Let Me Give You a Little Lesson for Those of You That Just Don't Get

Cheaters Monopoly

Let me give you a little lesson for those of you that just don't get it. I call it "Cheaters Monopoly." It's a little game I came up with to help those of you who don't understand the capitalist system and why it's important to know how people acquired their wealth. (and remember the Supreme Court has said that corporations are people, so don't try to hide behind that.)

Get a group of your friends together. Preferably about 8 of you and get your Monopoly board out. Now you have to get a piece of paper and write the following eight categories on it: White Protestant male1, White Protestant Male2, White Immigrant Male, White Female, Native American, Black, Asian, and Latino.

Now take this piece of paper and cut it into the eight categories and put them all in a hat. Then each person takes a turn pulling a piece of paper from the hat. Whatever you pull from the hat is your category for the duration of the monopoly game. For example if you pull the paper that says "White Protestant Male" (and there should be two) from the hat then you get to play by the White Protestant Male rules. If you pull another category you play by that categories rules.

Here are the rules. The game starts as a regular monopoly game. The only big difference is that whomever pulled Native American from the hat gets to be the banker and gets to have all the property cards first, with the exception of any of the utilities or railroads. Any player who lands on a piece of property owned by the Native American gets to take it from him.

The Native American does get to keep Mediterranean Avenue until the completion of the game as this is the least valuable piece of property on the board.

In addition, any player who pulled "White Protestant Male" from the hat plays the game according to normal monopoly rules, except that he doesn't have to buy property when he lands on it, he just gets to take it from the Native American if the Native American is still holding it.

In addition, the White Immigrant Male has to wait until the White Protestant Males have gone around the board once before they are allowed to play. And they start the game with half the starting cash of the White Protestant Male. Otherwise their rules are the same as the White Protestant Males.

If you pulled the term White Female from the hat you don't get to start the game until all the White Males have gone around the board 10 times. You start the game with the same amount of money as the White Immigrant male and continue to play normally. If you want to you can choose to "marry" one of the White Males which will allow you to merge with him.

He will then control all your finances and property and you are effectively eliminated from the game but you can enjoy the benefits of watching your husband win.

If you have pulled the term Asian from the hat you don't get to start the game until all the other players, White males and White females have gone around the board 10 times. You don't start the game with any money. And once you've gone around the board 10 times, assuming you're still in the game, the white males get to take all your property and money and you go directly to jail for 5 turns. If you manage to make it through 10 more turns you will get 10% of your property and money back and you get to start again.

If you pulled the term Latino from the board you get to start the game with a single piece of property, Pacific Avenue. You also must wait to start the game until the White males have gone around the board 10 times and you also start with no money.

If you pulled the term Black from the hat you start the game the same time as the White Protestant Males. You do not get to start with any money, you are not allowed to buy property until the White Protestant Males have gone around the board 40 times and any money you receive as a result of community chests or for any other reasons are divided amongst the White Males. If you incur any debts they will stay with you even after you

are finally allowed to keep your earnings and begin to buy property after the White Males have gone around the board 40 times.

Now that you know the rules, get out there and show everybody why White

Males Rule!

And remember that every time you hear a white guy say "I never owned slaves!" he's really trying to get you to forget the benefits that have accrued to him over generations. When he claims "We should hire the best man for the job!", he's really trying to get you to forget that for CENTURIES, the phrase "best man for the job" really meant the best

White Man for the job. Remember that every time someone says "Hey but we're all equal now" just remember that he's trying to get you to forget that in the Game of Monopoly, once you own all the property, it's easy to allow others to join the game and blame them if they can't succeed.

Brett E. Mangum, Esq.