Inspired by the Play of George Bernard Shaw

Pygmalion

Inspired by the play of George Bernard Shaw

Written by

Edwin Creely

©2011

Characters

Beth Fathington (narrator)

Sarah Waite (narrator)

Eliza Doolittle (flower girl)

Professor Ernest Higgins (professor of phonetics)

Alice Pickering (friend of Higgins)

Jane Higgins (Higgin’s mother)

Gillian Beasley (Servant to Jane Higgins)

Pearl Baddington (Higgin’s Housekeeper)

Patrick Doolittle (Eliza’s father)

Georgina Doolittle (Eliza’s sister)

Freddy Lane (love interest of Eliza)

Maria Swienhearte (rival of Higgins)

Countess Elise Von Heigenburg (German Ambassador to London)

Prologue

The two narrators enter. They are two old women, who initially sit with the audience. They are dressed in costume from the 1950s. They tell the story of the play in retrospect.

Beth: I’m so excited about being here. So long ago. So many memories. Just think—this is her story!

Sarah: Eliza’s story comes to the stage. Well,,,well. Who would have thought? From where she came from! Anyway, remember that we’re supposed to be stage hands.

Beth: Made more of her life than you did.

Sarah: You old hag. Watch your tongue. The girl had more…advantages.

Beth: Better looking for a start.

Sarah: If I remember rightly, I was always more attractive for the gentlemen.

Beth: Yes, they rather fancied you in your little maid uniform. You know what those upper class gents are like in the 1890s. They would have made Victoria herself blush.

Sarah: I may have been a maid but she was a just flower girl. No one fancied her then. Unsophisticated, and in the gutter. Oh, except Freddy.

Beth: Dear Freddy. I wish more men were like him. The way he loved her.

Sarah: Love? Well now, that must be a distant memory for you. Not much recent action. Husband has been dead...how long?

Beth: (Seemingly ignoring her) She was an inspiration to all women. A feminist who was not a feminist! Unlike her sister—the suffragette!

Sarah: What are you babbling about? Can’t you see the show’s about the start. And we have a job to do. Eliza Doolittle, circa, 1951.

Beth: And Professor Higgins…what a pompous and cruel man.

Sarah: That’s not how I recall him. He gave Eliza her chance. That’s more than most men give a women. Most men only want one thing.

Beth: And what’s that?

Sarah: Their ego stroking, among other things.

Beth: Shhhh! The shows about to start. Eliza was only ever an experiment for him.

Sarah: Well, maybe, but look what that experiment became!

Beth: She became what she wanted to become.

Sarah: With a little help. With a lot of help.

Eliza comes onto stage as the flower girl.

Beth: It’s Eliza, our poor lower class flower girl! And she doesn’t know how to speak the way those in power know how to speak.

Sarah: The gravity of social class, my dear Beth. And Professor Higgins, a man of great learning whose life goal is to understand the finer points of the way we speak, will change all that.

Beth: Through the Science of phonetics.

Sarah: How clever of you. Does language mean that much?

Beth: There are some now saying that language constructs us.

Sarah: Like some rickety old building.

Beth: Well…in your case….

Sarah: Shhhh!

Scene 1: A bet

Eliza is standing on a street corner trying to sell flowers. But she is being watched by two people. She notices them out of the corner of her eye. Various people are going to and fro. The opening action is portrayed through movement and stylized interactions. At one point a group of women suffragettes, with banners, pass by, including the sister of Eliza, Georgina. She stares at Eliza and motions her to join the protest. Eliza waves her away.

Eliza: Flowers for sale! Lot’s a lovely flowers. (Speaking to a potential customer) Ya like ta buy some flowers, eh? Real good, they are.Fresh and nice for the ladies. (And to another customer) As sweet smellin’ as you madam. Special price just for taday.

Higgins and Pickering pass by.

Eliza: Sir? Madam? Flowers for ya?

