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CASE STUDY NUMBER SEVEN

HUMAN BEINGS AS MALE AND FEMALE

Reference, Grudem, Chapters 21 and 22

1. So many failures and hurts accompany the life of human beings as male and female. It was not always so, and God did not create it so.

But before dealing with the challenges in the world and the church we are going to look first at the way things were meant to be. Consider Grudem’s Chapter 21, “The Creation of Man”. Catch a vision of the goodness of what God has done, and the blessing of being “in his image”. See God’s goodness and be reminded of what he is leading us to be through Christ.

2. After reading the chapter review the application questions at the end, and jot down your answers to them.

3. Chapter 22, “Man as Male and Female”, applies further our identity as those created in the image of God, especially with reference to marriage. Before reading the chapter jot down your understanding of whether these statements are correct or not.

  1. The Bible is silent on whether polygamy is right or wrong.
  2. The Bible would not require that marriage only be between a man

and a woman.

  1. Sexual relations by a couple who are “in love” but not married would not be right for a Christian.
  2. A Christian should only marry another Christian.
  3. A marriage by two non-Christians would not be valid in God’s sight.
  4. The only Biblical grounds for divorce are adultery or desertion.
  5. Adultery in marriage would not include homosexual activity.
  6. There are no Biblical grounds for divorce.
  7. If adultery occurs the Christian may get a divorce, but is not required to do so.
  8. Since one of the purposes of marriage is to have children, Christians should not use artificial means of contraception, but only natural means.
  9. Christians are free, for whatever reason, to avoid having children.
  10. It is wrong to really want to have a girl, not a boy, or to want a boy, not a girl.
  11. Those in important positions- ministers, missionaries, leaders of government- can leave the raising of their children to others- family, or hired professionals.
  12. Pornography can destroy a marriage.
  13. Pornography is harmless if it doesn’t become an addiction.
  14. Some people who engage in homosexual activity are “born that way”, and therefore cannot be expected to live otherwise.
  15. If two gays are faithful to each other their relationship is acceptable to God.
  16. Those with past homosexual experience can live celibate lives, and may be able to enter into a heterosexual marriage.
  17. Women really are superior to men- in a lot of obvious ways.
  18. Men really are superior to women- in a lot of obvious ways.
  19. A Christian raised in a loveless marriage, with many distasteful

feelings about marriage, should nonetheless seek to come to a positive openness about being married.

22.Those who experienced childhood sexual abuse by religious personnel are

never going to be able to trust God or have a healthy marriage.

23.A capable woman and a passive man can have a fine marriage.

She will take charge and things will go smoothly.

24.If a man is the “head” of a marriage he should listen carefully to his wife’s

insights and preferences, and value her participation indecision-making.

25.Being a single Christian is superior to being married.

26.Being married or single is to be seen as a “gift” from God.

4. Now read Chapter 22, and write out your answers to the application questions at the end of the chapter.

5. Go slowly through the 26 statements above and Grudem’s chapter, to see if you find scripture references that agree or disagree with the statements. Add any other scripture references which you think apply to the statements. You will find some statements that you have no scriptures for from the chapter. How would you find what the scriptures say? Consider checking Grudem’s index, a fairly complete Bible concordance, an evangelical reference book- New Dictionary of Theology, or the Evangelical Dictionary of Theology.

Case Study 7

6. It is a challenge to get a clear picture of what the Bible teaches so positively about human sexuality, marriage, singleness, family, children, etc., over against the many distortions and sorrows brought into the world through sin. We want to learn more so that we can help others to know and trust in God’s Word, and find forgiveness and hope when mistakes have already been made. We won’t become experts, but we want to keep being learners.

InterVarsity Press has an extensive catalog of Christian books. IVP is the publishing arm of InterVarsity Christian Fellowship, a national campus ministry. The Press is online at ivpress.com. You could order books from them or your Christian book store.

Please buy and read (and have available to share) some of their short and very practical $1.00 booklets on our topic:

“Dating and Marriage”

“Emotional Dependency”

“The Gay Debate”

“Healing from Sexual Abuse”

“Homosexual Struggle”

“Is This the One?”

“Seven Lies About Sex”

“An Unequal Yoke”

You will be strengthened in your effectiveness by the help of this literature.

7. Some Christians approach the relationship of a Christian husband and wife differently than Grudem does, as he notes in his bibliography, page 469 f. Read through how another author approaches the subject, by reading the treatment of marriage in at least one other book. Choose from the books by Mary Evans, Patricia Gundry, Alvera Mickelsen, or Aida Spencer.

  1. Go back to the 26 statements to review and, if needed, revise your responses.

9. Schedule a meeting with your tutor to discuss those of the 26 statements which are the most difficult for you to respond to. Why are they the most difficult for you?

10. You have been asked by your pastor to sit in on some pre-marital counseling appointments for two engaged couples in your church.

In each case some hard things came up toward the end of the session and you were asked to think about what the issues were at the end and lead the discussion for the next appointment. Here is where you left off:

A. Joe and Alice are an attractive, pleasant couple, but you have stumbled into some uncomfortable issues. Joe is easy-going to the point of making no decisions- a. “I don’t like this job, so I’m going to quit one of these days. But Alice has her job. I’m not sure what I’ll look for next.” b. “I told her I’m no good at planning, so it’s up to her to plan the wedding. I told her just to tell me when to show up.” c. “No, I don’t think I’m going to have kids. I’m not up to being tied down like that. But Alice knows that- I’ve told her before.” Alice also has her “issues”: a. “I’m not giving up my independence when I get married. We’re going to have our own checking accounts and cars of course, and we’ll divide our expenses. I saw my folks go through a divorce, and my mother got ripped off by my dad.” b. “I wish Joe took more responsibility about our sex life. I’ve been on the pill the whole three years we’ve been dating, and I wish he didn’t leave it all to me. I don’t think it’s safe to stay on the pill forever.” c. “Maybe you don’t know that I was married for a year after high school. But he turned out to be gay. Imagine the humiliation of being married to a fag! I never told Joe about it till last month.”

11. You are encouraged to study and pray and write out what you will bring up at your next session with Joe and Alice. Do you think they should get married? What has to be worked out yet?

12. The second couple:

  1. Holly and Dave are new to your church and want to get married soon. Dave explains why: “When we found out a few months ago that Holly is pregnant I wanted her to get an abortion, but she wept and stormed and wouldn’t do it. I couldn’t make her get an abortion, so I decided we should get married. But we need to do it soon. She’s going to start to show.” Holly has two big issues: a. “My mother hates me about this baby. She is so mad that I won’t get an abortion, and that I’ll have to drop out of college.” b. “My dad hates Dave for getting me pregnant. He says he wants to be a grandpa, but not a father-in-law, and that the baby and I should live with them, and I should not get married. But of course my mother wouldn’t want us there at all.” Dave’s issue is: “I don’t feel great about getting married in a church. I grew up Catholic, and I saw a lot of hypocrisy in the church. My younger brother was an altar boy who was molested for years by our priest. Whenever I think about it my face turns red and I would like to kill the guy. No offense meant, but I’m not looking forward to coming to a church to get married. I believe in God, but not in churches.”

13. You are encouraged to study and pray and write out what you will bring up at your next session with Holly and Dave. Do you think they should get married? What has to be worked out yet?

14. Meet with your tutor to share the details of these two appointments and your notes about how to respond. What insights does your tutor have about your responses?