this experience stimulated me to think that Alice's account is justified. As a member of the majority in Hong Kong, it is likely that my whole day had been “boosted by people affirming [my] dignity all day long”[i].

I also started to understand how people belonging to a language minority may feel. In Hong Kong, Cantonese is my mother tongue, while my English and Mandarin arealso sufficient for most situations so I have never realized the role of language in contributing to my self-confidence. While English is commonly used in the Campus, many people only speak French in Reims. Hence, I encountered great difficulties when I first arrived since my French is not proficient enough. I remembered vividly how embarrassed and alienated I felt when I tried to open a local bank account, in which I struggled to understand what the clerk was saying and had to frequently ask her to slow down and repeat, while there was a long queue behind me. These stressful experiences allowed to me to appreciate how language proficiency has contributed greatly to my self-confidence. They have also enabled me to understand how my ability to communicate with others has contributed to my self-identity, for I wouldn't have felt that I belong to Hong Kong if I couldn't communicate with the others.

In fact, although my French is still not proficient enough for me to have normal conversations, I am beginning to feel at home in France now. Upon reflection, I think the main reason is my improvement in French, since it was suggested that the use of the same language can help reduce social distance. My experience did agree with this view, for I felt estranged whenever I fail to understand the conversations, and included whenever I was able to understand what was said.

However, learning French had some “side-effects” as well, like compelling me to become more aware of my gender identity. In French, many adjectives are “gendered” in the sense that they have a variant form for describing feminine objects. For example, when my teachers take attendance at classes, I need to say “présente” instead of “présent”, in which the former is for female reference and the later is for male reference. As the pronunciations for the male and the female variant of the adjective are different, they serve as constant reminders of my female identity.

Conclusion

French writer Proust once said that “the real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes”. My stay in Reims has enabled me to look at myself and my life using new perspectives, thus allows me to learn more about myself. In addition,I have become more aware of how the society of Hong Kong has shaped me into my current self. The experience has also been beneficial for my studies, as intercultural friendships have allowed me to become more aware of the things that I have taken for granted.

While I have not yet discovered a satisfactory answer to the question of “who am I”, this sojourn has inspired me to gain more insights. I would like to end by quoting “Life of Pi” again, in which Pi said, “The world isn't just the way it is. It is how we understand it, no? And in understanding something, we bring something to it, no? Doesn't that make life a story?” Based on this view, by motivating me to understand myself and my life in a new way, this experience has caused me to re-interpret and re-invent my narratives about myself. Thus, my story in France plays an important part in my on-going story of myself and my life.

About the author

POON Ka Wing Fiona is a 3rd-year student majoring in Sociology. For the 2016-17 academic year, she is participating in a year-long exchange program at Sciences Po (Reims Campus), Francewith the U-wide exchange program.

1

[i]Lewis-Kraus, G. (12 January 2016). NY: New York Times. Retrieved from on 12 November 2016.