Higgins: Did you hear that, Miss Pickering. Truly wonderful.

Pickering: Yes, indeed, quite remarkable.

Higgins: Such a gutter snipe.

Eliza: Ya talkin’ to me, sir?

Higgins: Madam, it is only possible to have a conversation with one capable of speaking the Queen’s English.

Eliza: You havin’ a go at me, sir.

Higgins: Indeed no, madam. Simply admiring your vulgarity.

Eliza: My vag-ar-aty? What ya mean, sir? I’m a good girl I am. These are me own clothes. Paid for ‘em I did. Owe nothin’ to no one. Not even me father. Now, if ya both excuse me. Flowers for sale. Get your flowers! Best price in London.

Eliza freezes in the motion of offering a flower. Higgins and Pickering speak about her.

.

Pickering: Professor, I think we should leave the girl be.

Higgins: Leave her be. Certainly not. This is the era of science, Pickering. And she is the object of my study. An interesting specimen for my collection.

Pickering: She cannot help the way she is. She’s a human being. Let her be.

Higgins: I believe she can help it. In fact, I think a wager is appropriate. I shall begin an experiment. What do you say to that?

Pickering: A wager? I worry about you, Ernest.

Higgins: Never mind trying to mother me, Mrs Pickering. Here’s the bet: That I can turn her into a duchess. That she will speak the Queen’s English better than Victoria herself. I will present her at the Ambassador’s ball in April.

Pickering: I believe you are mad, sir. But the bet is on.

They shake hands on it.

Higgins: Fifty pounds and not a cent less. (Eliza unfreezes) Now, miss, what’s your name?

Eliza: Eliza it is, since the day I is born.

Higgins: Was born. Was born! Subject and verb must agree.

Eliza: What'ya on about? You both makin’ fun of me. I can’t speak real proper like you. But I’m a good girl, I am. Me dream is to work in a dress shop. What’s a poor girl supposed to do? Workin’ on the streets and tryin’ to get by. Only make a few bob a day sellin’ flowers. You fine folk think ya betta than the likes of me. Look down on me, you all do. Think I’m no betta than a dog. But I think about things. I think that I’d like to get outa here and live in a propa ‘ouse and wear really fancy clothes. I dream too, you know. Might even join me sister protestin’.

Higgins: Oh, stop the babble and take this. (He gives her his card) Join me at Wimpole Street tomorrow at 10 AM sharp. Did you hear me girl? I mean to train you. Do this and you will have your dress shop.

Eliza: Why, yes sir. Didn’t mean nothin’ by what I said.

Higgins: Be there at 10 AM. See you then, duchess. Fifty pounds, Mrs Pickering. Fifty pounds.

Both Higgins and Pickering exit. The narrators enter.

Beth: Is the soul of a human being worth just 50 pounds?

Sarah: She didn’t have to accept it. She is a free agent. She was her own woman.

Beth: She is, she was, just a specimen in a test tube for him, no matter how much he cares to deny it.

Sarah: Yes, but what an interesting specimen. Can you change someone by changing the way they speak?

Beth: She is who she is.

Sarah: Maybe. Hang on, look who’s coming. Oh, no.

Beth: Freddy. He never gives up.

Freddy enters. He goes straight to Eliza, doing acrobatic tricks on the way.

Eliza: What with the tricks Freddy?

Freddy: I’m learning to be a performer.

Eliza: (Sarcastically) How clever of you. What’ya want?

Freddy: To love you more than any man has ever loved a woman.

Eliza: Yeah, yeah! You men say ya love, say all the sweetest things, and then turns ya back on a girl. The next pretty face and ya gone.

Freddy: It’s true, Miss Dootlittle.

Eliza; Glad ya agree with me.

Freddy: No, my love is true. I am a one-woman man. Nothing matters except my love for you.

Eliza: I know me place, Freddy, and it’s not with the likes of you. Go back to ya circus tricks. Find some other girl.

