Bullying

Information and Resources To Help Prevent the Serious Problem of Bullying

Bullying has become a tidal wave of epic proportions. Although bullying was once considered a rite of passage, parents, educators, and community leaders now see bullying as a devastating form of abuse that can have long-term effects on youthful victims, robbing them of self-esteem, isolating them from their peers, causing them to drop out of school, and even prompting health problems and suicide.

A recent study by the Family and Work Institutereported that one-third of youth are bullied at least once a month, while others say six out of 10 American teens witness bullying at least once a day. Witnessing bullying can be harmful, too, as it may make the witness feel helpless - or that he or she is the next target.

Children who are bullied are often singled out because of a perceived difference between them and others, whether because of appearance (size, weight, or clothes), intellect, or, increasingly, ethnic or religious affiliation and sexual orientation.

And bullying can be a gateway behavior, teaching the perpetrator that threats and aggression are acceptable even in adulthood. In one study by Fight Crime: Invest in Kids, nearly 60 percent of boys whom researchers classified as bullies in grades six to ninewere convicted of at least one crime by the age of 24, while 40 percent had three or more convictions

What Parents Can Do

Advice for Parents and Adults About How To Deal With Bullying

A big, tough kid stops a smaller kid on his way to school and threatens to hurt him unless he hands over his homework. The popular girls at school won't let anyone sit at their lunch table except their friends. These two bullying scenarios and others happen more often than most adults realize. Seventy-four percent of eightto 11-year-olds say teasing and bullying happen at their school. But what exactly is bullying?

Bullying is

  • Fighting, threatening, name-calling, teasing, or excluding someone repeatedly and over time
  • An imbalance of power, such as size or popularity
  • Physical, social, andemotional harm
  • Hurtinganother person to get something

Many parents don't think that bullying is as biga problem as bringing a weapon to schoolor drug use but its effects can be severe and long lasting. Every day, nearly 160,000 children miss school because they are scared of bullying, according to the National Education Association. Bullying doesn't only negatively affect its victims, but also the bullies themselves.

Kids who are bullied are more likely to

  • Do poorly in school
  • Have low self-esteem
  • Be depressed
  • Turn to violent behavior to protect themselves or get revenge on their bullies

Kids who bully are more likely to

  • Do poorly in school
  • Smoke and drink alcohol
  • Commit crimes in the future

Parents can play a central role to preventing bullying and stopping it when it happens. Here are a few things you can do.

  • Teach kids to solve problems without using violence and praise them when they do.
  • Give children positive feedback when they behave well to help their build self-esteem. Help give them the self-confidence to stand up for what they believe in.
  • Ask your children about their day and listen to them talk about school, social events, their classmates, and any problems they have.
  • Take bullying seriously. Many kids are embarrassed to say they have beenbullied. You may only have one chance to step in and help.
  • If you see any bullying, stop it right away, even if your child is the one doing the bullying.
  • Encourage your child to help others who need it.
  • Don't bully your children or bully others in front of them. Many times kids who are bullied at home react by bullying other kids. If your children see you hit, ridicule, or gossip about someone else, they are also more likely to do so themselves.
  • Support bully prevention programs in your child's school. If your school doesn't have one, consider starting onewith other parents, teachers, and concerned adults.

For more information on bullying, read the articles below and visit the Health Resources and Services Administration's Stop Bullying Now! Campaign.

When Your Child Is Bullied

Many kids are embarrassed to be bullied and may not tell their parents or another adult right away. If your child comes to you and asks for help with a bully, take it seriously. Many times, if kids aren't taken seriously the first time they ask for help, they don't ask again.

Even if your child doesn't turn to you for help, you can watch for these warning signs that he or she is being bullied. Kids who are bullied often experience

  • Withdrawal
  • A loss of friends
  • A drop in grades
  • A loss of interest in activities he or she previously enjoyed
  • Torn clothing
  • Bruises
  • A need for extra money or supplies

If you think your child is being bullied or if your child has told you that he or she is being bullied, you can help. Parents are often the best resource to build a child's self-confidence andteach him or her how to best solve problems. Here are a few ways you can help

  • Talk to your child's teacher about it instead of confronting the bully's parents. If the teacher doesn't act to stop the bullying, talk to the principal.
  • Teach your child nonviolent ways to deal with bullies, like walking away, playing with friends, or talking it out.
  • Help your child act with self-confidence. With him or her, practice walking upright, looking people in the eye, and speaking clearly.
  • Don't encourage your child to fight. This could lead to him or her getting hurt, getting in trouble, and beginning more serious problems with the bully.
  • Involve your child in activities outside of school. This way he or she can make friends in a different social circle.

