Jesus the Doorway to Healing and Forgiveness

Presented by Fr. William Jarema, Mercy Center, Colorado Springs, CO


Mercy Center, Inc.

520 West Buena Ventura Street

Colorado Springs, CO80907

719.633.2302 ~ 719.633.1031 fax

email:

ABOUT THE PRESENTER

Rev. William J. Jarema, B.A., M.S., M.Div., M.A.S.,

Founder and Program Director of the Mercy Center for Healing the Whole Person, Colorado Springs, Colorado, with numerous satellite programs throughout the United States and three foreign mission projects in the West Indies.

Founder and Spiritual Director of the Society of Missionaries of Mercy, a private association of the Christian faithful for clergy, laity, men and women, married and single. A lay institute for the training of men and women as spiritual directors, and inner healing specialists, lay missionaries dedicated to a spirituality of mercy and the healing ministry of Jesus Christ. As a community, they are dedicated to the vow of conversion of life and the spiritual and corporal works of mercy.

Fr. Bill has provided workshops, retreats and clergy conferences nationwide. As part of the MercyCenter team, he offers residential pastoral care treatment programs for clergy and religious called the Vitality program, a 13-week sabbatical program, and a Spiritual Directors Training/Renewal Program in Colorado Springs, Colorado.

He provides a specialized program for clergy and religious on "Conscious Celibacy: Truth or Consequence," an intensive review of the biological, psychological and social implications of celibacy and those who dare to be celibate in the 21st century.

Father Bill is a national consultant and educator for profit and nonprofit corporations and a National Certified Counselor, Spiritual Director, Workshop and Retreat Director.

Fr. Bill specializes in whole person healing, typology and team building, corporate development management and assessment, marriage, family and organizational addictions/dysfunction, and an eclectic approach to healing, wholeness and wellbeing. He also provides a parish assessment program called; “Creating a Parish Think Tank” that will empower every level of your parish and school to contribute to designing a 3-5 year pastoral plan

Author of:

Fathering the Next Generation: Men Mentoring Men, Crossroad Publications, 1994.

There's a Hole in My Chest: Healing and Hope for Adult Children Everywhere, Crossroad Publications, 1996.

Creating a Parish Think Tank: A program for helping parishes assess and explore resources, ministries, hidden potential and future growth and development, 1996. Distributed by Mercy Center, Inc.

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Alter: Comedy, Parables and Miracles & Angelic Encounters. Distributed by Mercy Center, Inc 2005 (All proceeds support 2nd and 3rd world missionaries who wish to attend the 13-week sabbatical program at the MercyCenter)

Newly Released: The Conscious Celibacy Workbook: Truth or Consequences

Soon To Be Released:Climbing Out of The Anger Pit and The FourGardens: An Allegory for Those Along the Way andWalking the Tight Rope: A Survivors Manual for Church Ministers

What Our Parents or Significant Caregivers

Give to Us


How Does Father Pass on to His Children His Contributions of

Adult Life Skills?

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Jesus the Doorway to Healing and Forgiveness

