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Marital Power: Resources, Decision Making and Household Maintenance1
Rita Stanton, Cassie Barr & Arlene Warner
Marital Power: Resources, Decision Making & Household Maintenance
Group 17
Family Development 459.501
Summer II
2
The family unit is faced with many responsibilities. Some families, because of division and unclear responsibilities are struggling emotionally, financially and there are no cohesive elements to keep the family together. The family when strong and unitedis a force to be reckoned with. The family, when lead by a strong marriage partnership will have the power to function and make clear and decisive decisions regarding resources, decision making, and household maintenance. The topics discussed will give clear and insightful information regarding marital power and what is needed to be successful.
As soon as people were getting married, problems were arising as to who does what around the house, such as mowing, laundry, taking care of cars, cooking and so on and so on. These arguments are still occurring today between couples as to who is in charge of certain household chores. No one likes to come home and do chores around the house after working eight or more hours, but someone has to do it to keep the house flowing in a respectful manner. Growing up as children, girls tend to watch their mothers and boys tend to watch their fathers. These chores, such as laundry, ironing, maintenance tasks and so much more are instilled in us as young individuals and we continue to do them while growing up and moving out of the family home. Where the problem transpires is when couples marry and they don’t see eye to eye and disagree with the divided household chores. This issue seems somewhat little, but is a huge part
of keeping a marriage together. As Julia Brines states, “sex and housework are still key aspects of sharing a life, and both are related to marital satisfaction.”
Why is a division of household chores so important to have a long, satisfying marriage? Equality. According to
Forever Families, “when partners in a marriage value equality, they see each other as equal and treat each other with respect, consider each other’s needs, and support one another.” But how do couples begin to split up the household tasks in a reasonable manner? Let’s look at some steps couples can take to ensure equality between the household chores. The first step to make is couples need to sit down, talk about the chores that are everyday or weekly chores, and divide them up equally. This includes cooking, cleaning, laundry, mowing, taking the trash out, children needs and the list can go on forever. Then the couple needs to talk about the other occasional chores, such as car maintenance and paying bills, which is not a part of the weekly chores. As research shows, “couples who do the least arguing about housework are those who have talked about it and made choices together.” The key aspect here to make things running properly and making everyone happy is that both individuals are a part in making the final division and they agree upon the decision. One issue that couples need to recognize and avoid in this step is to elude gatekeeping. To not allow for feelings to be hurt, gatekeeping needs to be left to the side for equality and respect to continue between the couple. If this is not achieved, issues could arise and the next steps cannot be reached. The second step in the process is to express appreciation during or after your spouse has completed their share of chores. Studies show “that when couples argue about domestic work, it is seldom over who does what. More often it is over feeling unappreciated for one’s efforts.” Everyone likes to receive appreciation and feel valued no matter in a relationship or not. However, this is an important aspect in a marriage that has to be present for the marriage to keep moving forward. When appreciation is not shown, one could possibly
think that the chore is not getting done properly as the other spouse wishes and eventually, stop doing the chore all together. Third step, work together as a team around the house. Be a good sportsmanship, be cheerful and cheer the other spouse along, and never give up. Work on things together, set times to do the chores so more time is spent together in the evenings. Lastly, if concerns or issues arise regarding the household chores, communicate those problems with one another. Expressing them to one another will allow the process to continue in a respectful manner, which will in turn redirect feelings being built up inside.
When all of these steps are accomplished and the couple is maintaining their share of the household chores, they will have a greater satisfaction in their marriage. Studies show that equality in a marriage benefits the relationship “as a whole and benefits the husband and wife individually.” For the men, they benefit emotionally by letting feelings and emotions be expressed. This openness will then in turn lead to more physical intimacy. When “men [are] in [a] happy marriage, [they] also are more productive at work because they are less distracted by concerns at home.” For women, “research shows that having an equal say in decision making is the most important contributor to wives’ perception of their marriage as happy and satisfying.” In the end, a satisfying marriage is what all couples strive for and dividing household chores will get them well on their way to a sustaining live together.
References
Selle, A. (n.d.). Equal Partnership in Marriage. In Forever Familes. Retrieved July 18, 2013, from
Hartwell-Walker, M. (2006). Chore War: Household Tasks and the Two-Paycheck Couple. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 18, 2013, from household-tasks-and-the-two-paycheck-couple/000574