Question:
My 7-year-old is exaggerating, and I am at my wits' end trying to figure out a way to stop this behavior. I want to get a handle on this so that (s)he doesn't become a manipulator.
(S)He has had problems with some students at school. I think in an effort to fit in (s)he has discovered that some of the other students who tell tall tales are not held accountable, so (s)he feels compelled to add his/her own exaggerated tales to fit in. For example, (s)he has told the kids at school his/her dad drives a hot rod, which isn't true. (S)He has also told teachers (s)he has 13 cats. How can I stop this behavior?
Answer:
Before you can stop your child's behavior, you have to understand it. Exaggerating is a form of lying, and there are three types of lying we see in children.
- Tall tales
Most second-graders know what a lie is, but sometimes they tell tall tales anyway. These exaggerated stories tend to be somewhat believable and are fascinating to other kids. Your child telling peers that his/her dad drives a sports car is a perfect example of this. These types of stories usually garner a lot of interest from other kids and may even increase the storyteller's social status.
If/when the first category seems the most likely, sit down with your child and have a serious conversation about honesty and dishonesty. Be sure to talk about exaggerating and lying and the importance of truthfulness at home and at school. If you think the problems with the students at school are ongoing, be sure to encourage your child to make a report to the nearest adult next time it happens. Be sure to talk to him/her about being specific when making a report, so the adult involved has a better idea of how to address the situation (i.e. what exactly was said, where they were at when it was said, what-if any-response they gave, etc).
- Habitual lying
Another type of lying involves children who have developed a pattern of lying over and over. These are not problem children, but they start lying to avoid consequences, deal with teachers and keep from hurting their friends' feelings. The old joke where the kid tells the teacher "The dog ate my homework" is an example of this type of lie. Children who fall into this category have simply lied so much that it has become an automatic reaction.
- Serious lies
Lies of this type might be told by youths who are trying to hide a serious problem (such as drug or alcohol use). For instance, when confronted with a pack of cigarettes found in his/her room, a child might say (s)he was holding them for a friend. There are also some kids who lie even when it hurts others.
Activities to Stop Kids from Exaggerating Stories
Reading Books
"Eeedgar! The Elephant Who Exaggerated," by David Jon Martin, offers a story about an elephant who constantly exaggerates everything in his life. Remind your child that constant exaggeration can cause others to not believe him/her when (s)he is in serious danger.
Snack Time
Give your child an exaggerated story of a treat you will give him/her as an afternoon snack for the day. Tell him/her that the snack will be a candied apple dipped in caramel with tons of sprinkles and a glass of strawberry milkshake. Instead of giving a candied apple and a milkshake, place a simple apple and cup of milk down. When asked why you're giving a snack that's far short of what you promised, explain to your child that though exaggeration makes something sound good, it distorts the truth and can leave a person disappointed.
Write Stories
Writing his/her own stories will familiarize a child with the components of an exaggerated story. Introduce him/her to similes, which are often used in exaggerated stories to make something appear more significant than it actually is. Instead of telling a person's actual height, someone would say, "He's as tall as a skyscraper." Have your child write his/her own story using similes. Then, have your child write an honest version of the story without the similes. Inform him/her that exaggeration can be helpful to make an imaginative story interesting but should otherwise not be used in a story for it to remain truthful.
Draw Pictures
Allow your child to use his/her artistic abilities and draw pictures that will ultimately help determine the difference between true and exaggerated information when (s)he tells his/her own stories. Hand out a piece of paper. Explain that you will give him/her a series of sentences. (S)He must decide whether each sentence is true or exaggerated information. If the information is true, (s)he can draw it on the paper. For example, the sentence, "Pigs can fly" would not be included as part of the picture. When you are done, look at your child's completed picture and see whether (s)he was able to capture all the truthful information.