Presented by Fr. William Jarema, Mercy Center, Colorado Springs, CO

  • House Rules for Healthy Parenting
  1. Look into their eyes
  2. Look for the good and affirm them.
  3. Take turns in all things.
  4. Feedback—let them know you are with them.
  5. Assume good will—avoid stinking-thinking.
  6. Admit your feelings.
  7. Establish non-negotiable values.
  8. Touch, hug, kiss, hold, and develop rituals of affection.
  9. Never yell, hit, curse, name-calling and avoid all acts of violence.
  10. Bless them and imagine their best.
  • Play
  1. Practice random acts of kindness
  2. Laugh.
  3. Non-aggressive and non-competitive play
  4. Make memories.
  5. Smile.
  6. Breathe deeply.
  7. Savor with your senses.
  8. Receive as much as you give.
  9. Be a team player.
  10. Win and loose—take turns.
  • Physical Affection to Your Wife
  1. Ask for feedback—do not assume.
  2. Make it mutual pleasure/pleasant.
  3. Non-genital touching—cuddle, hug, touch, nurture.
  4. Give and receive affection.
  5. Learn vulnerability.
  6. Practice intimacy—In to me you see.
  7. Time in—Time out.
  8. Take turns with initiating.
  9. Show care, concern, interest, public and private rituals of affection.
  10. Be creative (remember every 7 years).
  • Personal Disciplines
  1. Be accountable to another.
  2. Set goals and achieve them.
  3. Manage your power.
  4. Take control of your life.
  5. Be interdependent.
  6. Have alone time.
  7. Fast and sacrifice for the sake of another.
  8. Eat/Drink consciously.
  9. Read-Study-Pray.
  10. Struggle with a friend.
  • Admit Your Mistakes
  1. Tell your story.
  2. Don’t nag your children.
  3. Look for the lessons in all mistakes.
  4. Ask for help seek out advisors and consulters.
  5. Offer options not solutions.
  6. Encourage choice-making.
  7. Be repentant, forgive and seek forgiveness.
  8. Never ask your children to do what you are not willing to do yourself.
  9. Try something new everyday.
  10. Encourage others to give you straight talk and tough love.

1

Jesus the Doorway to Healing and Forgiveness

Presented by Fr. William Jarema, Mercy Center, Colorado Springs, CO

Loss Letters to my Father/Mother/Brother/Sister/Employer/Husband/Wife

Dear ______, this is what I learned from you…

Dear______, this is what I am grateful for because of you…

Dear ______, this is what I need to give back to you….

Dear______, this is what I lost because…..

Dear ______, this is what I want/need from you….

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Jesus the Doorway to Healing and Forgiveness

Presented by Fr. William Jarema, Mercy Center, Colorado Springs, CO

How Does Mother Pass on to Her Children Her Contributions of Adult Life Skills?

1

Jesus the Doorway to Healing and Forgiveness

Presented by Fr. William Jarema, Mercy Center, Colorado Springs, CO

  • House Rules for Healthy Parenting
  1. Look into their eyes.
  2. Look for the good and affirm them.
  3. Take turns in all things.
  4. Feedback—let them know you are with them.
  5. Assume good will—avoid stinking-thinking.
  6. Admit your feelings.
  7. Establish non-negotiable values.
  8. Touch, hug, kiss, hold, and develop rituals of affection.
  9. Never yell, hit, curse, name-calling and avoid all acts of violence.
  10. Bless them and imagine their best.
  • Personal Self Care-(2Tim 1:3-5, Col. :12-17)
  1. Good healthy personal hygiene.
  2. Investments in your clothing, make-up, manicure, pedicure.
  3. Taking time for rest.
  4. Eat and drink consciously.
  5. Vacations for play and making memories.
  6. I am worthy.
  7. Love your body—show respect and comfort.
  8. Grow in your self-esteem.
  9. Develop a variety of interests and hobbies.
  10. Read, study, pray, learn.
  • Receive the Affection of Your Children-(1Corinth 12:27—You are the Body of Christ)
  1. Be open.
  2. Learn to be spontaneous.
  3. Laughter helps.
  4. Expand your capacity for receiving.
  5. Take time to ponder and reminisce.
  6. Increase your hospitality.
  7. Be loved.
  8. You are wonderfully, beautifully made.
  9. Practice creativity—discover your own uniqueness.
  10. Share and exchange rituals of affection.
  • Allow Yourself to be Touched and then Touch-(Luke 7:36-55-Penitent woman kisses his feet, John 13:1-17-Jesus washes their feet)
  1. Practice sensuality.
  2. Embrace color.
  3. Learn to be vulnerable
  4. Become at home in your skin.
  5. Practice Into-me-you-see.
  6. Be held and have someone cradle you.
  7. Float in some warm water.
  8. Practice empathy and active listening.
  9. Understand and accept your own feelings.
  10. Ponder the fact that you are unconditionally loved by God.
  • Maintain Your Personal Dignity and Integrity-(1Peter 3:1-7, Philippians 4:8)
  1. Know your personal power: maintain healthy boundaries.
  2. Share in the decisions.
  3. Teach choice making.
  4. Practice the three biblical rights: yes, no, maybe.
  5. Live your truth. Practice imagination.
  6. Listen to your hunches and inner knowing.
  7. Parent as partners.
  8. Put your marriage first: friendship, romance, sacrifice for the other and mutual.
  9. Conquer your fears and meet the challenge.
  10. It’s O.K. to struggle: win or loose you will become stronger because you endured.

