Klair Carroll

Michael Kimball

Oct 21, 2012

Rhetoric Rational

In my Me as a Metaphor piece I compare who I am as a person to an inanimate object. After revising my first draft I made many revisions. I removed some of the unnecessary background information of Magic the Gathering because it went too in depth and the facts couldn’t be tied in with my personality in any way. The second paragraph was very lengthy and contained many run on sentences that I broke the paragraphs into smaller ones and made the sentences shorter by removing many of the conjunctions and made newer sentences. These revisions helped to improve the quality and the flow of my final draft.

In my Visual Analysis piece I analyze a piece of visual rhetoric that Gold's Gym used to persuade people to join their gym and evaluate its effectiveness. The audience of this piece is anyone who is self-conscious about their body weight. This piece is also intended for members of Gold’s Gym that have friends that need to get into shape. In the first draft of this piece I was very narrow minded with whom the intended audience was and didn’t mention many other groups that this piece was trying to target. I also had didn’t mention its ethical or pathetic appeal. After revising these things the piece flows better and does a better job at really analyzing what this piece does to persuade the audience to act.

In my Rhetorical Analysis I analyze a piece of written rhetoric titled "The problem with football: How to make it safer". In this piece I identify the strategies the author uses to get his audience to respond in a certain way. The intended audience for this piece was anyone who is interested in football, but especially parents with children playing football. The revisions I made to this piece were mostly grammatical to make it flow better I had many run on sentences and I repeated many things in a paragraph more than once. I modified my thesis statement so that it mentioned the rhetorical strategies the author uses. I also expounded more on my personal evaluation of this piece to really help the readers see my stance on how well these rhetorical strategies worked.

During the peer reviews of these pieces I was very excited to read what others’ responses were. They were very constructive and especially helped me to revise the grammatical mistakes I had in each of these pieces. Overall I really enjoyed writing these pieces and feel very proud of the revisions that I made to make these final drafts.