She leaves.

Freddy: There is no other girl, Eliza. There’s no one like you. No one.

He exits.

Beth: See. He loves her.

Sarah: He thinks he loves her, but will it work? Language and class are powerful factors.

Beth: Don’t underestimate love.

Sarah: What I’m not underestimating is the ability of Professor Higgins. Come on help me set the next scene.

Beth: So, she’ll actually go?

Sarah: Yes. Call it curiosity. Call it pride. Blackout

Scene 2: At Wimpole Street

As the scene opens, Higgins is at his desk with Pickering beside him. Mrs Baddington, his housekeeper, is serving tea.

Mrs Baddington: One or two sugars, sir.

Higgins: You always ask that Mrs Baddington, and I always reply, one. Has she arrived yet?

Mrs Baddington: No sir. But all is prepared, just liked you asked. But let me warn you, sir, about these street girls. They can be quite treacherous.

Higgins: Clean her up when she comes. Get rid of those clothes. I’ve taken the liberty to buy her some new ones.

Mrs Baddington: She may not want them, sir.

Higgins: As long as she is in this house she will want whatever I want her to want.

Mrs Baddington: As you like sir. But don’t say I didn’t warn you. They’re all alike these gutter snipes. All alike.

Higgins: Thank you Pearl for you wise advice.

Mrs Baddington exits.

Pickering: I think the fifty pounds is as good as mine. What duchess has ever crawled out of the gutter?

Higgins: You are underestimating me, Pickering.

Pickering: I would never underestimate you, Earnest.

Higgins: The challenge will be the A vowel sounds. Aw instead of Auw. And the grammatical structures of her words. And the consonant sounds at the ends of words…

Pickering: Like I said, as good as mine.

There is a loud noise off stage. Mrs Baddington and Eliza speak off stage.

Eliza: You ain’t gunna take me clothes. I paid for ‘em out of me own pocket, I did. You ain’t got any right.

Mrs Baddington: Now come along, Eliza. Be a good girl. Off with those rags. You must do what you are told. Are you listening to me?

Eliza: I am a good girl. And you’re nothin’ but an old ‘ag.

Mrs Baddington: Now, now. Watch your tongue, girl. Professor Higgins is going to have to teach you manners as well. And I might just use the strap on you. There now, much better out of those horrible things. Alright, into the bath with you.

Eliza screams and screams. Plenty of ad lib here.

Higgins: Marvellous. Marvellous. Did you hear those vowel sounds? I have made quite a study of the language of the streets.

Pickering: As you keep telling me.

Higgins: Just as you did of the Indian dialects.

Pickering: Yes, most interesting…especially the Bengali language. When my husband, God bless his soul, was in the British army, he learnt all these Bengali proverbs. I remember his favourite: “The dustbin's dropping never goes to heaven.”

Higgins: Let's hope that St. Peter makes an exception for Eliza, what.

They both laugh.

Mrs Baddington and Eliza are still off-stage.

Mrs Baddington: Now, on with your new clothes now, dear. That’s it. Yes. Pretty as a picture. My word, you do come up quite well, Miss Eliza. It’s marvellous what a bit of soap can do.

Eliza: AWWW! It’s don't look like me anymore.

Higgins: Is she ready, Mrs Baddington? Let’s see our duchess.

Eliza enters, looking awkward and fiddling with the clothes, with Mrs Baddington pushing her from behind.

Higgins: My goodness me. We are a picture. Mrs Baddington, dispose of those clothes in the hottest furnace.

Mrs Baddington: But sir, she said they cost her two days’ work.

Higgins: Dispose of them. We will burn away the streets and get the gutter out of this girl.

Mrs Baddington: As you wish sir.

Pickering: Earnest. Isn’t this going too far? She is a human being after all.