1

Jesus the Doorway to Healing and Forgiveness

Presented by Fr. William Jarema, Mercy Center, Colorado Springs, CO

TRAITS OF A HEALTHY FAMILY

The healthy family ...

1.communicates and listens.

2.affirms and supports one another.

3.teaches respect for others.

4.develops a sense of trust.

5.has a sense of play and humor.

6.exhibits a sense of shared responsibility.

7.teaches a sense of right and wrong.

8.has a strong sense of family in which rituals and traditions abound.

9.has a balance of interaction among members.

10.has a shared religious core.

11.respects the privacy of one another.

12.values service to others.

13.fosters family table time and conversations.

14.shares leisure time.

15.admits to and seeks help with problems.

As children the words we would most like to hear from our mothers as children are:

“I love you.”“Yes.”

“Time to eat.”“You can go.”

“You can stay up late.”

Other favorites:

“I’ll help you.”

“Your friend can spend the night.”

“I’m glad we have such a good daughter/son.”

“You can go out and play.”

“Sleep in.”

“How was your day?”

“It’s Saturday.”

“You are my favorite.”

“You were good tonight.”

“Help me make a cake.”

“I’m glad I have you.”

“You’re great.”

“I’m sorry.”

From: Traits of a Healthy Family

By: Dolores Curran

Family Cohesion:

What makes a family strong and cohesive?

  1. Member of the family communicate appreciation for one another. They build each other up psychologically.
  2. Arrange their personal schedules so that they could do things or simply be together.
  3. They are proactive and offer positive communication patterns: listen, attend, empathize, respect, interest – good conflict resolution skills, affective exchanges, touching.
  4. They have a high degree of commitment to promoting one another’s happiness and welfare and to the family group as a whole. They invest time, money, energy, activities and interest.
  5. They maintain a spiritual orientation: they have a sense of a power greater than themselves and a purpose that goes beyond themselves.
  6. They deal positively with crises: they are proactive, working and cooperating and sharing resources in dealing with crises. In conflict they can compromise and they show commitment even during times of turmoil.

Taken from Nick Stinnett, 1978, social scientist

How a family handles its conflicts and resolves fights affects everyone in the household.

All happy families resemble one another; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own rite.

(Anna Karenia, by Leo Tolstoi)

Tips for Anger Management & Resolution

  1. Help me to understand what you are upset about?
  1. What are you perceptions about this situation?
  1. Explain to me your ideas about this situation?
  1. I want to learn from you how we can better manage this situation.
  1. You share what has struck you about this situation and then I will share with you what has struck me.
  1. Can you give me feedback about what you know and then I’ll give you feedback about what I know?
  1. Share with me what you think... What you feel… What you want… What can you do to achieve what you want… What can I do to help you achieve what you want?
  1. Let’s talk – You speak and I will listen. Then I will speak and you will listen.
  1. I can see that you are upset – talk to me.

PRAYER FOR DEPARTED SOULS

(Prayer of the Faithful)

Blessed are you, Lord God of all creation. I freely choose to praise and thank you for all you did through your Son, Jesus Christ, who came to teach me how to live life to the full.

I pray for (departed person) and ask that you take him/her into your kingdom of eternal happiness and peace. In the name of Jesus Christ, the Prince of Love, I commission (departed person) ______to go home to meet you, Father, and the fullness of your glory.

