The best gift
Ms Mok Shuk Ling, Selina, Clinical Psychologist
We often see stories like this in magazines:
“What have you prepared for your partner in the festival?” asked the reporter.
“He/She doesn’t need any presents, aren’t I the best present already?” replied the interviewee rapturously.
With that being said, government statistics show that divorce rate has been increasing consistently over the past decade. The number of divorced men and women has almost doubled from fifty thousand in 1991, to over one hundred and fifty thousand in 2001. If people truly treated their loved ones as the best gifts they have ever received, how come there were so many divorces?
It turns out that how we give and receive presents has a huge effect on the extent to which they are appreciated. Take note of the following three tips if you want your partner to enjoy and cherish your gift: -
(1) Observation and communication
We want to please others with our gifts. When giving gifts to our loved ones, we should communicate with them openly and learn to understand them by keeping an eye out for their preferences and needs, so we can do things to make him/her happy.
(2) Put yourself in your partner’s shoes
We are often concerned about whether the present we give will be useful to the recipient. When giving presents to our loved ones, we should put ourselves in their shoes and consider what’s best for them.
(3) Unconditional devotion
Gifts are gifts, so they should come with no strings attached, or else we aren’t giving presents but are making deals.
That being said, our partners are our best presents in life, so we should also appreciate them by avoiding the following three behaviours: -
(1) Making malicious comments
Just like there is no such thing as a perfect present, our partners may also have their little flaws and faults. Malicious comments and constant criticism will only affect our relationship with our partner.
(2) Neglect
People who do not know how to treasure their gifts will only shove them into a corner and leave them to rot. We have to keep our relationships with our partners fresh by putting more time and effort into cultivating our relationship with them instead of focusing only on our daily routines.
(3) Abuse
People might vent their frustration on their presents when they get angry, but they often regret what they’ve done after they calm down. When we get into conflicts with our partners, we have to respect each other and never resort to verbal or physical violence, lest we regret having hurt them afterwards.
I believe if we treat our partners as precious gifts and cherish them as they cherish us, then the relationship can overcome any obstacles.
Note / This article is translated by a translation company from the corresponding original Chinese article in the Chinese section of this website. It is meant to be just an approximation of the original article for the benefit of readers who do not read Chinese.