Some children seem to be bullied all the time, while othersrarely get picked on. Why do some kids seem to attract all of the bullies? Kids who are bullied often

  • Are different from other kids, whether by size, race, sexually, or have different interests
  • Seem weak, either physically or emotionally
  • Are insecure
  • Want approval
  • Won't tell on their bullies

When Your Child Is a Bully

It's hard for any parent to believe that their child is a bully, but sometimes it happens. But just because your child bullies doesn't mean that he or she will bully forever. Parents are one of the best resources to help their child stop bullying and start interacting positively with their classmates.

Your child may bully if, he or she

  • Lacks empathy and doesn't sympathize with others
  • Values aggression
  • Likes to be in charge
  • Is an arrogant winner and a sore loser
  • Often fights often with brothers and sisters
  • Is impulsive

What you can do to stop your child from bullying

  • Take it seriously. Don't treat bullying as a passing phase. Even if you're not worried about long-lasting effects on your child, another child is being hurt.
  • Talk to your child to find out why he or she is bullying. Often, children bully when they feel sad, angry, lonely, or insecure and many times major changes at home or school may bring on these feelings.
  • Help build empathy for others and talk to your child about how it feels to be bullied.
  • Ask a teacher or a school counselor if your child is facing any problems at school, such as if your child is struggling with a particular subject or has difficulty making friends. Ask them for advice on how you and your child can work through the problem.
  • Ask yourself if someone at home is bullying your child. Often, kids who bully are bullied themselves by a parent, family member, or another adult

What to Teach Kids about Bullying

Facts and advice to help kids overcome bullying

Most bullying happens when adults aren’t around, such as in between classes, at lunch or recess, after school, and online. Still, bullying rarely takes place without an audience - kids are around to see bullying 85 percent of the time. But even though they see it, kids usually don’t try to stop bullying, and may even be unknowingly encouraging it.

Most of the time that kids witness bullying, they stand by passively. This causes bullying to last longer because it reinforces the bullies’ power and status, two reasons that people bully. Most kids don’t want to watch bullying, and don’t want it to happen at all. But many kids don’t know how to do this and worry that by stepping in they might become the next victim. These worries, and witnessing verbal and physical abuse, take a toll on bystanders.

Possible Effects on Bystanders:

  • Feel angry, helpless, and guilty.
  • Don’t feel safe where bullying takes place, like in certain hallways in school, on the bus, in the park, or online.
  • Fear of becoming the next victim

Two out of three kids want to help when they see bullying, and helping out is one of the most effective ways to stop bullying and prevent it from happening again. When friends help out, 57 percent of the time bullying stops in 10 seconds (Hawkins, Pepler, and Craig, Social Development, 2001).

There are effective and safe ways for kids to step in and help others being bullied.

Some work better in certain situations than others. You can help kids decide when to use each method by role-playing bullying situations with them. Remember to emphasize that kids should only step in when they feel safe.

  • Walk away. This shows bullies that their behavior is not funny or okay.
  • Speak up. Tell bullies that what they are doing is wrong. By saying, “that’s not funny, let’s get out of here” or something similar, kids can stand up for each other. This may also give other bystanders the confidence to speak up or walk away.
  • Be a friend. Sometimes kids get picked on because they don’t have any friends or anyone to stand up for them. When kids befriend someone being bullied, bullies are less likely to pick on them. Friendship can also give children the support and the confidence to stand up for themselves.
  • Ask others to help. When more kids stand up to bullies, the bullies will be more likely to realize their actions are not okay.
  • Get an adult. Sometime kids who are bullied are scared to ask an adult for help because they think it will make the bullying worse. Kids can help by telling an adult what is happening, or going to speak to an adult with kids being bullied.

What You Can Do

Standing up to peers is a hard thing to do for people of all ages. But you can make it easier for kids by giving them the confidence and the support they need to do so. Here are some ways parents can help children develop these traits:

  • Teach children to be assertive. Emphasize peaceful ways to solve problems and encourage kids to stand up for themselves verbally, not violently.
  • Show kids safe ways to help others. Make it clear that you expect kids to take action if they see someone being hurt, or if they are hurt themselves.
  • Hold kids accountable. If children stand by and watch someone being bullied, make it clear that their behavior hurts the victim too.
  • Get to know their friends. Encourage your children to invite their friends to your home or accompany you on family outings.
  • Be a good example. If you see someone being bullied or hurt, help them.
  • Build empathy in your kids. If you see examples of people being bullied or hurt in movies, television, or books, talk with your children about how these people must feel. Ask your children how they would feel in that situation and what they would do to make it better. Point out ways characters helped out, or didn’t, and have your children think up different ways to help.
  • Help them develop social skills. From a young age, encourage your children to play with others and to be friends with many different people. Have them spend time with people of different ages, backgrounds, races, ethnicities, religions, and mental and physical abilities.