I seek your forgiveness, Lord, for not doing this earlier. I ask that______(departed person) may know my personal love and reconciliation. Here I wish to show forth to (departed person) and his/her angels all you achieved: that in the bread I will hold is your life and teaching, your body and blood, your brokenness and healing through your stripes. That in your shed blood is the free gift of freedom from the guilt and the stain of sin. That through the torn veil we have direct access to you. That in rising, you defeated Satan and his companions. That you became available to all the departed.

Now may the angels of mercy with (departed person) see you ascend and open heaven’s gates. And now

may (departed person) be gathered together and go on towards heaven and be reunited there with all your saints and angels.

Now, Lord, because (departed person) has departed and no longer looks to me, or pressures me, may I be healed and become the person you intended me to become, to live your praise and glory. Amen.

PRAYER FOR RECONCILIATION

Blessed are you, Lord God of all creation. I freely choose to praise and thank you for all you did through your Son, Jesus Christ, who came to teach me how to live life to the full.

I pray for (name of person you want to reconcile with) and ask that you take him/her into your loving arms and fill him/her with your mercy and peace. In the name of Jesus Christ, the Prince of Love, I commit (name of person you want to reconcile with) to your authority and ask that you present him/her to the Father and the fullness of his glory.

I seek your forgiveness, Lord, for not doing this earlier. I ask that (name of person you want to reconcile with) may know my personal love and reconciliation. Here I wish to show forth

to (name of person you want to reconcile with) and his/her family all that you have achieved: that in the bread I will hold is your life and teaching, your body and blood, your brokenness and healing through your stripes. That in your shed blood is the free gift of freedom from the guilt and the stain of sin. That through the torn veil we have direct access to you. That, in rising, you defeated Satan and his companions. That you became available to all who seek your mercy.

Now may the angel of mercy embrace (name of person you want to reconcile with) and at this moment may he/she be empowered with your loving gentleness. I choose to surrender all my concerns, thoughts, feelings and desires for (name of person you want to reconcile with) and place them at the foot of your cross to become what you choose them to become.

Now, Lord, because I choose to surrender (name of person you want to reconcile with) to your loving care, I no longer will be pressured or oppressed by this relationship. May I now be healed and become the person you intended me to become, to live your praise and glory. Amen.

Anger = I lost it and I want it back

The greater the value placed on that which is lost the greater the intensity of the anger.

Three options to anger resolution:

  1. Retrieve it—You are able to retrieve the actual loss or retrieve the loss from the original source: such as your mother, father, and/or significant other.
  2. Replace it---The original source cannot help you retrieve the loss so you find a person or life experience that is equal to, if not greater than, the original loss. This assumes a second chance mother, second chance father, or second chance family.
  3. Release it ---If you choose to release the loss than you are moving towards the practice of forgiveness. The choice to let go may include the Prayer for Departed Souls, the Prayer for Reconciliation, Ritual Grieving or some other form of demonstrating letting go of the loss. The practice of forgiveness may demand that you forgive 7 times 70 times a day.

Four steps to healing anger

  1. You need to name the loss accurately including all related losses.
  2. You need to admit the loss(es) to a significant other. This way your ego believes and owns the emotions attached to each of the losses.
  3. You will need to make a conscious choice to either: retrieve it, replace it, or release the loss.
  4. If you choose to forgive and release the person/situation, you then make the choice not to hold any expectations for revenge, retribution or restitution.
Anxiety = I want it but I can’t have it

The more I want it and the more I can’t have it, the more intense will be the anxiety. The question is, “Who said that you can’t have it?” Anxiety always relates to sexuality and sexual feelings. Remember the word sexual means, “the capacity to feel and to relate.” Who taught you that you should not feel or relate out loud, between relationships or in public?

Fear = I want it but I can’t manage it

Fear is object related and is learned. To manage fear we must learn the life skills required for the task at hand. In doing so we can desensitize the fear.

Grief = I lost (someone or something) and I will be changed – yet I refuse to change.