It’s not my fault. They Made me Do it!
Excuses: Blame
A sermon by Ted Virts
March 23, 2014
Sonoma CA
Theme:
When Cain Killed Abel (Mary Nelson Keithahn) (2135)
When Cain killed Abel in a fight
and Jacob stole another’s right,
when Joseph’s brothers gave him chase,
God wept and mourned their fall from grace.
In every family, small and great,
when jealousy twists love to hate,
and rivals turn to enemies,
God weeps at our hostilities.
And when in church and world today
such feelings still come into play,
when brothers sisters stand apart,
God weeps for every broken heart.
Good Christians, join in God’s lament,
weep now and mourn, be penetent,
And pray to God: Forgive us all,
Restore us as before the fall.
Scripture
Genesis 4:1-16
“Cain rose up against his brother Abel…” Genesis 4
We are dealing with the hard stuff of the human story this Lent: Why and how do we have this tendency to do what we shouldn’t and to not do what we should.
This is the heart and soul struggle of our lives. Not the truth of death, not the hardness of living and loss, not the fact that life is unfair sometimes or often, not the realities of aging, not even the decisions where we’re not sure what would be best in a future we cannot see, but the real, hard, truth that we have the power to do harm and evil to others and ourselves, and that we can do that harm intentionally and sometimes, in fact, we do.
Evil is described as rebellion, as intentional, as self-preservation without limit, and sometimes as necessary for living in the world – the loss of innocence, and even as necessary in order to allow for the greater good.
Evil has been a problem from the very beginning of human consciousness. Our kids song expressed it. It’s not easy to say I’m sorry. It’s not easy to say I did it. It’s not easy to say forgive me.
Last week we heard our preschool voice declare our innate attitude of “You’re not the Boss of me!” It’s not that we don’t know what would be good to do. Its just that often we don’t want to do it. We resist serving anyone (God included) when there is inconvenience to ourselves. The resistance expresses itself for the preschooler in tantrums – rage, affront, insult – at there being someone, some thing, some cultural norm, some expectation that isn’t what we like. We don’t like it a lot better as adults. We don’t like to take orders, to follow, to listen to advice, to not have our own way. Pride is one of the steps that moves people away from harmony with God. The rules don’t apply to us. We know better. Who knows best? It’s me.
The line between selfishness and evil is not that big. The step across the line follows the same process.
We humans are a squirrely, slippery bunch. We can be proud and defiant and rebellious in active and passive ways, but it is when we are pinned and caught in doing the wrong thing that we are the real artists and masters.
The family circus cartoon that you read when you came in is the model. Who did it? “Not Me” did it. When the pressure really comes on, not only did “Not me” do it, but they did it, or they made me do it.
Those loveable, unfiltered preschoolers say it well. “It’s not my fault. He made me do it. She made me do it.” Those shame based protests are nearly direct quotes from scripture – who knew our kids were so wise?
Adam in the garden after he eats the forbidden fruit: “The woman you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit from the tree and I ate.” It’s her fault, and, actually its your fault, you gave her to me didn’t you?
Eve in the garden after she eats the forbidden fruit: “the serpent tricked me, and I ate.” It’s not my fault. The serpent made me do it.
Cain is warned by God to control the sin that seeks him, master it, or it will take over your thoughts, your will, your feelings. Cain’s dejection, and anger, take over. Did Cain think that Abel was responsible for God liking his offering? Did Cain think God was responsible for accepting Abel’s offering? Not my fault. He made me do it. You made me do it.
See a pattern here?
It’s not easy to say I did it.
Siblings and class mates declare the other “made me” do this thing.
They hit first.
She hurt my feelings.
He wrecked my toy.
The devil made me do it.
We are talking about the hard stuff of human life.
The blame game is as old as Adam and as recent as this week’s news:
The mayor of Toronto blames the drugs, the drink
The people blame the government.
The legislature blames the other party.
The rich blame the poor. The poor blame the rich.
It is easy and fun to do because it is never me. It is “them”, or maybe it is even you, but it certainly isn’t me.
What is the harm in this blaming?
Blame (the opposite of praise) is contagious the sociologists tell us. The more you are around folks who blame others, the more likely you are to demean them as well. Just listen to the political rhetoric of our day. Our side is right, their side is not only wrong, but they are ignorant, or if they can’t be educated, they are dumb, and if they are smart and can’t be educated, then they must be evil
I want to return to the ancient story we heard this morning.
In the Cain and Abel story “brother” is used 7 times.
The consequence for Cain, the farmer, is that he becomes a wanderer. he is uprooted from the land, rootless because he did not see his roots with his brother. His disappointment, his anger, was directed toward – blamed on – something beyond himself.
In the Cain and Abel story, as in the Adam and Eve story, humans make specific decisions that decide the shape of the future.
The harm of blame is that it is lying. Lying does violence to the created order. It violates, disrupts, the bonds that are designed to connect us.
Self-preservation again. I don’t trust “them” because they are too selfish, too mean, too greedy.
Blame keeps us away from ourselves.
Jesus tells a tale about the wasteful (prodigal) son who takes his inheritance early, squanders it and then sees the consequences from the pig sty where he is living. He comes to himself, Jesus says. “I did this. Maybe there is mercy, or at least survival if I come home.
Pride and blame are instincts. They are part of our human heritage, even if expressed differently in different cultures.
Do you notice your own tendencies expressed by our preschoolers?
When you are angry or depressed or your sense of righteousness is affronted how do you respond?
You can’t make me do that! You have no right! How dare you? You’re not the boss of me…
It’s not my fault. They make me do it. They forced my hand. They have to be taught a lesson.
What angers you, what makes you defensive? what offends you?
Lent is about dropping the pretense within ourselves, and between ourselves and God.
Maybe you don’t really have it all together
Maybe you’re not all bad.
Maybe you’re not really the victim.
Maybe there are things that are just your fault.
If you have a good home or good friends then you know real home is the place where you don’t have to protect yourself so much. Home is where we allow ourselves to be formed by others, where we can admit our error. where our opinions matter in the context of compassion.
We do try to cover up that we are not God. We have pride that resists authority – even Divine authority. We have guilt that has us blame anyone but ourselves.
But the message of the scriptures and of Christ is that our true home lies with God. And with God as our home we can admit to being lost, to being wrong, to causing pain, to being hurt, to longing to return to God, especially when we have drifted:
CHOIR: GOING HOME.
Goin' Home
I'm always goin' home inside
There's an ache in my heart
that I can't bear
Take me home
Take my hand and lead me home
Oh Lord
I'm so broken up inside
I need to hide
in your love, in your hands
So take me home
I'm not saying you don't give me joy
I just need more of you
How I love you
And I want to be changed
just like you
So take me home
Help me wait on you, Lord
Until the day you come
All my ways need a grave
So I can rise with you
when you come
To take me home
Here’s the truth in Genesis. God cares for Adam and Eve, he clothes them, even when they cannot stay in paradise. God cares for Cain even as he is uprooted from the land – the mark of Cain is a protection.
I want to read a brief psalm passage about why even if it is hard to say “I did it” it is good for you:
This is Psalm 32 vs 3-5
While I kept silence, my body wasted away through my groaning all day long. 4 For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was dried up* as by the heat of summer.
5 Then I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not hide my iniquity; I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the Lord’, and you forgave the guilt of mysin.
God’s question to us isn’t because God doesn’t know where we are and who we are, it is so that we can let go of our pride and our blaming and be truthful about who we are and what we have done.
And God’s response to our return is to run toward us with open arms.
That is the promise you can bet you life on.
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