Girls and Bullying

When most people picture a " typical " bully, they imagine a boy who is bigger or older than . . .

When most people picture a "typical" bully, they imagine a boy who is bigger or older than his classmates, who doesn't do well in school, who fights, and who likes it when others are scared of him. Girls usually face a different type of bully, one who may not look as scary from the outside but who can cause just as much harm.

What's She Like

The typical girl who bullies is popular, well-liked by adults, does well in school, and can even be friends with the girls she bullies. She doesn't get into fist fights, although some girls who bully do. Instead, she spreads rumors, gossips, excludes others, shares secrets, and teases girls about their hair, weight, intelligence, and athletic ability. She usually bullies in a group and others join in or pressure her to bully.

The Effects

This kind of bullying can have just as serious consequences as physical bullying. It can cause a drop in grades, low self esteem, anxiety, depression, drug use, and poor eating habits in girls who are bullied. This kind of bullying is harder to see. Most of the time adults don't realize when girls are being bullied in this way.

What You Can Do

One of the best ways to stop this form of bullying is for the girls who see it or who are stuck in the middle to speak up and say that it is not okay. But only 15 percent of girls speak up, usually because they're afraid the bully will turn on them next. Parents and other adults can help girls beat bullying by teaching them how to stand up for themselves and their friends and by taking action themselves. Here are a few things to remember:

  • Encourage kids to be kind and to help others, particularly if they see someone being bullied. Praise them when they do so.
  • Tell girls they are special, and point out why.
  • Help girls get involved in activities outside of school so they can make friends in different social circles.
  • Don't push girls to be in the "right" class or on the "right" sports team. Let them choose what to play and with whom.
  • Stop bullying when you see it. Don't let anyone, even your daughter, make fun of someone else even if she says she is only "joking."
  • Be a good example. Don't gossip or make fun of others in front of young girls.
  • Talk to girls about their friends, what they do together, and how they treat each other. Ask them what makes a good friend, and whether their friends have these qualities.
  • If you know bullying is happening at school, speak to school officials and ask what they are doing to stop it

Cyberbullying

  • Information and resources to curb the growing problem of cyberbullying
  • Young people are using the Internet more than ever and most have Internet access from home. For many children, the Internet isn't simply a convenient way to research or a fun afterschool activity - it's a big part of their social life. Emailing and chatting with friends are children's most common online activities, after studying and playing games. But like many other social situations, some kids bully other kids online.
  • Cyberbullying is similar to other types of bullying, except it takes place online and through text messages sent to cell phones. Cyberbullies can be classmates, online acquaintances, and even anonymous users, but most often they do know their victims.

What is Cyberbullying?

An explanation of the growing phenomenon of cyberbullying

Young people are using the Internet more than ever and most have Internet access from home. For many children, the Internet isn't simply a convenient way to research or a fun afterschool activity - it's a big part of their social life. Emailing and chatting with friends are children's most common online activities, after studying and playing games. But like many other social situations, some kids bully other kids online.

Cyberbullying is similar to other types of bullying, except it takes place online and through text messages sent to cell phones. Cyberbullies can be classmates, online acquaintances, and even anonymous users, but most often they do know their victims.

Some examples of ways kids bully online are

  • Sending someone mean or threatening emails, instant messages, or text messages
  • Excluding someone from an instant messenger buddy list or blocking their email for no reason
  • Tricking someone into revealing personal or embarrassing information and sending it to others
  • Breaking into someone's email or instant message account to send cruel or untrue messages while posing as that person
  • Creating websites to make fun of another person such as a classmate or teacher
  • Using websites to rate peers as prettiest, ugliest, etc.

Both boys and girls sometimes bully online and just as in face-to-face bullying, tend to do so in different ways. Boys more commonly bully by sending messages of a sexual nature or by threatening to fight or hurt someone. Girls more often bully by spreading rumors and by sending messages that make fun of someone or exclude others. They also tell secrets.