Higgins: We change the outside, my dear, and then we change the inside. A better person, Mrs Pickering. A better person. Mind you, we all have our place. That's what my mother taught me. She said that’s the way God made it. Some lead and others serve. Some have wealth and others are poor. Some belong to one class and others to another. Who are we to argue with the way things are? Everyone is happy, and everyone knows their place. It’s manners and breeding that distinguishes us.

Pickering: There are some who want to change this. The suffragettes. The socialists.

Higgins: A passing fad, my dear. We are all betrayed by our tongues and by our manners. Even Karl Marx would agree with that.

They all freeze on stage and the narrators enter.

Beth: He has no regard for her at all.

Sarah: Why should he? She is a nobody. Uneducated, with no manners.

Beth: And he is going to make her into a somebody, I suppose?

Sarah: Maybe. It all begins in the morning. A fresh day and a new beginning. But now we meet Eliza’s sister.

Beth: What was her name? It was so long ago.

Sarah: Age is catching up with you, Bethany. Georgina, the suffragette. She believed in votes for women and rights for workers. The great class struggle.

Beth: But her father was nothing but a dustman.

Sarah: A dustman philosopher. We meet him later in the play.

Beth: We are in a street.

Sarah: In a seedy part of town. Are you ready?

Beth: Ready for what?

Sarah: To put on a bit of bump and grind.

Lights dim.

Scene 3: Protest

It is the red light district. On a street corner both narrators acts as prostitutes. There is a movement piece as gentlemen come and look at them. Georgina enters with Freddy. She goes up to the prostitutes and kisses them on the cheek.

Freddy: Why did you call me here? I’ve never been in this part of town before.

Georgina: That’s what all you gentlemen say.

Freddy: No, it’s true.

Georgina: I called ya ‘here to ask about Eliza. I’ve heard she’s going to this gentlemen’s house for training. What ‘av you ‘eard? I'm worried.

Freddy: Nothing. She will not talk to me. I told her that I love her.

Georgina: No wonder she doesn’t want to talk to ya. That's what all you men say. And the upper class are the worst.

Freddy: I don’t care about social class and all that nonsense.

Georgina: Nonsense? Do you know anything, Freddy? Why do you think I march and protest? The working class is oppressed by the upper classes and women are oppressed by men. If sisters get the vote then we might just ‘ave some chance to get change. We have Emmeline Pankhurst to lead the way.

Freddy: Not sure I understand any of this. Things have always been this way.

Georgina: Freddy, dear Freddy, you are the product of a smug class that doesn’t know that a revolution is comin’. You need to read Das Capital.

Freddy: Das what?

Georgina moves over to the prostitutes and puts her arms around them. The prostitutes winks at Freddy and touch him, causing him to be embarrassed.

Georgina: These workers symbolise all that we stand for.

Freddy:But they’re whores.

Georgina: Yes. Fine observation, Freddy. But when all these fancy gentlemen screw them, there's nothin’ but two bodies, and an exchange of money. What does class matter then? Where are all their fancy manners in that moment? We are, after all, just bodies.

Freddy: You make it sound ugly, like we are...animals.

Georgina: Oppression is ugly, Freddy. Oppression. And maybe Darwin is right that we are just animals and monkeys are our distant cousins.

Freddy: I have to go. This place is…

Georgina: Scaring you? (Pulling Freddy close) You are right to feel scared. Revolution is coming. The working class are rising.

Freddy scampers off, Georgina freezes on stage. The narrators come out of role as prostitutes. As they talk, they set up for the next scene.

Beth: She was always the vulgar one.

Sarah: Speaking of vulgar, did you see how you looked as a whore? Mutton dressed up as lamb.

Beth: Well, you’re not much better than an old boiler fowl yourself.

Sarah: I think I looked rather fetching. Anyway, vulgar or not she understood that change was coming. You are a product of that change.

Beth: Yes, but we are more than just our biology.

Sarah: May be, maybe not. But now it’s a new day and the training is to begin.

Beth: Eliza must have been so scared.

They exit.

Scene 4: Training begins